Things the Kids Say: Episode 34

“The oldest song I know is ‘Footloose’ which was written in 1621.”

-Zoe

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“Vacation Dad is as good as Dad gets!”

-Nicky

“Vacation Dad”

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“Wow! First Class people don’t know how to clean up after themselves!”

-Eva to the flight attendant (who nodded in agreement)

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Me: Eva, what’s 12 times 5?

Eva: You have a brain and a calculator. Why are you asking me?

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“I learned a lot about pee from a poster in the bathroom at girls camp.”

-Zoe while lecturing me about hydration

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“I love human beings.”

-Eva

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“My stomach feels better. I dropped a big bomb and drank some water. I was in really bad constipation.”

-Eva

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Eva: Can we listen to Enya?

Zoe: No, I hate Enya, she doesn’t even sing any good songs!

Eva: Yea she does! ‘Baby Shark!’

The Way That I Am

Sometimes I’m flabbergasted at the way people are different from me. Even after being alive for 41 years, I occasionally respond with surprise when someone tells me something about themselves that differs greatly from what I think/believe/do. It’s intriguing sometimes to learn another’s perspective. Sometimes I get it, and other times I just flat out don’t understand, and I wonder (in the words of Michael Scott) “Why are you the way that you are?”

In celebration of weirdos everywhere (myself included), here are some ways that I am:

I am not a germaphobe.

I don’t care if you wear shoes in my house. I never expect people to take off their shoes. Do whatever you’re comfortable with. You can’t hurt anything. 

I prefer loading the dishwasher over unloading the dishwasher.

I answer text messages. I can’t say I never get backlogged or miss a text, but it’s rare. 

I don’t pack excessively for trips. 

Not me

If I like a clothing item, I buy it in multiple colors.

I’m always on time. If I’m late for something it’s usually on purpose, and I’m probably still on time, but I do weird things like circle around the block ten times or sit in the parking lot and watch the clock until I’m “late enough.”

I never skip breakfast.

I can do frumpy. I don’t need my hair and makeup done everyday. 

I never make my bed (sorry to disappoint you, Admiral William H. McRaven).

I don’t like rope dropping. 

I am not tempted by Target. 

Not me.

I love the randomness of thrift stores and places like Ross. I thrive on “the hunt.” I only recently learned that there are people who hate shopping like that (these people tend to love Target).

I like scents - perfume, candles, etc. 

I don’t like being wet. 

I know how much everything costs and can usually guess the total of my grocery store list within $10.

I’m a morning person. 

I don’t like watching the same movies over and over. Even movies I like, I want a 5-10 year break in between viewings. 

Real life conversations I have with Scotty:

Him: Do you want to watch Home Alone with me?

Me: No, we just barely watched that three years ago! 

I leave my cupboard doors open when I’m in the kitchen. 

I’m really messy and clumsy. I leave a trail everywhere I go. 

I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning. 

I get depressed during the summer instead of winter. 

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Maybe I’m a little weird and hard to understand. Or maybe I’m pretty normal. I’ve never figured it out.

Currently (February 2025 Edition)

Reading:

(I like what she’s preaching, but a book is completely unnecessary. A fifteen minute excerpt from her Ted talk or a podcast would suffice). 

Wearing: a Costco sweatshirt that has lime juice splatters on it.

Eating: taco rice.

Suffering from: post vacation blues. I’m not really “blue,” but that’s still a good phrase for it. I want to plan another vacation so I have something to look forward to. 

Annoyed by: my blood pressure. It’s all over the place. 

Craving: salami. I have a bit of a meat/cheese/crackers habit these days.

Needing: to trim some abnormally long posts of some earrings I bought, and the fact that this is even a thing annoys me. Why are they so long? They stab me in the neck! What foolish design is this?

Buying: a few thrifted items for my house - some funky mirrors and a TV stand, to name a few.

Watching:

This was one of my favorite movies growing up, and I made my girls watch it over the weekend.

We are also watching Titanic in half-hour increments (with a bit of fast forwarding) at Eva’s request. This experience comes with frequent pause sessions wherein I give historical lectures on topics such as:

• The CGI in Titanic in 1997 was iconic for its time
• Molly Brown was a real person
• This is the size of the Titanic in comparison to an average modern-day cruise ship
• This is a map of where the Titanic sank

We are also watching Celebrity Jeopardy each week. Daisy is counting down til the episode with Kirk from Gilmore Girls. 

Dreading: parent day at dance class. We have this once a month, and I have to sit through three dance classes. 

Proud of myself for: sticking to a meal plan since we got home from our trip. I’ve swapped meals around a bit, but the main goal is to use up what we have and not eat out. 

Enjoying: no snow. This was my same answer in January. I am no sad one but about the lack of snow we are having this winter. 

Working on: getting Nicky a passport.

Curious about: why my neighbor wears a mask to walk her dog when she doesn’t go near anyone, but she doesn’t wear a mask to church when she’s around hundreds of people. 

Playing: 

I bought Zoinx a while ago, and we just tried it yesterday for the first time. We give it a big thumbs down, which is a bummer because we really like Gamewright’s other dice games like Quixx and Bloom. This one has some major design flaws, in our opinion.

Drinking: no soda. I’m one week sober. Again. But gosh, I want a Diet Dr. Pepper something fierce. On Saturday night I was nearly in tears over it. 

People often ask why I won’t let myself have some once in a while. It’s because with me, there is no such thing as once in a while. I can’t moderate it. 

Sick of: school dances. We have one about every two months, plus Nicky is constantly getting asked to go to dances at other schools. We ask and answer for dances all the time, and I’m a planner, so it’s really hard for me to sit back and watch my kids try and plan dances with their friends because it’s usually a hot mess. There’s always some sort of group drama, too. 

Grateful for: my van.