Vandom

Now that I've been a van owner for a week, I have to say...

I love my van!

It is not without its inconveniences, though. Having a van has not made my kids stop fighting in the car. Instead, they have explored how to annoy each other in a larger area. They use their limbs in new ways and stretch everything slightly further to achieve their horrendous goals. There are also issues with the doors. Never mind the fact that there are two (I repeat... TWO) automatic sliding doors. Nicky and Daisy have to fight over who gets to open them and who gets to close them EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I can not get the logic of One Door Per Person through their little blond heads. On average, each door is opened and closed thirty-two times per destination because Nicky pushed the button, but Daisy wanted to push the button, so Daisy has to push the button to close the door so she can open the door, and then she has to close the door for the final time, and I'm out in the parking lot going, "YOU! Use that door, and YOU! Use that door!" But I'm really just that idiot mom with the big gold van yelling at her kids at the library, and no one really cares how smart and logical I am in such circumstances.

(Two kids, two doors. Why is it so complicated?)

I have this inkling that the first thing I'm going to have to fork over the big bucks for will be a DOOR!

It's going to be expensive, yo.

And by then, Zoe will be in on the madness that is the opening and closing of van doors.

I should just make a rule that only Mom and Dad get to push the Super Duper Spaceship Door-Opening Buttons, but do you know what kind of personal Hell I would be in trying to get those kids to abide by such a rule? I can't even get my kids to eat in the kitchen or put their shoes away! How am I going to keep them from pushing a button?

(It's true, I have no idea how to be a parent, and my kids eat me alive day after day. Judge me. Whatever).

But other than those two things and the fact that my kids sometimes chuck things at my head from the third row, I am a very happy van driver. I feel like I am driving something from the future. My last car was a super big deal because it had automatic locks and windows! Now I have automatic locks and windows, PLUS Stow 'N Go. And for the first time ever, my car tells me the temperature.

Wha?!?

Okay, so I'm a little out-of-date. Judge me. Whatever.

My van is cool.

It is.