"Has anyone we know been to jail? Like John Cena or Grandpa?"
-Eva
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Me: We need to obey the laws so we don't go to jail.
Eva: Meh. I'd be fine going to jail. I hear the food is free there.
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"My life has been horrible ever since I stopped twerking."
-Nicky
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Me: Would you like to wear clean clothes to school today? It seems like you've been wearing those shorts for a few days.
Eva: No, thank you.
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"Some people in my class don't have stress problems, but I was born into a family with stress problems. I mostly get them from my dad."
-Eva
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"Lydia wasn't at church today because she is hurt, but I can't remember what happened. She either broke her arm or got bit by a snake."
-Eva
(Lydia had a stomach ache)
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Zoe: Dad, what's the score at the football game?
Scotty: 0-15
Zoe: Wow, the cheerleaders must be doing a terrible job!
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"We're playing managers. I'm the manager, and Eva is the step-manager."
-Zoe
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"It smells like Florida here."
-Zoe, in Florida
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Me: Thanks for remembering to clean up your dishes.
Zoe: It wasn't my pleasure.
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Eva: I hate Chinese food.
Me: You just asked me five minutes ago to take you to Panda Express!
Eva: That's Utah food. Duh.
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"I'm not interested in cleaning up."
-Eva
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"There's a man with no head what* drives a bus, and I just saw him, and I know he's real because I read about him in a magazine** while I was pooping."
-Eva
*She always says 'what' instead of 'who' or ‘that.’
**The only magazines in our bathroom are the Church magazines
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"It sounds like death."
-Eva, waiting in line for Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom
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Eva: Mom, why won't you go?
Me: Because the light is red.
Eva: So, who cares?
Me: I have to obey the traffic laws, or I'll get a ticket.
Eva: Good. Then you can use it to go to Disneyland!
Me: It's a different kind of ticket! A bad kind! A ticket means I broke the law, and I would have to pay $250.
Eva: So the same price as Disneyland? No big deal. Just go.
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