“Can’t I just be constipated in peace?”
-Eva
(You think it’s bad now? Wait til you have kids, dear!)
__________
“Don’t worry, Mom and Dad will never get divorced because they take showers together.”
-Zoe
(Yes, that is the key).
__________
“You know how he [Ed Sheeran] says ‘barefoot on the grass?’ What if his feet were balloons?”
-Zoe
__________
The Weeknd: Oooo, I’m blinded by the lights.
Daisy: This is The Weeknd, right?
Me: Yes, today is Friday.
Daisy: Mom!!! You’re as bad as Dad.
(No one is as bad as Dad. Well… except my dad).
__________
“Okay, Mom, since I’m hanging out in your room, you can’t watch any shows with murder.”
-Zoe
(She ruins all my fun).
__________
Carol of the Bells: Ring, ring, ring, ring…
Zoe: Is this a doorbell commercial?
__________
Eva: Mom, you’re so lucky you don’t have to go to school!
Zoe: But remember, Eva, she has to cook food and pay taxes!
__________
“Is this song from SIX, the musical? Because this does not sound like six-year-olds to me!”
-Eva
(SIX is about Henry VIII’s wives turned pop icons).
__________
Me: You and I are ministering partners now.
Daisy: What’s ministering?
Me: It’s just a way of making sure that everyone in our ward is looked after. We have a list of women that we can visit and help if they need us.
Daisy: Aren’t there people who get paid to do that? Like Shirley?
Me: That’s home health, honey. That’s something different.
Daisy: Is it, though?
__________
Eva: I need to think of a goal.
Me: Maybe you can read ten books this week, or eat a vegetable every day, or learn about something you’re interested in!
Eva: No thanks. I think I’ll just put duct tape on my feet and try to walk up the wall.
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