Sunday Sentiments - Doubting my Doubts

Earlier this week, President Dallin H. Oaks gave his first public address since becoming the prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. President Oaks has been more quiet than I expected over the past four months, so I was very interested in what he would say at the BYU Devotional (fun fact - if you increase the talk to 1.5x speed, he sounds 20 years younger). 

President Oaks talked about overcoming doubts, which happens to be a repetitive topic of study for me this week. 

(Do you ever find yourself stumbling across the same subject matter through various sources unintentionally in a short amount of time? It happens to me frequently!)

One of the things that troubles me most about our day is the sheer amount of deception we are exposed to. President Oaks said, “An abundance of speculation and false information in podcasts and on social media surrounds us.”

In 2019, Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge said, “Never has there been more information, misinformation, and disinformation; more goods, gadgets, and games; and more options, places to go, and things to see and do to occupy time and attention away from what is most important. And all of that and much more is disseminated instantaneously throughout the world by electronic media. This is a day of deception.”

I feel constantly overwhelmed by the information I’m exposed to everyday that I have sift through for truth. There are so many things going on in the world right now about which I don’t know what to believe. It’s getting harder and harder to know what’s true and what’s real. This week was especially rough in that regard.

In a weekly podcast called Seeking Jesus, the host, John Hilton III, shared a story about a man who worked for the US Treasury. During an interview after breaking up a large counterfeit ring, a reporter made a comment that the man must spend a lot of time studying counterfeit bills in order to recognize them so easily. The man replied, “No, I don’t ever study counterfeit bills. I spend my time studying genuine bills, then the imperfections are easy to recognize. There are a lot of counterfeits in the world.”

In mortality we have secular knowledge and spiritual knowledge. I don’t always know where to go to fact check secular learning, but I know where to go for my spiritual learning. We don’t have to let secular and spiritual knowledge be constantly at odds, though. 

D&C 88:78 states “Teach ye diligently and my grace shall attend you, that you may be instructed more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine, in the law of the gospel, in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand.” 

What is theory? Well, I think of it as a “best guess” based on collected data. Elder Corbridge explained that with the scientific method, “a hypothesis is framed in response to a question. Experimentation is then conducted to test the hypothesis. The results are then analyzed, and conclusions are drawn that either confirm, disprove, or modify the hypothesis - in which event the process continues.” 

Can science yield incorrect results? You bet! Research is always evolving. That’s why, when using the scientific method, “the process continues.” Research studies are often examined and repeated to find errors and to see if the outcome is the same. 

President Oaks said that we need both methods of gaining knowledge - the scientific method and the spiritual method. He said, “There is no ultimate conflict between knowledge gained by these different methods because God, our omnipotent Eternal Father, knows all truth and beckons us to learn by both methods.”

President Oaks shared this quote from Elder Richard L. Evans pertaining to contradictions arising between science and scripture,  “There may be some seeming discrepancies. Do not worry about them. Eternity is a long time. I have a great respect for learning, for academic endeavor and the university atmosphere. . . . I have a great respect for science and scientists and for the search for truth. But remember this: science after all (even when it is true and final and factual) is simply man’s discovering of a few things that God already knows and controls in his ordering of the universe. . . . God has not told us all he knows. We believe in continuous revelation. Be patient. Keep humble and balanced in all things.”

I, personally, am elated when a scientific study aligns with what I believe spiritually. I encountered this a lot when I was going to school to finish my degree in Marriage and Family Relations. For example, there is a lot of research on gratitude that aligns with what we’ve been taught through the scriptures and the prophets.  

Something I’ve tried to be more open about in recent years is that I don’t “know” that there is a God. I don’t “know” that the teachings of my Church are true. This isn’t a personal failure or a character flaw, and that’s something I’ve had to learn. The prophet Alma in the Book of Mormon said "...faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen which are true" (Alma 32:21). 

Knowing is not required. 

You can believe something without knowing, and you can choose something without knowing. Right now I am choosing it, but I have doubts and questions all the time. 

Here are a few things that have helped me wade through doubt:

Acknowledge what I want

When I’m questioning an aspect of the gospel, I ask myself, “What do I want the outcome of this doubt to be?” Almost always, I just want a better understanding of a teaching or doctrine. Sometimes I just have to accept that I don’t get to know everything.

Write things down

Anytime I experience something I feel is evidence God exists, I write it down. Sometimes I write the experiences in depth in my journal, and sometimes I jot down a quick note on my phone. I often open the file on my phone and read through my list to remember God’s hand in my life. 

Find a corner

In 2020, I wrote about grasping corners. When you grasp the corner of a Clorox wipe and pull, more wipes will continue to follow unless you break the perforation. No matter what doubts I have, there are certain aspects of the gospel that I consider “corners.” When I grab hold of one of my corners and “pull,” additional truths follow. Corners are the things that make sense to me, that I believe in strongly, or that I can’t dispute. 

Study the genuine bills

Like the man who worked for the US Treasury and identified the counterfeits by studying authentic bills, I go to my most veritable sources of study. 

(May I interject with a book recommendation? Seekers Wanted by Anthony Sweat. Read my review here).

Recognize feelings of gloom and darkness 

One way I discern truth is simply by the way I feel. There is a sense of gloom and darkness that I experience when I delve into certain sources of information. The opposite of this feeling is the spirit of light, intelligence, and truth. One of the reasons I continue to choose to believe even though I face doubts is the feeling of light I have experienced through my belief.

Remember that humans make mistakes

When my doubts result from the behavior of others, I try to keep in mind that we are imperfect beings. In my own service in the Church, I have made mistakes. There are some things I’ve done in past positions I’ve held in the Church that I’m embarrassed about and wish I could do differently. I need to remember to extend the same kind of mercy toward others that I hope they might extend to me. 

Now, I'm not saying that someone should be allowed to get away with or be excused from the worst of sins - sexual assault and abuse to name a few. But sometimes a person makes a poor choice, says something offensive, makes you feel invisible, mistreats you because of your gender or life circumstances, or just flat out does something mean. I want my relationship with God to be stronger than any of that. And since I've done a lot of those things, I know that they are not always intentional. 

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Honestly, I will probably always have doubts. I never thought it would be this way, but I have more doubts now than I did when I was younger, but as a result of my doubts, I have taken time to study things out more earnestly. I've become more sincere in my faith. The reasons I practice certain values and principles have become more genuine. 

In the end, I often come back to this idea: if I die and God is not real, I will never know I was wrong. I'll just... end and be none the wiser. But I don't want to not believe in God, die, and find out I was wrong. Maybe that's not the best way to live my faith, but it an idea I embrace. 

Things You Ought to Know

What advice would you give your ten year younger self?

It doesn't matter. She wouldn't listen. 

If you came across $100 unexpectedly right note, what would you do with it?

Take a few friends to lunch. Or maybe just one friend considering how much it costs to go to lunch these days. 

What is one activity that makes you feel alive?

Riding rollercoatsers.

What makes you feel appreciated?

Genuine words of affirmation.

What is one thing you’ve learned this week?

The first person to be convicted by DNA evidence was serial rapist Tommie Lee Andrews in 1987. 

What’s one word that describes you?

Hungry.

What has been your greatest accomplishment this year?

I got my annual mammogram.

What is the most memorable life advice you’ve received?

Here are three pieces of advice I've always appreciated. 

What is one thing you wish someone would do for you?

I can't say because I have really nice friends, and they’ll do whatever I say, and then I will feel guilty. It's like when I joked about giving me gift baskets, and four people gave me gift baskets!

My gift basket spoils from Christie

What do you envy about other people’s relationships?

I'm a little jealous of people who have sisters that they are close to and get along with. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have another female on this earth that's kind of like me and maybe even looks like me. 

Then again, maybe that would be too weird.  

What is a memory or secret not many people know about?

I peed the bed at camp when I was 14 because I was terrified of using the makeshift litrine. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would like to be less easily annoyed. That's probably my biggest character flaw. 

Cornhole is annoying

What makes you feel insecure?

My snaggletooth and my hair. I've lost a ton of hair in the past four years. 

How do you like to spend your free time?

Reading, writing, watching shows, playing board games, and doing puzzles. 

What overwhelms you?

Trying to do things at the last minute. I'm not one of those people who works well under that kind of pressure. I freeze and can't function. 

What has made you laugh this week?

Sneaking around with my friend Christie and hanging up hot dogs. 

We call this a "wienering"

What is the most recent spontaneous thing you’ve done?

Deciding on a Thursday morning to go to California and leaving that night. 

What is one thing that didn’t work out for you in the past that you’re grateful for now?

The first offer we made on a house didn't get accepted, and I am so glad it didn't! 

What is a topic you could study for hours?

I have a list of 40. 

Who was the last person you saw in person?

Zoe. She's staring at me right now. 

Have you ever told someone you loved them and not meant it?

Nope.

How long does it take you to get ready?

15-45 minutes. Longer if my kids keep interrupting me. 

Things that turn my husband into a giddy little boy

(Stole this one from Cousin Cyndi). 

- Ice on Strawberry Reservoir 

- The Bros

- Vacation

A recent vacation

- Songs with lots of bass

- Enchiladas

- New episodes of Gold Rush or Alone

- Playing Bohnanza

One of our favorite card games

- Sleeping

- Maps

- Driving with the window down

- Hamburgers

Big Jud's

- Soda sales (buy 2 get 3 free)

- The Masters and the Open Championship

- Rope

Scotty swinging off the roof on his mission

- Soggy cereal

- Snakes and lizards

- Jungle Cruise jokes

- Peanut butter

- Finding golf balls

A small fraction of Scotty and Nicky's golf ball collection

Sunday Sentiments - Blessed are the Peacemakers

Things feel really uneasy in our community and in our nation right now. In many ways, that's nothing new, but in other ways, there are significant issues being brought to light, and with that comes heavy unrest. 

This week many of our local schools experienced walkouts pertaining to ICE operations. We've received multiple communications from the schools urging parents to help their kids protest outside of school hours due to safety and disrupted learning. The schools cannot physically prevent students from walking out, nor can they ensure their safety once they have left campus. 

The walkouts have taken place across multiple days, but my kids' schools took place on my day off (Wednesday). I was out running errands while the kids were walking, so I drove past them a few different times as they made their way a mile down the road. Then I caught a second wave of students a little later that were coming from the junior high. Everything seemed to be going well, but I noticed some vehicles parked near where the kids were gathering that I could tell by their decals and other indicators were not there to support the youth - they were there to harass them. A woman in a large SUV stopped, rolled down her window, and started yelling at the walkers. She completely blocked traffic (I had to find a way to go out and around her) so she could taunt and harass the kids. 

I heard stories of incidents in other areas where students were verbally and even physically harmed during their walkouts. One of our local junior high crowds had someone threaten to shoot them. They were 11-14 years old! I'm sure there was misbehavior on every side of the issue, but the thing that troubles me the most is that they were kids, and they were being harassed and threatened by adults. 

It sickens me. 

As if it were divinely planned, this week's Come Follow Me lesson talks of our role in building Zion. Zion is a term for a physical place but also a state of being. A "Zion" community would be a place where the people are of one heart and one mind and care for each other with great effectiveness. Some of the descriptions of a "Zion people" may sound like everyone needs to agree on every issue and conform to a designated system of beliefs, but that's not so. The point of Zion isn't conformity - it's to have differences and know how to love and respect each other anyway. 

"Unity does not require sameness, but it does require harmony. We can have our hearts knit together in love, be one in faith and doctrine, and still cheer for different teams, disagree on various political issues, debate about goals and the right way to achieve them, and many other such things. But we [should] never disagree or contend with anger or contempt for one another." - D. Todd Christofferson

The prophet, Enoch, and his people lived 

of one heart and of one mind

Along with Come Follow Me, our ward's lesson for Relief Society and Elder's Quorum this week is on Gary E. Stevenson's talk "Blessed are the Peacemakers" - a fascinating selection for a week filled with contention (and need we mention the Super Bowl and the discord that comes along with that? And let’s throw the Olympics in there, too).

I remember being in Sunday school when I was in my early twenties, and one of the men in our class made a comment that some of the wisest people he knows are people who know when to not say something - people who think before they speak and know when to not speak at all. What he was describing was more than Thumper's mantra, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all!" He was suggesting that we share less of our opinions and listen more than we speak.

This really struck me because, at that point in my life, I felt so compelled to share every opinion I had. How else would I be relevant? How else would people know where I stood? And mostly, how else would people know they were wrong if I didn’t correct them? That comment got in my head, and I really started paying attention to the ways I expressed myself. I started giving more thought to the things I said, but I also observed others, and I found his comment to be true. I gained wisdom in becoming more selective about things I said. 

When Jesus Christ was examined before Caiaphas prior to the crucifixion, as several people came forward to bear false witness against Him, "Jesus held his peace" (Mattew 26:63). He didn't defend himself or argue. He didn't tell his side of the story - He just remained silent.

Sometimes silence is wise, and sometimes speaking is wise. It is a gift to know the difference. 

"Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable. Our stands and communications on controversial topics should not be contentious. We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our influence." - Dallin H. Oaks

There have been many times in my life when the Spirit has cautioned me to hold my peace or to give it time. Usually it's when I'm experiencing some form of anger, and I have the urge to react. I’m actually very proud of myself for times I've held back and waited while every fiber of my being wanted to make a phone call or tell someone off (words are one of my biggest weapons). 

I remember one of the first times I successfully held my peace. Scotty and I were enforcing some discipline with Nicky at an extended family gathering when he was a toddler, and a family member overstepped her bounds and told Nicky he didn't have to do what we said. I was furious, of course, but a feeling came over me to not say anything. "Just wait." I felt like I would implode, but I held my peace against every natural urge I had. 

A few hours later, the family member called us and apologized. Without us saying anything, she realized that she had undermined us, and it had been inappropriate for her to do so. I'm not sure how things would have gone if I hadn't stayed silent, but I'm sure by holding my peace, we got the better outcome. 

Sometimes making a peace-promoting choice feels like surrender, but it actually takes a great amount of strength. It’s hard to forgive someone who will never apologize. It’s hard to let someone be wrong. It’s hard to not be listened to. Contention is an easy reaction, but the results are harmful. Peacemaking takes more strength and discipline, but brings more long-term happiness and positivity. 

I don’t always get it right. I’ve been a harborer of contention many times, but I’ve gotten better, and this week has reminded me to keep striving to be a peacemaker. 

Things I Don't Understand About the Modern Generation

I’m officially outdated. I’ve been on earth long enough to see the fashion trends of my junior high days resurface, and that proves it - I’m old news. I could be Benson Boone or Robert Irwin’s mother. I walk around judging the youngins and thinking they’re ridiculous. I want to comb their hair and pull up their pants! I want to tell them that they didn’t discover Green Day or the scrunchie, and those shoes they're wearing? Yeah. We already did that. 

I try to behave, though, and remember that the generation before me had similar qualms as they experienced my upbringing, and so it has gone for all of time. I'm sure as far back as the cavemen, the former generation thought, "What is wrong with kids these days? Why are they wearing their pelts like that and using all of those stupid, made up words?"

Respect for other generations aside, here are a few things I really don't understand about the current one:

Posting things to have them disappear

They have all sorts of everchanging rules for how they use social media, but one thing that has been consistent for a while is that if they post something, they use stories, and the posts disappear in 24 hours. It's not cool to post on the grid where it stays put. As a memory collector, this troubles me. Your memory and what you wrote just disappears! To me it's like writing a journal entry and throwing it away. 

(There are some things that are great to post in stories and have disappear, but your prom photo? Your graduation? Your mission call?)

Their hate for email

This is a new observation I've made since Nicky left on his mission. They detest email! For some reason they can send DMs just fine, but email grates them. This shocks me because I thought technology was their thing, and I thought that email was normal for them due to the way they utilize computers for their schoolwork, but that is not so! When Nicky was getting his mission papers ready, he needed to send an email, and he didn't know how! He could check his email and reply to an email, but he didn't know how to start an email from scratch. He had to ask me how to do it! I was shocked!

Now that email is the only way he can communicate with friends, I'm seeing how much they really hate using email. Almost every time he gets an email from a friend, there is some kind of comment in it about how much they don't like email. "Sorry I haven't emailed you for so long, I just really hate email," and the like. And a lot of them email him voice notes because they don't like to write. 

Wearing zit patches in public

I'm all for a zit patch in the privacy of your own home if it helps, but why are you wearing them to work? And in your school photos? You're pretty much giving me a map of where all your zits are when I probably wouldn't notice them otherwise. 

(And the stars? Seriously? But also, you know we can see the flesh colored ones, right?)

They won’t use a locker

I don't know how common this is, but my kids refuse to use lockers. Then they are burdened on days when they have extra stuff to carry. Lockers were our pride and joy when I was in high school! It's basically like having a school bedroom! And sure, they don't have to carry around as many books as we did, but they could keep some pretty amazing stuff in a locker if they would use one! How about some snacks? How about an extra hoodie in case you get cold one day? Do you realize you don't have to carry your lunch around with you all day? 

I can't tell you how many times my high schoolers have had a problem that could have been resolved by using a locker! But they refuse. 

The boys’ hair 

I can't even talk about what's going on with boys' hair these days. 

But I have to be honest, teenage boy hair trends have always been bad. 

Not wanting to drive

This one blows my mind the most. They don't want to drive! They don't want to get their drivers licenses. So many of them delay for years. 

When I was in high school, there was a kid who didn't get his drivers license until his senior year, and we all thought that was so weird. Now it's perfectly common for kids to graduate and still not have their license. Nicky was good to go and had no issues with driving, but I have pretty much had to force it on Daisy. If it were her choice, she wouldn't drive at all right now. It's so strange to me because "back in my day" we were so excited to drive.

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I thought I'd never be like this - so old, out of touch, and perturbed by modernity. Yet, here I am! In truth, I still feel young until I see a teenager look at me like I'm a hundred years old. Then I remember that, to them, if we are over the age of 28, we are as good as a hundred. 

Grandma D

Scotty and I no longer have any living grandparents.  We were blessed to have most of them in our lives long enough for our kids to meet them, but our last living grandmas passed away a few years ago. 

My grandma's casket

The other night, I had a dream about trying to load my maternal grandma's dishwasher.* It got me thinking about memories of my grandma. I’ve written about her before (here), but I wanted to jot down another series of memories about her. 

Me with my Grandma on Thanksgiving several years ago

-My grandma had very little patience for people not trying new foods and would always tell me, “If it kills you, you never have to eat it again.” (I now say that to my kids).

-She had a video rental system. My grandparents had a huge collection of VHS tapes (literally hundreds and hundreds of movies) and a detailed catalogue system. They were all numbered (and stored numerically), and you could look them up on a spreadsheet and borrow them. When you borrowed a tape, you had to write your name on a post it with the number of the video. Then you could retire your post it when you returned your video. 

-She was always wiping her floor clean. We always joked about how you could eat off her floor because twenty times a day she would bend down and clean a section of the kitchen floor. 

-She loved planting flowers and keeping her flower beds nice. She planted lots of marigolds. 

-She knitted two items in mass quantities - slippers and dish cloths. She gave everyone a dish cloth for every holiday and she would trace our feet on paper so she would know how big to make our slippers. 

Grandma's dish cloths

-She loved to cook and bake and had a lot of signature foods: meatballs, rouladen, crinkle cookies, baked beans, taco salad, finger jello, and crescent rolls. She always had Banquet chicken pot pies and Totino’s pizzas in her freezer. Every family party had a relish tray with dill pickles and olives and a bowl of Classic Lay’s with ranch dip. 

-She always put towels on the seats of her cars to protect them. We never sat directly on her car seats! 

-My grandma traveled a lot with my grandpa for work, and she would always bring back hotel toiletries. She kept them in a basket on her counter and handed them to us like party favors. Every time we left her house, she would make us take something from her stash. We had a family rule that when Grandma offered you something, you took it even if you didn't want it so we could get it out of her house. 

-She was an excellent typist. My grandpa was a patriarch in the Church (read more about that here), and it was my grandma’s job to transcribe the blessings he gave. She did this on a typewriter (she started using a computer the last few years of my grandpa's service). I would hang out at her house a lot after school, and she would type blessings while I played the piano. The clickety clack of the typewriter keys was the soundtrack of my grandma's house (that and the chime of the grandfather clock in her living room).** She also did all of the scheduling for blessings and always had post its on the kitchen door frame with the appointments on them. I would always check the appointments for my friends’ names. 

-She used the same kind of calendar every year - the free one that came in the mail from the McDougal Funeral Home. She kept track of the anniversaries of everything. If you wanted to know how old her TV was, you could find it on her calendar. 

-She spent a lot of time ridding her back porch of box elder bugs. She’d go out there and stomp on them and then sweep them off the porch with her broom. Some people look for dragonflies or butterflies to represent their loved ones. I’m pretty sure my grandma is represented by the box elder bugs. 

-She kept a stash of canned soda in a dresser in what was called the "back bedroom." She would let us (the grandkids) have sodas, but she had some weird rules about it. She would let us pour half a can in a cup, and then we would have to put the rest of the can in the fridge. Most of the time, if we wanted a soda, we would have to choose from the selection of half-drank sodas in the fridge that were leftover from other cousins, who knows how long ago. I always hoped for a fresh soda, but she would always make me drink an old, flat one from the fridge. I came up with sneaky ways to get a fresh one when she wasn't looking because I hated drinking those old, flat sodas!

-She was diligent at recycling her soda cans. There was a special spot on the counter where we were supposed to leave our empty soda cans. Then she would crush them by stepping on them and save them up til she had a big bag to recycle. 

-She always clipped obituaries and comics from the newspaper and hung them on the fridge. Part of going to Grandma's house always included checking to see if she had any newly dead friends on her fridge. 

4 Generations

Read about my grandma’s unique home here. 

A painting of my grandma's house

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*I mentioned this earlier this week - how I have recurring dreams about my grandma's dishwasher. (Weird, right?) I have no explanation or reason for it, but my grandma's dishwasher and kitchen sink are part of my dreams probably at least once a month. I'm not a big believer in dream interpretation, but out of curiosity I did some googling and found that a grandmother's dishwasher can represent nostalgia, a desire to clear away negative emotions, a desire to be nurtured, and preparation for a life change. 

**It's strange to me that people were okay living with that kind of noise. Somehow it was pleasing to those older generations to have loud chimes announce each changing hour. Anywhere else, that would drive me nuts, but I was used to it in that house.

Sunday Sentiments - The Pleasing Final Judgement

Lately I’ve wanted to jot down some of my thoughts and feelings as I do my personal gospel study. A few weeks ago, after our phone call with Nicky, I was able to look up a few things I’ve written in my journal and on my blog on spiritual topics and forward them to him, and it was really cool to have those things recorded. It made me so grateful for my ability to write. I often think of myself as a “documenter.” It’s something that has always come natural to me and that I enjoy doing. I’ve always been a journaler and record keeper. I’ve noticed that Nicky is the same way, but I don’t know if he’s ever paid close enough attention to realize where he gets it from. 

I don’t know how consistent I’ll be, but I’m going to try and post something each week pertaining to what I’ve studied recently. Sundays make sense - hence the title “Sunday Sentiments.” Oh, but it’s not Sunday, it’s Thursday! And that’s because I didn’t have this post finished on Sunday. When it comes to blog rules, I get to make and break them as I choose. Maybe I’ll have a Sunday Sentiment ready to go on the next actual Sunday! (No promises - just good intentions). 

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In a few different talks, Elder David A. Bednar, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has spoken about how the Final Judgement can be looked forward to as a glorious day if we are spiritually prepared. In his most recent conference address he said, “I am intrigued by Moroni’s use of the word pleasing to describe the Final Judgement.” 

Last week I studied this talk in depth and thought a lot about what might be “pleasing” about the Final Judgement. I have lots of ideas. For one, I think it will be such a sacred and beautiful experience to have the Savior advocate for us as individuals. I think we will feel understood, loved, and supported in a way we never could have imagined. I also think we may find our Judgement to be less about punishment and more about progression. 

A recurring theme I come across almost any time I study the gospel is IDENTITY. It finds its way into every talk, every lesson, and every scripture account. It’s always there… Who are you? (Who am I?)

“There’s one common identity we all share now and forever… That is that you are and always have been a son or daughter of God… Understanding this truth - really understanding it and embracing it - is life-changing.”

-M Russell Ballard 

From the Young Women theme: a daughter of Heavenly parents.

From the Proclamation:  a spirit daughter of Heavenly parents with a divine nature and eternal destiny. 

From the Relief Society Declaration: a spirit daughter of God with a life that has meaning, purpose, and direction. 

And in each of these statements, there is an additional word I didn’t include:

BELOVED.

The same word that Heavenly Father has used to introduce and describe His perfect Son also describes how He feels about imperfect YOU and imperfect ME.

I think an additional thing we might find pleasing about the Judgement Day is that we won’t just be told we are BELOVED. I think we will actually feel BELOVED. 

"When you know and understand how completely you are loved as a child of God, it changes everything. It changes the way you feel about yourself when you make mistakes. It changes how you feel when difficult things happen. It changes your view of God's commandments. It changes your view of others and of your capacity to make a difference."

-Susan H. Porter

I think, of everything challenged by the adversary, nothing is more attacked than our identity. And rightly so! I mean, if I were the devil, I would employ that tactic - confuse people about who they are and whether they have value. Make them feel worthless and unworthy. 

In the scriptures (and in life in general), there’s a pattern that whenever someone is called to do a great work, they are prone to become burdened and afraid of their own weaknesses. In last week’s Come Follow Me study, we saw it with Enoch. The Lord called him to do a work, and right away, Enoch homed in on all of his flaws. “People don’t like me. I’m not a good speaker. I’m only 65, I don't know anything!” When better way to render Enoch immobile than to make him question himself?

I think at the Final Judgement we might become more secure in our identity and our divine nature. President Dallin H. Oaks said, "...the Final Judgement is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts-what we have done. It is an acknowledgement of the final effect of our acts and thoughts-what we have become." 

Become.

In other words, who we are.

In essence, our IDENTITY. 

BELOVED children of Heavenly parents. 

Indeed, that is pleasing. 

Kids These Days

Eva (age 10):

Likes to impersonate Patrick Warburton and Sponge Bob. It's equally hilarious and annoying as hell. 

Is in her final year of elementary school (she is my first child that I will have to send to junior high for 6th grade. I've managed to evade it until now).

Eva in the 5th grade wax museum portraying Elizabeth Bergen 

Really wanted to watch Stranger Things but knew it wasn't the best for her age, so I reactivated an old Vid Angel account so she can watch it filtered. 

Gets away with way too much. 

She always has her head hanging out of the car window

Always wants to play "candy shop" or "library," and we are forced to be her patrons. 

One of Eva's business ventures

Zoe (age 13):

Is doing surprisingly well in junior high. I keep waiting for something to go devastatingly wrong. 

Has learned a lot of new cooking and homemaking skills in school. 

Zoe was obsessed with these cream puffs in California Adventure

Has such long beautiful hair and has no idea how lucky she is!

Talks in weird voices and mispronounces everything (and tries my patience in doing so).

Likes to bug people (and tries my patience in doing so). 

Zoe loves seeing the animals when we visit my parents

Is thriving on opportunities to be independent (going to the movie theater or rec center with a friend, walking around stores and buying stuff with her own debit card, etc).

Claims that she's not comfortable in a clean bedroom.

Asks for donuts every Saturday and loves breakfast burritos right now.

Had a growth spurt recently and has gotten really tall. Sometimes when I walk in the room, I think she's Daisy. 

Check out those long legs!

Daisy (age16):

Has her drivers license and gets herself where she needs to be (but doesn't like going anywhere beyond that).

Daisy at Universal Studios

Has a "big, fat crush" (her words) on Robert Irwin, Glen Powell, Ryan Gosling, Malachi Barton, Benson Boone, and Chris Pratt (and I probably missed five more). 

Goes to physical therapy twice a week for her back. 

Just finished doing a student directed play (Cyrano de Bergarac) in which she drew a mustache on herself and died in a sword fight (one of the nights, she actually got cut by the sword and her hand was bleeding). 

Daisy with her mustache and her bloody knuckles

Is starting to work on her theatre piece for the region competition. She will also be working on a play for her theatre team (a Robin Hood deal), and she is assisting Jasmine in the Unified (special education) production of Aladdin Jr. 

Was just released as president of her Young Women class. 

Instructing me to take a "tuff pic"

(Is this tuff?)

Nicky (age 19):

Calls us on Mondays.

He's not suffering

Seems a little tired of rice and beans.

Keeps a good attitude.

Always on the beach

Has acclimated to the Caribbean climate and gets cold when the temp is in the 70's.

Loves cheesecake and gets some any time he can.

Has a strange desire to not purchase any toiletries on his mission and will do things like take his mission companion's empty soap bottle out of the garbage can and fill it with water and shake it to make suds. 

Nicky got to go to the driving range on P-Day a few weeks ago

Is always finding animals and carrying them around. 

Brocation Ten Years Later

In 2016, my husband, Scotty, and some friends went on a trip to Disneyland. Lovingly deemed "Brocation," it has become an annual tradition. 

You can read a little about the history of Brocation in this post, but I think it's time for a little update about what Brocation has become. When I wrote that post, the largest group to attend Brocation had been 12 bros. This year they had 26. 

Brocation 2026

Here are some updated facts about Brocation:

-They now wear matching shirts. But not just custom t-shirts. They wear button-down collared shirts that make them look like a giant troop of Boy Scouts. Everyone has a nickname and a number on the back of their shirt, and they sew patches on their shirts. Some patches representative of who they are. They have all sorts of Disney character patches but also things like NASA, military, sasquatch, and more. They also earn a star for every year they go on Brocation, so every bro has a row of stars showing their Brocation history. 

-The hotel they stay at knows who they are and has notes and treats waiting for them in their rooms when they get there.

Welcome goodies from the hotel

-They have a long-standing tradition of trying to fit as many people in a seat on a ride as possible, and the Disney cast members are very accommodating on this (surprisingly!) They basically say if your butt is on the seat and the lap belt locks, you can ride! 

Three bros on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

-This year they had some firsts: first time riding the carousel, first jazzy chair rental, and first legally blind attendee (cane and all!)

An "Incredible" day at DCA!

-They have a mission statement and bro code of conduct. Since they are such a large group and stand out a bit, the Founders felt it was important to encourage good behavior, so they came up with some guidelines and expectations that they make sure everyone understands when they join the trip.

-Some of the cast members remember them from year to year and ask for photos

Some cast member from Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway

(and Mark with his jazzy)

-The week before the trip, all of the bros get together for the Brocation Feast (they can bring a +1, so a lot of the wives come too). At the Feast, they eat dinner, sew patches on their shirts, and watch the slideshows from past years. This event feels like being part of the weirdest cult on earth. But it’s a blast! This year they also reviewed the bro code. 

Bros at The Feast 2026

-They have several "sewing nights" during the weeks leading up to the trip so they can get their shirts up to date. 

-They get some perks for being well-behaved and noticeable. People venmo them churro money. Sometimes a cast member will hook them up with Lightning Lane passes or set them up with their own boat or train on a ride. People love taking photos with them, and they have gotten shout outs from Getaway Today two years in a row. They also met Gwen Stefani. 

Shout out from Getaway Today

Scotty with YouTuber Chris Provost

-The men who go on this trip are randomly pieced together. It started out with four men who were friends from church. Then it expanded to a few more guys from church and a few brothers. Then it went as far as "My boss wants to come!" "My friend from high school wants to come!" "My bishop wants to come!" They've even had people fly in from other states. Some guys have joined knowing only one other person, but by the time they go home, they have more best friends than they can count on two hands.

Three to a seat on Big Thunder

It's now been ten years since Brocation started! It's kind of trippy (no pun intended) to think about how the bros are all an entire decade older now than they were on that first vacation! It's been a really fun tradition for all of them. A bit ridiculous in some ways, but a very uplifting and unique thing to be a part of!