This morning I went to the grocery store at 7:11 A.M. all by myself. No kids!!! It was as good as going on a spa retreat. For reals. I loved it so much that I stayed for an hour and a half.
I didn't have to take anyone to the bathroom. Not once!
I didn't have to pick up any knocked over merchandise. Not once!
I didn't have to pry my screaming child's fingers from the handle of the BIGGEST WORSTEST MOST ANNOYING SHOPPING CART ON EARTH. Not once!
I didn't have to tell anyone that they can't play arcade games or ride the mechanical warthog. Not once!
(Yes, mechanical warthog. What the heck, Walmart?)
I didn't have to face any stand-offs in the cereal aisle. Not once!
(This is where Daisy gets mad and stands or sits in front of the shopping cart and refuses to move so I have to go pick her up and try to navigate the shopping card with a 35 pound kicking and screaming child in one arm).
I didn't crash into any displays, poles, or short old ladies because I couldn't see where I was going over the infant carrier. Not once!
I didn't swear. Not once!
(You guys, I swear a lot. Hell and damns. All day. Maybe I should start thinking about New Year's Resolutions. Or get a swear jar).
My shopping trip was so blissful that I think it's going to be my new thing - going to the store without kids. I didn't realize how awful it is having them there with me until I tasted the sweet goodness of going alone. Ahhhhh! I'm hooked!
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3 comments:
A mechanical warthog?! Where is this Walmart because I'm totally going there to ride the warthog the next time I'm in Utah!
It's Pumba from the Lion King.
Man, I have a potty mouth too. Maybe I need a Swear Jar.
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