The Bad Place

A while ago, I started watching The Good Place on Netflix. I made it through the first season and lost interest, but the premise of the show is that the characters, who have died, either go to the "good place" or the "bad place." In the "bad place" they are supposed to be tortured, and there are many ways that torture can be inflicted - from being lit on fire to being forced to listen to an annoying person talk for all of eternity. 

Anyway, the show got me thinking about what the "bad place" might be like for me. If some "bad place" architect were to design a scenario to torture me for all of eternity, what creative options might that person have?

Here are some ideas:

First, put me in a crowded place - a place where the people are incapable of sustaining order. Make it IKEA. Force me to parallel park with lots of people watching, and place the cart returns nowhere near my parking spot.

Then require me to eat quinoa and lead the Boot Scootin Boogie at a wedding. Add pinatas and gingerbread houses and mini golf. Include the sound of the same cell phone going off over and over. Make all the toilet seats loose so they shift any time I sit down.

Then crank up the heat. Not like "hell" heat. Just 78 degrees Fahrenheit indoors with no air flow. Force me to wear an underwire bra and jeans that are one size too small, then text me trypophobia triggering photos. Infuse everything with the scent of other people’s Cafe Rio burps. Have someone stand within a foot of me at all times.

Make me wait for people. Have them tell me they'll be there at noon then show up 21 minutes late, but first set all the clocks 1-2 minutes off from one another. Refuse me sufficient condiments for my foods. Let a dog jump all over me and sniff my butt. In fact, put lots of dogs there, and treat them like humans. Give them birth certificates and social media accounts, and write biographies for them. 

Install a koi fish pond. Make me feed the the koi. Don't give me access to dental floss. Take away my bidet. Have everyone drive 5 mph below the speed limit. Make everything slightly sticky.

That should do it. 

That...

would be a very bad place, indeed!

The lack of decent gifs is reason enough for me to not finish watching The Good Place