Bath Blogging

It's not what you think. I'm not blogging from the bath - I'm just not that adventurous. But I often sit on the floor right outside the bathroom door while the Tornado Twins are in the tub, as I am now.

So this post will be a compilation of everything I can write before they start to drown each other (sibling baths never end on a good note around here).

Remember how last week I praised my new calling as the primary music leader? I changed my mind. Sunday about did me in. This is all so familiar from my days serving in the presidency. Some Sundays are wonderful and rewarding. Others make you want to pull your hair out. Week Three was a hair-pulling Sunday.

We are still working on our garden and plan to be shoveling rocks for weeks to come. The second half of last week was rainy, so we had to put our yard work on hold.

Despite questionable weather patterns, I have to say, THIS IS MARCH. People keep making comments about the weather as if this isn't normal. It's March in Utah, my friends. Some days are sunny and warm, others are rainy and cold. This is how it goes. EVERY. YEAR. And yet, people are still always shocked at the weather in March. Easter is pretty much a day for us to get together with extended family and listen to everyone gripe about the weather.

Speaking of the weather, I've started walking in the mornings again with some friends. It snowed on Sunday, so we were debating whether we should walk on Monday. We decided to go for it. I set out from my house to meet KoriAnn, and it was pretty amazing outside. The air was so clear and fresh - it felt good to get outside and breathe. There was snow on the grass, but the walks were clear, so it was really serene and peaceful. I felt amazing - it was like I had the world to myself for a moment. About a mile into our walk, it started dumping snow, and we just kept going (we had important matters to discuss - things that are more important than seeking shelter in the snow). At the end of our walk, the path was completely covered, and both of us had snow all over us. My clothes were soaked through, and KoriAnn had a snowman forming in the collar of her coat.

Again... it's March. This is how it goes, and I actually like the variety.

My kids' spring break starts tomorrow. I'm not ready. I need to have a plan. I don't have a plan! What am I going to do?

And with that, the first naked bum has escaped from the tub.

What I Need From General Conference

This weekend, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints across the world will participate in a General Conference. The conference takes place twice a year here in Salt Lake City, but it is broadcast to church buildings in over 100 countries. It's translated live into 80 languages, and the transcripts are later translated into even more languages so the messages can reach millions of people from different places around the world.

It is all very miraculous to me.

I'm really looking forward to General Conference because there are some things I really need right now:

-I need to feel PEACE and comfort.

-I need my worries and anxieties about raising children in this world to be put at ease.

-I need to know that everything is going to be okay and that there is still HOPE.

-I need to feel spiritually and emotionally SAFE.

-I need to feel the LOVE of Heavenly Father and the LOVE of my Savior.

-I need confirmation that I'm not screwing up in every aspect of my life.

-I need to escape from the DISDAIN and CONTEMPT that are running rampant in our world.

-I need to feel LOVE for my fellow humans.

-I need to reset and come out FRESH and RENEWED.

I believe I'll get to have every one of these things this weekend, and I can hardly wait!

When I'm Super

There are a lot of super powers I wouldn't mind having. 

How about the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away?

With mind bullets?

(That's telekinesis, Kyle).

I definitely wouldn't mind having a touch of telekinesis, but I probably wouldn't use it to kill yaks. I might pull some Matilda-like pranks, but mostly, I'd use my mind powers to make my life simpler.

Like right now, I could be using my telekinesis to load the dishwasher while I type. It would be the ultimate "MOM" power!!!

But then again, teleportation would be pretty sweet. I could teleport to the grocery store for milk, and my life would be all the easier for it (as long as the milk can teleport back with me - here I go with my hypotheticals again).

A third arm would be really handy (ha! "handy") but that's more of a deformity than a super power - plus telekinesis can help me with a lot of the tasks that I'd use a third arm for. But really, I feel like two arms are not enough. Can I get an 'amen?'

Flight would be nice, but it wouldn't be my first choice - not if I could teleport. 

Teleportation over flight, for me. 

Super human strength would also be really nice, but again, not my first choice. 

Time pause, though. That might be cool. If I could pause everything but keep going myself, I could accomplish all sorts of things. 

Like cleaning my house without my kids interfering.

Or binge-watching a TV series without feeling guilty.

Okay, let's be honest, if I could pause time, I'd probably abuse the privilege, but I'd be able to shower everyday without anyone peeking through the curtain or standing in the bathroom crying.

Since none of these powers are real (the truth hurts), I'll settle for functioning at a high level. If I could have a super power, that would be it - I'd just have my crap together. I'd be able to have more than one area of my life under control at a time. Right now, I'm only capable of one. I can't be caught up on laundry and stick to a budget and study my scriptures and exercise and be a patient, loving mother. I can only be good at one at a time - which means I have to let a lot of things go.

The power to have my crap together. That's it. That's the one.

I can visualize what it could be like to meet the X-Men at Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. It would go like this:

Wolverine: Hi, I'm Wolverine. My bones are fused with adamantium, I have retractable claws, and my body regenerates at the blink of an eye.

Me: Hi Wolverine, I'm Brittany, and I have my crap together.

Wolverine: Whoa!

It's Been a While (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I went through a bit of a writing phase where I had a lot to say, so I was posting almost daily for a few weeks. It's funny how it comes in waves. Sometimes I have a lot of ideas for blog posts, and sometimes I have none. Right now I have none.

Fact #2: Scotty and I are spending as much time as possible working on our garden. Back in 2011, we put in some garden boxes. Then in 2012, we expanded and put in a few more (see the garden of 2012 here). The past two summers, we've let the garden "rest."

Fact #3: By "rest," I mean we let it go to crap. It got overtaken with weeds. We didn't pull out our plants after summer of 2015. Our peach trees dropped fruit, leaves, and branches everywhere, and our chickens dug out all our strawberry plants and flung all the dirt out of the boxes (we built a fence around the garden to keep the chickens out, but there's an area where they can still weasel their way through our honeysuckle plant and get in the garden. Eventually we gave up on trying to keep them out).

Fact #4: Because of our stupidity laziness rest period, our garden is in shambles. Therefore, we are working on digging up all the rocks and sifting the dirt out of them to put back in the boxes. We are also putting down a fresh layer of weed barrier. We pulled out two trees - one was dead, and one was just an inconvenience, and I'd never thought to take it out, but as soon as Scotty mentioned the idea, I was so relieved and wondered why it hadn't ever occurred to me before.

Fact #5: The type of work we are doing in the garden is literally accomplished inches at a time. It's a tedious, labor-intensive task. I hope we don't lose our momentum. We tend to get started on yard things and then weather interferes.

Fact #6: As you might have guessed from this post, I have a new calling (church assignment). I'm now the primary music leader (formerly known as the primary chorister, though I'm not sure the name really makes a difference. Do people feel more empowered by being called "music leaders" instead of "choristers?")

Fact #7: I've felt very strongly for a few years that this would eventually be my calling. When I was the primary president, my friend Jennifer was the music leader, and I would watch her and feel this little nudge saying, "You're next!" Luckily, Jennifer served for a really long time.

Fact #8: I was not okay with the calling at all when it was first extended. I had so many reasons to say no - one being that I still haven't recovered from being the primary president and another being that it took two years to get Zoe to go to primary, so I was worried that being in there would mean I wouldn't be able to do my job without a five-year-old clinging to my leg.

Fact #9: I decided to just have faith that everything would work out, so I accepted the calling.

Fact #10: I've only done it two weeks so far, but everything has gone pretty well. It's actually a really good calling for me. My kids are doing well with it - Eva doesn't cry when I leave the nursery after I sing with them, and Zoe has been good to stay with her class during junior primary. It involves a lot of prep work and planning, but I'm good at those things. There are definitely things I need to work on (like getting better at reading music and singing the right lyrics), but I think I'm where I belong, even though I didn't believe it AT ALL a month ago.

Currently {March 2018 Edition}

Reading: The Family Romanov by Candace Fleming

Watching: The Goldbergs

Procrastinating: Finding a primary care physician. 

Wanting: New couches. If you remember (which you probably don't, and that's okay) "new couches" used to make regular appearances here. We eventually got a new (used, actually) couch in our living room, but it's now in shambles. Several springs have popped lose in it, and it makes horrible screeching sounds when anyone sits on it. It recently swallowed a member of our Relief Society Presidency - the one with the bad back, of course - so now I'm to the point where I don't want anyone to sit in my house lest they become injured or lost. 

Craving: Chinese food

Wearing: Jeans that have a stretchy waistband and look a lot like maternity pants, but they aren't maternity pants. I refer to them as my "glory jeans." Also a blue hand-me-down t-shirt from Shannon. A significant portion of my wardrobe is Shannon's hand-me-downs. 

Relieved by: Scotty getting to come home a week early from a business trip (he was supposed to be gone until St. Patrick's Day, but he was able to home on the 9th).

Stressing about: Food. I'm working on my grocery list for later this week, and deep in my heart of hearts I want to make healthy choices, but I also have a special place in my heart for cheap & easy. I don't care what anyone says, eating healthy is not cheap or easy.

Neglecting: The floor of my house. I can't look down or I'll be overwhelmed. I'm just going to keep my head high, and if anyone comes to my house, I'll clear a path. Not sure where the path will go since no one can sit on my couch. Maybe to a kitchen stool?

Classy.

Trying: To drink more water. I feel like I drink a lot of water, but when I actually track the quantity, I come up short. 

Feeling: Kind of blah. There are some things eating away at me right now. I'm struggling with some family relationships, and I feel like this world is a hopeless, awful place and why, oh why, did I think I could raise four children here? You know that feeling? 

Wishing: That I had a personal assistant (I call her Sue).

Relieved by: A large medical bill that somehow got taken care of. I don't know how it happened. A miracle? Maybe. I wish I knew.

Burdened by: Something reflux-y/heartburn-y. I don't know what my deal is, but I could barf any moment. Remember how I'm procrastinating finding a primary care physician? This is one of the side effects of my procrastination. I feel like there's a balloon inflating in my throat.

Loving: The warm weather this week that allows me to send my kids out in public in sandals and flip flops without great scrutiny. Winter is not kind to the feet of my children. They need air.

Worried about: My kids. I've reached the point in motherhood where I'm worried all the time. I think it just stays like this permanently from this point forward. 

Thankful for: Alone time. It's such a rare occurrence for me to be alone that I've come to treasure it dearly, even though I spend most of it freaking out about spending it wisely - which prevents me from spending it wisely.

Blended Family

This past week I've been working on some "blended family" projects (by the end of the month, I'll be able to show you what one of the projects is. I'm really excited about it).

Even though divorce and remarriage is very common now, it wasn't the norm when I was a child. My parents were divorced for five years before I had a friend whose parents were also divorced (that friend is now my sister-in-law so we are part of the same blended family). Even as an adult, most of my friends come from "intact" families, so as common as divorce may be, a lot of my generation is experiencing it for the first time.

Being a part of any family has its ups and downs, but the dynamics of blended families can be pretty complicated. "High drama" might be a good way to describe it, but "never boring" might be a kinder way of putting it.

As I've been working on my blended family project, I've been thinking about some of the adventures of being part of a blended family:

• If you've ever used the introduction, "This is my brother Kyle, and this is my other brother Kyle,"... you might come from a blended family

• If you have nieces named Haley, Haylie, and Hailey... you might come from a blended family. 

• If you are the oldest child, the middle child, and the second-to-youngest child all at once... you might come from a blended family. 

• If you have 51 nieces and nephews, and some of your siblings haven't even started having kids yet... you might come from a blended family.

• If you didn't know your nephew existed until he was three... you might come from a blended family.

• If you've ever had to draw a diagram of your family to use as a visual aid during an anecdote... you might come from a blended family. 

• If your friends think you're delusional because one time you said you have no sisters and another time you said you have 7 sisters... you might come from a blended family. 

• If you host a "grandparents only" birthday party and 26 people show up... you might come from a blended family.  

• If you write a blog post about your family, and it's outdated by the end of the day... you might come from a blended family.

For those who don't know, Scotty and I both come from very large, blended families, so we get to experience the "never boring" aspect from every side. We have 8 parents, and together we have 21 siblings (that's our siblings, half-siblings, and step siblings* - no spouses. In addition to that, Scotty has two family members who were raised as his siblings but aren't biologically nor legally related to him, so depending on how you count, we have 23 siblings) (can you understand the need for diagrams?)

*In case you don't know the blended family vernacular, half-siblings share one parent (Scotty and I each have one half-sibling. Half-siblings are biological) and step-siblings are by marriage (i.e. not biological)

Twelve Favorite Quotes - The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

I always have a book on parenting, marriage, or family in the works. I find them fascinating. I guess it's good that I had the sense to get a degree in something I have always been interested in, eh?

I know a lot of people poo-poo parenting books, but I find a lot of great inspiration in them. None of them offer perfect formulas for raising children - you have to take them with a grain of salt, but I have found a lot of helpful gems in the books I've read, and as someone who does not consider herself to be a natural at raising children, I appreciate the education.

My most recent parenting book is The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel.

{Via}

This book takes teachings from the Torah and the Talmud and applies them to parenting. Personally, I found it to be so much more than a parenting book. I have always been fond of the Jewish faith. There are so many rituals and symbols in Judaism that I can connect to my own faith as a Mormon. 

This book helped put some of my parenting fears to rest as it addressed many aspects of overparenting. It helped me reflect on some of the religious practices I participate in and their purposes. It also inspired me to write a new workshop curriculum. I have an "in" with a family centered conference that's in the works, and I've been trying to decide what I want to present there. I've had some ideas in the back of my mind, and I think I'm ready to bring one of them to fruition.

I had a hard time narrowing down the quotes to share from this book because my copy is highlighted pretty heavily. I decided to go with twelve, and I grouped them by topic. 

Family Meals,  Eating, & Blessing the Food

"Sanctification*... is the process of acknowledging the holiness in everyday actions and events... One traditional Jewish expression for home is the same as the word for house of worship: mikdash me'at, or 'little holy place.' Our dining table with our children is an altar. It has the potential to be the holiest spot on the planet." p 35

"The Talmud instructs us to find a balance between eating to live and living to eat. We are to elevate the act of eating by being conscious about when, what. where, and why we eat. In other words, we must make our table an altar." p 165

"We need to approach food in a conscious way so we can take full advantage of our human capacity for self-control and enjoyment... Sanctify mealtime. Sitting with other people around a table, as Jewish tradition encourages, assures that we'll spend at least part of our meal conversing instead of consuming. The blessings we say before we eat can also help. These prayers of thanks force us to slow down and reflect on the meal set before us." p 165

"In Judaism, the purpose of eating is partly to fuel ourselves to serve God and partly to force us to enjoy what God has provided. This means that if you eat a chocolate bar or allow your children to have one, you must say a blessing before you eat it to remind yourself to celebrate its worth. If you eat too many candy bars, you can't celebrate, because they are no longer special. If you eat and feel guilty at the same time, you demean the experience of pleasure and misspend the blessing. It's not a celebration anymore." p 166

Gratitude & Recognizing Blessings

"Children are specialists in the holy details... Their gratitude and uninhibited enthusiasm can be contagious, but you have to slow down and make these moments a priority or else you'll both miss out. Formalizing the ritual of blessings so that it becomes a habit is another way to teach children to remember what they've been given.** We tend to want to send God 'wish lists' of the things we want rather than remembering to thank Him for what we already have." p 127-128

"Tikkun olam (healing or repairing the world) conveys the idea that if we are blessed with abundance, it's because God wants us to figure out how to use it to help others." p 129

"In Judaism you are taught to 'be' a blessing. Every day, you mine the details for opportunities to elevate, to sanctify, to make order and find meaning. From your actions, you begin to learn God's wisdom and see the mark of God's touch." p 241

Repentance

"In Juadaism, the word for repentance is techuvah. It means 'return,' both in the sense of returning to your true best self after having strayed off course and the sense of returning to God, to a divine, objective standard of goodness." p203

Honoring the Sabbath Day

"What is forbidden on Shabbat is any act that changes the physical world. When we rest on Shabbat, we stop manipulating nature... and changing the physical. This makes Shabbat a time to focus on the eternal..."  From The Art of Jewish Living: The Shabbat Seder by Dr. Ron Wolfson.

"There are peak spiritual moments that happen in a family spontaneously. The prescient, poetic observations our children make, the questions they ask us as they are climbing out of the bath or playing with their toast, cannot be pumped out of them or choreographed. The way time stops when a glistening bull-frog hops onto the driveway or when your child has a long and tender talk with a grandparent ushers in the neshamah yeterah without effort. But the idea of guarding the Sabbath teaches us to increase the odds that we'll find ourselves in these moments, that they will be prolonged rather than fleeting, and that we don't have to leave them entirely to chance." p 214

"[British psychologist D.W.] Winicott believed that we speed up our lives unintentionally in order to escape feeling helpless in the face of overwhelming problems or inner struggles. This may explain why the idea of a whole day of rest is terrifying to so many people. We're not afraid of losing time but of having time to reflect. Without the usual distractions and interference, we may have to confront feelings of disappointment, loneliness, frustration, panic, helplessness, and exhaustion, and our fear that we are not strong enough to make the changes we need to make." p 221

God & Science

"God and science aren't in competition... To teach about science we use the laws of logic and instruments like a microscope. To teach about God we use different laws, like the Ten Commandments, and we use stories instead of instruments to show how the laws work. To test and measure God we use the part of our mind that sees beauty in nature and goodness in people... Science makes God's incredible world credible." p 242-243

*Many of the teachings in this book are based on the three cornerstones of Jewish living: moderation, celebration, and sanctification

**Jewish tradition encourages adults to say 100 blessings of gratitude per day.