An Incomplete List of Awkward Situations (part XII)

When your face mole gets a zit, and you’re not sure if it’s a sign of skin cancer or an award-winning dermatological wonder.

When you start the rowing machine at the gym and punch yourself in the face with the handlebar.

When you’re stuck behind someone at a drive-thru who is clearly not a regular at fast food establishments, and you just wanna get out of your car and help them.

When someone doesn’t answer your text and then you have to see them in person, and to you, the text is the elephant in the room, and you’re not sure if you should dance around it or be like, “Hellooooo! Can you answer my text, please?”

When someone serves a special food item at a dinner because they think it’s something you love, but you’re not sure why they think that, and now you have to spend the rest of your life pretending to love that thing so you don’t hurt their feelings. 

When you do a middle part, and you look like Snape.

Or take a selfie, and you look like Gollum.

When you’re backing out of a parking spot, and you notice a van just like yours two spaces down from you, and you have the sudden fear that you’re driving the wrong car.

When you have an itchy spot on your calf, but you’re wearing skinny jeans, and you have huge calves, so you can’t scrunch your pants up to get to the itch, and you have to pull them down and go in from the top.

When the exercise machine at the gym smells like butt.

And everyone around you smells like butt.

And YOU smell like butt.

It’s Not Spring Yet (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I wish I could have board game designer’s brain for a day. I just want to see what it’s like to be able to think like that. 

What if I got a board game designer’s brain for a day and then found out it was a lot like my brain?

What if I am a board game designer already?

Whoa.

Fact #2: Daisy got her braces off! We’re now two kids down and have two to go!

Fact #3: Daisy also got new glasses (or she will soon - we’re waiting for them to come in). She has been saying she can’t see for years, and I’ve mostly just ignored her because she’s a bit of a “boy who cried wolf.” It turns out, she wasn’t exaggerating.

Fact #4: I normally start planting my garden around Saint Patrick’s Day (my cold weather crops), but this winter stuff is lingering too long! I’m not normally one to say this, but…

I’m cold!

Fact #5: Today Facebook chose to advertise to me earrings that are supposed to reduce your double chin. All I have to do is wear earrings and my double chin goes away??? This is the stuff dreams are made of. 

Fact #6: A few weeks ago, Scotty suggested that we start looking for a new van, and I was like, “Nah! I don’t want a new van!” (It’s true - I just want the van I already have as long as it runs, has A/C, and the doors open). 

Two days later someone hit my van in a parking lot and drove off.

It didn’t result in needing a new van, but a few hours later, I was driving down the highway, and a chunk of the van flew off.

Once again… it didn’t result in needing a new van, but it felt like a bad omen.

Fact #7: Scotty wanted to have our family fill out brackets for March Madness. This is how it went:

Scotty: Okay, Eva, Alabama or Texas A&M?

Eva: What does Alabama start with? Oh, look! There’s a bug on the window!

Fact #8: Five days later…

Eva: Did due quinn?

Me: What?!?

Eva: Did DUE QUINN???

Me: Huh?

Scotty: She’s asking “Did Duke win?”

Me: Oh. 

Fact #9: I really need to decompress from today. There are a lot of things bothering me. 

Wow. That was cryptic and melodramatic.

Fact #10: It’s not illegal to drive barefoot in Utah. We googled this today after Nicky came home talking about how he drove home barefoot from his friend’s house and loved it because he could wrap his toes around the pedals. 

40x40 Update

Speaking of being almost 40...

(Am I going to stop talking about turning 40 anytime soon? Probably not. We still have nine months to go! And after that, I'll spend a year talking about how I am 40. So gear up friends. We're in this for the long haul!)

I've made some progress in my 40x40 project, which is a list of goals I'm trying to complete before my next birthday.

One of my goals was to make deviled eggs, and I accomplished that but didn't like the recipe. A couple of weeks ago, I made them again with a different recipe, and they were much better. I feel like I can add deviled eggs to my resume now. 

Another goal was to read Atomic Habits, from which I shared some quotes HERE. When I read the book, I wasn't amazed by it, but now that I've finished it and some time has passed, there are 5-6 things that have really stuck with me that I've fallen back on repeatedly to keep me going. 

I also wanted to re-establish assigned dish days for my kids. We had a good thing going for a few years with daily chores, and then when COVID hit, that's one of the routines we lost. Back in January, I implemented new dish days for everyone, and we've been holding firm so far. We've gotten Zoe to the point where she can load and unload the dishwasher mostly by herself. We still have to oversee Eva (and she fights us so bad - oh how we dread Eva's dish day!)

The most exciting goal I've met so far is paying off our truck! I planned on taking until the end of the year, but after we filed our taxes, we decided to get it done! So last week, I paid the balance, and we now own three vehicles. Wait... four... if you count the motorcycle. Wow. That's a lot of vehicles. What a joy to have no car payments for a minute (but I think we'll need to replace the van soon. We're hoping to get a year or two more out of our current one).

In my journey to add ten new healthy recipes to our meal rotation, I have found four keepers so far:

1. Air Fryer Fish Tacos with Cilantro Lime Slaw

2. Cilantro Lime Chicken with Avocado Salsa (my family - including Scotty - only like the chicken, but I like the avocado salsa)

3. Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Blender Muffins

4. Instant Pot Creamy Tomato Basil Soup

I have probably tried at least 12 additional recipes that didn't make the cut.

So slowly but surely, I'm making my way through 40 things I want to do before I turn 40. 

Another thing from the list is that I want to get updated family photos (our last ones were in 2020, so it's time). I got the appointment made. Now I need to make clothing decisions. In 2017, I let my kids wear whatever they wanted for pictures, and they loved it, but the colors and patterns were all over the place. Then in 2019, I picked matching clothes for everyone, and it didn't jive well with Zoe (it also didn't help that we had family photos taken on her birthday - she was not happy about that). In 2020, I let the kids pick their own clothes within "fall colors," and they were mostly agreeable, and the photos turned out great. I'm not sure what we'll do this time. The 2020 tactic seems best - I let them pick what they want within a certain color scheme - that way they feel somewhat in control, but the photos still coordinate. 

The other day I was talking to my friend who happens to be 30 years older than me, and we discussed how she will be 70 on her next birthday, and I will be 40 on mine. She told me that she really enjoyed her 40's, and that's what I'm planning on - really enjoying my 40's! So when I write about how I'm almost 40, just know that I'm totally embracing it. I'm enjoying this last year of my 30's and looking forward to the next decade. Bring it on!

Once Upon a St. Paddy’s Day

It's Saint Patrick's Day.

Let me preface this post by saying that, when I was a kid, we wore green on Saint Patrick's Day. That's pretty much it. Sometimes... maybe... we would eat green food or do a leprechaun coloring page or writing assignment at school, but that's it. There were no leprechaun traps! There were no leprechaun gifts!

So now, every year, when my kids are like, "The leprechaun is coming!" I'm like...

And at 9:00 last night when Eva told me that she cleaned off the kitchen table in case the leprechaun was going to leave us a surprise for breakfast, I was like...

You see...

I tried to be a good sport for Saint Patrick's Day. In a normal year, Saint Patrick's Day is the day I remember that no one in my family really owns any green clothes (other than Zoe who has a well-loved Minecraft hoodie). So a month ago, I bought my kids green shirts and a few green accessories. Then Saint Patrick's Day took forever to get here. All week I've been thinking how has this holiday not come and gone yet? On Tuesday, I took down my four Saint Patrick's Day decorations and put up my five Easter decorations because I was sick of Saint Patrick's Day.

Then I found out that there was no school today. 

I didn't know!

When the school district put out the yearly calendar, I put everything on my schedule. There are several days I missed (that I think were added later). So I keep getting blindsided by days off school! And today is one of those days. 

(A five-day school week is such a rare thing these days). 

For that reason, I’m currently blogging from a trampoline park, to which I committed two hours, only to be informed by my children that this is a dumb trampoline park that won’t keep them occupied that long.

So rewind to last night at 9:00 p.m. when my sweet daughter reminded me of the expectations for leprechaun shenanigans for which I was entirely unprepared even though it comes up every year. I just can't get past the mentality that wearing green is a sufficient celebration for Saint Patrick's Day. If I'm feeling extra, maybe I'll throw in some green Jell-O at dinner. But seriously with the leprechaun! WHO IMPOSED THIS THING ON ME? And I have to do it because… Eva cleaned off the kitchen table!!!

At 10:30, after the little girls fell asleep, I went to the store and bought some green crap and Lucky Charms. Then I came home and let the leprechaun run wild. He peed in our milk carton and left green chocolates and sodas around the living room. 

Every morning feels like a frat party around here.

He left footprints on our mirror and wrote, "Who made this mess?"

He wasn't very happy that I put out the Easter decorations before Saint Patrick's Day!

And he wasn't a fan of Eva's artwork.

Eva and Zoe were up before the sun investigating the leprechaun's shenanigans (hence my stellar photographs). I offered last night to pay them to sleep in. Evidently their sleep cannot be purchased, and after staying up all night watching Netflix, I wasn’t too pleased about my little alarm clocks hovering over my bed in the dark yelling, “Mom! Get up! It’s Saint Patrick’s Day!”

(Why was my presence necessary?)

Luckily I was able to scrounge up a greenish shirt and recycle yesterday’s hair and make-up to get me though the rest of the day.

Mother & Dream Crusher

My daughter Zoe has big dreams, and she can be pretty exhausting. As not to crush her dreams, I've started saying things to her like, "That sounds like a wonderful idea... for when you're 25!" (which is precisely what I said to her yesterday when she started making plans to open a tiny pie shop). I want her to believe in herself, but I also need her to recognize some of the realities of her ambitions, such as needing to get an education, acquire specific skills, and abide by labor laws. 

Actual footage of Zoe presenting her latest idea to me

Sometimes I worry about her teachers having to handle her big dreams. 

The other day, some representatives from the University of Utah neuroscience department came to the school to teach Zoe's grade about brains. One of the reps was pregnant, and Zoe immediately wrote her out a list of baby names and then made two dolls for the baby out of pipe cleaners. 

Then a few days later, the drama teacher at the school mentioned that she wants Zoe's class to do a play about mountain men (and women). Zoe came home that day, locked herself in her room, and wrote out an entire script and plans on giving it to the teacher. She also plans to interview Scotty about mountain men because, for some reason, she thinks Scotty is a mountain man expert and can, therefore, fill her with all the knowledge necessary to produce her play… which might actually be a musical as she is starting to brainstorm some mountain man songs.

Zoe's school teacher has been working on a campaign to bring the actual golden spike to Utah (it is currently in the basement of a museum in California). Zoe has become obsessed with the golden spike. She has asked me to write emails to help support the "rebellion" (which is what she calls the "campaign"). She has made banners about the golden spike and hung them all over the house. And most recently, she has designed golden spike t-shirts which she plans to sell to raise money to bring the golden spike to Promontory. How is she producing these t-shirts? Her aunt will make them, of course. Zoe has already offered these services to her teacher.

Zoe is always trying to start a business, market her arts and crafts, direct performances, take over the choreography for her dance teacher, and, as indicated above, name people's children. She has written a series of comic books, started a band, designed her own clothing line, and started a novel (she works on it on Sundays. So far it's 15 pages long and has no punctuation). Additionally, she is currently begging me daily to buy her a treadmill so she can train for a mud race.

I'm sure these traits will serve her well... when she's 25... but right now, I just cringe every time she presents one of her big ideas because I hate being the person who has to say, "Sorry honey, we're not going to open a roadside stand for you to sell the pictures you draw of minecarts filled with gems." 

Signs I'm Almost 40

The other day I caught a glimpse of a reel on Facebook with a girl defending herself for doing her hair and make-up to go to the gym. She was like, “I deserve to feel good about myself!”

My thoughts were, “I’m so glad I don’t care!” Because when I go to the gym, sure… it would be great to look fabulous in some cute clothes with my hair and make-up just so, but here’s the fact: I’m gonna walk out of there smelling like the small animal building at Hogle Zoo and soaked in boob sweat. I’m not there to be pretty. I’m there to be gross. I don’t want to waste time and money on hair and make-up for the gym! 

My clothing of choice is stretchy pants and gigantic t-shirts. I used to buy cute workout clothes (and maybe someday I will again), but right now my only criteria is that the clothes keep my butt crack and my belly covered, and that my bottoms have a pocket. Fortunately, most of the people at the gym I go to are of the same mentality. They are there just trying to do some good for their bodies. We are united in our grossness, save for a few anomalies. 

Now that I'm going to the gym regularly again (a lifestyle I used to live until I went back to school and had Eva), there are a couple of things I needed to invest in. 

First, a sports bra. 

I have a few oldies in my drawer, but I don't want to deal with them because A) they have removable padding, which has no practical purpose in my mind. Removable padding just means the pads fall out all the time, and I have to put them back in, and then they get all shifty and give me Lumpy Boob and B) I hate putting bras on over my head, so I keep wearing my regular bra, which is not ideal for certain movements. 

Clearly, I'm lazy, and I need a sports bra for lazy girls. So I went and found one that has built-in padding and that zips in the front. 

Second, some big, ole granny panties. 

I wear religious underclothing (read more about that HERE), every day with very few exceptions. I've been wearing my religious underclothing (which we usually refer to as "garments") to the gym - this is something that the wearer can make a personal choice about. I can't claim I wear them based on any degree of righteousness, though. I'm not of the mentality that we should wear them when we work out (like I said - it's a personal choice), I'm simply too lazy to take them off and put them back on after I work out. So once again, my motive is laziness. BUT... since my grand return to the gym, I have destroyed three pairs of garments from thigh rubbing. Thus my need for some new Underwear of the World. 

So I went to Costco, and I bought the biggest, most covering underwear they had. We're talking full butt cheek embracing, belly button high underwear. 

And friends?

I put those things on for the first time, and I saw myself in the mirror, and I thought, "Wow! These are surprisingly sexy!"

And that is the ultimate evidence that I am almost 40. 

Things the Kids Say: Episode 21

Zoe: For some reason I’m obsessed with boys!

Me: Oh! Are you starting to think they’re cute?

Zoe: No, I just mean that I give all my stuffed animals boy names.

——-

Daisy listening to “Kiss” by Prince:

“This sounds horrible! He screams worse than Zoe!”

——-

“Now that Nicky has done his drug test, he can do all the drugs he wants. It’s not like they can swap his pee!” 

-Zoe, who kind of terrifies me

——-

Nicky after eating Smart Food popcorn:

“This popcorn tastes like Play Doh… but in a good way!”

——-

Zoe: I rub beans on my toes every night.

Eva (yelling): NO YOU DON’T!

Zoe (yelling back): Eva! It’s just a metaphor!

——-

“Zoe cleaned our room, and now it’s not my habitat anymore. I’m used to messy places so I need to live somewhere else.”

-Eva

——-

“I learned more watching Bill and Ted than I’ve learned from my AP world history class.”

-Nicky

Kid Things: A Photo Essay

The other day Daisy had an eye appointment at 8:00 in the morning. I had a couple of options for getting Zoe and Eva to school - I could either ask someone else to take them or take them after Daisy's appointment. I decided to take them late rather than coordinate with someone else to get them to school. 

When we pulled in to the school, they asked, "So... what do we do when we're late for school?" And I said, "I don't really know!" Because we've never really been late for school. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to go in the school with them or just send them in. I figured it was probably okay to just send them in, but I decided to write a note for good measure. I found a blank post-in on the floor of the van (I'd like to think that the hair and dirt stuck to the back just added to the sincerity of the message), jotted down a note, and sent them on their way. 

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Scotty and Nicky are in a constant competition to see who is taller. About once a week, I'm stuck playing judge. I think Scotty still reigns by about a 1/4 inch, but it's really close. 
 

Nicky spoke at a youth devotional on Sunday following a petite young lady, and I swear it took ten minutes for the pulpit to reach the right height for him to be heard in the microphone. It made me think of my cousin Blake, who, when speaking at the pulpit, can only be seen from the nose down on Zoom. 

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We recently got a new (used) mattress (after 20 years, it was much needed). When we removed our old mattress, we found Zoe and Eva's secret stash of candy wrappers. 

I was not pleased. 

Nor were they when I made them clean it up.

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My home is full of creative people. 

I quite enjoy this portrait Eva made of Scotty during sacrament meeting a couple of Sundays ago.

It's funny to me that Eva sees him as a bearded man because Scotty isn't actually allowed to have a beard due to his work. But every weekend, he gets lazy and lets his stubble grow, so on Sundays, he has scruff, so I guess Eva has figured out that if she draws her dad on a Sunday, he needs to have a beard.

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On the weekends, things get messy at our house. I jokingly refer to the messes as "consequences of nurturing" because it's always when my kids are doing things that are good for their brains that everything gets trashed. 

Last weekend, Zoe and Eva got the costumes out and had a grand old "nurturing" time. 

The hairy belly fanny pack makes me do a double take every time. 

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Sometimes Zoe is a mood in the mornings. 

Please note the “consequences of nurturing” at our kitchen table. We frequently eat breakfast with Lego among us. 

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Over the weekend, I participated in nearly 8 hours of stake conference meetings. This meant I had to do a lot of parenting by text message while my kids were home. 

I was fine until 11:20 on Sunday. Then something inside of me snapped, and I wanted to run out of the chapel with my arms flailing, yelling, "Get me out of here!" 

It took every ounce of control I could muster to make it through those last 40 minutes. 

Boredom Busters

My kids are always bored. I've tried to provide a somewhat entertaining household for them to be nurtured in, but I have my limits. My kids have been exposed to the Blackburn Household - our friends who have a firepole, monkey bars, trap doors, beds that hang from the ceiling, and a climbing wall in their house, so everything short of that is just disappointing. We have a DI tumbling mat and a dishwasher box. Does that count for anything?

Today I was thinking about what I used to do as a kid when I got bored, and I decided to create a reference list of things I can tell my kids to go do without modern-day electronics or craft supplies. Now they never have to be bored again!

Idea #1: Count cars 

I lived on a busy street, and when I got bored I would go outside and count cars.

Idea #2: Sit in a tree

We had a big tree in the front yard and a big tree in the backyard, and I would go climb on a branch and just sit there. Sometimes I would hang upside down from a branch... ya know... when I felt a little wild.

Idea #3: Sit on top of the swing set

There's always something empowering about sitting on that top bar of the swing set. It's part rebellion/part King of the World.

Idea #4: Climb on the roof

I shouldn't really encourage this, but I was always on the roof. 

Clearly, being “up high” is great entertainment.

Idea #5: Pee outside

There's just something about peeing outside that makes you feel like you're some kind of warrior that has overcome nature with your inherent survival skills.

(Although… I wasn’t too pleased over the summer when my kids and their friends filled a five-gallon bucket full of grass clippings, put it behind the shed, and took turns peeing in it. So the rule… go ahead, pee outside! But don’t pee in any kind of vessel).

Idea #6: Chop up vegetables from the garden with a pocket knife 

I always liked picking stuff from the garden and chopping it up to make "salads" for the chickens. My step-mom told my sister and me to stop feeding all our food to the chickens, but c’mon! The more veggies we fed the birds, the less WE had to eat!

Idea #7: Lick all the flavor off sour cream and onion chips

They last longer that way.

Idea #8: Use a stick to fish things out of the irrigation ditch. 

Or better yet, just climb right in the ditch as if it’s the neighborhood pool.

We don’t have irrigation ditches near our house anymore, but we have a gutter and a storm drain.

Idea #8: Spray your back door neighbor with a hose.

Okay, that one ended badly. 

Idea #9: Pour water and dish soap all over the carpet to surprise your mom with nice, clean floors (and a warped subfloor which you can then place heavy furniture on to push back into place)! 

Wet, soapy carpet makes a great slippery surface to pretend ice skate on. 

Idea #10: Stick rose petals up your nose, and shoot them out.

It’s strangely satisfying. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. I did it all the time with my neighbor’s roses on the way home from school.

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And there you have it! Boredom busters straight outta my childhood. Don’t forget to pin this for later! Summer break is right around the corner! 

The Habits

Last week I posted some quotes from the book Atomic Habits. The next day, I was talking to one of my "mom friends" at the school, and she recently finished the book as well, so we discussed some of the habits we are working on. 

It's funny how different we all are. She is trying to develop the habits of reading (for herself) every day and being on time for things - two habits that come so naturally for me that I don't even have to think about them. I am trying to read to my kids every day (something I have always struggled with - and, as a result, all of my kids are behind in reading) and not drink soda. My friend has no problem reading to her kids, and while she enjoys a soda occasionally, overindulging in the juice has never been an issue or a temptation for her. 

We laughed and jokingly accused each other of having things too easy. 

How can you be ON TIME for everything?

How can you NOT DRINK SODA all day everyday?

The one thing we had in common, though, was our preference to do almost anything other than clean or exercise. 

As much as I hate exercising, I am trying to make it happen. My current life phase has made it much easier than in years past. For one thing, Scotty and I can go to the gym together. We don't necessarily work out together, but we go at the same time (sometimes). We didn't used to be able to do this... because kids. So whenever one of us was working out while the other was home with the kids, we always felt guilty and rushed to get home. Now we have a little more leeway to stay at the gym, and if we are there at the same time, we don't feel like we have to rush home to relieve the other. 

Also, in years past, I've usually had to exercise really early in the morning... because kids. My kids didn't do gym daycare well. Every single time I tried it, I got called to come get them because they were screaming, so I felt like I couldn't work out during normal waking hours. Now that they are all in school, I can exercise a little later in the day, and I have to say, it's a lot less stressful to not have to do it at 5:00 a.m. I can show up at the gym with the elderly morning crowd! Which is delightful! Except for when they fall off their elliptical machines in front of me, and I have to lift them up with the fear that I'm doing something wrong and causing more harm. 

(True story from last week).

Some other habits I'm working on are:

Playing the piano - I'm trying to get better at sight reading. I don't know that I'll ever really be able to play the piano, but I'm dabbling and trying to make a habit of sitting down at the piano regularly and plinking through a few songs. One of my 40x40 goals is to play 500 songs this year (about ten per week).

Eating out less - for financial reasons and health reasons. I've been keeping track of eating out on a calendar, and while I'm not making any rules for myself about it, I hope to decrease the number of times I eat out each month. I want to be more intentional when I eat out rather than just indulging in convenience. 

Actual footage of me eating at home

Studying the scriptures - every year I start off with a bang and then taper off around March, so right now is that crucial time to push through. For the last two years, I've had medical issues arise in Feb/March, and those have been a big factor in my derailment. And before that was the COVID year where every habit was affected. March is trippy. I’ve found that the best way for me to keep up on my scripture study is to roll over when I wake up, grab my phone, and do it before I get out of bed each day. Now that I don’t have babies waking me up every morning, this system works, and then I start my day knowing it’s done. 

Drinking more water - I go through ups and downs with my water intake. Sometimes it's so refreshing, and I am naturally drawn to it. Other times I have to force myself to drink it. I take a water bottle everywhere I go. When I'm trying to stay off soda, the best tactic I've found is to never let myself feel even the slightest sensation of thirst. That's when the soda cravings come. 

There are a lot of other habits I'm working on, but these are some of the main ones. I've tried to be gentle with myself so I don't get burned out. I'm super motivated by turning 40 soon, though. That has given me more drive than usual. The problem is... how do I keep going after 40? Who's going to hold me accountable? And how will I maintain good habits when I get hit with a trial? It's easy to have good habits when life is going well, but something always comes along to knock me off course. Eek. I don't want to even think about it. 

There's also this weird psychological phenomenon (that probably has a name or theory tied to it - I just haven't found it yet, so let me know if you know what it is!) where I feel like I need to self-sabotage. It has something to do with A) not believing I can keep up with good habits forever (fear of failure?), B) thinking I'm not deserving of the positive consequences of good habits, C) feeling restrained by good habits (You're not the boss of me, Habits!), and D) worrying that people won’t like me if I have good habits (you have to admit, people with bad habits are more fun to hang out with. I LOVE going to stores with people who have no financial restraint. It’s seriously so much fun! And eating is always better when it’s with someone who isn’t afraid to dig in) Raise your hand if you get me! 

For now, I'm doing really well with my habits. I hope I can say the same three months... and one year... from now despite my urge to sabotage. 

Not Yet

For most of the past 16 years of my life, I've been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). When Scotty and I got married, that was something we hoped for - that I would be able to stay home with our kids. With that in mind, we tried to always live on Scotty's income alone. So prior to having kids, when I was working, I tried to put everything I earned into the bank so my income was never part of our lifestyle. 

We lived on the cheap. It doesn't even sound fathomable now, but back then, I budgeted $20 a week for groceries and $100 a month for "stock up." I did that for a few years - even after we had Nicky. Some of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning may even remember that I used cloth diapers for Nicky (and occasionally for the other three, but Nicky was exclusively cloth diapered for two years). I've always tried to be very careful with our money so I can continue staying home with my kids. 

(Please note that this isn't a commentary on anyone else's circumstances or choices. I wanted to be a SAHM because I felt like it was what my family would need. Being a SAHM comes with some privileges as well as some sacrifices. The same is true for working mothers. We're all just trying to do what's best for our families, and I don't feel like my choice is better than anyone else's - it's just different. But I will say that I made the choice prayerfully and carefully, and I am always reassessing to determine if it's still the right choice as our family moves into various phases of growth). 

When I left work to have Nicky, I thought I would end up working again within six months. The budget didn't work on paper once we added in the expenses of having a baby. I remember a few days after Nicky was born, Scotty and I stopped at a pastry shop, and I ended up crying on the way home, thinking I had just sabotaged our family by spending $13 - over half a week's grocery money - on baked goods. Granted, I was in the depths of post-partum depression, and I was incredibly illogical and hard on myself. I couldn't see that $13 wasn't going to destroy my life (so long as I didn't make it a daily thing). I wish I could go back and tell that young mom that she can enjoy her lemon bar guilt-free, and everything will be okay. 

To my surprise, things worked out, and I wasn't forced to go back to work within six months. Things were tight, but with the money I had put in the bank while I was working, we were able to pay off our hospital bills and our car, and that helped us stay afloat. 

(Being the young, naive individual that I was, I didn't realize just how much my hospital bills would amount to from having a baby. I'm not sure what I expected, but I remember being shocked as bill after bill rolled in. I was so glad I had put money in the bank while I was working). 

Now that all of my kids are in school, I am constantly revisiting my status as a SAHM. To be honest, I feel a little guilty that I am still "staying home." Some of my days are packed with doctor's appointments, volunteering, church meetings, and chores, followed up by afternoons and evenings of driving everyone around to their various commitments. And I think, "Wow! I'm very busy! I don't think I could work!" But then I have days like today where I can go to the gym for an hour, finish a book, take a long shower, and sit on my couch and blog. And those are the days when I feel the guilt. I feel like I shouldn't be able to do this. It's too privileged. 

But then something will happen - like a child getting sick, or a teacher needing a volunteer, or a shooting by the school during lunch hour - and I feel so grateful that I'm available. 

(Again, this is not a commentary on anyone else's circumstances. I am available in those instances. You might not be, and that's okay. We are fulfilling needs in different ways).

Scotty's income has grown significantly since we had Nicky, but we're still at the level of having "just enough" with an occasional bit of cushion that allows us to do a fun trip now and then (with the assistance of Sky Miles). We have always hoped to pay off our house, and I can't help but wonder how much easier that would be if I were making some money. Then there are concerns like, will we have enough money to properly retire someday? Can we stay afloat in a medical crisis? I don't want to find myself in a dire financial situation and end up feeling like it's my fault for not having worked for so many years. 

But thus far, whenever I go to the Lord asking about my employment status, I feel like I need to continue being a SAHM, at least for now. Someday, that might change, and I'm open to that prompting when it comes (which is why I pray about it continually). This week, I went through it again, wondering if it's time to go back to work. I felt the wave of, "not yet," and it was followed by a few tender mercies that solidified that answer. 

So here I sit. On my couch. With my laptop that is falling apart (just one more way I'm trying to save money). Blogging. Feeling guilty. But also knowing that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. 

Currently {March 2023 Edition}

 Reading: 

On the topic of reading, I have to say that February was not a great month for books. January was fantastic! February was a bunch of swings and misses. Fingers crossed for a magnificent March!

Wearing: black leggings and a "Happy Camper" tee that has paint stains all over it. 

Annoyed by: puddles in parking lots. I have wet shoes because I couldn’t find a shallow place to cross.

Struggling with: getting up in the mornings. I'm a morning person, so this is uncharacteristic of me, but for the past month or so, I don't want to wake up or get out of bed. 

Watching:

Henry Gale just came to play.

Singing: "Count on Me" by Bruno Mars (which happens to be what my daughter is listening to while cleaning her room currently. We had a deal after her orthodontist appointment that I would let her skip choir if she would clean her room). 

Building:

I've been working on this National Parks puzzle for a few weeks. I've slowed down a lot on puzzles lately - which is typical for this time of year. 

Looking forward to: lunch. I'm not sure what it's going to be (Daisy gets to pick today), but I'm pretty hungry!

Update: She chose Hot Dog on a Stick

Cooking: biscuits and gravy (that's what we're having for dinner tonight). I loooove biscuits and gravy! Luckily, most of my family does, too. 

Listening to: 

Eating: lots of eggs. I've been exercising a little more lately, and whenever I exercise, I crave eggs like crazy. Plus, our chickens have started laying again, and their eggs taste like gold. Nom! Nom!

Tired of: snow clothes all over my house. The boots... the gloves... the coats...

Playing: 

We got Savannah Park for Valentine's Day, and it's pretty fun. 

We just learned Red Rising over the weekend, but my brain was fried from back to back rounds of Agricola and Ark Nova, so it just didn't click for me. By the end, I was finally starting to understand it better, and I ended up winning by total fluke!

Frustrated by: my old lady knees.

Enjoying: finally having a five-day school week! 

Wanting: a new banister for our front porch, an extension on our driveway, and a new oven.

Happy about: my kids getting into Lost. Daisy is especially hooked. 

Curious about: a low flying helicopter that just went over our house.

Buying: new glasses for Daisy. She’s way overdue. The school has been sending me notes.

Feeling: fine and dandy but incredibly tired. 

Missing: dancing.

Baking: these muffins (we have been living off them lately because Sam's Club had their packs of three 32oz cans of pumpkin for $4.91!) 

Procrastinating: going to the dentist. I haven’t missed a six-month cleaning in years and years until now. I haven’t been back to the dentist since I had my oral herpes outbreak last year that seemed to have been triggered by my dental cleaning. My mouth has never been the same. I still have a hole in the roof of my mouth that has never entirely healed. I’m just a little nervous now.

Grateful for: my bed and my pillows.