Off the Pills, On the Pills

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #24: 

Depression

I recently weaned off antidepressants. I've taken them consistently for about three years (and in other increments previously), and I felt good about doing a test run without them just to see where I am currently. The results are yet to be determined as I need to be off them long enough for any discontinuation symptoms to smooth over. I am keeping a mood log, and I figure by the end of the month, I can have a more accurate idea of how I'm doing. 

In going off my meds, I'm trying to be mindful and implement lifestyle choices that help me steer clear of depression (key word: trying). Over the past few years, I've kept a list on my phone of things that help me with depression. In posting this, I have no intention of telling anyone else how to manage depression. I also have no judgement toward anyone on medication. If I still need them, I have no qualms over going back on my pills, but if I don't need them, I'd love to have the break from the side effects I experience on them. So this is in no way a “how to” or a commentary on how any other person should deal with depression. It’s simply my story and my experience and my advice to myself for things I might want to remember over time. 

Anyway, these are some of the helpful actions that I'm keeping in mind as I move forward without meds:

1. Avoiding social media

I don't think I need to explain this at all. I'd like to think I'm immune from all negative effects of social media, but I'm not. When I stay away from social media for long chunks of time, my mental health improves significantly. 

2. Starting and completing a task 

Even if it's something as small as wiping off the kitchen table or making my bed, if I can start and finish something, it gives me a boost. Sometimes when I'm struggling, I intentionally find something I can do that matches my energy level. If that means I change a toilet paper roll, so be it. If I get a clean and organized closet out of it, even better!

3. Eating well

The better I eat, the better I feel. I also enjoy my meals more when I eat mindfully. I hate that this is true.

4. Avoiding binge-watching

I've noticed I experience more depressive symptoms when I am binge-watching long series. I'm not sure if I'm binge-watching because I'm depressed or if I am depressed because I'm binge-watching. Either way, I see a connection. 

5. Listening to music

The right music lifts my mood and can even get me dancing and moving around the house. 

6. Doing something for someone else

Setting myself aside for a minute and serving someone else makes me feel good. The thing is… it’s best when it's on my terms. So it may seem like there’s  an element of selfishness there, but it’s more that I need to remove myself from any form of “people pleasing.” 

7. Going outside

This is something that I have a really hard time doing if I feel depressed, but if I go outside - even if it's just to sit on a chair - it sometimes helps. 

8. Doing something creative 

This is something my grandma brought to my attention shortly before she died. She told me that being creative would often help her with depression, and after she told me that, I realized that it worked for me too. 

As I've progressed in life, I've found new and interesting ways to be creative - it's not about crafts! It's about using my mind - brainstorming, coming up with ideas, and seeing them through. 

Here's a nice place for me to throw down one of my favorite quotes from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul... Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matted into our hands and mold it into something of beauty... 

The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet or paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before - colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter... 

The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. 

9.  Connecting with other people

I was going to say "socializing," but then I realized that wasn't quite the right wording. Connecting. That's it! Meaningful conversation and interaction is so healing for me. A family party can be pure torture when I’m depressed, but connecting with one person at that party can make all the difference. 

10. Exercising early in the day

I have to get it over with. I really, truly hate exercising. I would rather do a thousand loads of high school football players' laundry. But I know that when I do some form of exercise early in the day, it really does help my mood. Being active is very important - despite how much I hate it. So my morning walks at 5:45 are pretty imperative. 

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Of course, this list is not exhaustive, and most of these actions require energy and a certain degree of "wanting to," and that's the crappiest part of depression. You have to feel well to do well and you have to do well to feel well, and that's a very inconvenient cycle. But I'm going to try my best to practice the above actions to see if I’m in a place where I can go without medication for a while.