(Are sacks of potatoes ungrateful? I just made that up).
I decided to post this one from January 2016 because I wrote about an event that had a big impact on me. I now refer to this event as "The Day the Sunday School Boys Made Me Cry." It may seem like a small event, but it was a kind of turning point. One of my boys didn't come to church for over a year after this happened, so it has always been bookmarked in my mind as the last time he came to church (he bravely returned last year and was in my class again).
I just taught the same lesson to my new Sunday school class a few weeks ago, and it will always be remembered as "that lesson," though this time around it went very well, and no one made me cry. I'm glad I had the chance to see the lesson unfold the way I envisioned it.
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Last week* I wrote about how I feel like I'm drowning. I can't explain why, but things have just been really rough for me emotionally lately. I don't usually get the January blues, but maybe that's what this is. I dunno. I've been doing the, "Do I have depression?" debate for a while, but it doesn't quite fit the bill.
Anyway, I'm a firm believer that whining to the point of embarrassment really helps turn things around. Don't take that out of context. What I mean is that writing a blog post or talking to a friend and just taking a minute to vent is really helpful, but then you need to wipe yourself up off the floor and try to improve things. In other words, you can whine for a minute, but then you need to suck it up and take action.
Last week I had some chances to vent. It started on Sunday when everything caught up to me in the middle of Sunday school (I was teaching), and I completely lost it in the middle of my lesson in front of a bunch of a 15 year old boys (they weren't exactly being kind that day). I started sobbing. Not just crying, but sobbing. I was sniffling and doing those quick inhales that make you unable to talk. My face was red and puffy. I just exploded. Then I got control of myself and dismissed the class. I had a quick chat with my team teacher, and then I went to the bathroom to do damage control.
When I walked in, one of my good friends (and mothers of one of the boys I'd just cried in front of) was standing right inside the door. I took one look at her and just started sobbing all over again. I explained myself in between sniffles. Then she left, and I looked in the mirror and started sobbing again just because I looked so ridiculous. I hid in the bathroom stall for a while hoping that I'd stop crying and get my act together so I could go to my next class. The restroom traffic was so heavy every time someone came in, I'd say, "Hey ________. I'm in here crying. Do you need a stall right away?" Luckily they let me stay.
I texted Scotty from the bathroom and told him what was going on, and he texted me back that he was outside waiting for me, so eventually I had to come out of the stall. Since the bathroom never emptied, I made my escape while a friend was changing her son's diaper. I walked out like, "Hey, don't mind me. Just a little emotional breakdown. No big deal. Oh my heck! Look at my FACE!!! What is wrong with my face? Okay then, good day."
A few days later, one of my friends texted me and said, "I've been thinking about you, and I've been meaning to ask you if you're doing alright." I responded, "Haha! I'm a mess, but you know how it goes..." Then she called me and let me have a big, old whine fest with her.
She didn't give me advice. She didn't tell me to cherish every moment or say, "If you think it's hard now, wait until you have teenagers!"
In terms of being a good listener and helping me feel better, my friend nailed it.
When I got off the phone, I realized I'd just vented to a friend whose husband spent the last year battling cancer. See what I mean about whining to the point of embarrassment?
Now that I've had the chance to let some of my emotions out, I feel like I might be able to start doggy paddling.
*"Two years ago" would be more accurate now
So. I get seasonal depression. Bad. For years we would do blood work and find that my vitamin D was low. Now, in June I start taking vitamin D drops (it can take 6 months for full absorption), and continue all year round. I've noticed it helps so so much with the seasonal depression. I also kick it up with a vitamin B Complex in winter. It's a real thing though, seasonal depression, that isn't "depression, depression," more of a "lack of sunshine and vitamin D depression."
ReplyDeleteSo the point of this...maybe add some vitamin D and then schedule an entire day for yourself to go out coffee shop and book store hopping.