Here are some of the weighty boulders I've been pushing lately:
The accessibility and addictive nature of pornography. I don't want it in my life or the lives of my family members, and yet, it is being thrown at us left and right. Scotty got a new phone number recently, and within one day, he was receiving pornographic phone calls and text messages. You do not have to go looking for pornography - it finds you. The issue strikes home again and again. Just last week, a young man from our area was arrested for possession of child pornography. It broke my heart because he is practically a child, himself, and he has fallen prey to a horrendous addiction for which the resources for recovery are far too limited. I am greatly concerned with who else has this problem and how they are going to get real help. My concerns are amplified when I read things like this and this.
Controversy everywhere. Women and the priesthood, the government shut-down, vaccinations, gender, modesty, gay rights... and on and on and on. I can't even eat without accidentally putting myself in the middle of a battlefield. I enjoy a Pop Tart once or twice a year, and I feel like need to write a defensive essay explaining my dietary choices. Except that a defensive essay would result in a million critical comments and a few hundred published rebuttals when all I really want it to occasionally devour a hot toaster pastry in my jammies.
That person. The one who, no matter how hard I try or how much praying and repenting I do, I just can not be friends with.
This semester. Scotty is taking his heaviest load of classes ever while I'm trying to play a certain character: the wife and mother who has it all together and doesn't complain. I am trying to support Scotty and get him through this because I know that it's just as hard for him as it is for me. Meanwhile I am having a complete, private breakdown.
Being a stay-at-home mom. I made the choice, and I continue to stand by it - it is what is right for my family right now, but part of me aches to be somewhere else. Last week I was unexpectedly approached about a part-time job - a job that I had whispered to my husband a few weeks ago that I would apply for, "if" I were in a position to be working. I don't usually throw this out there because I don't want any critical backlash, but I am not a natural nurturer. I'm not a "kid person." I am a square peg, and motherhood is a round hole. So when there is something along the lines of a job offer dangling in my face, I go through a brief period of mourning when I walk away from it.
Depression. This is another thing I never talk about, and this is the paragraph of this post that I am most likely to delete later. There are approximately 2.5 people in my life with whom I've ever discussed my experiences with depression. It is there. That's all I will say.
I think most of us are feeling the weight of the world right now.
It's heavy.
And I have to admit, I don't always feel up to pushing the boulder up the mountain. Sometimes I just want to let it roll over the top of me.
I keep thinking of this saying:
That person. The one who, no matter how hard I try or how much praying and repenting I do, I just can not be friends with.
This semester. Scotty is taking his heaviest load of classes ever while I'm trying to play a certain character: the wife and mother who has it all together and doesn't complain. I am trying to support Scotty and get him through this because I know that it's just as hard for him as it is for me. Meanwhile I am having a complete, private breakdown.
Being a stay-at-home mom. I made the choice, and I continue to stand by it - it is what is right for my family right now, but part of me aches to be somewhere else. Last week I was unexpectedly approached about a part-time job - a job that I had whispered to my husband a few weeks ago that I would apply for, "if" I were in a position to be working. I don't usually throw this out there because I don't want any critical backlash, but I am not a natural nurturer. I'm not a "kid person." I am a square peg, and motherhood is a round hole. So when there is something along the lines of a job offer dangling in my face, I go through a brief period of mourning when I walk away from it.
Depression. This is another thing I never talk about, and this is the paragraph of this post that I am most likely to delete later. There are approximately 2.5 people in my life with whom I've ever discussed my experiences with depression. It is there. That's all I will say.
I think most of us are feeling the weight of the world right now.
It's heavy.
And I have to admit, I don't always feel up to pushing the boulder up the mountain. Sometimes I just want to let it roll over the top of me.
I keep thinking of this saying:
Sometimes "doing it anyway" is the only things that pulls me through.
6 comments:
While I can't say I relate with all of your various situations, I can certainly relate to feeling overwhelmed, dissatisfied, and like I want to just lay in bed or escape to a tropical island for a while. And I think it's actually really healthy to put aside the "doing it anyway" and indulge in the "woe is me" for just a few days. I'm sure you're doing it all much better than you think you are.
Lots of moms struggle with these same feelings, and it's OK!!! You are not alone. Being a stay-at-home mom is exhausting...you never stop working, and your clients are so darn demanding! If you everneed to veat, talk or hear just how super awesome and funny and creative and fun you are, cuz you are, call me!!! Xoxoxoxo
I know exactly what you mean. I feel weighed down by many of the same things right now. Thanks for sharing. It's good to know I'm not alone.
You've got this. When I'm feeling "weighed down" I try to remind myself not to focus on all of the things contributing at once but rather deal with one at a time. Ha! I know, easier said than done. There's a ton of heavy stuff surrounding us lately!
You've got this. When I'm feeling "weighed down" I try to remind myself not to focus on all of the things contributing at once but rather deal with one at a time. Ha! I know, easier said than done. There's a ton of heavy stuff surrounding us lately!
Controversies. Yes, definitely that. And the depression thing, I've got that too. And your "I can't do this but I'm doing it anyway" quote? Full fledged waterworks, it seems to be the mantra of my last 2.5 years. Sigh.
Hugs.
xox
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