The Day Zoe Got Her Logic

I've always thought it would be fantastic if children could be born with fully developed logic and reasoning skills, but that would be asking a bit too much, so I sit back and watch my kids develop as God intended, sometimes with great degrees of impatience.

With each kid I wonder... when will she figure out that she can force those frustrating boogers out of her head by blowing into a tissue? When will she understand that the person in the swing might seem far away, but that's going to change in about .02 seconds?

And when....

WHEN will she finally grasp the concepts of choices and consequences?

I remember how exciting it was when Nicky first showed his logic. It happened immediately after he turned four. He went from a rambunctious, hyperactive, tantrum-prone three-year-old to a responsible, thoughtful, logical four-year-old almost overnight. I was blown away. Suddenly I could explain things to him in a logical way, and he could understand. Things like, "Brushing our teeth helps us to not get cavities."

That explanation at age three wasn't helpful. We still had to pin Nicky down and force a toothbrush in his mouth (and even with that, he ended up with six crowns and five fillings before he could even pronounce his 'R's). But at age four, the reasons to brush our teeth made sense to him, and Nicky responded accordingly. As we explained these logical things to him, we could see the wheels turning in his head as he thought them through, and then he would say, "Oh, okay," like, "Why didn't you just tell me that before?"

Since logic set in so quickly with Nicky, I expected the same thing to happen with Daisy, but when she turned four, the logic didn't come. Now she's eight, and she's very intelligent, but she doesn't have the greatest common sense. Logic didn't switch on with her like it did for Nicky. It has unfolded slowly and is still developing (she's right in the middle of Piaget's concrete operations stage which is where a lot of that logical thinking develops, so she's right on track - I've just never had a big, defining moment with her like I did with Nicky).

Since we had two very different experiences with our first children and their logic, we weren't sure what Zoe would bring, especially with Zoe having some difficulty in speech and socio-emotional development.

Zoe is in her third year of special ed preschool. I've never really known what is right for her in that regard. I've often wondered if I forced her into that social environment too soon. I prayed... a lot... but never felt like I received a solid answer. I wanted her to have access to speech therapy and to make some friends. Plus she loves art projects, activities, and singing. But every time I'd take her to school, I'd have to drag her in kicking and screaming. Her teachers would always tell me she calmed down five minutes after I left, and I was glad for that, but the ruckus I had to deal with at home before taking her to school day after day was traumatic, and I was worried about how it was affecting her.

So this school year began, and I went into it thinking that I might pull Zoe out of preschool. I prayed some more, and still didn't feel like I received an answer. Perhaps my answer is, "Either way is fine." I've wondered about that...

After the first few weeks of school, Zoe was still kicking and screaming almost every day, and I was on the brink of pulling her out... along with my own hair. Then one morning, I just couldn't fight the battle again, so when she started her tantrums, I said, "Zoe, you can choose if you want to go to school or stay home. If you go to school, you will get to see your friends and have a snack, and I will take you to get an ice cream cone after. If you stay home, you will have to help me do laundry, and you can't watch TV." Then I set a pile of clothes next to her and said, "You know how to get ready for school, so if you decide you're going to go to school today, here's your stuff."

Then I walked out of the room and silently begged, "Please let this work because I really don't want to follow through with the laundry and TV thing."

I was shocked when Zoe came downstairs a few minutes later fully dressed with her shoes on, her hair combed, and her teeth brushed. She walked up to me and said, "I'm going to school because doing laundry with you is boring."

Her logic switched on!

And I haven't had to fight her to go to school since (although I do have to take her to get ice cream every day. It's the first thing she says when she gets in the van after school, "Let's go get my ice cream!" It's a small price to pay for this peaceful change in our lives).

I can't say that things will continue to go this smoothly, but for the past month, Zoe has done very well with school. She even missed some school for our Disneyland trip and from being sick, and she didn't regress. She has a great group of classmates. When the parents drop them off in the morning, they all greet each other with so much cuteness I could die. I love bringing a non-screaming child to school and hearing a chorus of little voices shout, "Zoe! Hi Zoe!"

(One of the funnest parts of Zoe's current age is that friendship is becoming very real. When Zoe and her friends see each other, they display pure joy! Ten minutes later, they are fighting over something stupid, but for those first few moments, it's the most amazing thing to witness. I wish we still acted like that as adults. What if we jumped up and down and yelled our friends names then ran into a hug every time we saw each other? Maybe that would solve all the world's problems... at least until we couldn't agree on whether to play house or animal doctor...)

Logic. I'm a fan.