Behold, My Nightstand

For the month of September, I am using prompts from a project called 30 Days Hath September. Each day has a prompt for something to capture, something to collect, and something to record. The prompts are for a scrapbook album, but I thought they'd be wonderful blogging prompts as well. I am selecting one of the three prompts to write about each day. 

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September 14: Everything on top, inside, and underneath your nightstand

Oh boy! 

I think we have a dresser in our room, and I'm pretty sure we have a kitchen counter, but I never see them, so maybe I'm wrong. Add my nightstand to the list of Things I Bury in Crap. My nightstand is a mess. It always has been, and I suspect it always will be. I'm not good at keeping surface areas clean. Rumor has it that Mark Twain and Albert Einstein kept their surface areas messy, too, so I'm probably some sort of creative genius or something. 

 I need all the clean freaks to look away, cuz I'm about to show you what's what.

Let's start with the top:

Nighttime diapers (Eva's)

Wipes

Kleenex

Water bottle

Downy Unstoppables spray

Anti-depressants

Tupperware tumbler (LOVE these!)

Hair elastic

Booby pin

Scissors

Lotion

Remote

Headlamp

Screwdriver

Dishtowels, washcloth, and scrubbing pad

Clearly these are all essentials. It's not like I keep a bunch of stuff on my nightstand that I don't need. Heh. Heh heh. 

Now let's look in the drawer:

A notebook

(under the notebook there are two bottles of lotion and a copy of my patriarchal blessing)

A fork

Rolaids

More lotion

Pen

Screwdriver

That wasn't so bad. Although that fork has been there for about two years. 

Now let's look underneath:

Sandals

Bobby pin

Phone charging cord

Amazon box

And now I have something to say about the Amazon box: it contains a weapon. 

It all started with a trip to Target in which Daisy discovered a three pound bucket of slime. When she asked if I would buy it, I said something along the lines of, "Hell, no." Then she said, "That's okay. I'll just tell [insert name of aunt who buys my kids way too much stuff here] to buy it for me." I immediately sent this to my sister-in-law:

To which she replied:

A few days later, the aforementioned aunt posted a picture of herself holding the forbidden product with the caption BEST. AUNT. EVER.

I had to take action, but I didn't really have much to work with. My sister-in-law has one well-behaved adult child, and even if I'd given that child slime, glitter, or a dozen cans of silly string when she was young, she would have used them responsibly and then cleaned up after herself. So I had to think for a long time about what I could threaten The Aunt with. 

If you give my child a three-pound bucket of slime, I will...

And I thought of something!

So, to my sister-in-law...

If you give my child a three-pound bucket of slime, I will give your boyfriend what's in that Amazon box. Is it worth the risk?