I decided to click the arrows and go as far back as I could to see what kinds of posts I'd abandoned in my twenties. This is a post I wrote in 2013 (when I was 29) and never finished.
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A friend came to my house the other day to drop off a few things. My house was clean, and I had everything ready for our Family Home Evening lesson that night - this involved a hide and seek activity, so there were little papers taped all over the house. My kids were seated at the kitchen table eating their dinner and speaking softly to one another. I was fully groomed: hair done, make-up on, dressed to shoes. My children's artwork was displayed on the front door. Scotty had classes and wasn't going to be home until after 10:00 that night.
What it looked like:
I am an engaged, thoughtful, and loving mother who can manage the home even my when my husband is gone. I have taught my kids manners while maintaining great hair. My FHE lessons are well-thought-out and planned ahead of time. I adore my children and lovingly display their masterpieces for all to see.
The real story:
That was the first time my house had been clean in months. Scotty and I had spent hours working on it over the weekend, and to keep it that way, we spent most of our day on Monday away from home. I don't cook dinner for my family on Mondays - my friend does* - so there was no mess from dinner prep. My kids were silent because they shut down in front of people they don't know well. My FHE lesson was planned in haste about five minutes before my friend arrived. It was the first time we'd had FHE in several weeks. The only reason I was dressed and groomed was because I volunteered at the school that day, and the last time I'd gone to the school, I'd been a grubby mess so I went out of my way to look presentable this time. My children's artwork was hung on the door because they found it in the recycle bin, threw a fit, and hung in there themselves.
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I arrived at a church event with four friends. The five of us rode there together and then sat at the same table and engaged in conversation and laughter. Two people who had come alone joined us at our table. When we were ready to go, the five of us gathered our things and exited together, leaving the other two women behind.
What it looked like:
The five of us are best friends - perhaps even a clique. We know everything going on in each other's lives. We do a lot together and intentionally exclude others. We dominate the Relief Society table, and the real event is the ride there and back in the "party van."
The real story:
Earlier that day, I asked one of the women if she wouldn't mind picking me up on her way to Relief Society. She hesitated and then explained that so-and-so was already picking her up and that she would ask if so-and-so wouldn't mind picking me up as well. In the meantime, someone else approached so-and-so and asked for a ride. We were all just looking for someone to go with so we wouldn't be alone, and we approached each other in such a way that we ended up in the same vehicle.
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Just a reminder, primarily for myself, that what we see doesn't always reflect the whole story. The person who appears to have it all might be the person who cries every morning because she can't convince herself get out of bed and face the day. The close-knit group you feel excluded from might have people in it that are incredibly lonely. In fact, it might not even be a close-knit group at all.
*My friend and I used to meal swap. She cooked dinner for my family on Mondays and I cooked dinner for her family on Thursdays. We did this for a year, and then we stopped because I went back to school and was pregnant with Eva (and I can't cook when I'm pregnant).
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