Lessons from Hyrum

One of my Church history heroes is Hyrum Smith, brother of the prophet, Joseph Smith. I thought today was a good time to reflect a little bit on Hyrum Smith since the Come Follow Me reading for the coming week includes some revelation given to Hyrum through Joseph Smith. 

I admire Hyrum for his loyalty, his faithfulness, and his humility. Hyrum went through some really hard things, particularly in his efforts to support his younger brother Joseph as he restored the Church of Jesus Christ. Hyrum even died for the cause after accompanying Joseph to Carthage where they were both put in jail. While there, the jail was raided by a mob, and Hyrum was shot in the face and in the back (at the Church History Museum, Hyrum's clothes are displayed, and you can see the bullet hole in the waistband. His death mask is also displayed, and you can see the place where the bullet entered his face).

M. Russell Ballard (who is a descendant of Hyrum Smith) gave a great talk about Hyrum back in 1995 that you can read here. 

{The statue of Joseph and Hyrum at Carthage Jail 

where they were shot and killed}

One of my favorite stories about Hyrum is from his childhood. When Joseph Smith was seven years old, he (and many other members of his family) had typhoid fever. Joseph recovered after two weeks, but contracted osteomyelitis, which is an infection in the bone. Joseph was in severe pain, and multiple attempts to reduce the swelling and drain the infection failed.

Lucky Mack Smith, the boys' mother, later recorded, "Hyrum sat beside [Joseph], almost day and night for some considerable length of time, holding the affected part of his leg in his hands and pressing it between them, so that his afflicted brother might be enabled to endure the pain" (History of Joseph Smith, p. 55).

This act of brotherly love stirs my heart. It was one of many acts of love from Hyrum and depicts the kind of man he was. 

One day, a couple of years ago, Scotty and I were busy in the house while the kids played outside. Eva took a fall and and scraped her leg. The other three kids carried her in the house, laid her on the couch, bandaged her leg, tucked her in a blanket, brought her milk, and turned on her favorite show. They did everything they could to make her feel better. By the time Scotty and I knew what was going on, they'd made her comfortable enough to drift off to sleep.

I was so touched by their love and concern for their littlest sister - it was a beautiful testament that they really do care about each other.

A few short days later my kids were out of control with their fighting. I sent multiple kids to their bedrooms, and we still had half an hour before we would leave for school. I couldn't figure out how we would survive that long under one roof without someone losing some teeth. While the kids were banished to their rooms, I sat on the stairs with my face in my hands, trying to not go ballistic. Then a thought came to me, "Tell them about Hyrum."

So I called my kids into the room and told them about Hyrum. I told them how much he loved his brother - how he held Joseph's leg while he was in pain, and how he later died with him. Then I reminded my kids of the day that they helped Eva after she fell, and I told them I was so proud of them for being like Hyrum Smith.

I didn't have to say anything about the fighting. 

I continually find that studying Church History arms me with knowledge that comes in handy for my own life. Hyrum’s experiences are no exception. He was a great example to those he interacted with in mortality, and he continues to be a great example to people like my children and me. 

Freedom

I'm in my final hours of quarantine. By the time this post is published, I should be FREEEEEE!

But I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm not going to speak of freedom just yet.

Can I be honest? This quarantine has been hard - harder than any previous quarantine-ish things I've had to do. My mental health went right down the drain. I have been awash with anxiety and depression. I will be okay, but it's going to take some time to get back on track. I have no idea how I managed to school my kids with Scotty working from home for so long last year. Whatever I had in me that pulled me through is gone now. 

There are no coping skills left. 

I'm tired. 

If we end up in quarantine again soon, I will probably lie and say that I'm fine. But I'm telling you right now... any future quarantined Britt is NOT OKAY. Unfortunately, you can't fix it. But if you want to help, I recommend SENDING FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. It's weird, I know, but over the last two weeks, I have felt incredibly deprived of nutrients, and I'm so looking forward to going to the grocery store and picking out produce!

So if your friends are quarantined, consider leaving a tomato or an apple on their porch because they might need something nourishing. 

—————

Well, we made it to January 30. We are officially free! But now I’m too paranoid to leave my house or have contact with anyone because I DO NOT want to be exposed to COVID  again. 

So what do I do with this freedom? 

Simply know that it exists. And mayyyybe go buy a green pepper. We’ll see...

Britt the Grown-Up

I've realized something lately... 

I'm a real life grown-up. 

I feel like I should still be a grown-up in training. There should be someone mentoring me or supervising me, but no. This is it. I'm a grown-up. 

Here are some things I've noticed about being a grown-up:

People don't pat me on the back anymore for doing grown-up things. 

When I was 27, and I did grown-up things, I got praised for it. I was treated like I was very responsible, and my elders would say things like, "You are wise beyond your years!" I could pay off a medical bill and feel like I had accomplished a great, grown-up thing. 

Now when I pay something off, it's just what grown-ups do. And I'm a grown-up. So I do it. 

A lot of important people are my peers.

Doctors, teachers, politicians, and Church leaders used to all be older than me. Now many of them are the same age, and some (especially teachers) are younger than me. This has been such a weird life transition for me because I look at these people and think they're not old enough to do these jobs because I'm not old enough to do these jobs! 

I'm not "the young one" anymore.

For a long time, I was always the young one in adult groups. I was the young one at work. I was the young one in my church callings. In hindsight, I know that it was the naivety of youth that helped me thrive in those opportunities.

Now that I'm a real grown-up, and I have more life experience, I hold more baggage and am more damaged. I feel less capable than I felt ten years ago.

I am not cool.

I don't know if I was ever "cool," but I know that I'll definitely never be cool again. In fact, I don't even know if "cool" is a thing anymore. I think only old, out-of-date grown-ups use the word "cool." And since I'm a grown-up, I don't know the current slang, so I still use adjectives the dictionary way.

Sick means you have a cold. Basic means fundamental. Karen and Felicia are names.

I miss the "good old days."

I have times I look back on as the "good old days," and I miss them and wish things could be like that again. Sometimes I ache for things of the past. I never thought I'd be this way.

So here I am.

A grown-up.

With my grown-up responsibilities, my grown-up body, and my grown-up problems. I'm not really sure how I got here. 

A Countdown of Things

Ten Parenting Things I Constantly Worry About

1. My kids' friends (and lack of friends)

2. My kids' health and weight

3. Regulating technology in my home

4. My kids' education

5. Something bad happening to my kids

6. Whether my kids' feel loved

7. Scotty and/or I will die and our kids will have to be raised by someone else

8. My kids' mental well-being

9. Not properly preparing my kids for the world

10. Creating entitled monsters

Me worrying about life

Nine Things I've Dreamed About Lately

1. E.T. (at age 37, that little guy still gives me nightmares)

2. Winder Dairy (where I worked right after high school. I have dreams about Winder Dairy at least once a month. I don't dream about any other workplace). 

3. A sock drive for the homeless

4. Math class (I never have my math assignments done)

5. Cutting my hair (my subconscious is always restyling my hair)

6. Pregnancy (I'm always happy to wake up and realize I'm not pregnant!)

7. Going back to primary (I dreamt that we start doing primary again and no one told me. Then they were all mad at me for not showing up)

8. Getting a dog (another dream I'm so relieved to wake up from)

9. Teeth (I constantly have dreams about my teeth falling out)

Eight Word Definitions I've Looked Up This Week

1. Scrupulous

2. Diligent

3. Prudent

4. Delve

5. Prostration

6. Teetotaler

7. Nuance

8. Homage

A lot of the time I look up words I already know just to make sure I'm using them correctly or just to get a better idea of what they mean. I enjoy looking up word definitions and would read the dictionary from front to back if I could retain a decent portion of it. Darn my average memory!

Seven Things I've Cooked/Baked Lately

1. Shrimp fajitas (yum!)

2. French bread (I've made 8 loaves in the last week and a half - mostly to freeze. I make hideous loaves, but it still tastes good).

3. Blueberry Custard Pie (I made this pie for Thanksgiving, and I have made it five times since then. Daisy now knows how to make it on her own). 

4. Buttermilk syrup (on French toast made with the French bread)

5. Poor Man's Steaks (these were gross)

6. Beef and Broccoli Lo Mein (Daisy says this is one of her top ten favorite meals I make. Nicky says it's in his top 500).

7. Sausage Gravy and Drop Biscuits Skillet (yum!)

Six Things I Said While Watching LOTR Last Week

1. "Do you think hobbits are self-conscious about their foot hair?"

2. "Hi, I'm Legolas, and I never say anything, but I like to stare off in the distance with my well-defined chin."

3. "There are so many ugly things in this movie." 

4. [Chant of the Winkie Guards from Wizard of Oz]

5.  "Do you think they braid each others' hair?" (the elves)

6. "I don't get why Gandalf doesn't jump in the bed with the hobbits."

Five Books I've Enjoyed So Far This Year

1. The Snow Gypsy by Lindsay Hayne Ashford

2. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

3. The Chestnut Man by Soren Sveistrup

4. The Woman in the White Kimono by Ana Johns

5. What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon

(I can recommend The Woman in the White Kimono in good conscience. The Snow Gypsy and What the Wind Knows are pretty clean. The Midnight Library has lots of 'F' words, and The Chestnut Man contains everything you'd never want your grandma to read).

Four Things Going on Around Me Right Now

1. Zoe is sitting on the piano bench strumming a ukulele with her feet.

2. Eva is playing restaurant and keeps bringing me elaborate Fisher Price meals. I'm currently "eating" a birthday cake and a bowl of soup.

3. There is a pile of Valentine's Day decorations laying on the end table. I started putting them up a week and a half ago and then gave up. 

4. The dishwasher is running. I'm always grateful anytime someone else does the dishes (tonight it was Scotty). 

Three Things I Need to Work On

1. Spending quality time with my kids instead of feeling constantly annoyed by them and wanting to get away from them

2. Seeing the good in other people 

3. Prioritizing my mental and physical health

Two Things I want to do Right Now

1. Eat Cap'n Crunch

2. Wrap my head in a heating pad

One Thing I'm NOT Blogging About Today

1. COVID.

There! I did it.

Everything's Coming Up COVID

In my last post, I wrote that I have a goal to blog about something non-COVID this week. 

This is not that post.

There is only COVID. 

Okay, that's not true. There is also Bernie Sanders. But mostly... there is COVID. And even when it's not COVID, everything still relates to COVID somehow. Every scripture I read can be likened to COVID. When I watch TV shows or read books, there's always something I can connect to COVID - like when I was watching Victoria and there was an episode about a cholera outbreak, and the characters were discussing how it was spread and whether they needed to quarantine the royal family in the palace. Then in The Crown, there was an episode about the deadly fog, and everyone was wearing masks. The other day I read The Woman in the White Kimono, and one of the main characters is riding the bus in Japan in the 1950’s and mentions sick people wearing masks. I also read a dystopian novel where the people aren't allowed to gather in groups of more than 10! Now I'm reading a book called What the Wind Knows, and one of the male characters strips down and bathes in the lake before coming home each day because there is an influenza outbreak, and he is trying to not bring the virus home. 

Throughout the pandemic, I have rotated between State of Mind A: "Everything is okay. We just need to give it patience and time," and State of Mind B: "Everything is so COVID-heavy that I can't function."

I am currently in State of Mind B. 

We are all still symptom-free. I took the kids to get tested again this morning, and I am taking them again on Wednesday. If all goes well, Friday is our last day in quarantine! Then, there might be something other than COVID. 

Eva went back to school today. I had to enlist a friend to help with that. Hooray for good friends!

I'm grateful to have one less kid doing "distance learning." My kids have only been to school 5 times in the past 6 weeks! I have always appreciated teachers, but that gratitude has increased immensely over the past year! I cannot teach my children academic things... or anything really.  There's too much butting of heads. I have had to fight and fight with Eva and Zoe to get their schoolwork done over the past week. They are both behind academically, and my at-home efforts to help them get on track are futile. I know I can't be completely dependent on their teachers for that, but good golly! They are so much more effective than I will ever be. 

I have been so fortunate to have fantastic teachers at the elementary school. Eva's teacher e-mailed me immediately after the school was notified that Eva had COVID. Daisy's teacher has made two trips to our house to bring Daisy her schoolwork (and treats!), and Zoe's teacher made a trip to our house as well. They've gone above and beyond!

Now I unofficially promise that my next post won't be about COVID. 

Dispatches from Quarantine

I'm feeling a little cooped up on this, the sixth day of quarantine. 

Quarantine Chaos

My kids seem very needy, and I'm wondering if I've nurtured them to be overly needy or if this is an appropriate amount of "needy" for their ages. Eva is currently at my feet, "Moooom!"-ing, and I can't help but think It's my fault she's this way! I have created this monster!

Now that I'm back to managing the kids and trying to keep them quiet so Scotty can work, I'm not sure how I did it everyday from March to August of last year. It's no wonder my hair has gone so gray! 

Besides going gray, stress makes me clumsy. If I'm feeling the tiniest bit tense or overwhelmed, I am dangerous. I drop things, spill things, and burn things. The other day I felt stressed while prepping dinner, and I almost chopped the tip of my finger off. I reacted quickly enough to keep the knife from going all the way through, but my hand was a bloody mess. 

The glove I wear to protect my finger while I do the 2-3 loads of dishes 

that accumulate each day from being home for every meal

I'm trying to not be stressed while we're quarantining. I want to be chill and just let it be... a couple of weeks at home shouldn't be that hard, especially when we're all healthy (so far... may it stay that way). But I can't deny the mental toll it takes to have everyone in such close quarters for so long. I'm not trying to complain - I'm just saying how it is. 

Here are some of the things I've done to pass the time:

• Played 5 games of Wingspan on the Nintendo Switch (I am not a natural video game player - it has been so hard to figure out the game, even after a tutorial. I didn't even know how to turn the Switch on! Also, I have lost all 5 games - mostly because I can't figure out the controls, and I keep selecting the wrong things).
• Learned how to play the Oceania expansion for Wingspan
• Baked 4 loaves of French bread
• Eaten 1,000 cookies (please send vegetables!)
• Combed through our budget 18 times
• Accidentally made three car payments for January (DOH!)
• Read three books with three more underway
• Watched 15 episodes of 30 Rock
• Finished watching Lord of the Rings
• Gotten tested for COVID
• Texted 53 people
• Cleaned out my recipe binder
• Rearranged my plate rack
• Tried four new recipes
• Inventoried the freezer and storage room
• Made a fish out of diamond art
• Worked on kindergarten and 2nd grade school work
• Gone to the car wash three times (even though the car hasn't been anywhere to get dirty)
• Done a clay face mask
• Bought the kids three new video games from the Nintendo e-Shop
• Completed a few interviews for a COVID-19 research study
• Walked around the block
• Made a triple batch of play dough

My kids rotate between doing schoolwork, playing on electronics, doing arts and crafts, and jumping on the trampoline (thank heavens we got a trampoline for Christmas, and the weather has been mild this month!) My house smells like hot glue and wet dogs (a result of the trampoline jumping), and there are pony beads everywhere due to an unfortunate incident this morning (believe it or not, it wasn't me). 

Eva is going to go back to school next week. That should help because there will be one less child doing school from home, and she'll be able to get out and socialize again. Woohoo! 

The rest of us will just hang out and try to stay healthy til January 30th. 

My goal for the next week: blog about something else!

All the COVID Things

Yesterday I told you that we have COVID in the house. 

Actual footage of coronavirus barging in on our family

If you're like me, you wanna know all the things. Who has it? Where'd they get it? What symptoms do they have? What's your blood type? 

So here's a little rundown on what's going on. 

On Saturday, January 9, Eva took a nap in the middle of the day and woke up feeling a bit warm. We gave her some Tylenol. I started looking up testing sites that were open on Saturday, just in case, but her fever cleared up and she was running around doing somersaults by dinner time. Just to be cautious, we stayed home from church on Sunday, but nothing else came of it. Eva was fine. 

My kids get little fevers like that from time to time, and they just feel warm for a bit and take a big nap, so we didn't worry about it further, and life went on. Come Monday, it didn't even cross our minds again.

On Wednesday, I had my kids tested for COVID for a research study. They were handing out gift cards, and we're the type of people who will happily spit in tubes for gift cards, so it just made sense. Prior to that, we'd never had any reason to be tested. 

On Saturday, the school nurse called and told me Eva had tested positive. I was completely shocked and literally speechless - in fact, the nurse kept checking to make sure I was still on the phone. It was trippy to listen to her rehearse all the details of isolation and quarantine while the child we were talking about was simultaneously spinning in circles in front of me with a cardboard box on her head. 

Shortly after that phone call, I got the phone call from the contact tracer with the Health Department. They considered Eva's "start date" the 9th, which was nice because we were already a week into her isolation time by the time we knew she had COVID. Unfortunately, she'd been around a few people, so I had to let some people know they'd been exposed, but most of her interactions for the week were masked, and school was out all week, so that helped. We have no idea where Eva might have gotten it. 

Since you can't really isolate a five-year-old, the COVID gurus told us that Eva would be okay to return to school on January 20, but the rest of us would need to quarantine for ten days after that (you are supposed to quarantine for ten days after your last exposure, which means our ten days continue beyond Eva's ten days because she's in our space all the time). That puts us at January 30th, which is a Saturday, so my older kids can't go back to school until February 1st. 

So today Eva could have returned to school, but I'm keeping her home for the rest of the week. Since she's in kindergarten, she needs to be dropped off and picked up at the door, and I can't walk her to and from the door because I'm "quarantined." I'm going to try to make arrangements for next week, though. 

Over the past few days, Eva has mentioned a couple of times that she can't taste her food. There was also a day when someone ripped a stinky fart in the room, and Eva (who usually has a very sensitive and accurate sniffer) said, "I can't smell it!" But other than that and the little fever, she hasn't had any symptoms.  

Everyone else is symptom-free so far. Scotty and I were tested this morning, and our results were negative. The kids were all tested again this afternoon, but we won't hear back on those for a few days. 

So until January 30, we're just hanging out at home. 

We are a COVID House Now (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: We have our first case of COVID in the house, so we are quarantined until at least January 30. I don't feel like blogging about it right now, so hang tight. I'll tell you more later... maybe.

Fact #2: I'm getting a rapid COVID test tomorrow. I don't have any symptoms. That will be my first COVID test!

Fact #3: The plate monster returned. But now the plate monster is quarantined.

This is my Wingspan set-up 

This is my Valentine's Day set-up

Fact #4: Speaking of Wingspan, yesterday we bought it on the Nintendo Switch as a quarantine consolation prize (It's only $19.99 to download from the Nintendo e-Shop). Nicky gave it a test run. I haven't played it yet. 

Fact #5: For my birthday I ordered the Oceania expansion for Wingspan, but they weren't going to be in stock until January 28. Every few days since I placed the order, I've gotten a new email moving up the shipping date. Yesterday I got an email saying it had shipped, and it is on track to arrive tomorrow.

A quarantine blessing.

Fact #6: I've been making my kids watch the Chronicles of Narnia. I never realized it, but my kids haven't really been exposed to war or battle scenes. They don't know or understand what war is, so in the beginning of the first movie, when the Pensevie family is running to the bomb shelter, my kids had so many questions. I had to explain where their dad was (fighting in the war), and later, I had to explain why the children were taken from their home and sent to live somewhere else. 

I wish they could hold on to that innocence forever. 

Fact #7: For Christmas Nicky got a slackline. We set it up at the park last week and tried it for the first time. It came with a training line that goes above your head to help you learn to balance. I thought it would be easy with the training line. I expected to hop up there and walk back and forth with no problem. 

Boy, was I wrong! My body was OUT OF CONTROL! I was so wobbly, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was shocking! 

Not me

Fact #8: Tomorrow I will be 135 days soda sober - which is how many days I made it last year before I drank a root beer, cried because it tasted so good, and then went off the deep end for three months. 

I love soda. LOVE it. So it's incredibly hard not to have it, and I have to make the choice every day to not drink any. I can't moderate it. I've tried. It's all or nothing for this girl - I either drink three a day or none at all. There is no in between for me. 

Fact #9: Nicky made a goal last year to go one year without soda. He hit his year mark this week. 

Fact #10: I've stared at the computer screen trying to think of Fact #10 for way too long. There is nothing. I'm going to go stare at a wall now.

Hell's Bells

I don't remember when my last visit to the temple was before the temples closed for COVID. It may have been when Scotty and I went to the Jordan River Temple with our friends Chad and Carlie, which I think was February of last year. I do remember that I went to the temple twice that week, and I thought I was off to a good start for temple attendance for the year. I don't recall if I went again after that. Regardless of when my last visit to the temple was, I definitely didn't know that it would be a really long time before I would be able to step foot in the temple again. 

Prior to COVID, temple-going members of my Church could, in most cases, attend a temple any time during their open hours and perform some type of temple worship. It has been a very big change to not have such easy access to temples. As things stand currently, nearly a year later, a few temples (four, to be precise) across the world are in "phase 3" of reopening, which means they are doing living and proxy ordinances by appointment. The rest of the 160+ operating temples are in phases 1 or 2 or remain closed. All of our temples in Utah (save for those being renovated) are in "phase 2" which means living ordinances are being performed by appointment with no proxy ordinances.* 

While I'm at peace with this and know that it won't remain this way forever, I can't help but wonder why God has allowed His work to pause in this manner. I never would have fathomed a world-wide shut-down of our temples. A temple here and a temple there, yes. It happens due to political upheaval and the need for renovations, but across the world? All at once? I never would have thought. 

Even though our temples have gone through closures, the building of many temples across the world has continued moving forward. I get to witness this everyday in my home since Scotty is a buyer for temple materials and has been working from home for the past ten months. The total of existing temples, those under construction, and those announced is 231. 

Not too long before the temples closed, we learned that we would have a new temple built in our area - Taylorsville, Utah. 

Rendering of the Taylorsville Temple - I think it's gorgeous!

Brigham Young once said, "We never began to build a temple without the bells of hell beginning to ring."** During a later discourse, he said, "I want to hear them ring again!"***

The ground for the Taylorsville temple was broken in October of 2020. It's only a few miles from my home, and the site is visible from the I-215 freeway. Every time I drive past and peek over the edge of the road at the progress, I feel a bit of a thrill, and I think, "Hell's bells!"

With each phase of temple reopening, I think, "Hell's bells!" And someday, when I get to return to the temple, I will think, "Hell's bells!"

I look forward to doing my part to make them ring!

"Every foundation stone that is laid for a Temple, and every Temple completed lessens the power of Satan on the earth and increases the power of God and Godliness."

-George Q. Cannon

*"Living" ordinances are performed for yourself. "Proxy" ordinances are performed for the dead.

**Discourses of Brigham Young, 410.

*** Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, 299.

I'm a Zombie Mom Today (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: As a mother and a blogger, I need to be responsible about what I post about my kids on the internet, right? I'm sure I've written a lot of things about my kids that I should have been more cautious about. Like, maybe I shouldn't have written about how often my daughter pooped in the bathtub as a toddler because, when she's 17, she might be livid. And maybe I shouldn't document the ridiculous tantrums of my five-year-old because it could someday drive wedge between us. 

So, with that in mind, I probably shouldn't write about my son's first zit. 

But let's just say, hypothetically, that on Monday, my son came home from school complaining that his nose hurt. And in trying to figure out why his nose hurt, I asked him questions like, "Do you remember getting hit in the face?" and "Did you run into something recently?" 

And let's say that for the next three days, he wouldn't stop talking about his nose hurting until finally, his dad looked closely to check for a bruise and announced, "Well, by golly, son! You're getting a zit!" 

And let's say that that son is traumatized by the appearance of his first zit, and asks, "Why is is there? How do I get it to go away? Why does it hurt so bad?" 

If that happened, it might make a funny blog story. But if that happened, I wouldn't write about it because I wouldn't want to embarrass my son - no matter how special the milestone of a first zit may be!

Fact #2: I've been watching Lord of the Rings, and it just dawned on me that the first movie is almost 20 years old (it was released in December of 2001). This made me realize that making my kids watch Lord of the Rings is like my parents making me watch movies from their high school years. My kids look at the screen and see outdated special effects and actors who were significantly younger than they are now. 

We've gotten old, Frodo. We've gotten old. 

Fact #3: Speaking of getting old... last night Scotty and I were driving in the truck when "Don't Speak" by No Doubt came on the radio... on Oldies 94.1. 

No Doubt is oldies now.

Fact #4: You know those five-year-old tantrums I maybe shouldn't be writing about? There's one going on right next to me. 

Fact #5: My kids are home from school today, and they are B-O-R-E-D. 

It's 9:19 a.m. and they've already been on electronics for over two hours. I don't know what to do with them. 

Update: We've settled on perler beads. Hopefully that buys me an hour.

Fact #6: You know what stresses me out? Pictures of charcuterie boards. 

I'm not opposed to food touching, in general. Some foods can touch, and that's just fine. But the touching of the food on a charcuterie board gives me anxiety. First of all, I imagine all the hands going in for that food. Then I imagine the backing up of the food line that is caused by the crowding of the food. I mean, if you're doing a charcuterie board at a baby shower with 20 people, the flow of the buffet table is going to be really spotty. I'm an advocate for proper movement in a food line. But the thing that makes me most uncomfortable about charcuterie boards is seeing moist food touching dry food. Meat and cheese resting against crackers... strawberries bumping up against breads... The foods that are supposed to be dry are going to be soggy if you leave them like that, and I can't deal. And let's not even mention the fact that as soon as a person removes one cracker from the display, the entire presentation is ruined! 

Fact #7: I currently have 1,111 posts in my blog folders. They are not all published - 62 are drafts. 

Fact #8: As a teenager, I had pretty bad acne. I tried all sorts of remedies and medications (including dabbing toothpaste on my zits and rubbing a raw potato on my face). 

I went to multiple dermatologists and tried all the prescriptions. Nothing worked for me, and I have scars from years and years of breakouts that lasted well into my twenties. So if, in theory, my son had his first zit, that would definitely bring forth some old emotions as I worry that my children will suffer my fate. 

Scotty, on the other hand, never had a problem with acne. Please bless that my kids got his genes and not mine. It will break my heart to have my kids suffer the insecurities that come with acne. Life is hard enough without a pockmarked face. 

Fact #9: I love when my children help each other without being asked. It gives me hope that they're growing up to be good people. 

Fact #10: The reason I started blogging today is because I'm incredibly tired, and I was hoping that blogging would help wake me up. It works sometimes, but it didn't work today. I want to wrap up in my best blanket and pass out on my couch, but instead, I need to go do some second grade math. 

Lots of Things - but Mostly Bananas

Ahhhh. Happy Wednesday.

My kids are back in school, and I have enjoyed these past three days to the fullest. After having my children home for 17 days in a row, I'd forgotten what I do while they're gone. Christmas prep definitely didn't help the situation, as I spent the week before they got out of school making sure I had all the shopping and wrapping done so I wouldn't have to do any of it once they went on break. So my schedule and routine haven't been "normal" for a long time (whatever "normal" is). 

For this brief moment, I'm caught up. My house is clean, the dishes are washed, and the laundry is done. On top of that, I've exercised, my budget is on track, I'm in a good mood, and dinner is prepped. Heck, I even took a shower today!

I'm not sure If I've ever experienced this, now that I think of it. Not all at once, anyway. I usually have one or two things "under control," but not this many at once! This is not my life! But wow! It's amazing! I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I'm sure things will fall apart when my kids are home for "distance learning" on Friday, and then it will get even worse when they are out of school for another whole week starting next Tuesday. 

(What am I going to do with them while they're home for a week? I have no creative parenting left in me).

24 hours later...

Ahhhhh. Happy Thursday. 

I never finished my post yesterday because A) riots and B) I didn't know where I was going with that post anyway. 

I'm not as "on top" of things today as I was yesterday, but I'm still keeping it together for the most part. My house is clean-ish, the dishes are washed, and the laundry is not completely piled up. I have a dinner plan, my budget is still on track, but I haven't done any exercise. 

Now hang on while I slowly decline into Friday...

This morning my kids were rather difficult. Eva woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was cranky from the moment she became conscious. Our conversations today have gone a little bit like this:

Eva: I'm tired.

Me: Why don't you go take a nap?

Eva (yelling at me): I don't want to take a nap! I'm too lazy!

(I'm still waiting for this child's sense of logic to kick in. This same child was crying at the dinner table the other night saying she was hungry... while there was a plate of food in front of her. That same night, she threw a tantrum at the top of the stairs, and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, "No one will carry me upstairs." Heaven, help me!)

The other day my neighbor brought us a case of bananas and two bags of sugar. A different neighbor recently brought us a bag of flour, so obviously the fates wanted me to make banana bread. 

Thus began my first baking catastrophe of 2021. After I dropped Zoe and Daisy off at school this morning, I went to WinCo to get some buttermilk to make banana bread. I had eggs on my grocery list, but we live right by an egg farm, and I try to buy eggs from the egg farm as often as possible, so I didn't buy any from WinCo. The farm opens at 1:00, so I planned to swing by this afternoon. 

When I got home from WinCo, I started prepping the bananas for a quadruple batch of banana bread. After I got the bananas peeled and mashed, I looked at the recipe and remembered that I needed eggs... eggs that I was planning to buy after 1:00... it was 9:00 a.m. I ran outside and checked the chicken coop, just in case there would miraculously be 8 eggs waiting for me. There were, indeed, 8 eggs... 8 eggs that had frozen and exploded and were covered in feathers and poop.

I face palmed a few times and then went to the store for eggs. Then I came home and continued working on the bread. After I got the wet ingredients in the Bosch, I could see I was really pushing my luck by trying to quadruple the recipe. The bowl was pretty much full, and I still needed to add 7 cups of flour. I gritted my teeth and just went for it! 

Y'all... it worked. But just barely. Luckily I'd cut the sugar down by a cup, or I'da had a banana batter volcano on my hands (or on my counter, to be more accurate). If a speck of dust had fallen from the ceiling and landed in that bowl, it would have overflowed. 

I ended up with 6 loaves of banana bread, and after taste testing, I declare them edible. 

I made a goal to become a better baker during COVID, and I'm happy to say, I've much improved. But I still find myself in crises every time I bake, I still try to make way too big of batches of everything (I can't make a single batch of anything - no, never! I must always double at minimum), and I still make a really awful mess whenever I bake. I have to dirty every dish in the house. I can't help it!

After all that, I still had 36 bananas left in the box, so I set aside six to make a triple batch of banana pancakes for dinner tonight, and I put the rest in bags to freeze for smoothies. I already had 10 qts of frozen bananas in the freezer. Now I have 17. Have I ever told you that I hoard frozen fruit? Because I do. 

And that's enough about bananas.

In other news... here are a few things I'm feeling enthusiastic about currently:

Our family room - I'm just really loving having a family room. Sometimes I go down there and just bask in the fact that it exists; that we have this space to spread out a little (I'm in the family room as I type this). 

Using up stuff - For the past week I've been trying really hard to use what we have and not spend a lot of money. I've gone through our freezers and our pantry and made meal plans. I want to use up the stuff we've had around for a while, and if that means we have a dinner of garlic bread, hash browns, and banana smoothies, so be it! 

Books - I'm excited for a new year of reading. I've already finished two books - The Snow Gypsy by Lindsay Ashford and The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. 

My birthday presents -  I got some really fun things for my birthday. My friend Julie made me a quilt, and it goes great in my family room (it's on my lap right now, in fact). My friend Christie gave me three pairs of joggers that are super comfy. My mother-in-law gave me a penguin butler (I know you have so many questions... someday I'll write about the penguin  butler). Plus, lots of other nice things from family and friends. 

Aaaand I just got the low battery notification on my laptop, so this is where the fun ends. Things I'm not enthusiastic about: going upstairs to get my charger. If you've made it this far, I thank you for enduring through this mod podge post.

Top Board Games of 2020

A big part of having regular game nights with our friends is arguing about who wins the most. A few years ago we decided to start keeping a Game Night Ledger to help us work out these disputes.

(Scotty wins 45% of the time, which means the other three of us split the remaining 55% Chad has really increased his winnings in the past year, though, so we need to update our stats).

Last year we looked back over our ledger and determined our top ten board games of 2019. We calculated it according to how many times we played each game, but we knew that wouldn't give us the most accurate results because you can't rank a 20-minute card game against a 2-hour strategy board game by counting the number of times played. So for 2020, we looked at how many game nights featured each game rather than how many times we played each game. 

(Don't think too hard about it... just go with it!)

Based on our new method of calculation, these are our top board games of 2020:

Honorable Mentions

I had to give two honorable mentions because these two games just barely didn't make the list, yet I love them both immensely: Hacienda and Ticket to Ride: Europe. 

#10: Codenames

#9: Risk

#8 Agricola

#7: The Princes of Florence

#6:Mariposas

#5: Bohnanza

#4: Splendor

#3: Love Letter

#2: 7 Wonders

#1: Wingspan

Codenames, Mariposas, and Wingspan were all new (to us) in 2020. Other games we learned in 2020 were Azul, Mysterium, Sushi Go, and Trash Pandas. Scotty and I also learned 7 Wonders Duel, Castles of Burgundy, Chameleon, and Race for the Galaxy, but Race for the Galaxy was during the worst of our COVID stress, and our brains were complete mush, so it kind of traumatized us, and we haven't touched it since. 

Here's to great gaming in 2021!

Currently {January 2021 Edition}

Reading:

Buying: cereal. I had some decent coupons for General Mills, so I bought ten boxes for $10 this morning. Who wants to come over for a Cheerios feast?

Missing: being able to freely invite people over. I keep having thoughts of all the people I want to have over when COVID isn't as much of a concern. I want my kids to have movie nights with their friends. I want to force everyone I know to come play board games with me. I want to feed people. I want to host book club on my couch. 

I even want to hug people. 

Big dreams!

Craving: silence, a hot shower, and a nap. 

Listening to:

Wanting: nothing. I feel like I have everything I want and need right now. 

(Ask again tomorrow). 

Watching: Lord of the Rings. It's been five years or so since my last viewing, so it's time. 

Annoyed by: a long list of things. I am so annoyed right now. I can't even.

I really wish I could write about it, and tell you all the things, but I can't. 

Playing:

We brought Power Grid out of retirement for New Year's Eve (the last time we played it was in 2014). Tonight we're going to play it again to get the rules solidified in our simple brains (and to hopefully not botch the game - we botch this one in some way every time we play). 

If we survive Power Grid and still have brain cells left, we might try Terraforming Mars. I bought it several months ago, and we haven't ever played it because we have COVID brain. 

Loving: the nice weather today. It's sunny and warm (by the January definition of warm). 

Feeling: a plethora of emotions. I am energized and excited about a new year. At the same time, I am annoyed (as stated above) and have felt a lot of unease the last couple of days. I'm frustrated with a few things, but I'm also really happy.

I'm all over the place!

Wearing: a University of Utah t-shirt and my favorite pants. I love these pants so much - they are $10 joggers from Sam's Club, and they are made out of a tech fabric. I want more of them, but I can't find any more! 

Eating: leftovers from New Year's Eve. We had hamburgers, guacamole, eclair cake, and sauteed veggies. 

Looking forward to: my kids going back to school. The fighting over the past month has been out of control. They need to spend some time away from each other. And away from me. 

Winter break has basically been a 17-day cage match between Eva and Zoe. I have no clue what to do with them. I'm tired of being a referee. They're screaming at each other even as I type this. 

Enjoying: having a few new small appliances around the house. I got a new toaster for Christmas and a new electric skillet for my birthday. 

Worried about: something bad happening. I know that's a pretty general thing to worry about, but really, I just have this constant underlying fear that when things seem calm, it's because something horrible is just around the corner. I think this concern is amplified with the changing of the year. 

Grateful for: health, safety, and miracles. 

21 Before 21

Happy Hugh Year!

In September I set 21 goals that I wanted to accomplish before 2021. Here's how I did:

Goal #1: No soda for the rest of the year.

I made it! My last soda was a Dr. Pepper on Labor Day. I haven't had any since. 

I did allow myself some Martinelli's on New Year's Eve. Some may consider that "soda." Though it is carbonated, I'm not counting it as soda. That is the only carbonation I've had since Labor Day, and since I don’t intend to make a daily habit of Martinelli’s, I decided it was okay.

Goal #2: Finish reading the book Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage.

I finished on December 28th. 

I really enjoyed chapters 1-6 and 31-37. I had to fight through the rest. The book is 747 pages and 42 chapters long. It was written in 1908, and there are so many big words. I looked up about a hundred words and added definitions in my notes. Now, I love learning new words, but I have to say... when I die and join the spirit world, I'm going to march up to James E. Talmage and say, "Alright, pal, tell me... did people actually use those words in 1908, or were you just showing off?"

Goal #3: Try ten new recipes.

These are the ones I tried (and I’ve tried at least ten more since):

1. Pressure Cooker Mac & Cheese 

2. Gluten-Free Fried Zucchini* 

3. Pumpkin Baked Oatmeal*

4. Thai Mango Curry

5. Slow Cooker Creamy Lemon Chicken*

6. Company Pork Roast*

7. Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins*

8. Sweet Citrus Chicken Salad 

9. Southwest Chicken Cobb Salad

10. Smashed Potato Salad

*ones I liked enough to make again

Goal #4: Get a Haircut.

I did. But now I'm waaaay overdue for another one. 

Goal #5: Don't Eat Out for a Month.

We did this as a family in October. We even took a road trip without stopping anywhere for food. 

Goal #6: Finish the Closet Doors in the Basement.

I'm so glad I set this goal because we'd probably still not have them done if I hadn't. 

The first set of doors (see #21 for the second set)

Goal #7: Get the Door Hung on the Storage Room.

We just got this done on Tuesday. It only took us five years to put the door on. The problem is... now I’m confused every time I try to go in the storage room.

Goal #8: Hang the Doors on the Kids' Closets.

Again, it took five years. Our kids don't even know how to function with doors on their closets. This is a big adjustment for them.

Now we need to get the knobs put on them, but I wanted to give the paint a few days of drying time first.

Goal #9: Weigh Less on December 31st than I Weighed on September 29th. 

Here's the thing... I don't weigh myself very often. I am much better off in my relationship with my body if I don't use weight as a measurement of success. I find that if I've been doing something that's good for me for a while, and then I weigh myself, I immediately derail - even if weight loss wasn't my goal. I can't tell you how many times I've ended a good routine or habit simply because I shifted my focus toward weight. 

So I never should have set this goal. I know better. 

Here's the other thing... since I don't weigh myself very often, I don't remember what I weighed on September 29th. I should have written it down. So I don't know if I met this goal or not. And if I did lose weight, it obviously wasn't by any large number, or I'd notice. So I'm probably just hanging out in the same 5 lb range that I was on September 29th. 

And the final thing... because of everything I’ve written above, I’m not going to weigh myself to assess this goal. I’m not going into 2021 thinking about weight.

So maybe I failed this goal. But I don’t feel bad about it.

Goal #10: Walk 250 Miles.

I didn't make it. And I realized early on that I probably wasn't going to. My total was 210.5 miles.

Goal #11: Do 2,000 Push-Ups. 

Yes! I did it!

On NYE I did my 2,000th push-up while Eva was screaming her head off for her daily hour-long tantrum - a perfect homage to my life’s chaos.

Goal #12: Do a DI Run.

(In other words, do a thrift store donation). 

I did two.

Goal #13: Clean Out the Garden.

I accomplished this one early in the game, and I'm glad I got it done. I pulled out all the plant carcasses and cleaned out our composter and gave it to our neighbor. 

Goal #14: Try Something New.

I tried using an acupressure mat. 

Goal #15: Finish 9 Books. 

Done.

Actually, I finished 18.

Goal #16: Clean Out the Box of Junk That's Been Sitting on the Window Seat of my Bedroom Since July.

Done.

It was full of stuff I had no idea what to do with. Hence the procrastination. It would still be there if I hadn’t set this goal.

Goal #17: Go to the Doctor.

I went twice. Some of my medical concerns have been resolved. Some haven't. 

Goal #18; Complete a Study of Temple Symbols.

For this goal, I read 175 Temple Symbols and Their Meanings by Donald Parry and then listened to a podcast with the author. Honestly, I didn't love the book (other than the introduction, which I really enjoyed), and the podcast was just a lot of stuff from the book, so it was repetitive. 

I also listened to Understanding the Sacred Symbolism of Temple Clothing by Kim Gibbs. I had listened to it before and wanted to listen to it again, especially since some changes had been made to the temple clothing since the first time I listened. 

Goal #19: Buy a Dishwasher Participate in the Light the World Initiative in December. 

I changed this goal because the dishwasher I wanted was never in stock, and it’s not a financial priority.

As for the updated goal... I did it! And it honestly made Christmas so great. I made sure to stay ahead with planning so I knew what I was doing each day. Some of the things we did were:

• Put together food and hygiene kits for students in need
• Donated meals to families in our community
• Decorated neighbors doors (but we got credit for far more doors than we actually decorated, so I'm just going to throw this out there for some of my neighbors who kindly thought it was me... it was Shirley)
• Took treats to friends
• Shopped at some local businesses
• Took cards to the nursing home
• Made a video of us and our friends reading Luke 2

Goal #20: Finish a Self-Reliance Class.

I started taking the Church's new Emotional Resilience class in September and finished in November. 

Goal #21: Hang the Sign Over the Washer and Dryer That's Been Sitting on the Floor for Two Months. 

Done. 

———————————————-

I really want to set some goals for the new year, but 2020 has messed up my relationship with the future. I don’t want to look at 2021 as a whole. - it’s too scary. I feel like I have to approach one week at a time. So with that in mind, I’ve been thinking about how to best incorporate some goals now that this list is complete. Before that, though, I’ve got a birthday to celebrate! Here’s to 2021 (eek!) and being 37 (eek!)