My Personal Evolution of Celebrity Crushes

Today I had a song stuck in my head, and it took me a while to figure out where the song came from. After singing it for a few hours, it dawned on me that it came from the dance scene in Good Burger.

And don't worry. It's not like I watched that movie 1,000 times as an early teen. And it's not like some of my best dance moves come from that very scene.

Ahem.

In truth, I had a big crush on Kel Mitchell.

For reals.

Before today, it had been years since Good Burger or Kel Mitchell had crossed my mind. Probably since 2006 when I heard that he had died (it was a hoax).

That got me thinking about my history of celebrity crushes.

My first celebrity crush was Michael J. Fox (as Marty McFly).

I was probably four or five years old when I developed a love for Marty. I watched Back to the Future as often as I watched Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. 

(I think my crush on Marty and my crush on Robin Hood existed simultaneously).


While I was crushing on Michael J. Fox, I told my mom I was going to name my son Marty someday. She told me that was a stupid name.

A few years later, I watched the movie Ladybugs (please tell me someone else out there watched Ladybugs). That's when I fell in love with Jonathan Brandis.

My crush on Jonathan Brandis was short-lived, and I lost track of his career after Ladybugs. In my research for this post, I was sad to learn that he hanged himself in 2003. 

When I was about ten years old, I developed my biggest and most elaborate crush of all on Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

I hung posters and wrote letters. I memorized everything about him. I replayed the dance scene from Man of the House over and over (and memorized every line). I stopped watching The Lion King whenever it got to the scene where Simba grew up and got his man voice... because what was the point? I used to make sure my hair was always done any time I left the house because I truly believed that I was going to run into Jonathan Taylor Thomas at the grocery store or McDonald's someday (even though I knew where he lived, and it was nowhere near Salt Lake City, Utah).

My love for JTT was serious business. I was loyal for about three years.

After JTT, I had the hots for a guy named Ryan Gosling on a show called Breaker High.

That's right, folks. I loved Ryan Gosling before he was a meme.

I am so ahead of the times!

Then in high school, I went through what I refer to as my "Keanu phase."

(My friends will remember. I was nothing short of annoying about it).

I don't recall how it started. I just know that it was not a result of watching Bill & Ted. I would consider my Keanu crush second only to JTT. Keanu was the only other actor I ever had a poster of.

Though my obsession for Keanu has dwindled, I have a special place in my heart for him and the losses he has suffered.

Toward the end of high school, I started taking more notice of Hugh Jackman.

Very handsome. Very charming.

Plus he's Wolverine.

(Except I like to pretend The Wolverine never happened).

Second to Hugh is Richard Armitage.

It helps that he looks like he could be Hugh Jackman's brother.

Admit it, he is the best looking of the dwarves.

Those of you who have been long-time readers may recall my days of Matthew Fox, but then half-way through Lost, my devotion took an unpredictable turn to Team Sawyer.

Those were some very conflicting years.

So tell me, have we shared any of the same crushes over the years? Please tell me someone understands the Keanu thing.

Currently {September 2015 Edition}

Reading: nothing aside from school stuff. I haven't read any books for leisure in a really long time. The closest I get to reading "for fun" is listening to Diary of a Wimpy Kid when I'm in the car with my kids. It's crazy to think that I used to read an average of three books a week. Now I'm aiming for the goal of reading one book sometime in the next three months. I can't claim that its due to lack of time - I can always fit in some reading in the bathroom, in waiting rooms, and in the car while waiting for kids. The problem is that I'm just not enjoying reading right now. I've tried to read, but I'm just not interested. My mind is elsewhere, and I have a really hard time focusing right now. Plus, since I have to read so much for school, I like to use my spare time for other things.

Watching: The Gilmore Girls and White Collar.

Procrastinating: getting back into an exercise routine. I've never loved exercising, but right now, I despise it more than normal. A good friend of mine ran her first marathon over the weekend, and while she was running, I thought, "Rachael is running a marathon right this second, and I am sitting on my couch in my bathrobe eating Cheetos," and I didn't feel an ounce of guilt. I was like, "Mmmmm.... Cheetos!" and then I thought about how my Old Testament teacher at LDSBC said that Cheetos are manna with orange coating, and then I thought, "Well, look at me! I'm having God's food for breakfast!" and at that point, I was far too distracted by the manna to feel bad about not being able to run a marathon.

Craving: a vacation. Normally I reserve this spot for food, but I just ate lunch, so I'm focused on adventures now.

Dreading: weekly group meetings for once of my classes this semester. Blech!

Wearing: skinny jeans that are way too small for me (squeeeeeeeze!) and gladiator sandals that are soaked because I got caught in the rain.

Needing: to stop eating hot dogs. I am seriously addicted to hot dogs. I like the all beef hot dogs from Costco - grilled, of course - with jDawgs sauce, sauerkraut, banana pepperss, and a pickle.  I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I have eaten at least 50 this summer. 

Ouch! 

Must... quit... hot dogs!

Suffering from: tormented hair. I had a great hair day today - this first in a really long time, but then I got caught in a rainstorm (see "wearing" above), and things got nasty real quick.

Thankful for:  everything! Oh my goodness! I am so blessed. I have a home, I have manna and hot dogs to eat, I have clothes to wear (even though they are too tight), and I have the capability to go to a dentist and have my periodontal disease treated, even though it sucks to have periodontal disease.

Enjoying: having a baby in the house. Babies are so fantastic! Eva is such a joy. I could just eat her!

Proud of myself for: getting all of my homework done a week early. Too bad it's not an ongoing habit.

Frustrated by: this really embarrassing squealing noise that my van makes.

Looking forward to: our upcoming family vacation. Yes, we had a family vacation not too long ago, but I can't get enough of them, so we're going on another one.

Wishing: that I could buy a van with leather seats and a back up camera. I came *this close* to getting one a few weeks ago, but the one I wanted sold. Then we ended up needing a few thousand dollars worth of dental work done (see "thankful for" above) and racking up an ER bill within three days. Not good timing for buying new vans. Ain't that just how it goes?

Splurging on:  dental work. Periodontal treatment, a crown, and a root canal. Plus one more root canal in queue. Nicky goes to the dentist today, so we'll see what kind of stuff he needs done (at some point he needs four teeth pulled, braces, and a crown). 

Hoping to: find out that Scotty doesn't actually need that root canal.

Loving: having Daisy in kindergarten. She is rocking it!

Worried about: balancing school and family. I still have this underlying desire to drop out of school.

Life-Changing Nachos

Two semesters ago, I took a class on stress. A week of our studies focused on mindfulness as a stress-reduction technique.

I think the fundamentals of mindfulness are very beneficial. The basic idea is that you are aware of the present - of what is going on around you right now instead of worrying about the past, the future, or other things. 

In A Mindful-Based Stress Reduction Workbook by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein, we're encouraged to practice mindfulness by eating a raisin. A raisin is something you usually pop into your mouth and consume without much thought (if you're even willing to eat raisins at all). To eat a raisin mindfully, you look at it, admire the texture, think about how it used to be a grape, and place it on your tongue. Then you pay close attention to what it does in your mouth. What does it feel like? How does it taste? How does it break apart as you chew?

I admit, it sounds silly.

It is silly.

But I also admit, I've never really given a raisin much credit or thought.

The point is, we let a lot pass us by. It might be a raisin or it might be the growing years of our children. Think about driving in a car. How often do we arrive at our destinations without remembering the trip there? We are always moving forward, and we don't realize what is around us because we're distracted or stressed or anticipating a future event.

Although I'm not perfectly practicing mindfulness in my daily life, I'm trying to get better at it. Inspired by the raisin exercise I never did (raisins... blech!), I've been trying to be mindful with my eating. I'm a total glutton. I can put down three donuts with no questions asked (yes, I've read the book). I might not be willing to do the raisin thing, but I'll happily practice mindfulness with a single donut, especially if it keeps me from eating three!

Yesterday, I ate a plate of nachos consisting of a layer of chips topped with baked beans and BBQ beef. Then there was a delicate coating of melted cheddar cheese, a sprinkling of corn and tomatoes, and a drizzle of sour cream.

I decided to focus and be with my nachos.

Mindful.

Mindful with nachos.

I thought about the tortilla chips and the BBQ beef - both were leftovers from a weekend camp out at my in-laws' house. It's a tradition that once every summer, the entire family camps in their backyard. My mother-in-law is infamous for always making too much food. She never wants anyone to go without! A meal made by my mother-in-law is a meal that feeds us for days. It's because she loves us and wants to make sure we're taken care of.

Then I thought about the baked beans. They were leftover from my brother-in-law's wedding luncheon in July (since we were leaving on vacation the day after the wedding, I threw them in the freezer). I had those beans on my nachos because someone got married. Someone made a commitment to another person. Someone took a life-altering step.

Then I thought about the corn. It was grown by my husband's grandpa who operated a produce company for over 40 years. Though the company is no longer operating, Scotty's grandpa still farms some of his land for tax purposes. Each summer, Scotty and I spend hours preparing corn to freeze. We cut the kernels off the cob with our own hands. Each summer, we think it's going to be the last. The corn represents a life's work. Seeds planted, stalks watered, and cobs harvested. It is so much more than just corn.

Then I thought about the tomatoes and how someone planted the seeds so I could transplant starts into my own garden. I thought about the water, the soil, and the sun that helped me keep those tomatoes alive. I tended them from infancy in my own yard so they could someday top my pile of nachos.

Until yesterday, I'd never really thought about how many lives are involved in something as simple as a plate of nachos. My nachos were made possible through the love, the dedication, and the hard work of many people. No wonder we pray and thank God for our food and the hands that prepared it.

I was mindful, and my mind was blown! 

The Rice Jinx

Several years ago, on my blog, I mentioned that I thought rice cookers were dumb. When Scotty and I got married, we were given two rice cookers. I used them a couple of times, but when we moved, they didn't make the cut. After that, I just always made rice in a pot. It took a lot of practice to get it right since rice can be touchy (if you've never dealt with touchy rice, you are missing out on life), but eventually I mastered rice making. Then one of my friend's bought a rice cooker (an expensive one, mind you), and she was a little bit annoying about it. Every time I went to her house for the period of three months, she had that stupid rice cooker going, and she would talk incessantly about the fact that she was cooking rice. Never has anyone been so enthusiastic about her own rice cooking!

That's what made me decide that I was anti-rice-cooker. Why spend money and use cupboard space on an appliance that does something a pot can do? (Fast forward to the present: this friend of mine no longer owns pots because she has appliances that do what pots can do. Just FYI).

Anyway, during that time of never-ending rice boasting, I mentioned it on my blog.

And I jinxed myself!

As soon as I published a measly little anti-rice-cooker sentiment, I lost my ability to cook rice. Each batch came out undercooked and dry or wet and sticky. This went on for a few months, and finally, after many failed attempts and hours of rice research, I just stopped cooking rice. But I started to miss rice, so by the dark of night, I went to Walmart and bought a $10 rice cooker (because it had to be a cheap one in opposition to my friend's expensive one. Got pride?)

That rice cooker served me well for about three years, and interestingly, it died the same week my cat did. Cat and rice cooker all at once.

So I made a secret attempt to buy another rice cooker, but then I remembered that my mom gave me an electric pressure cooker a while ago, and it can cook rice.

Now, talk about an appliance that does what a pot can do. The pressure cooker is a mix and match of various appliances and cooking ware. I should be anti-electric-pressure-cooker based on my anti-rice-cookerness. But what can I say? My friend doesn't have an electric pressure cooker to talk incessantly about, so I think we know what the real issue here is: I'm a jerk.

But back to the electric pressure cooker... It took a few tries, but I have learned to make rice in it, and since it's bigger than my $10 rice cooker, it can make a lot more rice (a bonus since our family just keeps getting bigger and eating more).

And!

Last night I tried out the "delay start" feature. On Thursdays, Nicky has taekwondo from 5:30-6:15. Since I am an idiot (in addition to being a jerk), I take him to a studio that is half an hour away, so we are gone from about 5:00-6:45 on Thursdays - right through dinner time. This makes it very tempting to stop somewhere for dinner (first choice: The Pie). In order to not be tempted, it is wise for me to have a dinner option ready. I need something we can eat right when we walk in the door, or we need to eat before we leave. So last night I delayed the rice for an hour, and then had it cook for 20 minutes.

Guys!

Delay start time. I am a fan. I will be delaying rice once more for Sunday's dinner.

I found something a pot can't do!

So Long, Farewell

A few weeks ago, we bid farewell to our cat of 12 years, Colonel Sherman T. Potter.

I adopted Colonel from the Humane Society when he was about a year old. I chose him because he reached through the gate of the kennel and tapped me on the shoulder while I had my back to him. When I took him out of the kennel to "meet" him, he burrowed his head against me. There was no way I could leave the shelter without him. He was mine.

I didn't have any children, and I was experiencing a bout of infertility at the time, so the Colonel quickly became "my living thing." I took him on trips to the cabin. I taught him to play fetch. He slept on my pillow (I didn't encourage this, but I quickly learned that he was a very affectionate and cuddly cat, and I was never going to be able to banish him at night). He followed me around the house and nuzzled my calves every time I went to the bathroom (awkward!)

For a long time, he was my baby. Then I had Nicky, and I wasn't sure how Colonel would respond. I didn't think he'd like sharing the attention, but Colonel and Nicky adored each other.

Colonel was so patient with Nicky, and for the rest of his time with us, he was primarily Nicky's cat. They were best buddies for almost nine years.

Colonel's health hadn't been the greatest over the past two years, and a few weeks ago, he started urinating blood throughout the house, and within a few hours of the first trace of blood in his urine, things went downhill fast. 

 

I fought a huge moral dilemma for 24 hours. I called the Humane Society and asked them a million questions. Finally, I made a decision to have him put to sleep. I felt extremely guilty, and I went back on my choice a few times, but then I called the Humane Society one more time, and that solidified things. Unfortunately, Nicky overheard some of the conversation before I was able to talk to him about it. When I got off the phone, Nicky was hiding downstairs crying. I went and found him, and we had a nice long talk about what was going on with the cat. I told him that we should try and give Colonel the best last day we could.

Nicky went and found Colonel upstairs, and called him to follow. Watching that dang cat following Nicky around the house during his final hours broke my heart!

Nicky spent a lot of time petting the cat. I brushed him and told him what a good cat he'd been (he really was so so good).

When Scotty came home from work, we said our final good-bye to Colonel, and I took the kids for an outing so Scotty could take Colonel in to be put to sleep. Scotty acted so tough about the whole thing, but when he got home, Nicky and Daisy greeted him with sniffles and red eyes. That broke him.

When Scotty took him to the Humane Society and reported Colonel's health situation to them, they told him that Colonel likely would have needed surgery but wouldn't have survived it. That helped ease my guilt a little bit.

It was weird coming home to an empty house. We only lived in our house for about two months before we adopted Colonel, so we've never really been there without him. This is the first time I've been solely responsible for an animal's life. I had pets come and go in my growing years, but when they passed, it was my parents who took care of all the details. It was a huge, new responsibility for Scotty and me.

We're still going through that phase where we forget he's gone. We hear noises and think it's him. We think he's on our bed, and we see things out of the corner of our eyes that turn out to not be the cat. Colonel was an amazing pet - patient with our children and friendly to our guests. He will definitely be missed! 

Bon voyage, Colonel!

On this, the first day of Kindergarten

Today was Daisy's first day of kindergarten. I've waited for this day for a long time! It's not that I don't enjoy having Daisy at home; she's just the type of child that thrives when she's away from me. She's not a mama's girl at all! She loves independence and needs to be set free.

Daisy has a September birthday, so she barely missed the deadline to start last year. Waiting that extra year to go to school was brutal, although she loved being the oldest child in her preschool.

I really didn't have any qualms about sending Daisy to the school this morning. I knew she'd be fine. Our school does a "clap-in" for the kindergartners. The older students line the hallways and clap and cheer while the kindergartners enter the school. This would have absolutely broken Nicky on his first day of school (he went to a different school for kindergarten and didn't experience this), but Daisy had no problem. As soon as she walked in the school, she acted like she couldn't see all the students cheering (play it cool, Dais, play it cool!), but she started strutting.

There were a few things that were different in our house while Daisy was gone today:

1. I could listen to music.

I can't listen to music when Daisy is home because she wants to control the radio. If I want to listen to a song, and she didn't have the honor of choosing the song, she will scream and yell and call us stupid to the point where we just turn the music off because we can't enjoy it over the sound of her. She does the same thing with movies, TV shows, and audio books. This battle isn't worth fighting. I've given it an honest shot.

2. Zoe's tantrums were decreased by half.

Without Daisy to fight with, Zoe chilled out a lot. Our day wasn't tantrum-free, by any means, but Zoe was able to have some time to herself. We often joke that Zoe was meant to be an only child because she is a completely different person without her siblings. In truth, she's probably only that way when she's alone because she has siblings.

Zoe spent the day playing quietly with toys, doing puzzles, roaming around the back yard, and wiping off the kitchen chairs (Zoe is a good helper when she wants to be).

3. I only had to load two kids in the car.

When we left the house mid-morning, and I only had half my kids, it was sure a weird feeling. I kept looking around to make sure I wasn't missing anyone. Even though Daisy can get in the car and buckle herself in (which should be very little work for me), she is the child we are always waiting on. She just can't get out the door. She's always looking for something or camped out on the toilet. Then when she gets into the car, she realizes she forgot "something important," and she will leave the car while I'm buckling the babies in and run into the house.

When I picked up Daisy from school and asked about her day, she said, "Kindergarten is too long." Poor girl. Three whole hours! Then she said she was mad because she didn't get any homework. She told me that recess is okay, but the playground is too small and all it has are dumb slides (I agree - our school is the coolest school in the state with the lamest playground). Then she told me she's never going back.

Behind all that sass, though, I know she is going to do great in kindergarten.

Implementing a Family Council

I recently wrote about how we have family councils on Sunday nights. We used to include "family council-ish" stuff in our Family Home Evenings on Monday nights, but after studying the council process more thoroughly, we decided to separate the two to make each event more purposeful.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the term "family council" is thrown around here and there, but the concept, as a whole, is a little bit vague. Elder Ballard said, "Whenever there are two or more members of family together and a discussion is going on, that is a council." That definition, while true, is a little bit broad. There are other quotes by authorities that suggest that councils should be more formal than just a discussion between two or more people, for instance, President Ezra Taft Benson said, "By encouraging parents to hold family councils, we imitate in our homes a heavenly pattern." (Ensign, May 1979). That quote tells me two things:

1. We are encouraged to hold family councils.

2. Those councils should follow some sort of pattern.

As we have worked on our own family councils, I have turned to two main sources for guidance. The first is Counseling with our Counsels by Elder M. Russell Ballard. This book is commonly implemented in the councils of the Church. It is a great resource for ward councils and presidencies. It, obviously, takes a religious approach to councils.

The other source is the book Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, Ed. D. This is a non-religious resource, and in this book, a family council is called a "family meeting."

 

It's important to note that family councils do not have to be religious. As an LDS family, our meetings naturally take on some spirituality, but family councils can be implemented in ways that are not religious as well. So as you read on, just know that much of the information I present will be on the religious approach to family councils, but you can easily adapt your councils to not be religious.

Since President Benson suggested that family councils are based a "heavenly pattern," one of the best ways to see what that heavenly pattern might be is to look at the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve. In Counseling with our Councils, Ballard outlined what a council looks like for this group of 15 Church leaders:

They meet somewhere sacred. Their sacred place is the temple. A family council generally takes place in a home, which can (and should) also be a sacred place. Dr. Nelsen recommends havig family meetings at the kitchen table to help keep everyone on task.

They meet regularly. It's important to be consistent and to set aside a day and time. This prevents councils from being rushed or pushed aside for other things. Positive Discipline recommends once a week, and that is what my family currently does, but I think they can just as easily be held once a month, if that works better for your circumstances.

They express love for one another. They shake hands or hug, ask about each other's wives and families, and show a genuine interest in one another's well-being. Positive Discipline suggests taking time to do "compliments" or "gratitudes." Each member of the family takes a turn complimenting other members of the family or saying something they are grateful for.

They open with a prayer. This is a great way to get everyone focused and on track. It also invites the Spirit and sets the tone for unity.

They work from an agenda. The agenda is most often given to everyone early so they have time to study the topics and come prepared with their input. Family meetings in Positive Discipline are also based on an agenda. The agenda is formed throughout the week as the family identifies things they need to discuss together (usually added to a list on the fridge throughout the week).

They take turns speaking. This is an obvious factor in any successful meeting. Positive Discipline recommends using a "talking stick." We don't use a talking stick in my family, but it is important to make sure that everyone's input is given and considered, so there might come a day when we need a talking stick (I'm hoping not, though. I don't want to keep track of a stick).

They close with a prayer.

And last of all...

They have refreshments. The act of "breaking bread" together is an ancient tradition of showing hospitality and protection to a guest. It symbolizes a commitment to each other. How very appropriate for a family council!

I think these are wonderful elements to consider when developing your own family council, however, every family has different needs, so no council should be expected to look the same from family to family.

I have found that counseling together as a family is a learned process. We have successes and failures. My kids are still quite young, so sometimes having a council feels completely pointless. Actually, most times, having a council feels completely pointless - there is so much chaos involved - but I feel like there is great value in developing this process while the kids are young. Someday their problems are going to go far beyond the inability to fold and put away their own underwear, and I hope that when that day comes, we'll have established a pattern of communication and trust that will aid us in tackling those greater challenges.

One of the main purposes of a council is to make decisions. Elder Ballard said, "It has never been God's intention that His children should stand alone in important decisions and responsibilities." In family councils, families can discuss things such as discipline, money, and solutions to problems. A family council is also a great place to talk about goals. One of the most important things we do in our family councils is go over the calendar for the week. This is of great importance to Nicky who wants to know what's going on every minute of every day.

Implementing a family council can seem daunting, especially if you have older children, but there are some great incentives for giving it a try. According to Jane Nelsen, the author of Positive Discipline, family meetings help develop life skills such as listening, cooperation, mutual respect, and brainstorming (read more here). One of my personal reasons for having family councils is because making decisions as a family promotes greater family resilience (more on that to come).

Here is some additional information about family councils (or family meetings) that can help you develop your own pattern of family decision making:

Religious Resources
"Support Your Local Family Council" by Rex W. Allred
"Today's Family: Blessings Come through Family Councils"
Mormon Channel: Family Councils Part I
Mormon Channel: Family Councils Part II

Non-Religious Resources
"10 Tips for Holding a Family Meeting" by Barton Goldsmith, Ph. D
"Family Meetings" by Dr. Jane Nelsen