Conversations with Pioneers

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to give someone from the 1800's a tour of our modern world. I think some of our conveniences would blow their minds while others would seem so silly and pointless.

What would pioneers think of our transportation? Our methods of communication? Or our food? If one of my pioneer ancestors saw my home, what would she say about it? Would she think, "My goodness, you've really got it made?" or "Wow! How over-complicated your life must be! Look at all these frivolous things that demand your attention."

(Probably a little bit of both).

When I played a pioneer

Here is how I envision some of the conversations going between my pioneer (I've named her Pearl) and me.

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Me: Oh no! Zoe's poop pillow is missing.

Pioneer Pearl: I'm sorry, I think I misheard you.

Me: Poop pillow. It's a pillow that's shaped like poop. Zoe takes it everywhere.

Pioneer Pearl: You can't possibly mean she has a pillow that resembles fecal matter!

Me: Oh yeah! Kids love poop. There's a whole market for poop - hats, socks, stationary. Zoe won her poop pillow by participating in her school fundraiser.

Pioneer Pearl: I can't imagine being attached to anything so inappropriate!

Me: Well... it has a face. So it's fine.

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Me: I need to go to the store and pick up a bag of carrots.

Pioneer Pearl: Oh, did your carrot crop not work out this season?

Me: Well, I have carrots in the garden, but I don't feel like picking them, washing them, and peeling them. So I'm just going to save myself the work and get some baby carrots from Smith's.

Pioneer Pearl: What do you mean by "baby" carrots?

Me: You know... a bag of carrots that are small.

Pioneer Pearl: Why are they small?

Me: We modern folk like our carrots to be uniform in size and shape. We buy them in bags. They are already peeled, and they're all the same size.

Pioneer Pearl: How do they get that way?

Me: They are whittled.

Pioneer Pearl: Someone whittles your carrots for you?

Me: Yep.

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Me: Let's go to Dairy Queen and get a treat!

Pioneer Pearl: Wait! Does America have a monarchy now?

Me: No. Dairy Queen isn't a person. It's a place!

Pioneer Pearl: So a queen is a place now?

Me: Not always.

Pioneer Pearl: What about a king?

Me: Also sometimes a place.