Ramblings of a Tired Mom Who's a Little Sick of Summer

I have the tendency to start my days off with a bang and then very quickly hit a wall. That's the case with today. I woke up to the sound of one of our chickens squawking rather loudly. She was too loud, so I had to get out of bed and go outside to shut her up. Usually this can be done with food. When I got out there, I found that she was being taunted by a cat. I don't know what the cat was doing because it ran off as soon as I got outside, but the hen was pacing back and forth in such distress that she kept stumbling over her feet, so for a minute, I thought she might be injured. But then a bucket full of lettuce scraps from last night's dinner made her forget her trauma, and she started walking just fine again. 

The Culprit

Nicky had to be to the golf course at 7:00 this morning for his first tournament of the season. He placed varsity for this one, so he's playing (and walking) 18. He has mixed feelings. Most kids aspire to play on varsity while my kid wants to cheat to not make varsity so he only has to play 9 holes. Scotty and I can't figure this kid out. We don't know if he really likes golf or not. He's been acting kind of uninterested in the golf team, and if he doesn't want to play, that's fine with us - we only want him to do it if he enjoys it. Now, not every game or experience is going to be great, but he should enjoy it at least 75% of the time, right? But he's just kind of cranky about it. After a few heart to hearts, he didn't want to quit, though. So we'll see what this season brings. I think he likes golf as a hobby and not as a high school sport. On the other hand, I really want him to stay on the team because I want him to have something to keep him busy. He's always bored and cranky at home. 

Peekaboo Sunrise Over the Golf Course

That's all to say that I had to be awake and alert pretty early this morning due to chicken drama and golf commitments. 

In recent weeks, for the first time ever, my kids have been sleeping in. In fact, yesterday, Nicky and I accidentally slept through a golf meeting. He was supposed to be to the school at 8:00, and I never would have thought I'd need to set an alarm for that (remember - I'm a morning person, it's typically no big deal for me to wake up naturally in plenty of time to get out of the house by 8:00). When I woke up, and the clock said 8:06, I was probably the most confused I've ever been in my life. I had been up at 5:00 reading a book, and then fell back asleep around 6:00, and I was out cold! I ran downstairs to Nicky's room and whisper-yelled, "We're late for your meeting!" He was equally confused because he, too, is a morning person, and between the two of us, this kind of stuff just doesn't happen! 

I know. We're weird. But I like this about us. 

It's been beautiful having my girls sleep a little later. Zoe and Eva aren't consistent with sleeping in, but sometimes they do it. Daisy is my one child that might not be a morning person. She has been sleeping until about 9:00. That's about my tolerance point, though. I don't let her sleep much later than that. She's been eating breakfast when the rest of us are eating lunch. 

This morning Zoe and Eva woke up pretty early, though, and my saving grace was that there are new episodes of Bluey on Disney+. They retreated to the basement to watch the show while I went outside to work in the garden. 

I picked some green beans and canned a quart (my canner is currently depressurizing). It's so disappointing to can just a quart (and a low-fill quart at that), but if I want home-canned green beans, I have to do it as they're available. I think this is probably my last one, though. The green bean plants are just about done.

My green bean box

And now, at 9:14 a.m. is when I've hit that wall I was talking about. I started strong, and now I want to go back to bed and sleep off the rest of summer. 

I might be a little excited for school to start. 

Okay, a lot excited. 

I'm so over summer. At this point, my kids and I are all just miserable together. I'm so tired of breaking up their fights and trying to keep them busy, productive, and entertained. This summer was different because it was the first summer that really felt like I have teenagers. My children's ages and interests were more divided than ever this summer. I got to deal with teenage angst and moodiness. It probably would have been good for Nicky to have a job this summer, but we didn't find anything that worked for us. Being 15, he's at that point where he can get a job, but there are a lot of limits for his age, and he didn't really need a job. I'm so undecided about what my expectations are as a parent when it comes to my children's expenses and contributions. Nicky hasn't demanded much from us financially (aside from regular living costs). He's always been pretty thrifty. He's not a spender, and he doesn't ask us for money, so we haven't really had to buckle down on him in that regard. We've been happy to fund a few of his hobbies and interests (such as participation in the school play and the golf team) because we're just so excited that he's actually doing something. We're like, "Yes! We will pay for this! Just enjoy it!" Plus, we've paid for our girls' dance classes for the past ten years while Nicky hasn't had any classes or sports, so sure, we'll fund some stuff now. But soon, he'll be able to drive, so we need to figure out how we want to handle things like gas and insurance. I'm running out of time with this kid in my house, and I still haven't figured out how I want to raise him!

Nicky made a big purchase this summer, though. He bought himself a nice guitar and has been practicing it every day. I hope he sticks with it. His poor fingers are in rough shape. I pitched in $50 toward his guitar because he has been very helpful with housework and yard work. 

But yes, summer? I'm over it. As we've been getting ready to return to school, I feel like my life is falling back into place. This past week I've been prepping some freezer breakfasts for when school starts. My kids are strange, and they're not really into cereal. On days I tell them we're having cereal for breakfast, they're always disappointed. I would love to feed them cereal everyday! But I also know that cereal doesn't hold them over until lunch at school, so it is wise to give them something a little more substantial as a courtesy to their educators and peers. Plus, I really love making and freezing things. It gives me a food prep high. Anyone else experience this? Even my little quart of green beans contributes, as inconvenient as it may be. This week I've made and froze chocolate zucchini muffins, pancakes, waffles, mini breakfast casseroles, breakfast burritos, and eight dozen cookies - and I sing and dance in my kitchen the whole time because A) food prep high and B) school is just around the corner! It's all I can do to not pack my kids lunches for the next month RIGHT NOW. 

Speaking of lunch, for the first time since COVID started, we have to pay for school lunch. We’ll probably stick to mostly home lunches, but I no longer remember how to navigate all of this! It’s been quite cozy to just send my kids to school and not have to ever pay for their lunch! 

Don't get me wrong in all this talk of going back to school. I love my kids. And when they go back to school, I miss them. But I am a much better mom when we have structure and schedules. I also function better in every aspect of my life when the weather is cooler. So bring on Fall! 

With school starting, I have decided to try going off antidepressants for a while. It's been a few years since I've tried, and I have felt, during those few years, that I needed to stay on them consistently, but right now, I feel like I need to test the waters a bit and see where I'm at. Don't worry! I have a plan! And I'm proceeding with caution and have started tapering off. I also prayed about it and feel good about it. That's not to say that I think I'll be okay without them - I might not be - but I want to know. If I can go without them, even just for a season, that will be a nice break. I'm tired of the side effects - weight gain, excessive sweating, and tummy problems. But I'd rather have those than debilitating depression. So I'll go back on them if I need to. 

With that, it's time to burst through the wall and take my humble quart of green beans out of the canner. 

But before I go, can I just say thank you for being a reader here? I have no desire to be a big time blogger or online influencer, but I enjoy having a little corner of the internet where I can share my thoughts and stories and have a tiny readership. So thank you for being my readers! I have been given so many kind and thoughtful compliments on my blog over the years, and it just warms my heart! 

(I’m not going anywhere! I just wanted to express my gratitude!)