Dare I Confess?

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #13:

Dare I Confess?

When I was in elementary school, a distant cousin of mine (my grandpa's cousin, to be exact), used to babysit me after school. Sometimes her grandkids would be at her house, and they would watch Barney. I had never heard of Barney before that, but those kids were Barney junkies. They had dozens of VHS tapes, and they even went to live performances. They watched so. much. Barney. 

And secretly, I loved it. 

I was in third grade when I was first exposed to Barney, so I was a little old for it. Everyone at school made fun of Barney and would sing, "I hate you, you hate me, let's get together and kill Barney!" and I would sing right along. Then I would go home and watch Barney in secret. 

I knew all of the songs, and I knew all of the kids. I had my favorite Barney kids, and each episode, I would wait on pins and needles to see which kids were featured (I did not like Luci and Tina, and I longed to be Kathy. To me, Kathy was some sort of Barney royalty). 

The following year, Power Rangers was introduced on TV, and we all talked about what a dumb show it was at school. But secretly, I loved the Power Rangers! I wanted to be the pink Ranger (Kim) as bad as I'd wanted to be Kathy from Barney. I even dreamed about fighting Rita in my pink suit, and sometimes I had nightmares about some of the Power Rangers villains (you have to admit they were pretty freaky looking). 

I mean...

One day I went home with my friend Cheyenne after school, and we watched Power Rangers together and acted like we were only doing it because it was all that was on, and we had nothing better to do. But then we ended up confessing to each other that we actually liked the Power Rangers. We ended up practicing our Power Ranger moves in Cheyenne's garage on her brothers' punching bag. We told no one of our Power Rangers fandom.

The other day I was talking to a friend about The Baby-Sitters Club books. I read my first BSC when I was in 7th grade. I'd never read one before, and for some reason, this one showed up in the mail:

I read it and loved it, and I started reading all the BSC books in the privacy of my home. I felt like I was too old to read BSC, so it was my big secret. I didn't want anyone to know! Surely no one my age (TWELVE!!) was reading BSC! 

My friend that I was talking to about the books said the same thing. She was embarrassed about reading them because she thought she was too old for them. So it seems we were all just reading them in secret and trying to enjoy the last moments of our childhoods while hoping no one would find out!

Guess what else I was doing in secret at age 12! Playing Barbies. I went a while without playing with Barbies because, once again, I felt like I was too old. Then somehow I ended up playing Barbies and getting a friend to confess that she, too, still liked to play Barbies, so we secretly played Barbies at my house.

Over the next few years of junior high, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC hit the scene (with a slew of other pop stars). Everyone at school mocked them, and I went right along with it, and then I would go home and watch their music videos on The Box, memorize all of their choreography, and listen to their CDs in secret. 

As a child and teen, there were so many things I loved that I felt I had to hide from everyone else because I would get made fun of, and now I find out more and more how many other people were doing the exact same thing. It makes me wonder what things my kids feel pressure to hide from their peers out of embarrassment when their friends are all secretly enjoying the same things.