Fluent Brittish: In the Bag

The other day I took a break from my household chores and spent a few minutes cleaning out my church bag. When my congregation got divided last month, I had been working as the Young Women secretary.

Every week my family would take two bags to church; our family bag, which had activities, coloring books, and snacks and my personal bag, which had all of my supplies I needed to serve as a Young Women secretary. That is the bag that I decided to clean out since I am no longer the YW secretary (no calling for me yet in the new ward. I’m absolutely terrified of where I am going to end up. I had my fingers crossed that Scotty and I might get to do something together for a change, but Scotty has been claimed).

As I cleaned out my bag, I felt quite amused about what I had in there. Some of the things I tote around are very practical; other things are a testament of how fussy and weird I am. For example, I always have whiteboard cleaner in my bag.

I like a nice, clean whiteboard, so I like to have the ability to wipe off stains and freshen them up around the church. There are a lot of things that happen to the church whiteboards that make them dingy. For example, people use chemicals on them that leave a film on the surface and make the markers harder to erase. I’ve seen people use baby wipes and Windex on them. Those are not good for melamine whiteboards. Water and oil from peoples’ hands can also affect the melamine whiteboards. So I usually keep a bottle of cleaner in my bag so I can clean whiteboards.

My new church building, which pre-dates Noah and somehow survived the flood, has mostly chalk boards. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with that.

On the more normal side, my church bag had a lot of folders and notebooks in it. As secretary, I was the keeper of all informational things - calendars, lists, agendas, etc. It’s all in the recycle bin now.

But back to my fussy and weird side, I’m probably the only person in my entire ward, nay, my entire stake, who hauls around my own doorstops. It drives me nuts when I need to prop a door open, and I can’t find a doorstop, so I keep some in my bag, and when I need one, I drop it on the floor, and slide it into position with my foot. At that point I consider it a donation because I’m not going to perform the amount of work it takes to bend over and retrieve a doorstop after church. They come in a two pack at the dollar store, and, as you can see, their rubbery texture makes them pick up all the dust from the bottom of my church bag.

But like normal people might opt to do, I keep some lip gloss and hand lotion in my church bag. We mustn’t have dry hands or dry lips at church!

I usually have a stash of cough drops because there’s something about church that just makes you need to cough. The quieter it is, the more you need to cough.

And I have a few whiteboard markers. Even though I can use the church’s, I always like to have a few of my own. That way I know that they aren’t dried out, and then when someone needs one, I can be like, “Hey! I got your back!”

For many years, there have always been smarties somewhere in my bag. Every week at church, our dear Sister Argyle has passed out smarties to the kids. Sometimes my kids eat them right away, but sometimes they stash them in my church bag. Sister Argyle is in the other ward now, so there will be fewer Smarties in my bag.

I can’t be the only one who sometimes needs a flosser or a disposable toothbrush at church! There are always a few in my bag, which comes in very handy when I sit down at church, and one of my stinker kids starts whispering in my ear, and I become aware that they didn’t brush their teeth.

I also usually have gum and/or mints.

When cleaning out my bag, this is what made me laugh the most! Every Sunday while I’m getting ready for church, I grab a pen or two. I have noticed that our stash of pens and pencils in our kitchen cupboard has been dwindling. I have now found the culprit! There were over 40 pens, pencils, and fine-point Sharpies in there.

It’s me, hi! I’m the problem, it’s me!

Last of all, though this is an incomplete list, I keep a small container of Play-Doh in my bag. I like to have busy hands, and Play-Doh gives me something to fidget with during church besides my phone. I also let my kids play with Play-Doh during church (scandalous, right?)