The Things I'll Miss

I have four kids.

How did this happen? How can I be old enough to have four kids? Why have I been allowed and trusted to be responsible for all of these little people?

It's a lot of people. I have many friends who have more than four. Frankly, I don't know how they do it. I feel like I have absolutely met my limit. Actually, I felt that way with three. Somehow I went ahead and had another even though I was already completely overwhelmed.

I routinely get the"You're going to miss this" speech from my elders. I smile and nod and try to be a good sport about it even though I really hate being given The Speech. I know I will miss parts of this, but I definitely won't miss all of it, and I'm a firm believer that missing it is part of the reward of surviving it. Once you've made it through, you get to have the blessing of hindsight that allows you to miss it. I'm not there yet. Let me have my resentment so I have something to regret later. It's my right as a mother. Stop bossing my motherhood.

Anyway, like I said, there are definitely things about my children's current phases and stages that I will miss someday.

Eva - age 14 months

I will miss her hugs and her unconditional love. Babies love their mommas like no one else. I'll miss her toddles - that silly walk that works for her but makes me contemplate, what if we all walked that way? I'll miss her baby giggles and her rolly thighs and her squishy potbelly. I'll miss the way her head feels on my shoulder and the way the weight of her sinks into my chest when she falls asleep on me. I'll miss the way she comes up to me while I'm asleep and gives me a big, loud kiss on the face. I'll miss the way she snuggles with her blankets. I'll miss the way she points and gets excited when she sees candy and the way her face looks when she says, "Whooooooaaaa!" I'll miss her weird, little tooth that has a slit in it. Someday it will fall out, and she will look like an entirely different person. I'll miss marveling at everything she learns and the ways she grows.

Zoe - age 3 1/2

I'll miss the way she whispers "Yesss!" under her breath when she gets what she wants (she pronounces it "Yefffff!" because she can't say make the 'S' sound very well). I'll miss the way she gallops everywhere she goes. I'll miss the way she sings, "I like you, I like you, I like you just the way you are!" and how she asks to watch "My whoa" which is Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. I'll miss the way she chirps, "Me help! Me help!" whenever I am working on something that I really don't want her to help with. I'll miss the way she put her swimming suit bottoms on with her waist through the leg hole and the way she plays dress up and announces things like, "Yook, I a yion!" or "Yook, me a daddy!" I'll miss her sincere laughter and the arches in her brow that don't quite line up with her natural eyebrows (maybe she'll get to keep those, but she's already lost the birthmark on her eyelid and the natural curl in her hair, so you never know what will disappear as they grow). I'll miss the way she eats the white stuff out of the Oreos and throws the cookies on the floor (see? I know that there are things I'll miss that annoy the heck out of me right now).

Daisy - age 6 3/4

I'll miss her confidence and her passion. Right now her self-esteem is high, and there isn't much to hold her back. She is fearless. She know what she wants and she fights for it. She isn't yet tainted by worrying about what others think. I'll miss the way she calls me "Momma," even though "Momma! Momma! Hey Momma! Momma! Hey Momma!" gets old after a while. I'll miss the mismatched outfits she insists on wearing (plaid shorts under a chevron pattern dress, loud neon socks with high heels for church). I'll miss her obsession with Beanie Boos and Shopkins and the way she lines them up to play. I'll miss her constant insistence that I spend every waking moment with her. I'll miss the way she dances through every room of the house and constantly asks for music to inspire her moves.

Nicky - age 9 1/2

I'll miss his desire to do what's right. I'll miss his passion for stuffed animals and blankies. I'll miss the way he insists that we do the same bed time routine every night. I'll miss the way he loves spending time with me and the way he asks me about everything I do. "What are you watching?" "What is your book about?" "Who sings this song?" "Will you teach me how to play that game?" I'll miss the way he uses masking tape to accomplish great things - like building a Hot Wheels track that runs down the living room banister. I'll miss his love for Cub Scouts and the way he looks forward to den meeting each week. I'll miss how goal-minded he is and his desire to achieve things. I'll miss the way he joins us in our exercising efforts - the way he does burpees in the living room with his dad and the way he critiques my moves. "Mom, you're doing it different than Shaun T. I don't think you're working as hard as he is." (BUSTED!)

So yeah... I'll miss it. I know it. I don't need anyone telling me so while I'm in the thick of it, though.