Mothering and the Book of Mormon: Defeating Laman and Lemuel

Today's guest post was written by my cousin-in-law, Cyndi. I asked Cyndi if she wanted to participate in this series because she is one of the best and most faithful moms I stalk on the internet know. Cyndi is a wife and mother of four. She spends her days handing out fruit snacks, browsing thrift stores, and stalking potential board game friends (can you see why we are friends?). You can read a whole lot more at her blog Love Joy Lane.

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One of my favorite “mother verses” in the Book of Mormon comes from 1 Nephi 17. Nephi and his family had previously left their home in Jerusalem and traveled through the wilderness for many years; in this chapter they had finally arrived at the seashore. Upon their arrival, Nephi, who is righteous, gives an account of their time in the wilderness.

In 1 Nephi 17:1-3 we read, "And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness. And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong… And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness."

In the same chapter, Nephi’s brethren, Laman and Lemuel, who are infamous for their murmuring, also offer up an account of their time in the wilderness.

In 1 Nephi 17:20-21 we read, "We have wandered in the wilderness for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions. Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy."

I love these two differing accounts of the same circumstances because they can teach us some valuable lessons as moms.

The first lesson that I learned from these scriptures is that attitude determines our happiness more than actual circumstances determine our happiness. Both lived through identical circumstances but came away with two different experiences. Nephi’s attitude allowed him to praise God and see the blessings that came to them during their time in the wilderness. While his brethren cursed God and desired that they had never taken their journey.

The best way to have more positive parenting experiences is to change your attitude. If you wake up thinking that your lot is hard – that your kids are too loud, too messy, or too demanding – then you will probably end the day with a headache, a messy house, and in desperate need of some “me-time.” When you can change your mindset and see your children as the blessing that they truly are – then your murmuring will decrease. Your kids will still be loud, your house will still need to be cleaned, and your time will still needed to be sacrificed – but you won’t be swallowed up in negative thoughts and feelings toward these things. I think one of the most empowering things you can do as a parent is to just stop thinking how hard it is.

The second lesson that can be learned from these scriptures is that not all of your children are having the same experience. Just because you live under the same roof and eat the same thing for dinner does not mean that your kids are viewing their childhood in the same way. Children come as unique individuals because their spirits are eternal in nature. They come with specific character traits and have different strengths and weaknesses.

I have learned this lesson well as I watch my second child grow. My second daughter is the complete opposite of her older sister. She likes a calm, predictable day at home while her sister enjoys lots of activities and lots of time spent away from home. For the longest time, I did not understand why little sister did not enjoy story time or walking the mall or play dates. I worried about her unhappiness towards these activities and fretted that she wasn’t having a fun childhood. Then one day I realized that her “fun” differed from her sister’s “fun”. Fun for her was reading books with just mom or swinging in the backyard or taking a two-hour bath. Parenting should be an individualized task catered to each child. My parenting style doesn’t just have to change when I have my second child; it has to adjust each minute of each day as I interact with my various children in the various circumstances that life throws at us.

The final lesson from these verses comes in the closing sentence. Laman and Lemuel have just rattled off all their grievances towards their brother and their dad and end with this telling line, “Yea, and we might have been happy.” If we didn’t come out here in the wilderness, we might have been happy. If we didn’t have to watch our wives and sisters struggle through pregnancy, we might have been happy. If we could have just stayed home with all our nice stuff, we might have been happy.

But would they have been? I doubt it. They would have just found other things to murmur about: “It’s boring here in Jerusalem.” “We never get to do anything exciting.” Or “This wine is no good.”

I think we have all had experiences with what I like to call “chronic whiners.” They are those who can find the bad in any situation and have to shake it out for all to see. They are those who are constantly saying, “If I had this, or did this, or if they stopped doing that – then I would be happy.” They are those that you end up “hiding” on Facebook.

I think that moms can easily fall into this mentality and even though we may not be chronic whiners (yet), we spend too many hours of the day dreaming about how we might be happy. Maybe I will be happy when I don’t have to change diapers. Maybe I will happy when they all go to school. Maybe I will be happy when we make it through the teenage years unscathed. One of the best slogans I came across while I was struggling as a new mom was, “Don’t put off your happy life.” Every stage of life comes with challenges. Embrace the challenges – learn from them and grow from them.

And unlike Laman and Lemuel, try to be happy today.

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This guest post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

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I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

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{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

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