Things the Kids Say: Episode 34

“The oldest song I know is ‘Footloose’ which was written in 1621.”

-Zoe

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“Vacation Dad is as good as Dad gets!”

-Nicky

“Vacation Dad”

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“Wow! First Class people don’t know how to clean up after themselves!”

-Eva to the flight attendant (who nodded in agreement)

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Me: Eva, what’s 12 times 5?

Eva: You have a brain and a calculator. Why are you asking me?

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“I learned a lot about pee from a poster in the bathroom at girls camp.”

-Zoe while lecturing me about hydration

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“I love human beings.”

-Eva

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“My stomach feels better. I dropped a big bomb and drank some water. I was in really bad constipation.”

-Eva

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Eva: Can we listen to Enya?

Zoe: No, I hate Enya, she doesn’t even sing any good songs!

Eva: Yea she does! ‘Baby Shark!’

The Way That I Am

Sometimes I’m flabbergasted at the way people are different from me. Even after being alive for 41 years, I occasionally respond with surprise when someone tells me something about themselves that differs greatly from what I think/believe/do. It’s intriguing sometimes to learn another’s perspective. Sometimes I get it, and other times I just flat out don’t understand, and I wonder (in the words of Michael Scott) “Why are you the way that you are?”

In celebration of weirdos everywhere (myself included), here are some ways that I am:

I am not a germaphobe.

I don’t care if you wear shoes in my house. I never expect people to take off their shoes. Do whatever you’re comfortable with. You can’t hurt anything. 

I prefer loading the dishwasher over unloading the dishwasher.

I answer text messages. I can’t say I never get backlogged or miss a text, but it’s rare. 

I don’t pack excessively for trips. 

Not me

If I like a clothing item, I buy it in multiple colors.

I’m always on time. If I’m late for something it’s usually on purpose, and I’m probably still on time, but I do weird things like circle around the block ten times or sit in the parking lot and watch the clock until I’m “late enough.”

I never skip breakfast.

I can do frumpy. I don’t need my hair and makeup done everyday. 

I never make my bed (sorry to disappoint you, Admiral William H. McRaven).

I don’t like rope dropping. 

I am not tempted by Target. 

Not me.

I love the randomness of thrift stores and places like Ross. I thrive on “the hunt.” I only recently learned that there are people who hate shopping like that (these people tend to love Target).

I like scents - perfume, candles, etc. 

I don’t like being wet. 

I know how much everything costs and can usually guess the total of my grocery store list within $10.

I’m a morning person. 

I don’t like watching the same movies over and over. Even movies I like, I want a 5-10 year break in between viewings. 

Real life conversations I have with Scotty:

Him: Do you want to watch Home Alone with me?

Me: No, we just barely watched that three years ago! 

I leave my cupboard doors open when I’m in the kitchen. 

I’m really messy and clumsy. I leave a trail everywhere I go. 

I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning. 

I get depressed during the summer instead of winter. 

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Maybe I’m a little weird and hard to understand. Or maybe I’m pretty normal. I’ve never figured it out.

Currently (February 2025 Edition)

Reading:

(I like what she’s preaching, but a book is completely unnecessary. A fifteen minute excerpt from her Ted talk or a podcast would suffice). 

Wearing: a Costco sweatshirt that has lime juice splatters on it.

Eating: taco rice.

Suffering from: post vacation blues. I’m not really “blue,” but that’s still a good phrase for it. I want to plan another vacation so I have something to look forward to. 

Annoyed by: my blood pressure. It’s all over the place. 

Craving: salami. I have a bit of a meat/cheese/crackers habit these days.

Needing: to trim some abnormally long posts of some earrings I bought, and the fact that this is even a thing annoys me. Why are they so long? They stab me in the neck! What foolish design is this?

Buying: a few thrifted items for my house - some funky mirrors and a TV stand, to name a few.

Watching:

This was one of my favorite movies growing up, and I made my girls watch it over the weekend.

We are also watching Titanic in half-hour increments (with a bit of fast forwarding) at Eva’s request. This experience comes with frequent pause sessions wherein I give historical lectures on topics such as:

• The CGI in Titanic in 1997 was iconic for its time
• Molly Brown was a real person
• This is the size of the Titanic in comparison to an average modern-day cruise ship
• This is a map of where the Titanic sank

We are also watching Celebrity Jeopardy each week. Daisy is counting down til the episode with Kirk from Gilmore Girls. 

Dreading: parent day at dance class. We have this once a month, and I have to sit through three dance classes. 

Proud of myself for: sticking to a meal plan since we got home from our trip. I’ve swapped meals around a bit, but the main goal is to use up what we have and not eat out. 

Enjoying: no snow. This was my same answer in January. I am no sad one but about the lack of snow we are having this winter. 

Working on: getting Nicky a passport.

Curious about: why my neighbor wears a mask to walk her dog when she doesn’t go near anyone, but she doesn’t wear a mask to church when she’s around hundreds of people. 

Playing: 

I bought Zoinx a while ago, and we just tried it yesterday for the first time. We give it a big thumbs down, which is a bummer because we really like Gamewright’s other dice games like Quixx and Bloom. This one has some major design flaws, in our opinion.

Drinking: no soda. I’m one week sober. Again. But gosh, I want a Diet Dr. Pepper something fierce. On Saturday night I was nearly in tears over it. 

People often ask why I won’t let myself have some once in a while. It’s because with me, there is no such thing as once in a while. I can’t moderate it. 

Sick of: school dances. We have one about every two months, plus Nicky is constantly getting asked to go to dances at other schools. We ask and answer for dances all the time, and I’m a planner, so it’s really hard for me to sit back and watch my kids try and plan dances with their friends because it’s usually a hot mess. There’s always some sort of group drama, too. 

Grateful for: my van.

Orlando, Ho! (Part IV)

On the day we got kicked off the cruise ship, we scheduled a later flight so we could fit in an airboat tour. We ended up in a rare Florida cold front. When we boarded the ship in Orlando, it was 48 degrees and windy. We froze out on the ship deck. On the day we came back to port, it was 46 degrees and windy. 

After we disembarked, we had to wait a half hour outside in the cold for our shuttle to Hertz to get our rental van. Then when we got there, we had to stand out in the cold for another half hour waiting for the van. We were not impressed at all with Hertz (first and likely last time ever using them) (the van was in pretty rough condition, too. It was beat up, smelled like antifreeze, and made really weird sounds) (the only reason we used Hertz was because they were the only company with a van available). 

After we got our van, we drove to Walmart and attempted to buy some warm clothes. There are not warm clothes in Florida. We had to buy Hot Hands and hunting gloves. Then we got a few extra clothing items so we could layer. Now, I know Florida doesn’t have snow, but you’d think you could at least buy a jacket in January! Not so. 

After our Walmart stop, we headed to our airboat tour. It was still 48 degrees outside, but the sun at least came out. 

The airboat tour was really cool, and I’m so glad we did it, but by golly! It was cold. 

So very cold.

I had a t-shirt, three sweatshirts, and two pairs of pants on. Plus Hot Hands in my pockets (which miraculously worked really well - I’ve never had a set of Hot Hands actually get hot, but those bad boys followed through), and I still froze. I could feel the wind through all of those layers, and it kind of blew my mind. 

Aside from being cold, the airboat tour was amazing. 

The headphones were nice because our tour guide could speak into her mic, and we could hear it. The airboats are really loud, so it was nice to have the headphones to drown out some of the noise. 

There were birds everywhere! Bald eagles, roseate spoonbills, great blue herons, and ibises galore! I wish I could have gotten more photos, but taking photos on a speeding airboat doesn’t work out so well between the rapid airflow that will rip your phone right out of your hands and the motion blur.

We were able to see an alligator in the wild:

Then after the ride, we all got to hold an alligator:

Have I told you how cold it was? 

Because it was dang cold.

I was taken aback by the fact that the alligator felt cold. For some reason I expected it to be warm. I understand that it’s an ectothermic animal, but I guess I’d never thought about whether an alligator would feel warm or cold when I held it, and when it’s cold outside, alligators are going to feel cold.

After the airboat ride we ate lunch at Saucy, which is KFC’s mock up of Raising Cane’s (I’m not sure why KFC feels the need to mimic another restaurant, but what do I know about the chicken tender industry?)

They just opened a few weeks ago, and this is their first location. They have 11 sauces, and none of them really impressed me. The food was fine but nothing to get overly excited about. It really is just a copy cat of Raising Cane’s… where the food is also fine but nothing to get overly excited about. 

From there we headed to the airport and made our journey home. 

And then it was over.

And we were sad. 

And now I need to get another vacation on the calendar pronto because I remembered that I really love vacation.

Orlando, Ho! (Part III)

As previously mentioned, our main objective in going to Florida recently was to go on a cruise with my mom, my step-dad, my brothers, and their families. Prior to the cruise, we went to Magic Kingdom, EPCOT, Busch Gardens, and SeaWorld. After those fun adventures, we checked out of our Vrbo and headed to the port to board Royal Caribbean’s Utopia of the Seas. But first we stopped to fill up the gas tank of our rental van, and Nicky took advantage of being 18 and bought a scratch off lottery ticket with which he won $15!

Baby’s first scratch off

Utopia of the Seas

Scotty and I have been on a few cruises, but not since before Nicky was born. Therefore, our kids have never been on one, and a lot of things have changed since our last cruise (for one thing, cell phones weren’t commonplace back then). We were excited for them to get to experience this form of travel.

The kids loved getting drinks from the bar

We cruised from Monday to Friday. Our stops included a day at Coco Cay (an island owned by Royal Caribbean) and a day in Nassau, Bahamas. 

At Coco Cay Scotty and Nicky got passes to the water park. The rest of us just hung out on the beach, and Scotty and Nicky went back and forth to the water park. 

The sand was primo for castles

Showing a hermit crab to the littles

In Nassau we got off the ship for just long enough to walk to the Queen’s Staircase (a two-mile round trip). 

Nicky bought us all fake Pit Vipers for

Christmas, and then he was embarrassed when we all wore them in the Bahamas

Here’s what everyone thought of the cruise:

Nicky thought it was fun, but he was disappointed that there wasn’t anyone his age. He was hoping to meet some people. He wanted to just go, go, go! and was always upset any time one of us wanted to rest. I’ve said it before, but Nicky is like a breed of dog that constantly needs to be walked. He would get mad if we so much as sat down to eat ice cream. He wanted to be entertained and on the move at all times, so he spent a lot of time on his own walking around the ship trying to find things to do. He stayed out late every night when the rest of us were exhausted (and he was mad at us for being exhausted). He loved the shows. Nicky’s favorite thing to eat on the cruise was cheesecake, and there was not enough of it. He loved our assistant waiter, Herold, and asked Herold to surprise him with a drink each night. 

Daisy was also disappointed that there weren’t people her age (boys, really. We were surprised at the lack of teenagers on the cruise). We never really know what to do with Daisy because she’s so moody. She’ll be happy one minute then crying and yelling at everyone the next. We are constantly telling Nicky, “Don’t poke the bear” because the bear will make us all miserable! Suffice it to say, Daisy had moments of pure joy where she was pleasant and fun, and then five minutes later she’d “crash out,” as the kids are saying these days. Daisy’s favorite things to eat on the cruise were Boston cream pie, cream puffs, pizza, pineapple, and chicken cordon bleu.

Zoe shocked us on the cruise. She has always been very clingy on vacations - always holding one of our hands. On the cruise ship, she wanted nothing more than to wander on her own. She begged and begged, and I wouldn’t let her go anywhere alone until she could tell me our room number and how to find our room from anywhere on the ship. I let her try it out on the second day, and she became Miss Independent (this was so unlike her - I am still in shock from it). She found her way all over that ship on her own, and we just had her use her iPad on WiFi to text us. Zoe also surprised us by going on the zip line without hesitation (prior zip lining opportunities were not down with such ease) and by doing to Flow Rider. She did not like Nassau and begged to get back on the ship the entire time we were there. Zoe’s favorite things to eat on the cruise were bacon, chocolate croissants, and soft serve ice cream. 

Balloon animals at breakfast

Zoe loved seeing what the room steward would make out of the towels each day

Zoe rocked the flowrider (another way she surprised us)

We accidentally got caught in a parade that ended in a confetti release (we were just trying to get to the pizza, dang it!)

Eva just wanted to go shopping and spend Grandma’s money the entire time. On vacation all she wants to do is shop, play on an iPad, or go “back to the hotel to swim.” We will be five minutes into a theme park, and she’ll say, “I just want to go back to the hotel to swim.” At the ports, all she could focus on was the crap she wanted to buy. Can I buy sand toys? Can I buy a bucket hat? Can I go look at the gift shops? She was obsessed with finding the ducks that people hide around the ship, so every night at dinner she would say she needed to go to the bathroom, but she really just wanted to look for ducks (because the first one she found was in the bathroom). We let her go to the bathroom 3-4 times each night just to keep her busy. Eva’s favorite things to eat were Caesar salad, taquitos, and a single piece of cheese from the cheese plate on the dessert menu. 

Eva at Coco Cay where she spent Grandma’s money on sand toys and a bucket hat

Eva’s nightly dinner trick

All the kids seemed to really enjoy the cruise, and I don’t think we’d have any trouble trying to convince them to go on another one. 

Cotton candy (which dissolved quickly in the humidity)

Toga night

Scotty in the flowrider

Hot tubbin’

Daisy and pointing to our ship

After the cruise we had one final adventure before we headed home. To be continued…