The Proper Burger Eating Technique

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #23:

Quirk

When I was a teenager and young adult, I didn't like to eat messy foods. Dishes like hamburgers and ribs were absolutely out of the question.

In high school I had a friend named Josh who was a couple years younger than me. After I graduated and got married, Josh and I remained friends, and we worked together at the local dairy. Josh was still in high school, and he asked me if I would help him out with some plans for a school dance. He and his friends wanted to tell their dates that they were taking them to the Roof - a fancy restaurant downtown. But really, they were taking their dates to a literal roof. As in the patio on the roof of my mom's garage wherein they would be served baby back ribs from Chili's.

(Please note that neither Josh nor I had fully developed frontal lobes at the time).

I, with the help of my friend Michelle, served baby back ribs and cold french fries to the poor girls who thought they were going to the Roof. It turns out that girls in prom dresses with freshly painted fingernails aren't really interested in eating baby back ribs. I failed Josh by not pointing this out earlier.

After watching the girls stare at their plates for a while, Michelle and I gathered up the dishes and then served crepes for dessert (which the girls downed. Probably because they were starving, and they could use forks). Back in the kitchen, we looked at the piles of uneaten baby back ribs and thought, "We can't just throw those away!" so Michelle and I hung out after everyone left and had ourselves a feast.

That's when I discovered that I'd kind of been missing out with my messy food aversion. Those cold, rejected baby back ribs were pretty stinkin' great.

This opened up a world of new dining options for me. I became a big fan of BBQ, and I allowed hamburgers to come into my life (in hindsight, this might actually have been a bad thing).

There's still a part of me that struggles with messy food, though. When at all possible, I prefer to eat with a fork. And I like my food to be on a plate. You would think that's a pretty standard preference, food on plates, but Red Robin doesn't seem to think so.

You never know what Red Robin's latest experimental plating technique is going to be. They go back and forth from plate to basket. See that first picture? My most recent burger came wrapped. That's new. The latest plate-avoiding tactic by Red Robin. 

They are always up to something, and you just have to go with whatever their latest "thing" is. If it's something really dumb, just hang tight. They'll change it in six months. Remember when they tried to practice "fry control" by serving their bottomless fries in metal rings?

At Red Robin I never know if I'm going to be allowed to have silverware. Sometimes I have to be vetted and deemed worthy of silverware. Other times they have it sitting on the table as a standard. It just depends on their "thing" at the time. 

Speaking of "things," here's mine:

I hate eating Red Robin Burgers with my hands. They're messy, and the toppings slip off. This is true of other burgers, too, but I'm most pet-peevy about it at Red Robin. I'll deal with Crown Burgers or the Habit because those are fast food places, not sit-down-at-a-table-and-have-food-brought-to-you places. 

At Red Robin, I want to keep my hands clean, and I want to eat off a real plate. So when RR is in a basket-serving, silverware-depriving mood (which is more often than not) I have to ask for a plate, a fork, and a knife. 

I then cut up my burger and eat it like a salad. 

And since I'm not pre-approved for silverware use, I feel all sorts of defiant and quirky!