Friday, November 8, 2019

Further Proof That I Should Never Bake Again

The other day I told you that I am not a baker.

Several years ago someone asked me if I enjoy cooking or baking more. I didn't realize there was a difference. I thought that "food prep" of all kinds just fell into one category. But now I know differently. I definitely prefer cooking over baking.

I'm not great at baking for several reasons. For one, I'm not patient. That makes it hard to work with yeast, in particular. I think the dough can sense it. It's like an infant who can perceive all the anxieties in a mother. Dough will not rise for me because it can feel my impatience.

In addition to that, I am a very messy person. I leave a trail everywhere I go, so spooning up powdery substances like flour and baking soda is just a bad idea. I'm notorious for dropping eggs, spilling milk, and splattering oil. I constantly pick the wrong size bowls and end up having to dump the ingredients into a different, bigger bowl. I use every dish in the house.

I do all these things with cooking, too, but the thing that makes it worse when baking is that baking isn't usually necessary. Baking is extra. I have to cook because I need to feed my family. Of course, there is leeway in how intricate that cooking needs to be, but when I cook I know I'm meeting a need. A must-do.

Baking, though, is extra and frivolous. As much as I hate to say it... no one needs cookies. Cookies are extra. Cupcakes are extra. Muffins are extra. Rolls are extra. Which means if I choose to bake, I'm basically choosing to make a mess that isn't necessary. So when I finish, I look around and think, What have I done?

Since I'm such a mess maker, I always double or triple batches of anything I make. I figure I can make a huge mess for two dozen cookies, or I can make a huge mess for six dozen cookies. Either way my kitchen is trashed, so I'm going for six dozen!

That reminds me, I have a friend who once said she didn't like a certain recipe for chocolate chip cookies because it made three dozen, and she only likes to make one dozen cookies at a time. In all of my life, I'd never considered that a person would only want to make 12 cookies at once. I always think in terms of "make enough to give away" or "make enough to freeze for later."

All of this is leading to my announcement that I made muffins today. Why? Good grief, I don't know. I had a can of pumpkin, and I thought, Hey! It might be nice to have some pumpkin muffins. Plus, I'm on this "use up what I have" kick right now where I'm trying to cook and bake my way through my entire pantry and freezer and not go grocery shopping (it's killing me - I just want to buy all the foods! I'm a food hoarder).

Anyway, I searched through some recipes and found an oat-based one I wanted to try. It called for 8 ounces of pumpkin, but I had a 29 ounce can, so I tripled the recipe. Twelve muffins? No thank you. I'll take 40!

Here's my kitchen 20 minutes in:




Pardon the bad lighting. And yes, I leave my cupboards open while I work in the kitchen. I know some of you would rather die than see an open cupboard. You probably should never come over.

In the end I dirtied every dish in my house and half my appliances, and I have 40 flourless pumpkin muffins that aren't that good.


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