Whenever someone asks what I'm having, and I say that we didn't find out, there are two common responses. The first comes from people of the previous generation; they always say, "Good for you! When I had my babies, we never found out!" The second comes from my generation, and that response is typically, "I could never do that! I'm too much of a planner!"
I find this interesting because, having "not found out" twice now, I have learned how very little planning is necessary when having a baby. I wouldn't have believed so six years ago when I had Nicky. Back then, I was crazy with baby preparations. I stewed over merchandise and clothes. I read book after book. I spent months picking out nursery colors and accessories. I was obsessive about every little detail involving the birth of my first child.
When Nicky came into this world, I had done so much "planning," that I didn't know how to function when things weren't going "according to plan" - which was most of the time. I ended up with a ton of impractical stuff that I didn't need, and all of that prep work benefited me nothing when my baby came out screaming his head off, and I was left to raise him.
Being at Babies R Us the other day reminded me of having my first baby and the cluelessness that came with that experience. As I walked around that store with Scotty, I couldn't help but laugh and point out all of the stuff that we thought we needed when we had Nicky and say, "Remember when we had one of these? Remember when we thought we needed this?" I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that 90% of the merchandise in a Babies R Us is unnecessary. I wish I would have known that six years ago, but to be honest, even if someone had explained that to me in a very practical and loving way, I wouldn't have believed it. I had to learn from experience... because I'm stubborn like that.
When I was pregnant with Daisy and made the decision to not find out what I was having, a whole new world opened up to me; a world of simplicity. I spent nine months contemplating what was really essential, and it turned out, there wasn't a lot I needed to accomplish pre-baby that couldn't be handled after the baby was born. The only thing I purchased for Daisy before she was born was a gender-neutral newborn outfit to wear home from the hospital. I didn't have a single thing on-hand for a girl, and yet, girl clothes were just as accessible after I had her.
That experience really helped me learn that some things are okay to leave undone. It was just fine that I didn't have a dresser full of pink onesies waiting for us when we got home. I don't know where the pressure to plan and re-plan comes from (blogs? magazines? old wives tales?), but I proved to myself that preparing for a baby doesn't have to be as complicated as the world makes it out to be, and I learned that lesson while it was entirely in contrast to my personality. I was the planner, the organizer, and the overthinker, but I learned that being that way was of no benefit to me.
While I was pregnant with Daisy, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf made this statement in the commencement ceremony at Brigham Young University:
"A wise man once distinguished between 'the noble art of getting things done' and 'a nobler art of leaving things undone.' True 'wisdom in life,' he taught, consists of 'the elimination of non-essentials.' May I suggest that you periodically evaluate how you are doing in this area? What are the nonessential things that clutter your days and steal your time? What are the habits you may have developed that do not serve a useful purpose? What are the unfinished or unstarted things that could add vigor, meaning, and joy to your life?"
Now, I tell you this not to try and convince you to not find out the gender of your babies (shoot, I want to know what you're having, so go ahead! Find out!), but to share with you an example of life less complicated. We live during a time when people are often praised for "overdoing it." We tend to confuse activity with accomplishment, and we spend a lot of time doing things that are seemingly important but are really just cluttering our lives. Not finding out if Daisy was a boy or a girl ended up being a very eye-opening experience for me because it forced me to take a more simple approach to something BIG. I will forever be grateful for that experience and the knowledge it allowed me to apply to all aspects of my life, and I'm thankful to President Uchtdorf for indirectly giving me permission to leave a few things undone.
4 comments:
Love that quote from Pres. Uchtdorf. I think life runs so much smoother and there is more joy when you simplify.
This is a great perspective. I wonder if the desire to plan stems from a desire to have some control over the situation? I imagine that becoming a parent for the first time (or even the third time) is stressful as well as exciting. Planning out certain details is a way to exert some control over a huge life change.
When I have kids, I am determined to add as little "stuff" as possible. Since I'll be getting started much later than most of my friends, they'll have years of experience under their belts and will hopefully be able to advise me on what's really necessary.
Amen! Another post I 100 percent agree on. I love that you don't find out... nothing compares to that "it's a ----" moment. Can't wait to hear the big news!
I guess "planning" for me was really just an outlet for my anxiety and to channel all my positive and happy feelings. With my second baby, I had so many people making negative comments (some were from women struggling with fertility, so I just tried to by sympathetic) that I needed a way to see the good and happiness and a way to be happy without "rubbing it in their faces". While I was shopping/planning/decorating for my baby, it made me so happy and excited thinking about her. It made it easier to forget all the horrible and thoughtless comments people felt they needed to say. It was less about being prepared and more about building up the excitement and anticipation.
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