Pause

The other day I drove Eva to school, like always. Same time. Same roads. Very routine. 

I stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, and when it turned green, I scanned left, right, left before proceeding to turn right. 

All was clear, but as I went to release the brake, I felt a strange sensation that I can only describe as a “pause.” It was like I froze for a second, completely checked out, and then started up again. At the moment I “started up again,” a car came through the intersection at full speed. Several other drivers slammed on their horns in anger. Eva started yelling (she’s my road rage assistant - I am not proud). 

There were five lanes of traffic that could have been hit by this car (two going straight in each direction plus me turning right into the lane the car flew through), and with how late that car came barreling through, it was not probable that the intersection would stay clear. Somehow, despite how much time had passed, not a single car had moved into that intersection.

The rest of the drive to the school, I was a little weepy. I should have been in the intersection. If I hadn’t experienced that pause, we would have been hit. I would have had a very different morning, and maybe even a very different life. 

The significant factor was a split second pause, and not just for me, but for everyone about to enter that intersection. It was not a coincidence. We were all protected that day, and I am so thankful. I wish I could ask all of the other drivers if they felt what I felt. Why did they all hesitate? Did time stand still for us all?

I always reflect on experiences like this and wonder why we were spared. God doesn’t interfere and prevent all tragedies, but sometimes through tiny miracles, we are kept safe. This time, I was aware of it, but how often am I affected by little “pauses” and don’t even know? Maybe the days I hit too many red lights, or the times my garage door doesn’t close, or when I forget something and have to go back, or when I take the wrong exit. I’m sure things happen all the time, and I’m oblivious, so I’m grateful that this week it was obvious. The pause was not nothing.

Hitting pause to watch the sunset

Exciting 40’s

An incomplete list of things I get excited about in my 40’s:

When the grocery store ad switches over on Wednesdays.

Garbage Day. 

Free birthday food.

Freshly painted lines on roads.

Having a venmo balance.

Any sign that my kids actually like me.

She loves me

An extra chicken nugget in the box.

Uninterrupted showers.

New slippers.

Community dumpsters on my street.

Birds.

Good parking spots. 

New notebooks.

Clean counters.

The progress of growing a garden.

Cutting wrapping paper and having the scissors do the glidey thing.

Getting to put out a new bottle of hand soap.

Freshly sharpened pencils.

Non-crowded stores.

Finishing a puzzle.

This one was actually quite awful

Successfully plucking all the chin hairs.

Good hair days (heck, I’m even fine with mediocre hair days).

Green lights.

Heating pads.

When gas prices go down after choosing to wait one more day to fill up.

Finding what I need at the thrift store.

Got this sign from the thrift store and then went back to find something to hang on both sides - voila, candle holders!

Knowing every verse to a hymn and not having to crack open the book.

Coupons.

New pens or Sharpies.

Completing a Soduku without errors.

Having all the jars seal.

Raspberry jam

When my favorite pants are clean.

Grocery delivery.

Single file lines that filter to the next available register.

Finding a recipe that’s a “keeper.”

Taking off the bra.

Alone time in my house.

Ibuprofen kicking in.

Getting my monthly percentage back on my Mastercard.

Stains coming out. 

That’s Christmas To Me

Aw, Christmas. 

Is it joyful, or is it the absolute worst thing we do to ourselves? I never really know. I’m all over the place, personally. One minute I’m like “Lights! Smells! Sounds! It’s all so lovely!” and the next minute I’m wanting to return every gift I’ve purchased and hide in my house with my blinds closed until the new year. Christmas is both magical and challenging. 

Last week was probably the most stressful week of the season, and now that it’s over, I hope we can coast and enjoy the holiday spirit a bit more. I am quite nervous for my kids to be out of school for winter break, though, so I’m trying to gear up so it isn’t completely miserable for us all. 

Christmas looks a little different in our family from year to year. We have traditions and rituals that we enjoy, but as the Christmas Coordinator, I try to be mindful of our energy levels and life phases. I’ve learned that it’s okay to do an elaborate, festive Christmas if that’s what feels right and matches our level of ambition. But it’s also okay to simplify and cut stuff out when we’re tired or overwhelmed, or when the timing’s just not right. If that means skipping a tradition, that is just fine! Traditions are meant to be enjoyed, not endured or forced.

Here’s what Christmas looks like for us so far this year:

Gift Wrap

I’m wrapping presents over time, and I’m using (mostly) wrapping paper. Last year I used drawstring plastic bags for lots of our gifts, and they were a life saver. 

Last year my priority was keeping things quick and easy. This year I’m more focused on using up what we have, so this year I’m wrapping stuff with paper we’ve had for a long time. 

I get overwhelmed with wrapping presents and I don’t really enjoy doing it, so I try to get it done early. I am also taking advantage of my girls and making them wrap each other’s presents. They could easily be backstabbing me and telling each other what they’re getting, but my sister and I used to do the same thing, so it’s just part of the Christmas experience, in my opinion. 

Cards

Didn’t do them. I enjoy sending and receiving Christmas cards, but postage has gotten so expensive, so it’s something we’ve let fall by the wayside. 

Parties

We’ve been to two work parties and two family parties. Daisy hosted a Dance Ensemble party at our house. We missed our ward (church) party and have had to decline a couple of invitations from friends. 

Family Party #1

Family Party #2:

Programs

This is where it’s hard to scale back because you can’t just skip your kids’ performances. This past week we had:

Monday - Zoe’s in-studio dance program (our dance studio rotates between doing a big Christmas recital and having in-class performances)

Tuesday - Daisy’s dance department concert the high school (she had a solo!)

Wednesday - Zoe’s dance department concert at the junior high (we had to miss this one because it was also Scotty’s work party) but don’t worry because…

Thursday - the second night of Zoe’s dance department concert at the junior high, but ALSO Eva’s in-studio dance presentation AND Daisy’s in-studio dance presentation 

Friday - Daisy performed at two basketball half-times (and this was also the night of the Dance Ensemble party at our house)

Saturday - no performances! Just a community service project, our ward Christmas party, a family Christmas party, my work party, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Shopping

This year I did a very small amount of Christmas shopping in September and October, but most of my shopping has been done in November and December, and most of it has been online.

The Budget

We always have a Christmas budget, and I always keep track of what I spend at Christmas and stay within a set amount. This year, I’ve bought whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it. I’ve gone completely rogue! I have no idea if there is proper balance and fairness between kids. Since I’ve been keeping up on the wrapping, and I haven’t kept a list of what I’ve bought, I’ll be just a surprised on Christmas morning as everyone else! 

Oh, I bought you 25 gifts and three are duplicates? Oops!

Trees

Traditionally we decorate two Christmas trees. The upstairs tree is more formal, and it’s my tree. 

The downstairs tree showcases our collection of sentimental ornaments and is more informal (in fact, I bought this tree from the thrift store for $15). I let my kids decorate the basement tree. It currently looks like this:

Half the ornaments are backwards or upside down, someone draped the boughs in toilet paper over the weekend, and there’s an off-center troll on top.

Family Gifts

We draw names for our family gifts (this year I have Eva). We weren’t sure how to handle the “son in Puerto Rico” situation, but after talking to Nicky, we included him in the exchange. Daisy drew his name, and we got his gift mailed. Nicky drew Zoe’s name, and we bought a gift for her on his behalf. 

Missionary Christmas

Speaking of Nicky, this Christmas gives us the unique experience of having a child on a mission during the holidays. When Nicky was called to Puerto Rico, I assumed that we wouldn’t be sending him very many packages because it would cost a fortune. I didn’t know that, because Puerto Rico is a US territory, we would have the perks of the US Postal Service (in most cases). So we’ve been able to mail lots of stuff. It gets to Puerto Rico in 3-5 days. The problem is, it goes to the mission office and stays there for weeks. But we can deal with that. 

So for Christmas, I wrapped 25 little gifts so Nicky can open one each day. It’s nothing frivolous - a pack of gum, a stick of deodorant, a box of mac and cheese, and the like. It was fun to find all the stuff for his gifts, and I wrote a silly note or pun (mostly scripture related) for each one. 

The mission president sent out an email to the parents asking us not to send elaborate gifts to our missionaries. I had already sent our Christmas package, so I was glad I’d kept things simple and practical. 

Lights

This is one area where we have never been consistent. Sometimes we put lights on the house, sometimes we don’t. For the past few years we haven’t done any lights, but this year, Scotty installed permanent lighting on our house, and it is his pride and joy! 

Hopefully they stand the test of time. I’m not sure what to expect as far as annual maintenance. 

(The lights have motion, so in person they look a little less like we’re repping some kind of futbol team).

Another thing we sometimes do (and sometimes don’t) is put our Charlie Brown photo booth out in the yard. We skipped last year, and we might skip this year too because it’s kind of buried in the garage.

Christmas Jammies

We’ve never done them, but our kids have often been given pajamas from their grandparents.

Movies

Christmas movies are Scotty’s thing. He’ll be like, “Do you want to watch Home Alone with us?” and I’ll be like, “No! I just watched that eight years ago. It’s too soon.”  So if there’s any Christmas movie viewing during the season, it’s Scotty’s realm. Sometimes I’ll sit in the room and work on other things. In fact, on this very night, I wrote in my journal while Scotty and the girls watched Spirited.

Neighbor Gifts

They’re loaded in a box and ready to deliver. I’ve never minded doing neighbor gifts. Sometimes I do homemade jam, but for the past two years we haven’t had enough raspberries. This year we are… wait a minute… sneaky neighbors! I’m not telling you. You’ll have to wait. 

Ornaments 

Everyone gets to pick an ornament every year to add to our collection. I have mixed feelings about this tradition because my kids have picked some really stupid ornaments. The point is to choose an ornament that either commemorates something you experienced that year or represents something you love. So, go figure, I have to stare at this stick of butter that dominates the tree each year. It would be one thing if my kid were a butter enthusiast, but he’s not. He just randomly picked a stick of butter that year. 

Generous George

One of our traditions is to have Generous George (which you can read about here) making his way through our home. 

That post was written five years ago, and I’ll have you know that my kids still haven’t mastered the tradition of Generous George. They fight over him, short change each other with service, and misplace Generous George all month long. In fact, GG has been sitting right here unclaimed for several days, and over the weekend, I threatened to throw him away. So the spirit of Christmas is strong in this house.

How’s that for a thorough rundown of our Christmas?

Year End Musings

I enjoy the ritual of reviewing the year, so I always have a lot to blog about in December. I started this end of year prompt and never finished because, as I moved through it, I realized a lot of the questions were dumb. I don't want to waste my efforts, though, so I’m going to go ahead and post what I have.  

How you entered the year and how that outlook changed:

Outlook #1: I started the year off feeling very social. In fact, I threw myself a birthday party! And then I had this thought that I need to make a stronger effort to bring people together. I decided I would try to plan and carry out a social experience every month - it could be a one-on-one outing with a friend, a girls' night, or a dinner with family. 

I think I made it to March before I retreated back into my hole. 

Outlook #2: My relationship with Nicky was really weird for the first half of this year. I knew he would be graduating high school and leaving on a mission. I could feel him pulling away from us, making his friends the priority, and getting ready to "launch," as they say. I had to stay on the outskirts of his life for a while - be there but be out of his way. Show up but stay quiet. Every time I went somewhere to support him, Nicky would seem annoyed. He would avoid me and turn his back to me. Despite his body language and the way he would dodge me, I kept chaperoning the dances, going to his performances, and showing up where he was even though his reaction to my presence stung a bit. I just kept having the thought, "Someday he will remember you were here, and it will mean something different to him." I also had some reassurance from the Spirit that it was only a developmental phase and that when Nicky left on his mission, his perspective would change. He would appreciate and understand Scotty and me better, and he would need us more than ever but also be closer to us that ever while serving the Lord. Having that outlook helped me survive his last year of high school from the sidelines. And now that he's been on his mission for nearly half a year, I have seen the Spirit's promises in action. 

Outlook #3: At the beginning of 2025, I didn't know that we would lose Amber this year. When someone dies young and unexpectedly, you don't ever think, "This might be my last Christmas with her," or "This might be the last vacation we take together" (nor should you think that way). When you lose someone significant in your life, your outlook is never the same. 

Goals you set that you made progress on:

I only made one goal this year, and that was to sneak these signs into as many of my friends' and families' bathrooms as possible: 

I made a list of non-resolutions this year, which I define as "things I'll be happy to accomplish, but I'm not going to set it as an official goal." I did accomplish one thing from that list with certainty, and that was paying off our house. 

What about the year surprised you?

Our medical things. We've had big medical years in the past, but it's been a while, so dealing with Nicky's leg, Zoe's broken arm, and Eva's dog bite made me want to lock Daisy in a rubber room because she was the “last man standing.”

Places you visited this year:

Orlando was our big trip, and we took some smaller trips to Strawberry Reservoir, Yellowstone, and Saint George. 

What you’ve outgrown this year and are ready to leave behind:

Problems I can’t solve. 

Also, the pressure to see things as problems when they’re really not. 

—————

And this is where I quit. 

Friday Night Musings

It’s Friday night, and my  living quarters are full of screaming girls. Our house was the chosen location for a Dance Ensemble winter social. It’s late - the Christmas tree lights have already turned off via our timer, yet the screaming continues. Scotty and I are not good late night parents. We go to bed pretty early, so staying up to chaperone or wait for a kid to come home has always been rough on us. Scotty is sound asleep tonight, however. And I honestly could probably go to bed and the rest of the girls will all filter out of my house at some point without incident, but Scotty is asleep on my side of the bed, and Eva is asleep on the other. Her bedroom is too close to the action, so it makes the most sense to just leave her where she is. That means there’s nowhere for me to sleep, so I’m  on the living room couch typing this and listening to strange noises from downstairs. 

Here is what I have heard for the past few hours:

Random, collective sighs of “Awwwwwwww!”

Boy’s voices (there are two boys on the team, but I don’t know if they were both here)

Excessive giggling

“We’re talking” (I don’t know who made this revelation, or who they’re “talking” to. Next time I need to eavesdrop better)

“I love that smell!” (Referring to the balsam plugin I have in the basement)

“My brother is 6’2” (once again, I’ve failed at my eavesdropping responsibilities and I have no idea who has a tall brother)

Barking and growling (I suspect this was Maci)

Elf (I heard the movie playing, but I don’t think anyone actually watched it)

———

At this point I fell asleep on the couch and dropped my phone on my face 

Thanksgiving - Two Weeks Later

One thing I’ve noticed after 20 years of blogging (yes, it’s been 20 years! Isn’t that crazy?) is that I can’t remember our holiday celebrations from year to year if I don’t post about them. My blog is essentially my journal and family record, and I go back in my archives all the time to solve little mysteries. I’ve been trying to write a post about Thanksgiving for a while now and time keeps getting away from me. 

I tried really hard to make our Thanksgiving break a good experience for the girls. I made lots of plans so we would stay busy and (hopefully) have less drama and fighting.

We started off our break (on Tuesday) with dinner at Red Robin followed by lights at Luminaria. 

We brought Daisy’s friend, Sami, with us because we still like to take four kids everywhere we go, and Sami loves Christmas. 

On Wednesday I went to work for a few hours and then I took the girls to see Zootopia 2. I slept (and apparently snored) through the whole movie. Then we went to Penny Ann’s Cafe for lunch. 

We also went to Hobby Lobby and bought supplies to make nutcrackers. I bought the actual nutcrackers back in October, and I’m glad I did because they didn’t have anymore by the time Thanksgiving rolled around. We got everything we needed to fulfill our nutcracker making dreams, then came home and got to work. 

Zoe and Eva had short attention spans and didn’t spend long on their nutcrackers, but Daisy and I spent hours on ours, and we had a blast! We laughed at all the details and the things we had to look for in Google images for inspiration. 

Here are everyone’s nutcrackers. Can you tell who they are?

Eva’s:

Zoe’s:

Daisy’s:

Mine (I made two):

On Thursday, we had a nice, calm morning. We watched the parade and lounged about. Then two hours before our meal, we started making the mashed potatoes (my assignment was the potatoes and the rolls. I took the easy route and bought the rolls this year). We got the potatoes done early, so we threw them in a Crock Pot with some butter to keep them warm.

We had Thanksgiving at my mom’s house. My mom had hidden challenges under our plates for us to try and complete during the meal. Mine was to gobble every time someone said the world “turkey.” Scotty had to give everyone a high five. Daisy had to stand on her chair and tell everyone how much she loved them. Zoe had to stand up and give a toast.

Then, to make further fools of us, my mom made us wear inflatable costumes and play kickball. 

Nicky was able to call us for 30 minutes on Thanksgiving. It was hard to hear him because he was driving and had bad ear buds in, but he was having an adventurous day and was in his way to enjoy his second Thanksgiving meal of the day at 8:00 pm. 

I have no memory of what happened on Friday before 4:00. Scotty didn’t have to work, but I have no idea what we did during the day. I think I might have worked that morning and then come home and fallen asleep on the couch. Then that night we played games with our friends and ate steak. 

On Saturday morning we went to see Wicked. Then I came home and got funeral potatoes in crock pots for my friend’s son’s mission open house that night. 

Scotty drove Zoe and Eva up to his brother’s house for a sleepover. I went to Michael’s (the store) (I have to specify since my friend’s son who just came home from his mission is named Michael) with my friend (not Michael’s mom - I have at least two friends) and then to the DI by myself. Then I went to my friend’s church to deliver the potatoes and help set up the open house for her son, Michael’s, mission return from Texas. 

How’s that for clarity?

Sunday was Michael’s “homecoming” that we don’t call “homecoming” (but still call “homecoming” because being a Mormon comes with a complicated, ever-changing vocabulary, and, by the way, we don’t say “Mormon” anymore, but sometimes I just have to because “member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints” just hurts my brain too much, and it’s nothing against Jesus, I just need to get to the point and ain’t no one still listening by the time I finish the proper verbiage). 

After the “homecoming,” we hung out at home for a while and then went to visit the in-laws. 

And that wraps our Thanksgiving experience of 2025. Now I’m just over a week away from the start of Christmas break, and I’m a little scared because it’s going to be a long one (18 days), and I feel like we’ve already done all the things. There’s nothing celebratory for us to do to burn the time. Yikes!

Things the Kids Say: Episode 38

 “I’m not a diva, I just have ADHD.”

-Eva

—————

“I don’t trust big scissors.”

-Eva

—————

“Mom, I think I have allergies. My toe itches really bad.”

-Eva

—————

“It smells like rain and pulled pork sandwiches.”

-Zoe

—————

“I don’t need no more education.”

-Zoe

—————

Me: I smell propane.

Daisy: Like, the drug?

—————

“You guys aren’t people, you’re family.”

-Eva

—————

Me: You’re a stinker!

Eva: And a diva. And a brat.