2021 Review

January

• I turned 37
• Eva had COVID

February

• My mystery pain started
• Nicky had his first girlfriend 

March

• Our brother-in-law, Doug, passed away
• We went on an epic journey to Parowan, Hoover Dam, Las Vegas, Calico, Newport Beach, and San Francisco. I was in extreme pain the entire time and had horrible edema (Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV)

April

• Eva turned 6
• We went to Tremonton to watch the school launch a Lego minifigure (Lil Neil) to 111,000 feet
• We went to Capitol Reef
• We redesigned our garden
• Disneyland reopened to California residents April 30 (we haven't been yet)
• Scotty and I got our first COVID shots

May

• We planted our garden (including our first corn)
• Scotty and I went to our first play since COVID hit (Les Miserables at Hale Theatre)
• Second-hour meetings resumed at church, and we got to go back to primary (socially distant with masks)
• We hiked to Timpanogos Cave and did the tour
• Daisy got braces
• My mystery pain cleared up
• We stayed at a tumbling gym Air BnB in Salina with Tim and Amber
• The girls had their year-end dance concert (masks were required for spectators, and all the dancers had to have a COVID test to perform)
• Nicky broke up with his girlfriend (no more since)

June

• We bought a membership to Thanksgiving Point to keep us busy in the summer
• Zoe joined a cheerleading team
• Nicky got braces and COVID shots
• We went camping for Father’s Day 
• We went on vacation to Saint George with Scotty’s dad and family
• We went to Bryce Canyon
• Scotty was called to be Elders’ Quorum president
• Disneyland reopened to people outside of California 
• We went out in public without masks for the first time

July

• Scotty turned 40
• Zoe was in the 4th of July parade with her cheer team
• Daisy went to her first girls camp (Scotty went too)
• Nicky joined the high school golf team
• Wildfires in surrounding states made our air quality terrible for several weeks

August

• Nicky started high school
• Eva started first grade, making all the kids in school, all day!

September

• We had our last family campout at Wallsburg before the end of Scotty’s parents’ mission
• We went to Saint George with Tim and Amber
• Daisy turned 12 (and got her COVID shots)

October

• Scotty started a new job
• Scotty and I went to Disney World with Chad and Carlie and NO KIDS!

November

• Zoe turned 9
• Zoe competed in her first cheer competition
• Nicky had his Eagle Court of Honor (he earned his Eagle the previous year, but we held off on the COH for COVID)
• I led the music in the primary program for the third (and last) time (would have been my 4th if not for the COVID year)
• Nicky performed as a "lost soul" in his first school musical, The Addams Family
• Zoe performed with her cheer team at the Grizzlies (hockey) game
• Zoe and Eva got their COVID shots

December

• I was released from primary and put in Young Women
• Nicky turned 15
• We went on a trip to Phoenix
• Betty White died

Resolution Check-In

This year I was a little late making my New Year's resolutions, but hey! There's nothing wrong with September, right? It's like cramming for a test. We've all gotten away with it!

Anyway, back in September, I set 11 goals to accomplish by the end of the year. Here's how I did:

Goal #1: Do 2022 push-ups.

Status: Fail

I did 811, and then at some point, completely forgot I was doing this. Can I do 1,211 push-ups in four days? Methinks nah.

Goal #2: No soda for the rest of the year.

Status: Fail

I drank soda when we went to Disney World in October. 

Did you know that the water in Orlando tastes like fart? (it has a high sulfur content). 

I swore to myself I wouldn't drink any after I got home. I am not a woman of my word. In fact, I have a Coke in front of me as we speak. 

Goal #3: Take a week off social media.

Status: Success!

Goal #4: Work with my doctor to get off high blood pressure medication.

Status: Fail

Goal #5: Go kayaking by myself.

Status: Fail

After I made that goal, there were only about two days that I could have actually done it (with a combination of warm weather and an open schedule), and I missed my window. 

Goal #6: Go back to the temple.

Status: Half and half

I went with the youth to do baptisms for the dead last week. I didn't do any ordinances, myself, but I acted as witness. 

Goal #7: Try ten new recipes.

Status: Success!

Thai Crunch Salad with Creamy Peanut Dressing - this was a big fail because I overlooked the peanut butter in the dressing. Regardless, I probably won't make it again, even properly. 

Crescent Roll Burrito Bake - my family really liked this.

One-Pot Chicken Lasagna - "meh"

Szechuan Chicken and Noodles - we really liked this and have made it twice. I omit the bell peppers. 

Pumpkin and Rosemary Dinner Rolls - these made amazing turkey sandwiches after Thanksgiving. I made some with rosemary and some without. I think I prefer them with rosemary, but I will use a smaller amount next time because the rosemary lingered a bit much, and I don't like to taste my food hours afterward. 

Cheeseburger Soup - gross.

Corn Chowder - "meh." I've been trying to find a good corn chowder recipe for years, and they're all about the same. Just okay. I have a certain taste in mind that might not even exist. 

Chocolate Chip Cookies - I don't have a "go to" chocolate chip cookie recipe because I'm not a huge fan of cookies. These are acceptable, though. Someday I would like to do a chocolate chip cookie taste off and compare a few recipes side by side like I did with the banana bread. 

Homemade Egg Noodles - I actually tried two different egg noodle recipes in chicken noodle soup, but I didn't save the first one, so I have no idea what it was. This recipe was fine, but I need to perfect the craft of noodle making. I think I rolled them too thick. 

Creamy Chicken Gnocchi Soup - "meh."

Creamy Chicken Ramen Soup - "meh."

I also tried two fudge recipes and two banana bread recipes. 

Goal #8: Shampoo the living room couch. 

Status: Success!

And it's time to do it again.

Goal #9: Implement a new chore schedule with the kids.

Status: Fail

Oh gosh! I didn't even try! 

We had a pretty good schedule for a few years, and then sometime in the last year, we just stopped enforcing it, and we've never gotten back on track. 

Goal #10: Don't go over on the Christmas budget.

Status: Mild Success

We spent more than I had set aside for Christmas, but we walked away with everything paid off. So I wouldn't give us two thumbs up, but one seems fair. 

Goal #11: Read ten "school" books.

Status: Sucess!

Here are the books I read:

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

Wait Till Helen Comes by Mary Downing Hahn

The Cay by Theodore Taylor

Timothy of the Cay by Theodore Taylor

Weasel by Cynthia DeFelice

Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse

Okay, just kidding. I didn't make it to ten. At least not ten from own school days. I did read a few books that my kids have read in school, though, so does that count? 

Fish in a Tree by Lynda Mullaly Hunt, New Kid by Jerry Craft, Took by Mary Downing Hahn, Ground Zero and Prisoner B-3087 by Alan Gratz, Chains by Laurie Halse Anderson, and Sweep: The Story of a Girl and Her Monster by Jonathan Auxier. 

-----------

I would say that puts my success rate around 50%, which is down from my usual 75%. I confess, I'm getting worse at meeting goals as I get older. I tend to live more in "survival mode" than "achievement mode" nowadays.

For the coming year, since I'm now serving in Young Women, I feel like I should use the format for the youth program to set some goals. So for 2022, I'll be focusing on one or two goals in each area: spiritual, intellectual, physical, and social, and I'm hoping for more than 50% success. But I can't make any promises. 

The Journeys of Pinn Yada

In March of this year, my sister-in-law, Melissa, turned 50. We celebrated with a 70’s party, including a piñata.

Now let me just say… I’m not a fan of piñatas. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is that, in addition to masses of candy, my kids always want to bring home the piñata carcass. Many a piñata carcass has passed my threshold, and far too many tears have been shed after the piñata remnants disappear. 

When my daughter asked if she could bring the empty piñata home, I told her no. I said that Amber (my other sister-in-law and host of Melissa’s birthday party) needed to keep the piñata at her house so she could use it again. But Amber doesn’t honor any of my parenting requests, so when we went to leave, my kids had a piñata in hand. I told them I had a great idea! We were going to hide the piñata at Amber’s house and see how long it would take her to find it! What fun! It’s like a game!

So I took the piñata and placed it atop Amber’s kitchen cabinets with her Easter decorations and went on my merry way. 

Two weeks later we went to California with Amber and her husband, Tim. Shortly after we arrived, I opened the shower curtain in our bathroom to find… the piñata.

So not only had Amber kept the darn thing, she’d driven it across two states to leave it in our shower!

We did what anyone else would do… left it on the windshield of her car the morning we vacated the condo. Serves her right for sleeping later than us.

A few days later a package arrived on our porch from a "Pinn Yada." Before I even opened it, I texted Scotty.

And true to my word, I drove straight to Amber’s house and threw it on her porch. I thought she saw me on her security camera, by she didn’t discover the package until 3:00 the next morning. I woke up at the more reasonable hour of 5:00 a.m. to a slew of text messages from her. 

During the summer, Amber offered to take my kids to a carnival. She took my van so she could fit everyone, and the piñata came back in my trunk.

When Tim and Amber went on a trip to see Tim's son on the other side of the country, I lovingly decorated their porch so they could watch me on camera and do nothing about it. Sure enough, they sat in the airport sending me threatening texts, and I just looked at the camera and shrugged.

Amber's porch sign says, "Go away!" so I made the extra effort to make it "be nice." Amber also thinks she hates board games (but she secretly loves them).

We went on a trip with Tim and Amber in September, and she brought the "Welcome" sign I'd left on her porch and hung it on the front door of the house we stayed at. 

At the end of that trip, we had to have Tim and Amber bring Scotty’s golf clubs home for him because we didn’t have room in our van. I went to pick up the golf clubs from them one night, and the piñata had been rolled up teeny and stuffed inside the golf bag. I didn’t think they would desecrate the piñata like that! I'd carried the dang thing out of their house and brought it home!

We left the piñata in our garage for a while after that as we schemed. One day Amber had to get in our garage while we weren’t home, and when I came home later and realized I’d left the piñata sitting out where she could see it, I texted her right away and said, “I can’t believe you didn’t steal the piñata!” I mean… think of how that could have played out! US - thinking we had the piñata safely in our possession. THEM - pulling off a theft and giving it to us for Christmas or something!!

Alas, we decided that WE would give the piñata to THEM for Christmas… in its final form. But first we had to mess with them a bit. 

Tim and Amber have been paranoid all year about the ways we would pass the piñata to them. Enough so that they have meticulously checked their window wells and parked off site during family events. They also have a housekeeper that they’ve instructed to search for the piñata every week.

To stir their paranoia, we let them go out of town twice with no piñata movement. But when they came back the second time, I had Scotty text Tim and ask him if they’d found anything interesting when they came home, hoping that would make Tim nervous. 

Then a few days later, I manipulated some of my in-laws. I texted my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law Meghan, and Amber’s daughter and asked them if Amber had said anything to them about finding the piñata. My goal: to get them to start subtlety asking Amber questions about the piñata to make her paranoid… knowing full-well that the piñata was at my house the whole time. They asked me where I’d hidden the piñata, and I told them I wasn’t going to tell them yet because I didn’t want them to be tempted to give Amber any hints.

(When they read this, they're never going to trust me again. Worth it). 

Meanwhile, I’d made the piñata into two commemorative Christmas ornaments - one for us, and one for Tim and Amber - as to lay it to rest. Ours was on our tree all season, while Tim and Amber’s waited for Christmas to draw closer.

A few days before Christmas, Amber invited us over for dinner. It couldn’t have been planned more perfectly! I wore a hoodie and kept the ornament in my front pocket until I had a moment to sneak it on to the tree. Then voila! The deed was done. 

It took them four days, but they finally found it!

And with that, we have called an end of year truce to our pinata feud. Fare thee well, old friend. 

Pinn Yada's final moments.

Christmas 2021

Every year I wonder if it’s really necessary to do a blogging recap of my Christmas. Turns out… yes, it is! Earlier this week I realized I had no memory of last Christmas. When I have such memory lapses, I refer to my blog, and I’m always grateful when there’s a post (though I’m still not sure how we spent Christmas Day last year because my blog post was more of a recap of the season than the actual day). 

This won't be anything fancy or creative, but here's a recap of our Christmas season leading up to The Big Day (which I will document so in a year when I wonder, "What did we do on Christmas Day?" I will have an answer!)

We started off with Luminaria at Thanksgiving Point the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. 

That weekend, we started working on our Charlie Brown mural. 

I made 20 Christmas advent calendars to give to some of our family and friends. I got them all distributed before December 1st like a responsible advent calendar gifter! Then ours hung in the living room all month, and we didn't touch it a single time! There's a scripture and question to ponder for each day leading up to Christmas. We quickly found ourselves four days behind... then 22 days behind... then "try again next year." 

Daisy and Zoe decorated the basement tree, and I LEFT IT ALONE! 

We had our ward Christmas party, three in-studio dance performances, and a few December birthdays. 

Scotty and I went on a Christmas date. We went to Mr. Mac to buy Scotty a new suit. Then we got a sandwich from Pretty Bird and some tacos and tres leches from Maize. Then we went to the Mat and Savanna Shaw concert, and it was wonderful!

It's a pretty sandwich, but for what it cost, we could have fed both of us somewhere just as good (or better)

My sister-in-law, Amber, had us over for dinner and a gift exchange. 

The youth in our ward put on a Nativity play and did baptisms for the dead. 

Nicky the wiseman, and Daisy the angel

I went to lunch with two of my best friends in the whole wide world. 

The elementary school had their Christmas singalong via Facebook Live (which I absolutely LOVE!!!) Zoe got to hold the letter “L,” and she was the best “L” holder I ever saw!

Scotty's mom had a Christmas party.

We decorated gingerbread houses at our neighbor's house.

We went to see Sing 2.

We visited Scotty's grandma on Christmas Eve (just he and I because they only allow two visitors at a time).

Scotty's dad had a Christmas party.

And that brings us to the night of Christmas Eve. When we got home from Scotty's dad's house, we drank Martinelli's and played Nativity BINGO (courtesy of one of our neighbors). Then all the kids got super hyper and literally bounced around the family room for hours (there was a yoga ball involved). Scotty took three naps on the couch (which he will deny, but I will attest that it's true!) while I worked on a puzzle in the middle of the chaos. Zoe put out milk and cookies for Santa. Then all the kids were given a hearty dose of melatonin and sent to bed. 

Santa came!

We told the kids they could come out of their rooms at 6:30 (we had a couple of 4:00-4:30 mishaps). Eva was the only one still asleep at 6:30, but as soon as she realized it was Christmas, she flew out of bed and down the stairs. 

Three months of preparation culminated in 15 minutes of unwrapping. 

Scotty's mom and step-dad came down at 7:00 to see what the kids got for Christmas. One of our neighbors made us some scones, so we had a little morning snack before heading to my dad’s house for breakfast.

On the way home from my dad's house, we stopped at a park to play for about an hour. It was about 50 degrees but kind of windy. We had a big snowstorm the week before Christmas, and we thought we’d have a “leftover” white Christmas, but then we had a few warm-ish days, and most of the snow melted.

At home afterward, the kids played Animal Crossing, I read a book, and Scotty took another nap on the couch. Then we went to my mom's house. We swapped gifts, had lunch, and played a game. 

Back at home, the kids played more Animal Crossing, Scotty beat me in a round of Wingspan (harrumph), Scotty's dad stopped by for a few minutes, then we went to Scotty's mom's  house for dinner. Right before we left for Scotty's mom's house, Zoe and Eva went ballistic and started trying to break each other's toys. There was a lot of screaming, and we had to put some Christmas gifts in time out for a while, and we were late to Scotty’s mom’s house because we wouldn’t let Zoe and Eva get in the car until they apologized to each other. Good times. Good times.

By the end of the day, we were fat with Christmas food, completely exhausted, and sick of each other (I’ll be honest).

It wasn’t the best Christmas, nor was it the worst. It just sort of… was.

Currently (almost Christmas edition)

Reading:

This is my book club’s selection for January. I actually finished it between the time I started this post and the time I hit publish. I’m now deciding what to read next. I kind of want to finish the year with something great, but it can’t be forced! Every book is a gamble!

Watching:

I just started rewatching the BBC Les Miserables mini series. The first time I watched it, I didn’t like it. I’m not sure why. But I’m liking it much better this time. It tells a lot more of the story than the movies and the musical do. I’m not faulting the movies or the musical - after all, how can you cram 1400+ pages of literature into two to three hours? But there are some great parts of the story that you miss in the movies and the musical; Petit Gervais and the coin, for example. And the history between Marius’ father and Thenardier. And the fact that Gavroche is the Thenardiers’ son (which is never mentioned in the musical). And Cosette’s dad (Felix) was with Fantine until Cosette was two years old. 

I wish there could be a combination of the mini series and the musical - the best of both worlds!

I had to read the unabridged version of Les Mis for AP English and spent all of my senior year studying and writing essays about it, so Les Mis is pretty engrained in my soul, and I love it! I hated studying it in school, but now with hindsight and a bit of maturity under my belt, I have the utmost appreciation for the story and for Ms. Heart for making us read it. She promised that any essay topic we were given for the AP test could be addressed with Les Mis, and she was absolutely right (though out of stubbornness, I refused to use Les Mis in any of my essays). 

Dreading: snow. 

Wearing: my sleep clothes. I’m blogging from my bed again.

Listening to: “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John. I’m digging it. It has such a classic Elton flair to it once that piano gets going.

Singing: “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!”

Buying: nothing. Please don’t make me to to any stores this week. Whatever it is… we will survive without it. 

Craving: nothing. I haven’t felt hungry in over a month.

Needing: some sleep and a good cry.

Daydreaming about: January 3 when the kids go back to school. Ten more days. 

Regretting: spreading a bit of hot gossip that I should have kept confidential this week. It was so juicy, though! 

Annoyed by: a LOT of things. I’m not very pleasant right now. Christmas break has me on edge, and I’m irritable beyond repair. I’ve responded very poorly to a few annoyances this week - to the point of possibly destroying some relationships.

Playing: Minesweeper. Sometimes you just need to stick with a classic (though I always accidentally refer to it as Minecraft). 

Working on: getting the house clean for Christmas. Today I attacked the laundry. 

Procrastinating: delivering a few Christmas gifts. I have some that I intended to distribute last week, but every day I tell myself, “I’ve still got time!” Then all of a sudden it’s Christmas Eve, I really need to get those gifts out!

Loving: puzzle season!

Here are a few we’ve finished recently:

I’m currently working on a Haunted Mansion puzzle and having a blast!

Worried about: snow interfering with some upcoming plans.

Looking forward to: not having any Church meetings or activities this week.

Eating: raw cookie dough. I have a big container of it in the fridge, and I just can’t help myself. I love cookie dough!

Struggling with: my new church calling. 

Thinking about: possible resolutions for 2022. 

Learning: a lot about myself and some things I need to change about my character and behavior. Ever trying to improve, but usually falling short - that’s how I roll!

Trying: to save money, but wow! It’s sure hard at Christmastime. I am a sucker for Christmas shopping. I want to buy all the things for all the people… including myself. 

Enjoying: not having to drive my kids to and from school and extracurricular activities (there’s one perk of Christmas break!)

Feeling: a bit ousted. I feel like I’m outside looking in in many areas of life right now. “Tap, tap, tapping on the glass. I’m waving through a window.”

Grateful for: all of it. The other morning I was sitting in my living room with the tree lights on, and I was thinking about all of my blessings, and I realized… I have it all. I really, truly have it all. And I feel so grateful… and kind of guilty… but grateful.

The Kids Right Now

Nicky

(age 14 years, 11 months)

Has been experiencing the lovely “voice changing” phase for quite some time and is always making experimental sounds to see what his voice can do. 

Often tells me the same stories over and over.

Wears a size 11 shoe and is 6’ tall.

Likes to ride his bike.

Asks for an iPhone everyday (and gets told no).

Is constantly bugging his sisters. The two scolding phrases we use with him most often are, “Stop causing problems!” and “You’re not the parent!”

Is actually incredibly helpful despite the previous sentence. He always jumps in to help without being asked.

Is obsessed with tamales and asks for them every day (he will eventually get sick of them and not want them anymore - this is his pattern).

Always asks what’s for dinner as soon as he gets in the van after school so he can decide if he wants a big after-school snack or a small after-school snack.

Has a really good group of friends.

Listens to Pentatonix all the time.

Has braces.

Hasn’t worn pants since he was 6 years old (other than for church) but recently said he’d think about getting a pair of pants

Daisy 

(age 12 years, 3 months) 

Does a lot of cartwheels.

Is very self-conscious.

Is 5’5” (two more inches til she’s as tall as me).

Loves doing crafts and is getting to the point where I can actually enlist her help with my projects sometimes.

Sings pretty well but is too insecure to do anything about it.

Does very well in school and is always her teachers’ favorite. 

Hates when I talk to her about anything to do with “growing up.” 

Has braces.

Has a closet full of cute clothes but only wears three things.

Can be very sneaky about not getting her chores done.

Has a very messy room.

Has started stealing my socks.

Zoe 

(age 9 years, 1 month)

Has some issues with comparison and jealousy.

Really loves penguins and has all sorts of penguin merchandise - earrings, clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, etc.

Is reading on level for the first time! 

Is really loud, and we often have to tell her to stop yelling.

Wants a a fancy breakfast every morning and is always mad when I tell her she has to eat cereal or Eggos. 

Also wants a smoothie every day for breakfast.

Is always full of big ideas and gets really disappointed when things don’t work out (for example, the other day she wanted to build herself a pair of wings out of napkins and was devastated when she couldn’t actually fly).

Makes huge messes with her arts and crafts and usually has an art project underway before she even goes to school each day.

Needs constant pep talks on problem solving and being flexible.

Loves Minecraft.

Is a whistler.

Explodes when she’s angry.

Has speech therapy every Monday.

Has recently started to enjoy singing (singing us always been hard for her due to her speech difficulties).

Eva

(age 6 years, 8 months) 

Gets in trouble at school for being silly and disruptive and talking too much (for three years she was a child who wouldn’t speak at all during school).

Hates having her picture taken and always pulls ugly faces.

Sleeps in a chair in Daisy’s room most nights.

Refuses to brush her teeth.

Doesn’t respond to any discipline tactics we’ve attempted.

Does cartwheels and stands on her head all the time.

Is always sneaking food in my bed. 

Loves Minecraft.

Puts up a huge fight over her homework every night.

Wants to play "school" all the time (which I sometimes use to trick her into doing her homework when it’s my turn to be the teacher).

Doesn’t eat anything we fix her.

Has speech therapy each Monday.

Won’t pull her loose teeth out and has teeth growing all over the place.

Is kind of sneaky and conniving so we have to watch her pretty closely.

Is throwing a tantrum next to me on the floor as I type this.

Mom Thoughts

I got married a year out of high school. I had no idea how young I really was. Fortunately, almost 19 years later (whoa! I’ve almost been married half my life!) it seems like it was a pretty good choice (a very unique and personal choice. I’m not advocating for the general population of 19 year olds to get married. In fact, the thought of my own children marrying at that age horrifies me).

I had a few friends from school who got married within that same year. One of them was among the first to have a baby. When I ran into her shortly after having her baby, I asked, “So… how are you liking being a mom?” I expected her to say that it was wonderful and that she loved it. Instead, she shocked me by saying, “It’s really hard.” 

As stupid as it sounds, it had never really occurred to me, until that moment, that being a mom would be hard. I know that was incredibly naïve of me, but you have to understand - I was about 22 years old and completely clueless. 

I have never forgotten my friend’s confession. She made me realize, for the first time, that motherhood might not be easy. Through my pregnancy with Nicky, I would often think about her saying, “It’s really hard.”

Thank heavens she told me. I needed to hear it from someone my age. I needed to know! I needed to know because the second Nicky came screaming into the world, it was already hard to be a mom. 

Nicky immediately hating life

It turned out that Nicky had a birth injury and was likely in pain, but we didn’t know until he was two months old. He cried uncontrollably for hours when he was born, and I was immediately terrified of him. I also developed postpartum depression right away. I hadn’t really had any experience with depression prior to that (anxiety - yes, but not depression). The only reason I had any idea what might be going on was because in 2005 I’d watched Oprah interview Brooke Shields about postpartum depression, and there were a few things Brooke said in that interview that were suddenly happening to me. Postpartum depression wasn’t as openly talked about back then. Brooke Shields kind of helped pave the way for that discussion, but it still took time to become mainstream. For me it was the most humiliating thing I could experience. I remember finding out that Scotty told his brother that I had PPD. I was really upset. I didn’t want anyone to know! I was completely ashamed of myself for it. It felt like weakness. Like failure.

My feelings of weakness and failure were amplified by the fact that I’d had a difficult time becoming pregnant. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to struggle with motherhood in any form because I had fought so hard to obtain it. Having any sort of difficult emotions about my baby seemed like a form of ingratitude for a blessing I’d begged for and finally been granted. 

I know now that it wasn’t weakness or failure, and I wish I could go back and walk my younger self through it. I wish I could praise her and say, “Look how brave you are! You know something’s not quite right. You talked to a doctor about it. You’re getting help! That takes courage, and I’m proud of you! You’re doing great!”

Now it’s been 15 years, and the fact that parenting is hard is no longer a shocking revelation. I understand now that the level of difficulty one experiences isn’t a measure of the quality of parent you are; whereas, I used to think that struggling equated to being a “bad” mom. That’s not to say that I don’t constantly question my own parenting or feel like I’m doing a poor job. Those feelings will never fully subside. I will always wonder whether I’m doing the right things as a parent, and in all honesty, I spend the majority of time thinking I’m not a good enough mom. Even though postpartum depression is no longer a concern, there are so many other things that feel like weaknesses or failures. Fortunately, I occasionally feel a prompting from the Spirit that I'm doing okay. I can't imagine trying to do this without prayer and personal revelation. 

This has been on my mind lately as I’ve mothered my own children and been privy to some of the challenges other mothers are currently facing. Through all phases of life, being a mom is hard. It's full of heartbreak and sometimes pure helplessness. Some of the best mothers I know are going through incredibly hard things with their kids in all phases of life - things none of us imagined when we first held our babies in our arms and sniffed their precious, little heads. 

I haven’t seen or talked to my aforementioned friend in a number of years. Her baby is now in high school, as is my first baby. I wonder what my friend would say if I asked her today, “So… how are you liking being a mom?”

I bet she’d say, “It’s really hard.”

Christmas Things and Snow Decisions

Since the kids will be out of school for 16 days as of Friday, I’ve been trying to get all the Christmas Things done. Today I tried to tie up the loose shopping ends. Black leggings for Zoe? Check. Bike helmet for Nicky? Check. Ice melt for the upcoming snow storm? Not check! 

The store was out! I knew I should have bought it when I saw it. Ugh! And as I type this, the snow’s a fallin’ but no friends are callin’ yoo-hoo. I’m glad for that because its’s 10:22 pm, and I’m laying in bed in my sleep clothes. I don’t own pajamas, and for the sake of not letting the internet know I sleep in my underwear, I’m going to say “sleep clothes” as if I’m a character in a Charles Dickens novel. 

But Britt, what happens if there’s an emergency and you have to run out of your house in the middle of the night in your “sleep clothes?” 

You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?

Anyway, back to Christmas Things. Today I finalized the shopping… maybe… I mean, I was pretty much done, but there were a couple of last minute things that needed to be purchased, and Amazon is to the “will deliver after Christmas” phase of December, so I had to go out in public, but don’t worry! I made it home by 10:00 am so I didn’t turn into a werewolf.

(Okay, so werewolf isn’t really the issue. It’s a “Cranky Christmas Beast” that I turn into, but hygienically, it’s pretty similar to werewolf, so I just say “werewolf”). 

One of the Things I need to accomplish before the kids get out of school on Friday is the gift wrapping. Wrapping is fun for, like, the first two presents. After that, it’s a royal pain in the arse. I thought I had a good head start on wrapping. I got a lot done over Thanksgiving weekend. But today, I had just a “few” more things to wrap, and it took three and a half hours! Granted, I did have some disruptions during that time, but still… I don’t feel like I purchased that quantity of Christmas presents! This is a “light” year, and it still took forever!

I’m still recovering from my sinus infection. I didn’t nap or shower the other day like I said I would. Instead I finished a puzzle, cried for an hour because I’m sad I have to leave primary, and binge-watched Miranda (which is supposed to be the show I slept to). I didn’t sleep or shower today either, so I’m really winning over here. 

That reminds me, I should be sleeping RIGHT NOW instead of blogging from my phone in my bed, which is basically the worst way to blog. But the sooner I fall asleep, the faster morning will come, and if morning comes, I’ll have to make “snow decisions,” and that, my friends, is the worst part of snow - having to decide what to do about it. Shovel now or shovel later? Take the kids to school or keep them home? Take the main road or take the back road?

I don’t want to make snow decisions. 

So I’m going to hit publish and read an ebook until I drop my phone on my face. 

Sick Day

A week ago today I wrote about how I've been very high-functioning lately and how I was worried that I would crash and burn at any moment. Within 24 hours of hitting "publish" I started with cold symptoms. When I get a cold, I almost always end up with a sinus infection, so by the end of the week, sure enough, my sinuses were infected. I got a COVID test on Thursday - just to be sure. I didn't think it would be positive, and it wasn't. Phew! But when my daughter had COVID back in January, I honestly didn't think she had it either, so you just never know. 

I'm feeling a little better today, so I know I'm on the mend, but I'm really, really tired. I didn't slow down and rest last week when I should have. So today, I'm not going to be high-functioning. I went on my normal Monday morning walk with my friend Julie, and while we were out, that's when I realized how tired I really was. I got home around 6:45, took Nicky to school, and then came home and fell asleep on the couch. It's rare for my girls to still be asleep when I take Nicky to school. Usually at least one of them is awake, but today, they all stayed asleep. We all ended up waking up right as we normally leave for school, so I took them a little late - about ten minutes after the tardy bell. It worked out well because Daisy had a case of Diet Mountain Dew she wanted to give her teacher for Christmas, but she really didn't want to carry it around the school grounds before school, and she kept trying to come up with a plan to put it in her backpack. I was like, "Hey, now you can just carry it straight to class! Look at that!" 

It's been a really long time since I've been sick. I've just had a little sniffle or cough here and there during the past two years, but a few doses of Emergen-C or Airborne have kicked it pretty fast. I've long thought that when I finally got sick again "for real," I'd probably be a big baby about it, and you know what? I kind of am. I feel extra picked on. Boo hoo. I'm sick. This is so not fair. 

I'm giving myself permission to take it easy today. Actually, "permission" might not be the right word. I'm forcing myself to take it easy today. My only goals are to take a hot shower (to numb my surely-to-explode face) and take a nap. Anything else that happens is extra credit. This blog post? Extra credit! If I change the toilet paper roll in the bathroom? Extra credit! If I wear shoes instead of slippers? Extra credit!

One thing I really like to do when I'm sick is to take a nap with the TV on. I don't know why, but for my entire adult life, I've always preferred to sleep during a show when I'm sick. My go to show, back before I had kids, was... dare I say it? The Hot Chick. Any time I was home from work sick (and it was usually with a sinus infection), I would turn on The Hot Chick and go to sleep. A few years ago, I watched The Hot Chick while awake, and I'm embarrassed that I loved that show so much. 

But thank you, Rob Schneider, for getting me through so many sinus infections in my younger years. I think my new sinus infection buddy might be Miranda. 

Here's Miranda showing you what I look like when I have a sinus infection.

My Christmas Project

Last year while we were driving around looking at Christmas lights, we stumbled across a Charlie Brown photo op in someone's yard. We let the kids out and snapped some photos, and I thought it was really cute. It made me think about making something similar for my own yard. 

Christmas Outing 2020

As the Christmas season approached this year, I started thinking about it again, but it wasn't a priority. Then my in-laws were put in charge of their ward Christmas party, and they decided to do a Charlie Brown theme, so that settled it! I wanted to make Charlie Brown photo op (is that what these things are called? I don't even know) which I could lend to my in-laws for their ward party... and again for their family party of the same theme... and then put in my own yard leading up to Christmas. 

The day after Thanksgiving (with no Black Friday goals), we went to Lowe's, bought two sheets of particle board and a can of primer, and got to work!  I had a lot of paint supplies on hand already, so I only had to buy a few things to get by. Scotty cut the wood how I wanted it and built the stand (he's so good to go along with my *big* ideas). Then I started the mural. I looked online and found a photo I liked that worked with the dimensions I wanted (6' x 8').

Here are some of the photos of the project in process: 

Here's the point where we cut out the face holes. I made the mistake of using my head as a guide... forgetting that I have an abnormally large noggin... so the holes are a bit on the big side, but they work! 

I loved watching it come together as I got to add more and more details. I was most excited for Pig Pen. I couldn't wait to paint his unruly hair and make him dirty!

His dirt cloud is kind of hard to see against the dark blue background, which is sad, but I love his filth all the same. 

Here's the final project (pardon the glare from the light coming through the garage door):

I had so much fun making it, and I'm really excited to see it put to use. I'm not sure how the heck we're going to transport it, but luckily we only have to get it half a mile up the road. Worst case scenario, we use furniture movers with wheels and roll it up the sidewalk. I'm sure we'll come up with something easier, but boy, wouldn't that be fun to watch? It's uphill to the church, but we can just set it free to get it back home!

I guess I have the PTA to thank for my ability to create things like this. I don't know if I ever would have attempted such a project if it weren't for my experience making birthday posters for the school for all those years. I wouldn’t have known I was capable. I did cheat a little, though. Right before COVID hit, I invested in a projector. Prior to that, I'd done everything free-hand, and it always took FOREVER!! So finally, I thought, If I'm going to keep doing this, I'm going to spend the money for a projector! (seven years later...) So I bought one... and then COVID came before I ever used it, and I haven't done the birthday posters since (shhhh!!! I'm hoping no one noticed and that we can just quietly carry on not doing the birthday posters). 

Anyway, I used the projector for the first time in October to make the hitch hiking ghosts for the trunk or treat. 

Turns out, the projector doesn't make it that much easier... it's really hard to position (I had to stack and unstack a bunch of books under it and then wedge folded pieces of paper beneath one side to make it straight... then I couldn't get the image clear, and it was very time consuming. 

The projector is nice to get the positions and sizes of the characters correct and is helpful in getting the basic outline. The projector isn't very good for the more intricate details since they don't project very well at the size I create them. So while I did use a projector to outline the big shapes, I still had to do a lot of the details free-hand. 

Now I'm the proud new owner of a gigantic Charlie Brown mural... that I'll have to store... somewhere on my property... for years to come. But I love it very much! So just like my children, it will be worth making room for!