I'm a Zombie Mom Today (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: As a mother and a blogger, I need to be responsible about what I post about my kids on the internet, right? I'm sure I've written a lot of things about my kids that I should have been more cautious about. Like, maybe I shouldn't have written about how often my daughter pooped in the bathtub as a toddler because, when she's 17, she might be livid. And maybe I shouldn't document the ridiculous tantrums of my five-year-old because it could someday drive wedge between us. 

So, with that in mind, I probably shouldn't write about my son's first zit. 

But let's just say, hypothetically, that on Monday, my son came home from school complaining that his nose hurt. And in trying to figure out why his nose hurt, I asked him questions like, "Do you remember getting hit in the face?" and "Did you run into something recently?" 

And let's say that for the next three days, he wouldn't stop talking about his nose hurting until finally, his dad looked closely to check for a bruise and announced, "Well, by golly, son! You're getting a zit!" 

And let's say that that son is traumatized by the appearance of his first zit, and asks, "Why is is there? How do I get it to go away? Why does it hurt so bad?" 

If that happened, it might make a funny blog story. But if that happened, I wouldn't write about it because I wouldn't want to embarrass my son - no matter how special the milestone of a first zit may be!

Fact #2: I've been watching Lord of the Rings, and it just dawned on me that the first movie is almost 20 years old (it was released in December of 2001). This made me realize that making my kids watch Lord of the Rings is like my parents making me watch movies from their high school years. My kids look at the screen and see outdated special effects and actors who were significantly younger than they are now. 

We've gotten old, Frodo. We've gotten old. 

Fact #3: Speaking of getting old... last night Scotty and I were driving in the truck when "Don't Speak" by No Doubt came on the radio... on Oldies 94.1. 

No Doubt is oldies now.

Fact #4: You know those five-year-old tantrums I maybe shouldn't be writing about? There's one going on right next to me. 

Fact #5: My kids are home from school today, and they are B-O-R-E-D. 

It's 9:19 a.m. and they've already been on electronics for over two hours. I don't know what to do with them. 

Update: We've settled on perler beads. Hopefully that buys me an hour.

Fact #6: You know what stresses me out? Pictures of charcuterie boards. 

I'm not opposed to food touching, in general. Some foods can touch, and that's just fine. But the touching of the food on a charcuterie board gives me anxiety. First of all, I imagine all the hands going in for that food. Then I imagine the backing up of the food line that is caused by the crowding of the food. I mean, if you're doing a charcuterie board at a baby shower with 20 people, the flow of the buffet table is going to be really spotty. I'm an advocate for proper movement in a food line. But the thing that makes me most uncomfortable about charcuterie boards is seeing moist food touching dry food. Meat and cheese resting against crackers... strawberries bumping up against breads... The foods that are supposed to be dry are going to be soggy if you leave them like that, and I can't deal. And let's not even mention the fact that as soon as a person removes one cracker from the display, the entire presentation is ruined! 

Fact #7: I currently have 1,111 posts in my blog folders. They are not all published - 62 are drafts. 

Fact #8: As a teenager, I had pretty bad acne. I tried all sorts of remedies and medications (including dabbing toothpaste on my zits and rubbing a raw potato on my face). 

I went to multiple dermatologists and tried all the prescriptions. Nothing worked for me, and I have scars from years and years of breakouts that lasted well into my twenties. So if, in theory, my son had his first zit, that would definitely bring forth some old emotions as I worry that my children will suffer my fate. 

Scotty, on the other hand, never had a problem with acne. Please bless that my kids got his genes and not mine. It will break my heart to have my kids suffer the insecurities that come with acne. Life is hard enough without a pockmarked face. 

Fact #9: I love when my children help each other without being asked. It gives me hope that they're growing up to be good people. 

Fact #10: The reason I started blogging today is because I'm incredibly tired, and I was hoping that blogging would help wake me up. It works sometimes, but it didn't work today. I want to wrap up in my best blanket and pass out on my couch, but instead, I need to go do some second grade math.