Sunday, December 2, 2012

If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you

A few years ago in Sunday School, one of the wiser members of our church made a comment regarding opinions. He said something along the lines of, “If you pay close attention, you will notice that the people who are generally likable  and the people who are genuinely looked up to in our society are people who are very careful about sharing their opinions. They are people who think before they speak.”


Until that point, I’d always been pretty free with my invaluable opinions without ever giving it much thought.
If someone I knew bought a rice cooker, I would openly tell that person that rice cookers are stupid.
If someone mentioned Twilight in my presence, I would give them a thirty minute presentation about why I think Edward Cullen is a weenie (umm… sorry Twilight enthusiasts. I assure you, I've stopped doing this).
I’ve spent most of my life letting people know where I stand because – heaven forbid – someone not know how I feel about unnecessary kitchen appliances, fictional teenage vampires, and every other minute aspect of life.
After hearing that comment in Sunday School, I became very aware of the opinions around me – my own and those of the people I socialize with. It didn’t take long for me to realize how correct Brother Wise Man was in his comment; people are truly more likable when they are tactful and respectful about the opinions they share.
I’ve noticed, in the past few months, how destructive antagonistic opinions can be. They stir up negative emotions and create unneeded contention. It seems to be a common habit in our world for people to constantly declare dislike and hatred for every little, nit-picky, insignificant thing. This is one aspect of social networking that I don’t like – someone updates their status on Facebook to say:

i absolutley hate those stupid FAKE cowboys at school! i wish they could see how ugly and retarted they look!!
(directly copied from my "friend's" wall)
…and immediately upon reading it, I  feel angry and want to share my own opinion (which is that people who can’t spell ‘retarded’ shouldn’t be using the word to describe other people), and I’m not even a stupid FAKE cowboy at school.
Did my "friend" (who is obviously a teenager who has a lot to learn) accomplish anything worthwhile by making that statement? No. She fueled a forest fire, and it’s a FACT that forest fires suck.
I realize that I used an extreme example here, but opinions don’t have to be that negative to be destructive. Something as simple as insulting something that someone else loves can have the same effect. Just ask my neighbor, Stacy, about the time she insulted The Book Thief.
Talk about a forest fire…
I’m just as guilty of this as anyone else, but lately I’ve been focusing on the Gift of Shutting Up and the Art of Liking Things instead of constantly being critical.
In my opinion (sorry, can’t help it), it’s much better to be for something than it is to be against something. I don’t mean to imply that you should turn your beliefs around – that’s not the point of this at all. What I mean by that is that we should all put a little more effort into the things we like and the things we believe in instead of constantly focusing on declaring what we hate.
I might be against Edward Cullen, but I’m for reading.
I might be against rice cookers, but I’m for food.
(In fact, I’m one of food’s greatest supporters. If food were a politician, I’d totally let food put a sign in my yard. I’m just sayin…)
Should I test my relationships with rice cooker lovers by insulting something they love? There’s no value in that! I’m not going to single-handedly change the world by publicly hating rice cookers. I can, however, be influential by sharing my positive and valuable opinions.
Take for example, my opinion of crepes.
I love crepes.
Now maybe someone who has never had a crepe will go try one because I said something positive about them, and that person will really like crepes, too. Maybe we’ll go get a crepe together and talk about our smelly kids and have a really good time.
What if I hated crepes? I wouldn’t change anyone’s life by posting a crepe hating facebook status. If anything, I would make a crepe lover feel degraded and picked on.
That’s what negative opinions do.
Perhaps we should all share less of them.

It is not advisable, James, to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

8 comments:

Katie said...

I like crepes too. Lets go get one :) Well written post Britt. Gives me something to think about on this fine Monday morning. Thanks!

heidikins said...

I love this. And crepes. And Atlas Shrugged. And your opinions about Twilight.

xox

Jo said...

As one who has always been quick to give her opinion, I must say that I agree with you and Brother Wise Man and have actually noticed this trend. Thank you for this food for thought. Excellent post.

k said...

I have strong opinions about people using the word "retarded."

Britt said...

So do I.

Cheyenne and Seth and Co. said...

I was just thinking about this exact thing! Maybe yesterday. I completely agree, and i do really love crepes. And it sounds blissful to eat one with you and talk about our smelly kids while said kids run rampant around us. We should work on making that a reality.

Isabel said...

You always have such good things to say. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. This is something I'm going to be more aware of.

Also, I was in Europe with my BFF and her husband and we stopped to by crepes from a street vendor. SHE REFUSED TO EAT A CREPE. She is a very picky eater and was nervous about the foreign food. She's never had a crepe and didn't think it would be good.

OMH!

First of all, who has never had a crepe?!

Second, try it, try it, you might like it.

Third, I need to be more like you and try to bite my tongue.

Here's a thought: what about when someone asks your opinion. THEN WHAT? (I'm going through this with a friend right now in regards to his relationship. How honest should I be with him?)

Carrisa said...

Crepes are the bomb. We have a place here called Mod's Crepes and I will take you there should I ever get the chance. You haven't lived until you've had a PB&J crepe.

Also? I'm all for keeping crappy opinions to yourself. Those people that have something negative to say about everything? Annoying.

Now I'm off to go buy a rice cooker. It sounds like something I NEED.