One of the biggest changes that has happened in my life in the past year and a half is that I've gone from being a stay-at-home mom to being a stay-at-home mom/student. My previous position as a SAHM wasn't easy, especially since Scotty was in school for the first 8 years of that role. My days were long and exhausting as I took care of children and managed the house. Now I am still taking care of children and managing the house, but I'm also reading hundreds of pages per week, cramming for tests, trying to squeeze in class meetings, and hiding in my basement to do online presentations on things like domestic abuse and cohabitation.
Now most of the decisions I make in a day are based on two things:
1. The unpredictable nature of my children
2. How it will affect my study
Since I never know if my kids are going to be agreeable or not, I have to fly by the seat of my pants in my schooling. If there is a peaceful moment, a 20-minute "Dora coma," for example, I have to choose how to spend that time wisely. Every minute spent on laundry, dishes, or other household work is a minute spent not studying or doing homework. I'm always weighing everything that needs to be done in my house against everything that needs to be done for school. Since school has more deadlines and pressures, school usually takes precedence. I never know how long I have or whether I'll be able to finish anything, so I'm forever starting and stopping. My life is lived in random spurts, and when I wake up in the morning, I have no idea if I'll succeed at anything at all because I don't know what's coming. I can't have a plan; I can only have a hopeful list of things I might be able to do in a day if things work out in my favor.
I can't decide if I'm doing a good thing or if I'm completely running myself (and my family) into the ground for no reason.
Today I'm craving simplicity, so I'm taking a day off from being a SAHM/S, and I'm just being a SAHM. I'm putting off my reading and studying (I may regret this later) and trying to be present for a while. I took my girls to the library to browse the books. I read to Zoe. I sat on the couch and held Eva just because I could. I made a nice lunch. I tidied up the kitchen. I did some laundry. I made a smoothie. I watched a few minutes of When Calls the Heart (my first Hallmark anything). I had a nice, long talk with Daisy about things we can do to be nice people. I copied down some new recipes. I went to the store for milk. I listened to a talk on CD in the car while I picked Daisy up from kindergarten. I made some updates to our budget for the month. I thought about baking some bread but didn't because Eva needed to go to the doctor (phew! That was close! I almost did it!).
My day hasn't been prefect, but it has been peaceful. I've missed doing "normal" things. I don't get to do things like look for recipes or hang out at the library regularly anymore, so it was nice to return to that lifestyle for a moment.
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2 comments:
I totally hear you on this!! I think we often (as a general society, and also probably as individuals) make snap judgements on the "busyness" of Others without really understanding what those Others are facing every day. I know I do, and I also know that I've had those judgements made towards me unfairly.
I really hope you have a few more days like this one, and also are able to stay up and relatively sane in your school work.
xox
Some days you just need a mental health day! I don't know how you do it with that many children. I can barely do it with one. We recently went on vacation to Micronesia where there was about 1% internet access and so I literally could not do my assignments. I was annoyed at first but then just decided to enjoy my time there and I would figure it out when I got home. Luckily, I had asked my professors for an extension on a few assignments and they were flexible. My point being, it will all work out. You do your best and the Lord will bless you. I promise! Thanks for being my example of a student/SAHM. Its not for the weak. You make it look easy! ;)
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