Chaos Percentages

I have a confession that's a little hard for me to admit.

I really like to look like I have my life together. I want to fool people.

In truth, I don't have my life 100% together. My life is kind of chaotic and seems to be the perfect reflection of my mind... which is also kind of chaotic.

But I like the illusion of having it together. Or at least a 90% illusion. I don't mind if people see small glimpses of the not-togetherness I'm toting around. I'm willing to give you 10%. But I don't like the idea of someone seeing my not-togetherness regularly.

90% togetherness.

10% chaos.

I can deal with that.

But the reality is that it's more like 50% togetherness and 50% chaos.

That's still not bad.

But my 50% chaos always presents itself in front of the same people, which makes it look like 100% chaos, and that makes it hard to fool them!

One of these people is my mom.

It's probably because she's my mom that she's privy to my chaos. I'm always having to call her over chaotic things like, "Mom! I ran out of gas in the school parking lot!" and "Oh my gosh, I forgot I can't use a credit card at WinCo, and I have a cart full of groceries!" and "Mom! I locked my keys in my car at Chick-Fil-A!"

She's always having to save me from my own idiocy.

And then there's my aunt, Lori.

I don't mean to air out my chaos around my Aunt Lori, but it just happens. I'll pull in her driveway, and a kid will start throwing up, and then I'll trip and fall on my face while I'm walking up her porch. Then someone will poop, and I won't have any diapers with me, and I'll realize I forgot to pick a kid up from school.

I'm starting to wonder if there's a "Lori Factor."

And then there's Becky.

I tend to run into Becky when something stressful has just happened. Several months ago I ran into her at Walmart, and I had all of my kids with me and hadn't showered for like three days. I just needed one, stupid, little thing, and I could barely get my cart of screaming children through the doors. After fighting through the store and waiting in a long line, I got out to the van and I'd left the item at the register in the bag.

Then last week when I ran out of gas in the school parking lot, and my mom had to come save me (I also called my Aunt Lori because my mom didn't answer at first, and she was going to come save me, but then my mom called me back) I ran into Becky at Sam's Club immediately after.

I think our conversation went like this:

Becky: "Brittany!"
.
Me: "I RAN OUT OF GAS!!!"

(Okay, maybe it wasn't quite like that... but close)

Luckily, I don't think Becky looks at me and sees the chaos. She just sees a friend.

And that I am very grateful for.

**UPDATE**
After I wrote this post, a friend told me that she was surprised that I feel the need to "put on an act," since she considers me to be very real and open. I realize where the discrepancy is between what she said about me and what I said about myself. My issue isn't with people knowing that I don't have my life together. My issue is with people seeing it. I want you to see 90% together-ness, and I will tell you about the not-together-ness. I don't want you to look upon it with your own eyes!