Draft Week: Post #1 "The Mom I Am"

A few times in the past, I've done a "Draft Week" on my blog where I publish some of the blog posts that I never finished. Last week, I took a look through my draft folder in Blogger and found quite a few unfinished posts. Some of them I never completed because I forgot about them. Others I never finished because I hit a wall and didn't know where to go from my stopping point. Some of them I was worried would hurt someone's feelings or might have been out of line in some way. Regardless of the reason, I have a lot of unfinished posts just sitting around, so I decided I'm due for another "Draft Week." Every day this week, I'll post something from my draft folder. I'll make a few edits here and there, but for the most part, these posts will remain incomplete.

(Aside: I am writing this post on Thursday, April 27, and the NFL draft happens to start tonight at 8:00. I think this is such a funny coincidence, and I only know about it because I accidentally typed "draft week" in the search bar on my browser when I meant to type it in the search bar on my blog so I could link back to a past "draft week"). 

------------------

Let's start off with this post, which I titled, "The Mom I Am:"

I am not…

A “play with the kids” mom.

A PTA mom.

A hugging and kissing mom.

A birthday party mom.

A “fight for the front row” mom.

A sports mom.

A “stay up late” mom.

A swimming mom.

A class party mom.

An adventurous mom. 

I am…

A ride giving mom.

A back tickling mom.

A snack making mom.

A "give you space" mom.

A question asking mom.

A “feed your friends” mom.

A “bring a date” mom.

A photo taking mom.

A “small and simple surprises” mom.

A “meme sending” mom.

A reasonable mom.

----------------------

When I wrote this, I was thinking about all the things I don't really offer as a mom versus the things I do. There's a lot I'm not good at as a parent, but I hope I provide balance with what I am good at. Mostly, I just hope I'm the right gal for the job when it comes to these four kiddos I'm raising.

His Works Made Manifest

A prelude to this post: I wrote this earlier this week and then let it sit for several days while I stewed over it and wondered if I should share it or not. I hesitated for two reasons: 

1. It includes some personal information about an individual, and even though that person is anonymous, I always worry about invading other people’s privacy.

2. I’m worried that the story is a little boastful, like I’m making myself out to be a hero. 

It may sound silly, but I prayed about whether to post this or drastically rewrite it. I kept feeling like I should post it, but then I would start questioning again. 

Tonight, I highlighted the entire Easter story (which you can read below) and selected “cut.” My writing disappeared like it should have, and I pasted it elsewhere for my own journaling. When I reopened the draft later, the story was back. I had tried to make it go away, and it didn’t work. So I decided to post it. I hope it’s met with the right intent.

____________________

This week's Come Follow Me lesson includes a story of Jesus healing a blind man. John 9:1-3 begins the encounter and reads:

1. And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

2. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

3. Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. 

Following this passage of scripture, the lesson asks the question:

How have the works of God been made manifest in your life - including in your afflictions?

I contemplated this question as I went through my week, and to be frank, my answer is write-a-book lengthy. I thought of many examples where trials and adversities (my own and those of others) have brought forth the works of God. Don’t worry, I won’t write the whole book here! I’ll just share a tid bit or two.

In 2019 I read Silent Souls Weeping by Jane Clayson Johnson, which is a book marketed to Latter-Day Saints that talks about how to find hope with depression. I was touched by many of the stories, some of which expressed hidden blessings or gifts that people had acquired through the experience of having depression. To that point, I had never thought of depression as something that could yield any sort of good, but that book shifted my thinking, and now I can see how having depression (while definitely not something I'd wish for or hope for anyone else to suffer from) does offer some refining opportunities - primarily in associating with, serving, and understanding other people who have depression. 

On Easter Sunday I came out of my house to go to church and was surprised to find a woman kneeling on the nearby sidewalk sobbing. I went to her, knelt down by her, and asked if she needed help. It took her a minute, but she explained to me some difficulties she was having, including suicidal thoughts, and that everything had surfaced that morning. She was from out of town and was in our area visiting family for Easter. She had left the house upset. She felt like no one loved her. She'd been walking down the street, and she fell to her knees on my sidewalk and couldn't go on.

It's always jarring to have someone tell you they want to take their own life (the older I get, the more I experience this conversation), but I was undaunted because I'm blessed (in a weird way) to understand how depression rears its ugly head. I can't say that I did everything perfectly (from person to person, the needs and receptiveness are always unique), but I was able to be there with her in that moment, and after some time, I got her to a safe place. I have since followed up with her (I practically forced my contact info on her) and have been encouraging her to seek some help. She has expressed gratitude to me for me for being there for her, but I've also expressed my gratitude to her because she helped me, too. She helped me remember that we are all broken in some way and that opening up in our vulnerability can be good. Maybe next time it's me, I will remember her and be more willing to talk to someone or ask for help. 

That morning, I had woken up feeling super ornery and anti-Easter (as I hinted at in this post, which I finished before any of this happened). I was dealing with some afflictions of my own, and I spent all morning thinking about skipping church. Scotty and Nicky went early to take care of some of their duties. I dragged my feet getting the girls and myself ready, and I walked out of my house ten minutes later than I ever do for church. Maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe that's what time I needed to be on the sidewalk. 

I ended up being late for church, and then I spent the entire time texting the lady from the sidewalk, so I didn't listen to a darn thing (sorry to my friends and husband who spoke in sacrament meeting). But I had a very different Easter after the lady on the sidewalk. I felt very strongly of the Savior's love for her and for me. I felt the power of the Atonement. I just... felt. And I'm not always a person who feels. 

So this is just one little example, one small part of my lengthy book, of the works of God made manifest through affliction. I definitely don’t wish for trials or suffering in any form, but I can’t deny that God’s work comes forth in many ways as we navigate hard things.  I feel like God was manifesting His work through both of us in our individual afflictions - I also felt a sense of reciprocity. It wasn’t just me helping her. I also received something, and if that’s not the works of God being made manifest, then I don’t know what is. 

The Truth About Mint

In my life, I have compiled exactly two recipes that call for fresh mint. 

The first is Moroccan Chicken Skewers with Green Sauce, and the second is Slow Cooker Cuban Mojo Pork.

That doesn't equate to requiring a lot of mint, but I've run into trouble finding fresh mint at the store when I need it. Late last spring, I checked three stores before finally finding a mint plant at Trader Joe's. I used what I needed, and then I sort of let it die, but I decided to try throwing the plant in my herb box in the garden - not thinking it would actually come back and thrive. 

Thrive it did! And I had a lovely mint plant all summer... from which I didn't use a single leaf. But sometimes I would pick one to smell. I think that's what garden herbs are for, mostly - to pick leaves from and sniff. At least, in my experience. 

I need you to know, despite never really needing any mint, I was so proud of this mint plant!

A week ago I was scrolling through Instagram when I saw this:

And I thought, "Oh! That's kind of what I did! But wait? Is mint problematic?"

And then I went on with my day and didn't give it another thought. 

A few days ago, I went outside to work in the garden. I had already planted a few cold weather crops (peas and spinach and the like) and was excited to see that the plants were popping up. I proceeded to plant a few flowers, trim back some weed barrier we installed, and remove a bird carcass from the onion box. Then I moved over to the herb box to plant some cilantro when I noticed tiny green leaves coming out of the dirt all over the place. My mind immediately went to that Instagram post as I questioned, "Is this mint?" 

There was a little cluster of it around the spot where the mint plant had been, but it was also popping up in smaller batches all over the garden box. I picked a leaf and sniffed it. Sure enough, it was mint. Out of curiosity, I grabbed a bunch of it and tugged to see how it would come out of the dirt. I ended up pulling some of the plant out of the ground followed by a long runner that connected back to the bigger cluster. 

And then I went, "Oh no!"

Because this thing I saw on the internet that I never knew about... was happening to me.  

I immediately went back to the internet to get more information, and I read things like:

"Reasons to never plant mint in your garden"

"I had to use a blow torch to get rid of my mint"

"I left a potted mint plant in my green house, and it escaped and took over everything"

So suffice it to say, if anyone needs any fresh mint this summer, I can probably hook you up. 

Ain't Nothin'

Ain't nothin' like laughing with friends. 

Ain't nothin' like slipping into a new hoodie with a soft, cozy inside. 

Ain't nothin' like a batch of freshly sharpened pencils.

How I spent my Tuesday

Ain't nothin' like a BOGO FREE coupon.

Ain't nothin' like having your batch of breadsticks turn out perfect. 

Ain't nothin' like winning a board game against challenging opponents. 

Ain't nothin' like updating your budget and finding out you've underspent.

Ain't nothin' like having someone take your book (or TV or recipe or movie or restaurant) recommendation and love it!

Ain't nothin' like seeing a menacing driver on the freeway go around a curve and get pulled over.

Ain't nothin' like melted butter on a hot roll. 

Ain't nothin' like having your spouse scratch your back right in the itchy spot when you didn't even tell him to.

Ain't nothin' like knowing your favorite pants are clean and waiting for you in the drawer. 

Ain't nothin' like hearing someone say, "I love your blog!"

Ain't nothin' like walking into the thrift store and finding exactly what you're looking for.

 

Ain't nothin' like watchin' a bunch of young'ns

Run screamin' through the sprinkler in their little bare feet.

Ain't nothin' like finding twenty dollars 

In the pocket of the britches that you wore last week.

-Brad Paisley

Suits Me, Suits Me Not

Amazon is alway advertising t-shirts to me, and sometimes I can’t help but scroll through them. A few days ago, I went down the t-shirt rabbit hole a bit, and while doing so, I was mentally labeling them “shirts that suit me” and “shirts that don’t.” Most shirts fall in the middle, and I’m entirely indifferent toward them, but there are a few that are so me and a few that are so not me. 

A few examples…

Does not suit me: any message that has to do with sleeping late or staying up all night

I’m a morning person, which is a strange lifestyle according to most people I associate with, so I can never wear a shirt that lies about my relationship with sleep.

Suits me: mourning Pluto’s status as a planet

I shouldn’t care, but for some reason, I’m among those who are truly sad that Pluto isn’t considered a planet anymore. It’s hard when something you’ve been taught your whole life ceases to be true. Just last week I was reading a book about the planets to Zoe and Eva, and the book had a whole spiel about how Pluto used to be considered a planet, and now it’s not. I explained to Zoe and Eva that when I was a kid, Pluto was a planet, and they were like “Whoa! You must be really old.”

Speaking of which…

Suits me: old people jokes

There are a select few age-related comments on t-shirts that really reach my soul - this being one of them. When I was a teenager, I thought people in their late 30’s/early 40’s were so old. There really was no difference to me between a 38-year-old and a 78-year-old. They were all the same.

Does not suit me: “whoop there it is”

It’s whoomp. WHOOMP! 

Suits me: no comment

Doesn’t suit me: shirts that say I’m cold

Being cold is rarely an issue for me. Based on the amount of sweat running down my back at church every week, a more appropriate graphic would read, “Hottest Woman in the Ward.”

Suits me: no comment (again)

Suits me: blunt and humorous

Sometimes you just need to tell it like it is.

Family Updates

Everyday around 1:00, I hit my wall. This is the time of day when I'm suddenly overcome with exhaustion, and I want to burrito myself in my big, green blanket and go to sleep. Each day, when I hit this point, I try to fight it. Now and then, I give in, but sometimes I'm able to ward it off. I don't really like napping - I don't like trying to get going again afterward (though I find it a lot easier to wake up if I set a timer for 20-30 minutes). When 1:00 rolls around, I usually force myself to walk around the house. Sometimes I get in the shower. Other times I blast some upbeat music. I just can't be sitting, or I'll never make it. Today, I'm trying blogging as an anti-nap tactic. We'll see if that works (since I will be sitting). How about some family updates? Here's what we've had going on lately (forgive my lack of photos):

 Nicky

• is on the high school tennis team, but the matches keep getting canceled because of weather, so at this point, the only real perk of being on the tennis team is that he has some really nice team clothing
• "medaled" at the 6-A State Theatre competition last week with his performance of a classical scene from A Woman of No Importance
• is loving the independence of driving and, for the most part, has been very trustworthy and responsible
• works 1-2 times a week
• auditioned and made the Play Productions team ("PlayPro") at school 
• went to Disneyland with the performing arts for school and had the time of his life
• is facing the reality that he is growing up really fast and only has two years left of high school (he's gone through a bit of a mourning phase with this)
• went to his first prom with his good friend, Addison (I was really excited about this because I didn't know if Nicky would ever ask a girl to a dance)
• is participating in a partner dance with the cheerleaders for their end-of-year showcase as well as a "male cheer" number
• needs new pants all around (funnily, he is slightly shorter than Scotty but has longer legs and needs a longer inseam - I have to order his pants online because stores never carry 34-36" inseams)

Daisy

• is in the school choir but has had to miss most of their events this semester because of other activities
• is also on the dance team (which is part of the conflict with choir)
• wears two pairs of pants to school everyday because she refuses to change out of her dance clothes but has to meet dress code for other classes (weird things insecure teens do)
• did her first partner dance... with a boy... whom she won't talk to
• but also has lots of "guy friends" that she hangs out with and talks to just fine (weird things insecure teens do)
• lays on the floor all the time
• was cast as the "apple vendor" in the schools production of Aladdin Jr (she wore a green dress, carried a basket of apples, and yelled out lines like, "Thief!")
• complains daily of every ache and pain in her body
• got her braces off and then got glasses. She's so happy to finally be able to see! (Oops on the part of this mama).
• will be taller than me any minute now

Zoe

• is having some mighty seasonal allergies this year
• was able to be a spokesperson for the media launch of a campaign to bring the spikes from the transcontinental railroad to Utah (she's obsessed with this campaign)
• dropped out of her tumbling class (Monday was her last day)
• has some pretty big issues with jealousy
• has been reading the Dog Man series (which I don't love, but I'm just happy when my kids read any book at this point)
• wants to display everything she owns - every toy, every paper from school, every picture, etc - and I'm always having to tell her to put her stuff away and not display anything. The entire wall around her top bunk bed is covered in her artwork, and she displays everything she acquires from every event and holiday on the bookshelf or the dollhouses in her room. All of my kids have hoarded, but she is by far the worst. 
• will be in Young Women next year, and I just need to cope with the shock of that
• is going to do a three-week theatre camp this summer and be in a kids' production of Seussical
• is very excited for the new Zelda game to be released next month
• went to the eye doctor and no longer needs glasses!

Eva

• turned 8 on April 15th
• will be getting baptized next week
• is a bit of a comedian
• loves cheap toys and junk and is always begging to go to the dollar store
• says "no thank you" anytime we ask her to do something
• throws mighty tantrums
• is in activity days for primary (or "the event formerly known as activity days that we all still call activity days") and enjoys it unless she thinks Zoe's group had a better activity in which case, she whines and says, "All we ever do is learn stuff!" to which I respond, "Isn't it so wonderful that you get to learn stuff?" and she goes, "Hmph."

Scotty

• is boring for the most part
• is currently going through a bout of cluster headaches. If you're not familiar with clusters, it's a headache condition that strikes about every three years for about six weeks (this timetable varies from person to person, but that's the approximate timeline for Scotty). Scotty has daily headaches behind his right eye. This bout started in early March, so hopefully he'll go into remission again soon. In the meantime, he's in a lot of pain.
• continues donating plasma twice a week to supplement our income
• is excited for warm weather days so he can drive his motorcycle (no ripped pants so far this year)
• talks incessantly about Disney parks
• is serving as Elder's Quorum president in our ward going on two years now
• is getting new glasses (hooray for sight!)

Brittany 

(that's me!)

• is also pretty boring for the most part
• feels the effects of aging each day as her hair turns gray, her knees grow weaker, and she can't do what she used to be able to do (such as fouettes in the church gym, which recently landed her flat on her back)
• yet... still has the zits of a hormonal thirteen year old
• is the Young Women secretary in the ward
• is helping plan YW camp for this summer
• has given up soda and exercises (almost) every day but still has high blood pressure, so what's the point?
• loves her dishwasher possibly to the point of idol worship
• wants to read books and cook all day

The Marthas and the Marys

I've always struggled with the story of Mary and Martha in the New Testament. I'm never quite sure what I'm supposed to get out of it. Frankly, I'm on Martha's side. Get up and lend a hand, Mary! Help Martha get the work done twice as fast and then both of you can sit down and listen to Jesus. 

Mary Heard His Word by Walter Rane

I know there's more to it than that, but I still always feel a little frustrated whenever Mary and Martha come up. At heart, I will always be Martha. I will always be cumbered!

I've been thinking about these women a lot this week as their story has been part of the Come Follow Me curriculum, and even though I will probably never "like" their tale, here are some things that I've pondered:

In some reading I've done on the topic, it is suggested that the issue wasn't so much that Martha was going about working while Mary was listening to Jesus. It wasn't the work that Martha was doing that needed censure (after all, she was serving the Savior in her own way) - it was her attitude toward Mary that was problematic. 

We all have different ways of serving, and what is needful in each circumstance may be different from person to person. Camille Fronk Olsen wrote that, "The story of Martha and Mary shows that there is more than one way to serve the Savior in our own lives... The sisters' different approaches to serving the Master teach us to respect and honor those who manifest discipleship in different ways."

One Thing is Needful by Angela Johnson (sculpture)

Martha was frustrated with Mary for choosing something different, and she was focused on how Mary's actions were affecting her rather that how Mary's actions served the Savior or how they benefited Mary. I think it's easy for us to observe the choices and practices of others and to criticize them for being different than our own. I've had a hard time with that as I have served in the Church. Sometimes I want a leader to do things the same way a past leader did, or I want someone to serve the way I would serve. Sometimes I want them to do more. Most of the time, it's not an issue of right or wrong, and no one's salvation is being threatened - we just do things differently. Chalk it up to unique talents, different resources, and varying life situations. I know we aren't all the same, and yet, sometimes I have a hard time understanding why someone approaches something differently than I would, and sometimes I feel like I'm doing the hard work while other people are sitting on the floor listening to nice stories as the chores pile up. 

In many ways, the story of Martha and Mary is a story about comparison. When I was in school, I studied Social Comparison Theory, which, in its simplest form, is the idea that we often compare ourselves to others because we want to know how we are doing. We usually do this in two ways: 

Upward comparison - when we compare ourselves to someone we perceive as being better than ourselves ("I'll never have as many friends as Stacy!")

Downward comparison - when we compare ourselves to someone we feel we are doing better than ("At least I have more friends than Stacy!")

Most of the time, comparison has a negative rapport (justifiably so), but it's not always a bad thing. For example, if I never compare myself to the Savior, how will I evaluate my efforts to become like Him? It's when we use comparison to beat ourselves up or to falsely boost our self-worth that it is becomes a problem. I think this is where Martha may have tripped up. Seeing Mary sit at the Savior's feet while Martha went about working made Martha question who was doing things "right," and she turned to the Savior in hopes that He would validate that it was her. Poor Martha just wanted to know how she was doing, but she fell into the comparison trap. 

As we serve and learn and go about our daily lives, there will be times when it's best to give like Martha, and there will be times when it's best to receive like Mary. The important thing is to recognize that our discipleship won't always match each other's, and we needn't be so concerned with that. 

So from now on, I'm going to try really hard to not worry about who's being Martha and who's being Mary and try to respect discipleship in all it's forms (even if that means I have to clean up more stuff at the ward party while the Marys sit around talking). 

A Good Week

This week has gone by really fast. On Monday I made a goal to have a healthy breakfast every day this week. Now it’s Friday - I can’t believe it’s already my fifth breakfast! Time flies when you measure it in food!

This week has been really good, too. I could do with more weeks like this one. I feel like it has had a nice balance between productivity, personal growth, and wholesome activities. 

This week:

- I finished three books

- I am 111 days soda sober

- I learned how to make my mother-in-law’s potato salad (hers is my favorite)

Behold! Potato salad!

- I socialized (lunch with Christie, walk with Shannon who was in town from Idaho, and a phone call from my aunt Jo)

- I called and scheduled my annual physical with my GP (for some reason this always feels huge) (see you in August, Dr. G)

- I exercised every day

The photo I sent KoriAnn to prove I was at the gym. I may have been sitting still and playing on my phone, but whatever! I was there!

- I took Zoe to the doctor for a rash (deemed a virus)

- I got to skip Young Women (sometimes it’s really nice to have my Wednesday night) (Nicky had a theatre performance)

Nicky and Addie performing a scene from A Woman of No Importance. They’ll be competing at State this weekend.

- I was given an opportunity to provide service by doing something I am good at (I get to use Da Skills!!!) 

- I made an additional payment on our house (our goal is to have it paid off when Nicky graduates, but that means we have to push it a little bit) 

- My little spinach plants in the garden started popping up

What I didn’t do this week… clean my house. It’s not horrible, but it’s also not “company ready.” It’s “if I have fifteen minutes notice, I can fake it.” But I need to get it cleaner than that because I’m hosting book club tonight. 

I just really, really hate cleaning. 

Don’t get me wrong - I’m 100x more mentally stable, capable, and pleasant when I’m in a clean and organized environment. I just don’t like doing my part to make it happen. Especially if I’m making exercise a priority. Because I hate exercising too. Again, I’m 100x more mentally stable, capable, and pleasant when I exercise. But I don’t like doing it. So if I exercise during the day, I’m definitely not going to come home and clean afterward. Ew. 

So today, after I eat my fifth breakfast (of the week, not of the day, you silly! (though I do have those kind of days sometimes)) I will be cleaning and not exercising. Because I can only handle so much. 

Now… time for that breakfast… 

Better Than "Meh"

I have to confess, I haven't had a great reading year. January started out well, so I did a re-cap of some of the books I read that month, but since then, everything I've read has been mostly "meh." Now that it's April, I have a few books I can report on. They're just not rolling in quickly. 

Here are some books I've read since January that are better than "meh:"

Flight Patterns by Karen White

(contemporary, women's lit, Southern)

My rating: ****

Georgia is an expert in fine China. One day a man brings in a piece with a bumble bee pattern on it that looks familiar to Georgia. Her hunt for the history of the piece takes her back home to her estranged sister and her mother who doesn't speak. Of course, there are a bunch of family secrets that unfold, and I want to give them all therapy. Alas, I remain unqualified, and they remain fictional. 

But there are bees. 

And a murder mystery. 

And maybe there's a bit of romance. 

I'd let my grandma read this. 

The Collector's Daughter by Gill Paul

(historical fiction, Egypt)

My rating: ****

This is a fictional exploration of the life of Evelyn Herbert Beauchamp, who was the daughter of the man who funded the efforts to locate and excavate Tutankhamun's tomb in the 1920's. She is said to be the first to enter the womb, and the book plays on the idea that she may have taken some items from the tomb. Was the tomb cursed? 

The book alternates between "fascinating" and "a little slow," but I quite enjoyed reading this piece of non-world-war historical fiction (though it delves briefly into WWI in which Eve's husband served the British Army). 

When I finish a book and immediately take a deep dive into additional reading materials because my curiosity has been stirred, the book has done its job! I've always enjoyed learning about the archeological findings of Ancient Egypt, so this was a fun read (though, again, a little dull in some places). It toys with themes of memory and the ethical question of who has claim to antiquities of ancient origin. 

It's also quite clean, though it does have some mild sexual content involving difficulties consummating a marriage. I would still let my grandma read it, maybe with a word of caution. 

The House of Eve by Sadeqa Johnson

(historical fiction, African American)

My rating: ****

This book tells the story of two black women in the 1950's. The first is Ruby who falls in love with the son of her white landlord and finds herself pregnant. The second is Eleanor who marries William, who comes from wealth, and then struggles to provide him with a child. Both women have obstacles to fulfilling their dreams and face hard circumstances and decisions brought about by their place in society and their race. 

This is a hard one that will make your heart ache. This isn't one for my grandma. 

Loyalty by Lisa Scottoline

(historical fiction, 1800's, Sicily, mafia)

My review: ****

This is a weird one to review. 

This book takes place in the 1800's in Palermo, Sicily, which I know nothing about. My only reference to Palermo is that it's in one of our frequently played board games (which is where I get all my geographical education - if it's not on one of my board games, I know nothing about it) (Ticket to Ride: Europe, if you're wondering). 

The story involves quite a few characters, and it takes most of the book for those stories to finally come together. I won't list all the characters and their storylines (you can see the book jacket for that), but I will say, some of them are more interesting than others. The story deals with what may have historically been the beginnings of the mafia, wherein things like kidnapping, stealing lemon farms, and forming loyalties took place. There are some moral characters and some immoral characters, and the whole book is just a bit... weird. I had to read it slowly at first to make sure I could orient myself and get a feel for the people and the terminology and the history of Sicily. 

Then when it was over, I missed it. I wanted to spend more time with the characters. However, I feel like if I recommended this book to anyone, they would think, "This is boring, why did Britt think I would like this?"

It's just one of those weird things! I dunno what more to say. 

I'd let my grandma read this, but I don't know if she'd want to!

The Dream Daughter by Diane Chamberlain

(historical fiction, time travel, science fiction)

My rating: ****

Okay, are you ready for a strange synopsis?

Shortly after receiving word that her husband has died in Vietnam, Caroline finds out she is pregnant, and the baby has a heart defect. She then time travels to 2001 to have fetal surgery. There are rules to time travel, of course, so she is unsure whether the baby will be well enough to return to 1970 with her.

Just go with it. 

I'd let my grandma give it a try. 

Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman

(memoir, Hasidic Judaism)

My rating: (no rating because I don't always like to rate memoirs and real-life experiences) 

A few months ago I watched the Netflix adaptation of this book and decided I wanted to read it (I wouldn't recommend it due to sexual content and nudity). The series took a lot of different directions and doesn't follow the book very closely, save for a few key elements. 

I have always been fascinated by Hasidic Judaism (and have enjoyed books like The Ladies Auxiliary by Tova Mirvis and My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok). There are a lot of things I really respect about the practices and rituals of Orthodox Judaism, but there are also a lot of things that trouble me (in particular, things that are demeaning toward women). 

This is a memoir by a woman who chose to leave the religion. 

Let's Talk About Religion and Mental Health by Daniel K. Judd

(psychology, mental health, LDS, spiritual/religious)

My rating: *****

This book discusses some of the basics of mental health and the research regarding religion and mental health. I like that this book offers balance between spiritual practices, medical assistance, and therapy. It doesn't promote spiritual practices as a cure-all for mental illness, in fact, it even acknowledges that sometimes increasing spiritual practices can make a person become more numb (though it doesn't discourage spiritual practices). 

I might do a follow-up post about this book later, so that's all I will say for now. 

 

Shipping - An Old Woman’s View

The other day, Scotty, Daisy, and I were driving in the van, and Daisy was talking about her friends when she said, “Courtney is shipping me and Liam.”

And Scotty and I were both like, “Huh?”

Cuz first we thought she said Courtney was shitting her and Liam, but Daisy doesn’t curse, so we had to clarify. 

Shipping.

What?

So she explained shipping. 

And Scotty and I were like, “OMG we are so old!”

The language of the modern-day teens is so annoying to us (like ours was to our parents). How they’re all, “That’s L!” and “That’s W!” and “Rizz!” and if you try to Google their language, you get a variety of explanations for the terms they’re using, and there’s always some definition that’s pervy and awful, and you’re like, “Children of mine, don’t say words anymore. We’re just not going to use words. They’re all bad. All of them! We are no longer humans who speak. In fact, don’t make any gestures either. Keep you’re hands folded neatly in your lap, and don’t make sound again, ever.”

So shipping.

I’m only a few days into knowing this term, and I was thinking it was new. But, due to frequency illusion, this morning I heard the term in a book I’m listening to that was written in 2013, which means folks have been “shipping” for at least ten years now.

Where have I been?

Well…ain’t no one shipping me, so this is something I completely missed.

Bring on the Monday

It’s been a crazy week around here! Culminating in an even crazier weekend! 

We had two dance concerts:

Prom:

And a birthday:

…in addition to a parent watch day at dance class, multiple church meetings, tennis matches, and my spontaneous decision to cook and freeze six pot roasts for Eva’s upcoming baptism. There was also Easter (depending on how you want to measure the week), and Scotty and I were able to attend a presentation by the president of The Chosen. 

I had a few ugly, stressful moments, but thanks to Scotty’s patience and willingness to go along with my plans (like two birthday parties in two days) , we pulled it off. Now I’m lying in bed at 10:18 pm Sunday night giving a huge sigh of relief. We made it! And tomorrow? Monday? Will be boring and beautiful. I’m so excited! I’m giving myself a recovery day. I’m not sure what that will entail, but I’ll be going to the gym for sure, and after that, I might just stare at a wall and daydream for a few hours. 

(Side note: As I mentioned, I’m laying in my bed at the end of an eventful day. Scotty always falls asleep before me, and I usually stay up and read. He does a lot of weird things after he falls asleep. He just rolled over and said, “I love your bum cheeks.” He won’t remember this in the morning, but he’ll probably read about it on the toilet).

I have so much I want to write about right now but no sense of mind to do so. I’m really tired and need to go to sleep, but I’m also hyper. 

-and right after I wrote that, I fell asleep, which brings me to Monday morning 6:38-

A lot of what has occupied my thoughts lately (and therefore what I feel drawn to write about) is heavy, and I’m not sure what to do with it. I need to either talk about it or write about it, but in both cases, the right words and a fair amount of discretion are required. 

There are pains from my past that are creeping up. I have a few friends I am really worried about. There are some grievances I need to forgive but can’t quite move past. I feel a lot of guilt about some of the things I’m not doing. There are some areas of my life where I feel unseen (and other ideas where I feel too visible). I’ve been wrestling with some of my more difficult qualities that I would like to change. I worry about my kids. I never feel like I’m in a good place spiritually. 

My life is great and incredibly beautiful, but I have these underlying things (like we all do) that I need to take some time to sit with and process. And after a busy week, I feel like there’s some pile-up. 

So today, I’m grateful my schedule is a little more free because I really might need to do that wall staring I talked about earlier. In the meantime, Zoe has requested chicken noodle soup and Cheetos for breakfast, and Imma just go with that.

Things the Kids Say: Episode 22

Zoe: Mic drop!

Eva: Who’s Mike Drop?

—————

Eva: Can we go to an adoption center and get a baby brother for our family?

Me: Well, kids aren’t like puppies. You can’t just go to a shelter and pick the one you want. It’s a little more complicated than that.

Eva: So how do you adopt kids?

Zoe: You order them online. Duh.

—————

“My mom was born in 1921.”

-Zoe

—————

“Why is cheese so magical?”

-Eva

—————

“Those are disgusting.”

-Nicky, regarding my new pants

—————

“Mom, have you done sexing four times? Is that why you have four kids?”

-Zoe

My Heavenly Father Loves Me

One of my favorite gospel topics is the creation. I have always loved seeing God’s hand in the world around me, and I’m always excited when I have the chance to talk to the children and youth about this. It’s something dear to me.

Tonight for our Young Women activity, the YW were invited to make short videos to show one another. I’m not sure if very many of them will show videos, so I made one - a slideshow to what I would call the “non-Sunday” version of “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” with some of the photos I have taken while enjoying God’s magnificent creations. 

Family Photos Behind-the-Scenes

One of my goals in my 40x40 project was to get family photos taken. The last time we had family photos done was in November of 2019, and it was a bit of a disaster. 

November 2019

It was Zoe’s birthday so she was mad about having to have pictures taken on her special day. She hated the sleeves on her outfit (they were 3/4 length, and she wanted them to go to her wrists), so she was tantruming and pouting the whole time, and then she would try to pull her arms into her sleeves all weird-like. She wouldn't do anything the photographer asked her to, so we had to keep pulling her aside to engage in pep talks and bribery. Nicky was in his “shorts only” phase, and Eva was in a “I will never smile, ever” phase. Everyone was grumpy and unreasonable. 

When asked to smile, this is what Eva would give us

At least the older two were cooperating

On top of that, everyone was freezing, so our faces were all red, and the seasons were confused. Were these Fall photos? Were they winter photos? The location couldn't decide.  

Our sweet photographer ended up giving us our money back because she wasn’t happy with the way the photos turned out. She wanted to do a reshoot for us in the spring, but then COVID crept in, and it never happened.

I did have some updated photos taken of just the kids in October 2020 in conjunction with Zoe's baptism, but it's been over three years since Scotty and I stepped into a photo. 

That session was done by my niece, and she was a lot of fun, so my kids were perfectly agreeable and photogenic. 

(Nicky was still in his "shorts only" phase).

Since Eva is going to be baptized soon, this was a great time to do family photos - that way we would not only have updated pictures, but I could sneak in some photos of Eva in her baptism dress. 

Here we are:

April 2023

For the most part, everything went smoothly, and I have no complaints, but as you know, there are always some behind-the-scenes truths with family photos. I love Elder Gary Stevenson's family photo story as seen in this video (begins around 3:30):

(Blogger is refusing to center this video, much to my dismay)

Though our recent session went much better than photo shoots from the past, here are a few truths you can't see:

Truth #1: I had to pay Zoe to wear that shirt because she didn't want to match Daisy. She was the first one to pick her shirt, and I planned the entire color scheme around that shirt, but when Zoe saw that Daisy also had a yellow shirt (a few days later), she went ballistic.

Truth #2: Daisy hasn't worn jeans since she was about three years old, but I made her for these pictures (she acted like she hated them, but now she's wearing them sometimes, and I think she actually likes them). Her biggest complaint was that the jeans made her look like me. 

Truth #3: There were homeless people all around us. 

Truth #4: It was freezing. But not as cold as November 2019. Off scenes, I would stick kids in my jean jacket to try and warm them up.

Truth #5: The only way to get Zoe and Eva to smile was by making fart jokes. 

Truth #6: I had no time to get ready after getting everyone else dressed and presentable, so I threw on some clothes, ran out the door, and put on minimal make-up at stoplights. 

Truth #7: My hair was fake. 

Truth #8: The photographer made Nicky pull his pants down below his butt so they would be long enough to hide his socks). 

Truth #9: I made Nicky wear a pair of Scotty's shoes because I wanted the shoes to be boring. Nicky's shoes are all bright colors. 

Truth #10: Eva insisted on this pose.

It's a relief that they are done, and that they turned out decent. I try to be chill about family photos (and our photographer complimented us on how easy we were to work with, so I'm happy about that) but they're always more stressful than I intend for them to be. We got everything we wanted, though, so I deem this round a success!

Currently {April 2023 Edition}

Reading:

Wearing: jeans and a baby blue t-shirt that is severely unflattering, but church is in an hour and a half, so I’ll be changing soon. 

Annoyed by: sigh… a lot right now, and there are a few things I’d love to write about, but I need to hold my peace. Yesterday I thought I was plummeting into mental illness, and I was like, “I’m just going to let this happen!” as my thoughts went haywire. Then I did a little math and realized it’s probably PMS. No matter how old I get, I’m always taken by surprise! I also don’t handle holidays well, so having Easter and PMS overlap is quite a dangerous cocktail.

Embarrassed by: 90% of my Facebook memories. 

Laughing about: Eva singing in the shower right now. I love when my kids get in the shower and lose all their inhibitions, and I can just sit outside and listen to them live their best lives. She’s currently singing “Bang!” by AJR, and every now and then, I hear her jump (may she land safely!!)

Sad about: some relationships that aren’t what they used to be, but I also don’t have the desire to do anything about it.

Watching: Mickey Mouse cartoons (I’m laying in my bed with Zoe right now… before church… on Easter… we’re not sitting around in our dresses talking about Jesus like church culture would have us do).

Boycotting: Easter. I don’t have it in me. I’m on “empty” right now.

Dreaming: of my summer garden. I don’t really want to do the work, but I want all the rewards! (Story of my life!)

Looking forward to: an anniversary trip! Scotty and I are celebrating 20 years soon, and we decided to go on a “just us” trip (which we realized has never happened since our honeymoon except for one time when we drove to Las Vegas and back in a day, and frankly, I don’t think that should really count since we didn’t stay overnight) (also… Vegas and back in ONE DAY? How stupid is that?)

Cooking: bacon. As today’s Easter potluck recipe requires it.

Eating: scones for breakfast.

Listening to: 

Playing:

Needing: therapy.

Procrastinating: making dentist and doctor appointments. I haven’t been to the dentist for over a year (until last year, I’d been so diligent in my oral health), and everyone in the family is overdue for annual physicals. 

But hey! I’ve taken two kids to the eye doctor this year, and for that, I feel like a champion!

Buying: food. Why does it run out so fast? 

Feeling: restrained. It’s hard to describe, but in a few areas of my life, I feel like I’m being held back - like I’m a dog chained in the front yard, and I really want to attack the mailman. 

(I’m good with analogies). 

Missing: Sconecutter. I didn’t eat there often, but sometimes I crave it. I remember having a savory scone sandwich (maybe ham and cheese?) and a sweet scone for dessert and sometimes I just want that.

I also miss a Chinese restaurant from my teen years called Chopstix. I think about their food all the time - I alternated between sweet and sour chicken and sesame chicken. I ate there about once a week (no joke - I was obsessed!) but I wonder… would I even like their food now? Was it really crappy food, and I had no idea? (Teen Britt didn’t exactly have a refined palate). They did go out of business, after all…

Grateful for: my home.