Turkey Thoughts

The other day, a friend and I were having some Thanksgiving conversation when I confessed to her that I am 28 years old and have never cooked a turkey. I picked the right friend to tell because she replied with, "So? I'm 38, and I've never cooked a turkey!"

(Phew! Apparently there are many of us!)

This year, I was determined to roast a turkey because I have this fear that someday the survival of the world will depend on my ability to do so.

While I am a fan of devouring large masses of Thanksgiving poultry, I haven't been looking forward to the preparation. I bought my bird on Friday, and following the "one day in the fridge for every five pounds" thawing method, I was scheduled to roast the thing today. I actually had this moment earlier where I thought, "Meh. I don't need to roast that stupid turkey!" But then I remembered that it cost about $15, and I'm a tight wad, so I couldn't just throw away fifteen bucks! But then I was like, "Britt? Would you pay $15 for the opportunity to sit on the couch for two hours and hold your baby and not cook?" and then I was like, "Heck yes, I would!" So turkey loss? Totally justified.

But I roasted the darn thing anyway, because THE WORLD NEEDS ME, and I had a few thoughts about it.

Thought #1: Turkey carcasses are freaky.

Thought #2: Fishing giblets out of turkey carcasses is freaky.

Thought #3: The turkey neck was more curvy that I expected, making me worry that I accidentally purchased and roasted a swan.

Thought #4: My entire kitchen is saturated in contaminated turkey fluids.

Thought #5: I don't like meat that still looks like the creature it came from.

But I survived, and the turkey was mostly awesome. I might even do it again someday.

Like, in a year. Or ten. Or when the world is hanging by a thread, and my turkey-roasting skills, alone, have the ability to save it.

Until then, I will be airing the smoke out of my kitchen.

(It helps to have a clean oven, I guess).