The Politeness of Kings

Today was the first Sunday of the year. It is common in my church for our starting time to change at the beginning of the year (this is because multiple congregations use the same building, so we rotate the times we use the church each year). Last year, church started at 11:00. This year, church starts at 9:00. 

I could list several reasons why I love 9:00 church, but I'll skip that for now and just reiterate that I LOVE 9:00 CHURCH!!!

I'll admit, though, I was a little "off" this morning because it's been a while since I had to get a family of five ready for 9:00 church. My preparations for the day reminded me of a post I wrote three years ago after my cousin e-mailed me and asked me for some tips on being punctual. 

I thought I'd re-publish that post today in honor of 9:00 church... which, though I declared my morning was a little "off," I was not late for, just so you know.

If you're a "late" person, you'll probably read this and want to punch me in the face. Can we still be friends?

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If I have ONE talent, it’s being punctual (that and smelling burps – if you burp within a mile of me, I will know. I can’t help it. It’s my gift).

First let me tell you where my punctuality originates from. When I was 12 years old, I had a subscription of sorts to The Babysitters Club books, so I received a book in the mail each month. One of the books I received was a babysitting guide with tips on how to be a good babysitter. Since I was starting my own career as a babysitter, I abided by the book religiously, and one of the tips was to always be 15 minutes early. So at the age of 12, I began going everywhere 15 minutes early because Ann M. Martin told me to. I had no idea that this was not normal, but I’ve been on time ever since.

There are several reasons to be punctual, but here are two of the most important:

1. It is courteous to be on time. In most cases where time constraints exist, there are other people involved. This means that when you are late, there are either people waiting for you or there are people who are distracted by your entrance. By being late, you are communicating to others what your priorities  are. Think about this: if you are consistently late for your job, what does that say about the value you place on your employment? Who are you letting down by not being there on time? Who is making up for your tardiness?

2. Being on time keeps things from getting hectic. You are more likely to make poor traffic decisions, get frustrated, and speak unkindly to people (especially your spouse or children) if you are running late. Imagine this: your son has an appointment at the pediatrician at 3:00. At 2:55, you are pulling out of your driveway. How will you drive? What will your walk into the doctor’s office be like? What will your sign-in time be? How many other appointments will now be pushed back because you were late?

If you are in a pattern of being consistently late for everything, I honestly can’t empathize with you because that has never been a problem for me. I don’t know what it’s like to struggle to be on time. If you were to ask me how to be on time for things, my answer would be, “Just do it.” How am I on time for things? I just am. It’s a hard question to answer, but here are some tips that might help:

Tip 1: Identify some of the reasons you are late. What is happening at the moment of departure that is keeping you from getting out the door? Are you looking for your car keys? Does your child need a sudden potty break? Pay attention to what is happening and brainstorm some solutions. Perhaps you need to find a designated place to put your keys and make a habit of keeping them there ALWAYS. Maybe you need to have mandatory bathroom breaks for your children 15 minutes before you go anywhere. Figuring out what is routinely making you late can help you identify solutions to the problem.

Tip 2A: Figure out how much time you need. Determine how long it takes to travel to your destination. Are you traveling during high traffic? Are there several stoplights between here and there? Then consider what you have to do when you get there. Will you need time to ride an elevator? Will it be difficult to find parking? Is there a fair amount of walking involved? People often aren’t prepared to spend time dealing with these things, but these are realistic things to consider when planning your time.

Tip 2B: Allow time for things that take time. If you are a mother who has to make two trips in and out of the house, buckle three car seats, and load a stroller in the trunk before you pull out of the driveway, you need to allow time for that. If you’re going to the doctor’s office, you need to allow time to sign-in, pay a co-pay, and take care of paperwork. It’s very easy to overlook these factors, but they make a significant difference in planning your time.

Tip 3: Plan departures, not arrivals. It may be helpful to plan on what time to leave instead of what time to arrive. If you’re not arriving at your destination on time, you’re probably not departing on time. Use Tip 2A and figure out what time you need to leave in order to get to your destination on time (or early!!). And don’t forget Tip 2B – if your departure time is 2:45, and you walk out the front door with three kids at 2:45, you’re already late. Give yourself adequate time to buckle the seat belts, pass out the sippy cups, and find a soft hits radio station.

Tip 4: Start earlier. If you have a hard time getting out the door on time, perhaps you need to start getting ready earlier. I think this tip is common sense, but I didn’t want to leave it out.

Tip 5: Get ready the night before. This is another no-brainer, but if you have an early-morning appointment or event, get ready the night before. Set out clothes, pack the diaper bag, and figure out what your breakfast plans are. Anything you can do the night before to eliminate stress in the morning will help you manage your time better.

Tip 6: Plan for the unpredictable. A close friend told me recently that the reason she is always late for everything is because something unpredictable always happens when she’s trying to get out the door. I thought, Well, if it happens every time, isn’t it predictable by now? Sure, it’s not always going to be the same thing, but if there is a five-minute emergency EVERY TIME she tries to leave the house, she can probably manage her time in a way that will allow her to deal with the crisis and still be on time. When planning her departure time, she can easily up it by five minutes so that she has five minutes leeway should a small catastrophe take place.

Tip 7: Be aware of the time. Sometimes people are late because they simply don’t pay attention. If you know you need to be somewhere at a specific time, watch the clock.

Tip 8: Make a commitment to be early. If you plan on being early, you will hardly ever be late. Leeway is a blessing. Use it! In today’s fast-paced world, many people have anxiety about downtime. Being early for something might mean that you have ten minutes with nothing to do. Use that ten minutes to read a book, listen to a song you like, or talk to your kids. Don’t be afraid of being early. I used to arrive at the gym ten minutes before it opened so I could sit in my car alone and pray. There is always something productive you can do in your car if you have to wait.

Several years ago I attended a conference for my job. One of the speakers at the conference focused on punctuality. He reviewed some of the reasons that people are late. He told us that some of the reasons are just bad planning while other are psychological. Some people are consistently late out of subconscious rebellion or need for control. They (subconsciously – remember) don’t like other people telling them what to do, and by being late, they gain a sense of control, they have the upper-hand. I have always thought that was interesting – and frankly, if you’re that type of person, I don’t think I’m capable of “curing” you. But if you simply struggle to manage your time, and you have a desire to be on time, I hope that the tips I’ve given will help you out a little bit.

Now, just for some practical application, let’s use a little scenario to practice:

You have three kids ages 5, 3, and 1 Church starts at 9:00 a.m. You want to be in your seat five minutes before church starts. It takes five minutes to drive there.

Q: What time do you walk out the door?

A: 8:40 a.m.

Why so early? Because you have to buckle three kids in the car which take five minutes (8:45 is your departure time). You have to drive to the church (8:50). You have to unload the kids and walk in the building (8:55). And there you have it! You’re on time!

But what about the getting ready part?

My personal Sunday rule is to start getting ready two hours before church starts. Don’t be fooled – you don’t actually HAVE two hours to get ready because you have to walk out the door at 8:40, remember? That means you have an hour and a half (7:00 a.m. – 8:30 a.m. because you are allowing 10 minutes leeway for “unpredictable” catastrophes).

You already have everyone’s clothes set out and the bags packed because you knew you would be stressed out on Sunday morning so you took the time to prep everything on Saturday night. You have a simple breakfast, get everyone bathed, dried, and dressed. Your baby poops up his back, but that’s okay because you have plenty of time to change him. Then you’re out the door with your church bags at 8:40 as planned.

You aren’t overwhelmed. There is no yelling or dismissal of the Spirit because you are going to be to church on time. It feels so good!