Before I Spring Into Action

My kids just left for school, and I'm taking a moment.

A moment for the TV to babysit Eva.

A moment to sit and do nothing.

A moment to blog a little.

A moment to be lazy without guilt.

And then I will spring into action... in theory. I always have the thought running through my mind that, "Any moment now I will spring into action! Just you wait!"

Like Alexander Hamilton, there's a million things I haven't done. But I think we mean two entirely different things when we say that.

One of the million things I haven't done is get my laptop fixed. I'm currently typing from an old laptop that's such a piece of junk it can't even store a photo. I might be able to fix my laptop myself, but that would require me to spring into action and find a tiny screwdriver. Nothing's worse than having to find a tiny screwdriver. Amiright?

Another thing I haven't done is finish Christmas shopping. I'm mostly done, but I have a couple of people I'm still hunting down gifts for (and let's be honest... the Christmas budget ran out a long time ago). I also have several birthdays between now and the end of January that I need to buy gifts for. I'm feeling very uninspired in the gift-giving department. Maybe I should just buy everyone a tiny screwdriver.

I also need to finish reading the Book of Mormon as we were challenged to do by the prophet during General Conference. I fell behind a little bit, but as of two days ago, I'm caught up and on track! I want my promised miracles, so I'm in this 100%! I want to finish early though, so I'm not scrambling to finish at the last minute. I've had a really hard time completing this challenge - all the fates have conspired against me to stop me from doing this, which is a testament to me of how very important it is that I do it.

I've made some personal observations about scripture study this time around:

First, the majority of my scripture study yields nothing. I do it because know I should, and I am desperately seeking blessings, but most of the time, I don't feel like I gain anything from it. In fact, sometimes I am even worse off spiritually when I'm diligently reading the scriptures than when I am not.  I think this is for two reasons:

#1: The adversary is going to work harder on me when I'm trying to do something good for myself. He will try to discourage me, distract me, and disappoint me, so it makes sense that I'm met with opposition any time I'm trying to dedicate myself to the scriptures. 

#2: It's been ingrained in me that reading my scriptures is supposed to be a "cure all." Whatever ailments I have - physical, spiritual, or mental - the scriptures are supposed to fix, right? If I'm a crappy wife and mother, reading my scriptures should help fix that. If I'm losing my faith - scriptures! If I'm depressed - scriptures! If I hate my neighbor - scriptures! If I have a question - scriptures! So my expectations are pretty high, but those things don't necessarily get fixed, so I wrestle with the practice and think, "Why am I trying so hard to do this when it's not fixing me?"

Now, don't panic. Because here's what I've learned from my personal experience:

Nine times out of ten, when I read the scriptures, I don't get a lot out of it. But ONE TIME out of ten, I stumble across something that reaches my soul. This has happened twice in the past two weeks, so I might even be able to say ONE TIME OUT OF SEVEN!!! So six times, are just mindless scripture study, and then I go on with my day, but that ONE TIME is so insightful and meaningful that I ask myself, "Is studying the scriptures worth the effort to experience this feeling ONE TIME OUT OF TEN (or seven... or whatever the number be because I'm sure it's different for everyone)?" and the answer is YES! It is worth it!

Now, if you're different, and you experience something amazing every time you read the scriptures, I'm happy for you. But let me represent those of us for whom that doesn't happen. If I only gain something meaningful from my scriptures ONE IN SEVEN TIMES I read, that is enough to make it worth it. Because that ONE THING is very personalized and very, very good.

I'm just going to leave you with all that crazy wording and trust you to make sense of it.

So, that is my first observation.

My next observation is that I love having the scriptures on my phone. For several years, I really didn't like reading the scriptures (or any other books) on digital devices, but now I'm a fan. The last time I read the Book of Mormon, I did so on my phone, though I didn't want to. I ended up marking a lot of things and writing a lot of detailed notes. So this time, going back through the Book of Mormon and reading my notes from last time has been very rewarding. I've always written notes in the margins of my scriptures (and many other books - ya'll know my affinity for marginalia), but with the gospel library app, I've been able to write more of my personal thoughts and make it into more of a journal. I've also been able to add links to talks and other useful info.

I really believed that as soon as this was written I would spring into action, but this took four days to write, and now I want to put a heating pad on my cold feet and take a nap. I'm sure I'll spring into action after that...