And Then There Were Flu Shots

Who annoyed all of Target on Friday afternoon by allowing her six-year-old to roll around on the flooring screaming for 25 minutes?

(A hint: it was not Kelly Clarkson).

I decided to stop by the store after school to get my kids' flu shots. If you get a flu shot at Target, they give you a $5 coupon. It seems logical to me. "Here kid. Suffer through this shot and get $5 to buy something."

(Followed by an hour in the store wherein the kids can't understand why they can't buy a $79.99 LOL doll set or a $34.99 Barbie with their $5 coupon - and basically the whole idea is stupid and not worth it, lesson learned).

From the second we pulled in the parking lot, Zoe went ballistic. I had to remove her from the van by her leg because she was crouched down behind a seat screaming. I dragged her in the store, and boy, I'll tell you what! That pharmacist heard us coming!

The pharmacists know who I am. I'm sure they know a lot of their customers, but the reason they know me is because they once messed up on one of our prescriptions and double-dosed my child with antibiotics (it was a big deal, and I had several apologetic phone calls, and ever since then, they treat me like royalty). I'm cool with that.

But in addition to that, I always have at least one kid screaming when I go to the pharmacy, and I'm usually there in sweat pants after three days of not showering, and just to make it even more interesting, I'm picking up anti-depressants. So yeah... they know me. I'm the depressed housewife with the annoying kids.

Anyway, I approached the counter with a big smile on my face (just to let them know the anti-depressants are working) and an animalistic child thrashing in my arms and said, "Do you have time to do flu shots for us?"

Then it was insurance and paperwork and screaming for the next 15 minutes until it was finally time to stick 'em.

Zoe ran and hid from me over and over, and then I had to crawl in the vaccination booth with her and put her in a straight jacket with my arms and legs until her shot was complete. We were all sweaty and smelly by the time it was done, and the ambiance of the entire store changed when Zoe finally stopped screaming. It was like the building, itself, was sighing with relief

(An hour later, Eva started screaming because she wanted chocolate coins, but she'd picked out a stuffed dog, and well... it got ugly, and one of our coupons didn't work, so we had to go to customer service - child still crying - and the lady there said, "Oh, you're the one with the crying children! You've been here for a really long time!" because an hour previously, she'd come back from her lunch break and had to step over Zoe tantruming in the middle of an aisle).

(We were there for two hours total).

That night my girls all slept at their aunt's house, and she paid them half a million dollars to dust a shelf. Guess where we ended up the next day?

Sorry, Target!