Eva (in the car): I need to go poop.
Me: Do I need to stop somewhere, or can you wait until we get home?
Eva: I can keep it in my storage room until we get home.
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Zoe: Mom, I really need a cell phone.
Me: No, you don't.
Zoe: Yes, I do! What if I get amnesia while I'm at school?
Me: Then you won’t remember who to call!
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"Smack that child's fat... Goldfish!"
-Eva
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"Mom, when you die, I'm going to steal your phone out of your pocket and play Roblox."
-Eva
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Me to Eva: I need you to try and ignore Zoe for a while.
Eva: I can't ignore Zoe! I can only ignore parents!
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Katy Parry: You... change your mind... like a girl... changes clothes...
Zoe: This song bothers me. It has the same voice as a villain in my dreams.
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"Whoever invented Claire's must be famous, but I don't know what her name is."
-Zoe
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Eva: When can I watch YouTube?
Me: In about fifteen minutes.
Eva: What?!? I can't wait a whole month!
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"My butt itches… (ten second pause)
The cheek... (ten second pause)
Not the crack... (ten second pause)
It's the right cheek."
-Eva
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"I'm so hungry! I'm going to starve and die, and I don't want to be with Jesus! I hate heaven!"
-Eva
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Zoe: Mom, the music you listened to when you were a kid is so lame. It's all... EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!
Me: Hey! That song is awesome!
Zoe: No. It's really not.
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