What Happened...

... When I Woke Up This Morning:

I forgot about daylight savings. Something crazy must have happened in the night because my cell phone was unplugged from its charger and flung across the room when I woke up (I fell asleep listening to Harry Potter on a sleep timer, so I know it was on my nightstand when I drifted off). When I finally found it, I picked it up and the time reflected an hour earlier than I thought it was. Between my cell phone moving in the night and the time changing, I was a very confused person.

...Right Before an Extended Family Photo Session Yesterday:

Daisy and Zoe ate Ring Pops, but not just any Ring Pops! TONGUE PAINTER Ring Pops! So their teeth, their lips, their tongues, and half their faces were dyed blue. Then Eva helped herself to my bronzer, and she came out of the bathroom looking like an Oopa Loompa. I held her up so she could see herself in the mirror, and she said, "Oh. I guess I'll take a bath." Five minutes after I got her out of the tub, I found her in the kitchen drawing all over her hands and arms with Sharpies. At that point, I just gave up. When you have 75 people in a family photo (that is an accurate number, I'm not being my usual exaggerating self here) who's going to notice two blue kids and a little girl with Sharpie on her hands?

...When I Brought a Kid Home From School Last Week:

I had the mother's permission to bring a child home from school last week, but the family had a miscommunication and the police were called. I now refer to the incident as "the time I accidentally kidnapped someone."

...When I Took My Three-Year-Old to My Dentist Appointment:

Nicky was going to watch Eva for me while I went to the dentist, but at the last minute, Eva begged me to take her with me. When we got into the exam room, she suddenly flipped out because her pants were bugging her. I told her to play PBS on my phone until I was done having my teeth cleaned and then we would go fix her pants, but she wouldn't relent. I asked the hygienist if  she would mind if I took Eva to the bathroom to see what was wrong with her pants.

In the bathroom, Eva stripped herself down, turned her pants inside-out, and put them back on. Then she decided that wasn't right so she took them off again, turned them back around, and
put them on exactly how they'd been in the first place. Then she said, "There! That's better!"

I made the hygienist wait ten minutes for that.

...While I was Trying to Clean the House for Zoe's Birthday Party:

Eva colored all over the couch with a dry erase marker.

...When I Weaned Myself Off Caffeine Last Week:

I had three days of horrible headaches that made me swear I would never drink caffeine again. I used to not have withdrawal symptoms when I stopped drinking caffeine, but for the last year, if I don't have caffeine every day, I get a really bad headache, and the only thing that fixes it is... caffeine!

After the three days of headaches, I was okay.

...When I Came Home From Church Today After Practicing the Primary Program for Two Hours:

I paid my son a dollar in exchange for a Pepsi he got trick or treating. Mama needed caffeine.

I don't wanna talk about it.