I Scents a Problem

I have always had a very keen sense of smell. It has been both a good thing and a bad thing.

Aside: Daisy, who is sitting on my lap right now, completely oblivious to the topic of this post, just turned to me and said, "Mommy, you smell very bad." We have now completed a discussion about morning breath. Hey! I can't blog and have fresh breath by 7:00 a.m!

Lately, though, my sniffer hasn't been very reliable. I blame this on two things:

1. Having a baby.
2. Potty training.

I love my sweet Zoe with all my heart, but there is a secret about babies that is not commonly talked about: they stink.

You know how people are like, "Mmmmm! Fresh baby?"

That is a five-minute time frame immediately after the baby has been washed. Any other time, the baby has a wet diaper, dried spit-up on her collar, and curdled milk hiding in her neck fat. Plus, people are always rubbing their greasy faces on the baby's head, and there's some funky yellow discharge behind her ear.

With that less-than-fresh situation also come poopies and sour bottles. These things enter my nose all day, everyday, and I have to admit, I've developed a tolerance.

On top of that, one of my children has been having some major bathroom issues.

MAJOR.

I will not mention this child by name, but you can easily figure out who it is.

My life right now consists of hidden peed-in undies all over my house, gigantic non-flushed poopies left in the toilet WITH scraps of poopy toilet paper draped elegantly from the toilet to the trash can (why, oh, why do they always go through a phase where they put their poopy TP in the garbage?) and saturated pull-ups stuffed under the bed. Practically every surface of my house has been peed on. All three couches multiple times. Every chair. Every bed. Every car seat. And let's not forget the "favorite" place to pee... the floor in the closet. Which is carpeted, of course. I am constantly drowning in potty laundry, and my carpet and every inch of upholstery in our home could use a daily shampooing. And maybe if I could PUT A SHIRT ON without having to stop and soothe a crying child, break up a fight, or clean up spilled milk, I could spend a few minutes cleaning up the constant flow of pee. But that's impossible.

So in addition to a baby that smells a bit, my entire house if covered in pee.

And my nostrils are fried. I can't smell anything in my own home anymore. I can't even tell the difference between fresh and soiled laundry because I have smelled so much pee in clothing lately that our laundry soap now smells like pee to me.

My nose? Broken.

My house? Reeks.


Yeah... Don't come over.