Wherein I Lie to Children

I've been serving as the primary music leader for a year now.

Someone once asked me why I don't blog about my singing time ideas. There are many reasons for that, one being that a lot of my ideas don't go over well. Half my calling has been troubleshooting and damage control. Now that I'm a year into it, maybe things will get better, who knows. But thus far, singing time has been one, big, dreadful experiment.

One time I hid Easter eggs around the room. That was a horrible idea because every kid who walked in the primary room went straight to an Easter egg and tried to take it. They couldn't focus on anything else... because EASTER EGGS! Then they wanted to lynch me when they finally got to search for eggs, and the eggs had no candy in them.

Another time, in junior primary, I let the kids take turns going out in the hall while another kid hid under a blanket. The first kid would come back in the room and have to guess who was missing from primary. Turns out they can't keep quiet about who's under the blanket. Kid #1 would come back in the room, and five other kids would immediately yell, "Gideon's under the blanket!"

I've done a fishing game with a broken pole, a golf game where no one could get the ball in the hole, a bean bag toss where no one could hit the target, a memory game with pictures that had no matches, and a nativity puppet show where the cow's head fell off.

Most recently, I made a saran wrap ball with the songs wrapped inside. The kids took five-second turns unraveling the ball to find a song. Several of them attempted to hold the end of the plastic wrap and then swing the ball around their heads. I made a strict "no lassoing" rule, but they still managed to nearly knock the head off the front row teacher time and time again, and they were so ineffective at unraveling the ball that it took us two weeks to get it done.

My most infamous flop happened last year when I was fairly new to the calling. As spring rolled in, I planned a few singing times in a row with a spring theme. We talked about Jesus Christ and the resurrection and how plants become green again in the spring. I taught three sections of singing time - junior primary, senior primary, and nursery. I had the kids plant some beans - one plant per group -and then every week, I brought the plants back to church so the kids could sing to them and see how they'd grown.

Well, one of the plants refused to grow ( I blame the ten cent Walmart seeds). After the first week of failure, I planted some new seeds. Those ones didn't grow, either. So after two weeks of showing the kids that their plant hadn't grown yet, I went to the greenhouse and bought a green bean plant. Then I took it to church in what I refer to as the Green Bean Scandal of 2018.

I showed the kids that their plant grew. They were amazed by just how much, and I told them it was because they were singing so well.

Yep, I lied.

Then, I let a kid have the green bean plant because it was his birthday. He snapped the stem in half before he even left the building with it.

Primary isn't the only place I lie to children. Last week I had to lie in Family Home Evening.

For a few years I've been wanting to do the Emoto rice experiment. If you're not familiar with this, there are a million different versions, but the gist of it is, you take two jars of rice and you speak kindly to one and you verbally abuse the other across a time span of a few weeks (that's right, you talk to the rice). The one you're mean to is supposed to get moldier and nastier than the one you're nice to, and after a few weeks, you get to tell your kids they have to speak kindly to one another, or they'll make their siblings rot from the inside out because, see? The rice.

There are all sorts of articles and blog posts in support of this experiment and in opposition to this experiment, but I know several people who have succeeded in doing it, and it seems to make for a great object lesson.

Only... ours didn't work. BOTH our jars of rice went equally moldy (I can only assume that it's because my kids fight so much, and our poor rice jars were both exposed to their verbal abuses. There was never hope for the rice in our house!) So what was I to do?

Well, obviously I had to swap out the moldy rice in the "nice" jar for fresh rice.

I made dinner with just enough extra rice to pull off my little swap while the kids were at school the next day.

And voila!

A few days later I revealed our rice jars to the kids, and they were none the wiser.

On that same day, I taught a FHE lesson on faith from Alma 32. We planted seeds. That was a week ago. There's no sign of growth yet.

My fingers are crossed!

Currently {March 2019 Edition}

Reading: Resistance by Jennifer A. Nielsen and Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein. These two books and The Hiding Place by Corie Ten Boom all got checked out to me on Overdrive during the same week. I finished The Hiding Place a few days ago and started the other two, and I'm a little over-saturated with the common themes. Too much all at once. Alas, I press forward... because books.

(This is my second time reading The Hiding Place and Code Name Verity).

Craving: An egg salad sandwich. I have eggs in the pot right now, but I like them to be chilled for my sandwiches, so I'm planning on an after-church egg salad sandwich tomorrow. With Ruffles. Oh how I love those salty ridges! 

On another note, Nicky makes fun of me for using the word "chilled" to describe food temperature.

Update: Since my initial draft of this post, I have moved on to craving hot dogs, so now I'm planning on grilling hot dogs after church. There will still be Ruffles, but sadly, I have a canker on my tongue, so the salt is going to be a beast. I'll make it work... somehow...

Singing: "High Hopes" by Panic at the Disco. It's in the head.

Stressing about: Things that aren't my problem. I have a habit of getting caught up in things that have nothing to do with me (or that have very little to do with me), and I let them wear me out. My mantra for today is, "Not my problem." I just have to convince myself that it's truly not my problem.

Buying: An exercise bike. It will be here next week. I haven't told Scotty yet.

Update: I told Scotty. I can tell he doesn't think I'll use it. But I promise I will! At least for the first few days...

Trying: To keep my cool with  my kids today. Something inside me snapped this morning, and I turned into this raging monster. I can't even blame PMS - the usual culprit. I've just hit my wits' end with the kids. 

Missing: My voice. I am still recovering from being sick almost two weeks ago. I have a lingering cough, and I'm lacking that umph that helps me yell speak with conviction at my kids. Luckily tomorrow is stake conference so I don't have to do singing time. Last week, those high, squeaky primary songs about did me in.

Loving: My bed. I have these memory foam pillows that I love, and a comforter that's super cozy (but it makes me sweat to death, so I'm going to have to make a change there soon). I'm quite looking forward to sleeping tonight, sweat and all.

Frustrated by: Little Miss Zoe waking up at 5:00 in the morning lately. She comes bounding in my room all carpe diem and whatnot, and I groggily tell her that it's the middle of the night, and she needs to go back to bed (I've been known to lie to my kids. Whatever). But she's so full of big ideas that she can't sleep! She needs to play Minecraft, make a paper purse for her teacher, and decorate her bike for the 4th of July parade that's four months away. Sigh...

Today I told her she couldn't decorate or make anything because she didn't clean up her messes from yesterday's creations. All day I had to listen to statements like, "I'm not making anything, I'm just cutting this piece of paper up and putting the pages together like a book, and I just need some crayons and a stapler" and "I'm not decorating, I'm just taping crepe paper to the ceiling fan."

Regretting: Eating an entire loaf of French bread this afternoon. I felt so sick afterward, and it was particularly horrible because I dipped it in vinegar and oil, so as the bread expanded in my gut, it pushed the vinegar taste up my throat.

I'll probably do it again someday. I never learn.

Hoping to: Eat Oreos in my bed after the kids go to sleep.

Okay, so maybe I have some food problems. 

The February Report

Another month has come and gone. Well... almost.  I'm excited to kick February to the curb. I'm not hating on February or anything. I just prefer it to be out of the way.

I've remained soda-free this month, but it's been really hard. January wasn't so bad - I got through the month without major cravings, but February came along and nearly did me in. I want a Dr. Pepper so bad. It is a daily battle. I have to give myself pep talks. "Stay strong, Britt! Look how far you've come! Don't drink The Sauce!"

I wish I was the type of person who could enjoy an occasional Dr. Pepper without worry, but I know no moderation! I go back to Dr. Pepper like a bad boyfriend. It doesn't matter how much it's hurt me in the past. All I need is one slightly flattering encounter, and I go all in with my loyalty.

Part of the problem with staying off soda is that there is no visible reward for doing so. I don't feel different, I don't look different. I'm not richer. I'm not a better person. I'm still Britt but without something to look forward to in the middle of the day.

Last month I wrote a little about how I feel like should accomplish something great this year. I used to be a very goal-oriented person. Blogging helped me become that way - having a place to write about my progress and having an audience to be accountable to has been a great blessing to me in my past goals. At some point in the past few years, I lost that. I now struggle with setting and reaching goals, but I find myself feeling drawn to something. Some sort of accomplishment. I have this great desire to set a goal and work toward it.

A couple of weeks ago, I was thinking about how much I loved Personal Progress when I was a teenager, and I wished that I had something like that now to motivate me toward personal growth. I always hoped to earn a YW medallion as a leader or as a mother of a young woman someday, but I haven't served in YW since my early 20's, and I still have a couple of years until I have a daughter in YW.

With the new youth initiative rolling out next year, if there is something I can earn in a leadership position someday, it's likely that it will be different from the current program. I started wondering if I could earn the YW medallion as a regular Joe Shmo since the leader/mother thing isn't going to happen. According to the Personal Progress book, "Other women who desire to participate in and complete Personal Progress may do so by completing the same requirements as young women and by assisting a young woman with a portion of her Personal Progress." (p 93).

So I'm going for it! Scotty is taking the place of "parent and/or leader" as I fulfill my requirements, and we've had some good discussions as he has signed off on my progress. I called our stake YW president and made sure I was interpreting everything correctly, and she was really excited for me (she was my YW president when I earned mine as a youth).

For the past two weeks, I've tried to spend at least an hour a day (multiple hours on Sundays) working on Personal Progress, and it has been wonderful. Just as Marie Kondo came into my life at the right time, Personal Progress came to mind when I needed it! Another answer to my prayers!

I encourage you, if you're feeling drawn to doing the same, to give it some consideration, especially if you have any interest in the current program. I think it would be cool if a bunch of women in my ward earned theirs, too, but the season isn't right for everyone (and the season is short... because 2020 will be here before we know it! I mean, look at February with its foot out the door already!)

The great thing about Personal Progress is that there is so much I'm doing already that coincides with the requirements. I'm just putting more meaning and more reflection into those things now, and that adds a greater measure of the Spirit each day. I'm also becoming aware of some areas of weakness and neglect that I've developed over the years. I thought I was already "aware," but now I'm tragically aware. Needless to say, I've wandered a bit

So enter March. I have some work to do.

Sick Day

I'm sick!

Not complaining. Just stating the fact.

We've had a relatively healthy winter so far - just a few minor coughs and stuffy noses - so we are due.

Nicky was first. He came home from a weekend scout camp with a sore throat and fever. He slept all day Sunday. Daisy was next - waking up Monday morning with the same symptoms. Now it's me (though no fever for me so far). Nicky was well enough to go to school today, but I kept Daisy home. She and I are using today to be lazy and catch up on some Netflix and reading. Fortunately, I didn't have anything dire on the schedule for today, but I did have intentions of going for a run.

It won't be long before the little tornadoes come home, though, so our lazy time is limited.

Over the weekend, Scotty installed a new shower head in our master bathroom. We've lived in our home for 15 years, and we still had the original, builder-grade shower head from 1996. We've always talked about getting a new one, but there have always been other things that take precedence. We finally bought a new shower head for our Valentine's Day gift to each other. We got one with a stationary shower head and a sprayer. Scotty has always been too tall for our shower. Now he can actually stand up straight and rinse his hair!

We thought the sprayer would be good for rinsing our girls' hair out... turns out, Eva is terrified of it. On Sunday morning, during bath hour, you would've thought someone was being murdered in the tub.

I let Daisy try the sprayer on her own hair. That was stupid. She sprayed the bathroom counter and mirror and flooded the floor within about five seconds. I also caught Zoe spraying the ceiling and singing a song about waterfalls (a Zoe original). I haven't yelled the phrase, "Point it down!" that many times since 2009 when Nicky was potty training.

On Saturday night, our furnace went out.

We are on our third day with no furnace. It's chilly, but we're surviving. In the meantime, we keep telling the kids, "Just pretend we're camping!"

We sure take warm houses for granted! I can't tell you how many times a day I get the impulse to bump up the thermostat.

We borrowed some space heaters. Apparently space heaters are a common thing; everyone owns them but us!

The furnace should be fixed by tomorrow.

Until then, I'm staying in the sweats I've been wearing since Sunday.

UPDATE: The furnace tech was able to come today instead of tomorrow. He had the furnace up and running just in time for me to get hit with fever, chills, and body aches. Now, can I please sleep for the next 24 hours? Ha! No. I'm a mom! But I showered and changed out of my Sunday sweats... into some other sweats, and I feel like that was a step in the right direction.

My kids don't have school today (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I've enjoyed sharing my KonMari experiences with you all, and I've especially liked the conversations I've been able to have as a result of those posts!

Fact #2: Several people have asked me how I feel about Marie Kondo's 30 book "rule." I never interpreted it the way the internet did. In her show, she stated that she tries to keep her own book collection to thirty books at a time. Nothing about that bothered me.

Fact #3: I have no qualms over getting rid of books, though. I love books, of course, but I don't need to own them (this is a drastic change from my twenties when I wanted to own every book known to man). When I buy books, I usually pass them on to someone else or donate them afterward unless I end up doing a lot of highlighting and know I'll revisit the volume again and again. I use the library a lot, and I'm starting to use Kindle more. I like the highlighting and search features of e-books (I never thought I'd make that transition).

With that said, I have well over 30 books remaining.

Fact #4: I've finished "tidying up" most of the interior of my house. There is still work that can be done in my children's bedrooms, but I don't have as much control over what we keep and discard in those areas. I got rid of quite a few of their things, and as a result, I've had a month of being yelled at and told I'm hated at least five times the normal amount.

(Did you know my kids hate me? They'll tell you all about it. Maybe someday they can write essays about it and earn scholarships. Or free therapy).

Fact #5: When the weather gets nicer, we'll begin the worst of the tidying up... the garage and shed. Heaven help us! That's Scotty Territory, and for some reason, he thinks his deceased grandfather's three shoe horns spark joy.

Fact #6: Lately I've been having a particularly difficult time with Eva. My three-year-olds have always been really hard, and Eva is no exception. Since Christmas, she has spiked!

(And she hates me. Just in case that's not already clear. She also hates everything else. Don't worry, she'll tell you all about it).

She wakes up in the night and comes into our room and yells at us because she wants milk or different pajamas. She won't go to preschool, dance class, or primary. She has a potty mouth, and she hits and kicks. She has meltdowns over ALL THE THINGS - like the color of the peanut butter jar,  a string hanging from her sock, a coloring book not having any 'beautiful' pictures to color, not being able to go swimming outside at grandma's house in February, and not having a ninja costume.

Fact #7: This week I had to help out in Eva's preschool class. She started throwing a fit in class, and there aren't very many places in an elementary school to take a screaming child where they won't be a complete disruption, so I opted for the bathroom (her sounds still reverberated through the two adjoining classrooms). I spent about an hour overall with Eva laying on the bathroom floor kicking and screaming (we went in and out several times). I had to do that thing where you act all calm even though your blood is boiling, and I had to use my fake, "I'm in control, and I can handle this" voice.

Fact #8: Due to the aforementioned Eva difficulties, church has been a real beast. I haven't had a decent Sunday yet this year.

Eva clings to my legs and pulls on my clothes while I do singing time. It makes me scatter-brained, sweaty, and angry. And I just keep a big, fake smile on my face - the kind that shows my inner crazy - while I sing all the wrong lyrics and pray she doesn't pull my skirt down in front of the kids.

I dread Sundays! Absolutely dread them. I'm already showing symptoms for this week, and it's still two days away.

Fact #9: How did I spend my Valentine's Day? Why, thank you for asking. I broke up fight after fight between my children from 6:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. But in the middle of it all, I managed to prepare a my first ever... traditionally roasted turkey! It took me six hours from start to finish to get that dinner on the table, and all my kids wanted was the frozen corn that I spent three minutes microwaving.

Fact #10: Okay, okay. I exaggerate a little. They also ate some mashed potatoes and gravy which I made from this heart-shaped beauty:

Twenty Years Ago

It's Valentine's Day!

And with the stress of multiple Valentine's Day parties this week, and having to buy all the Valentine's, make the stupid boxes, and remove candy wrappers from every nook and cranny of my house, I have to say... it can't be over soon enough!

Add parent-teacher conference, scout camp drama, orthodontist appointments, volunteer hours, an eye appointment, snow, and kids home from school to the mix, and I'm a bit of a mess. 

But let's pretend I'm fine and that Valentine's Day is wonderful.

And let's rewind to the year 1998, and I'll tell you a love story. It's the Scotty and Brittany love story. And it's the most romantic thing you'll ever hear - far better than any regency romance novel or Hallmark movie. 

When I was 14, I knew who Scotty was, but I'd never paid much attention to him. We went to the same church, but he was older than me, so we didn't really interact. If I'd run into Scotty at the store, I would've known who he was, but I wouldn't have said hello. That was the extend of our relationship. I didn't attend church very often at that time, but I occasionally went to weeknight youth activities, and that is where Scotty eventually caught my eye. 

At one activity, we were playing that human knot game where you stand in a circle and grab random hands. Then you have to untangle the circle of people without letting go. 

To this day, I maintain that Scotty grabbed my hand. He is unsure... "I never would have grabbed a girl's hand!" he says. And though it was very uncharacteristic of young Scotty, he really did grab my hand! And I liked it! And long story short, I went home that night and wrote in my journal that I was going to marry Scotty.

Five years later, I did.

The End.

Oh, but wait! Let me fill you in on a few more details. 

After my journal entry, my little crush grew bigger and bigger. I started going to church every week to see Scotty. I would casually ask people about him. I started conveniently walking by his house (it helped that it was on the way to my best friend's house). 

Scotty was in high school, had a job, and had his own car. I was head over heels in love with him, but I wasn't trying to pursue anything. I assumed he had a girlfriend.* Plus all my aspirations were for the future - I was going to marry him, and I was willing to wait. I figured our romance would take place in young adulthood. In the meantime, I was just having fun doing a lot of daydreaming and practicing my signature with his last name.

The day before Valentine's Day in 1999, I took him a Valentine. It was just a card with a sucker on it that I swiped from my little brother's valentines. It was meant to be funny and was based on an inside joke we had - now that we actually spoke to each other. We had become friends, but I figured he thought of me like a little sister. 

The next morning - Valentine's Day - happened to be a Sunday. I got up and was getting ready for church when my step-dad informed me that there was something on the porch for me. It was a rose. I assumed it was from my dad - he would occasionally bring a treat or balloon for Valentine's Day and leave it on the porch. 

I picked the rose up and turned it around and saw "From Scotty" written on the wrapper. 

I was in complete disbelief and even thought that it might have been from the Scotty who lived next door - who was 10. It couldn't be from 17 year old high school Scotty to whom I had betrothed myself! 

I had a friend do some detective work. She made a phone call, and she found out that the rose really was from him! The Scotty. The one I wanted!

And that's how it all began. 

Twenty years ago!

*Little did I know that Scotty had never even been on a date and that he wanted to grow up and live alone in the mountains. I ruined his life's plan, but he forgives me.

FluBritt Goes KonMari - Episode 4

As I've written about my experiences with "tidying up," I've assumed that my readers know the basics of the KonMari method. Just in case you're not familiar with the process, one of the biggest parts of "tidying up" is going through your belongings by category (clothing first, books second, as recommended by Marie) and choose what to keep. To decide what to keep, you hold each item in your hands and discern whether it "sparks joy." If it does, you keep it. If it doesn't, you get rid of it.

"Get rid of it" sounds harsh. There's more to it than that. Before you set something aside to donate or discard, you thank it. It sounds silly, but these actions really have a lot of meaning. First you're identifying what you love and what has real importance and significance in your life, but then you are also expressing gratitude for the things that have served you, taught you about yourself, and fulfilled their purpose.

The bookshelf post-KonMari

Saying "thank you" to my nasty, old, pit-stained shirts felt ridiculous. I did it anyway. Clearly they worked hard on my behalf. They deserved my gratitude. But as I moved on to other things, saying "thank you" became emotional and necessary. I wasn't sad, though. My emotions were a combination of excitement and gratitude - excitement to move on and gratitude because my belongings really had served me well and fulfilled their purposes. And for the things I rarely used, I was excited to send them on their next journey. Marie says,

"I have never encountered any possession that reproached its owner. These thoughts stem from the owner's sense of guilt, not from the person's belongings. Then what do the things in our homes that don't spark joy actually feel? I think they simply want to leave... Make your parting a ceremony to launch them on a new journey."

There are a few items I had to have a special parting with. 

First was my wedding dress... or what was left of my wedding dress after cutting it up to make a blessing dress and baptism dress. At first I wasn't sure if I should get rid of it, but after thinking it through, it became clear that the time was right. I felt especially good about it since the dress had been used for other meaningful things. I held the scraps in my arms and... dare I admit it... put my veil on my head and sat there for a minute, grateful I had no audience. I thanked my dress, thanked my veil, and then set them aside.* 

Another item was my baby blanket. The funny thing is that I never had an attachment to this blanket, specifically. It wasn't "THE" blanket (I don't recall ever being attached to one blanket). But it's the only one I kept from my childhood, and it was super comfy and worn. I held it several times, and I spent a morning with it wrapped around me while I ate breakfast before I thanked it and placed it aside. 

Then there was Scotty's animal quilt. He refers to it as his "Eagle quilt." His mom made it for him when he earned his Eagle rank in Boy Scouts at age 13. After nearly 25 years, it was falling apart. It had holes in it, and the batting was falling out. A few years ago I thought about repairing it, but it would have needed so many patches that the repairs would've made it an entirely different blanket, and the best part of that quilt was how comfy it was from wear. We kept it in the basement for a while and brought it out for camping and outdoor events. It was a great quilt! To say good-bye to it, we washed it (so it would be nice and fresh) and slept with it one last time.

The next morning, I folded the blanket and carried it into the kitchen where Scotty was sitting at the table. I stuck it in his face and said, "Thank your blanket." 

He responded with, "Uh... thank you?"

And then it went away. 

I laughed when this video was posted online the same weekend I got rid of Scotty's blanket:

Some things that were really hard to go through were the mementos and letters from Scotty's mission. As I started tackling those boxes, I sorted through a few letters and honestly didn't want them to be part of our lives anymore. At first I felt guilty, because I felt like I was supposed to want them, but I made the decision to get rid of my letters to him and his letters to me. I don't like myself in those letters, and I can't stand reading them. But I didn't feel it was my place to get rid of letters from other people, like Scotty's friends and family. I didn't feel comfortable reading any of them, so I asked Scotty what he wanted to do with them. He decided he didn't want to keep them any longer. They fulfilled their role at the time they were sent and received. So we thanked them and they went away.

Of everything we released, I think it was the mission items that were the most freeing. As soon as we made the decision, we felt really good moving forward. We have no guilt leftover!

Marie Kondo believes that our belongings have energies and feelings. She likes to tap books to "wake them up." And she believes that her folding method allows us to put positive energy into our clothes through touching them. People might find this idea to be a little bit "out there." I, personally, am not opposed to it, but I probably have a different take on it. I don't have the words to describe it, but there's something. I've felt a sense of sacredness as I've tidied, and I keep reflecting on Moses 3:5 which teaches that God created all things spiritually before He created them physically. I believe that what I have felt is a connection to the Creation.

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When I started this process, I didn't intend for it to go this far. I now have voids in my shelf space and a few empty drawers! It's amazing but also disconcerting. I'm all sorts of panicked about what to do with the free space. Should I just leave it? Are there things in my house that would be better-stored in that space?

It's the same kind of feeling I have when I have free time away from my kids. What should I do with this time? I feel so unprepared.

The pressure!

But it's also really fun when a friend comes over, and my house doesn't really look any different to her, but I'm able to say, "Come look at this!" and show her my empty kitchen drawer. 

*People have recommended that I donate the remnants of my dress to Angel Gowns (a foundation that makes burial clothing for babies). I reached out to some of these organizations a while ago, and they are so bombarded with dress donations that they aren't taking any more. Instead, they are looking for people to sew dresses. Those who are willing to sew may use their own wedding dresses. I thought about doing this, but it stressed me out to the max because my sewing skills are very lacking.