Getting Reacquainted with an Old Obsession

First of all, thank you for your kind comments on my last post. That was one of those posts where, after I wrote it, I debated whether to hit publish. I didn't mean for it to go where it did, but it ended up being very eye-opening for me. Enough so, that I made a phone call on Monday morning and went to see a doctor on Tuesday. As soon as I started talking to her about what's going on, it became very clear that this was a step in the right direction. It's amazing what we fail to see within ourselves. I've been in serious denial.

And thus begins my newest adventure with anti-depressants (this isn't my first rodeo, but I've never kept up on them for longer than a month. This time I plan to be more diligent). Hopefully I'll feel better in a month or so, but for now, I at least have a sense of hope. If I can get over this hump and get to a place where I feel like I can function again, that would be so wonderful!

All of this is very embarrassing for me. I'm, essentially, a stereo-type. Look at me, the Mormon stay-at-home-mother of four on anti-depressants! It feels, in some ways, like failure, but I've decided I'm going to do my best to not be ashamed of it. I know I'm not alone. It's okay to need help, isn't it?

There's one interesting thing I noticed, though, about my history with depression. Every time I've gone on medication, I've had a three-year-old. Coincidence? I think not!

(Three-year-olds. Seriously. How can a little person be so cute and so horrible at the same time?)

Anyway, I just figured I owe it to you to update you on my progress.

In other news, Scotty and I started watching Lost again this week. If you're an old friend, you probably remember my obsession with Lost circa 2006-2010. If you're a new friend, let me give you a quick history: I was obsessed with Lost. I even wrote weekly re-caps for a TV blog. I occasionally stumble across notebooks where I took notes on the show. I made myself t-shirts for season premieres, and I went through the five stages of grief after the show ended.

I've never re-watched the season finale. It's taken six years for me to feel ready.

Now that I'm re-watching the show, I feel simultaneous joy and frustration. I remember all of the things about Lost that were so amazing, but I also remember the questions that weren't answered and the things that were just a little too bizarre.

I'm definitely becoming reacquainted with the Lost nerd inside me. Aside from the slightly bizarre nature of the show, there are some great, profound moments. Here is a snippet for your viewing pleasure. A little background, Charlie was a drug addict and came to the island with a small stash of (I assume) cocaine (not really up on my drugs). It's beginning to look like they might be stranded on the island longer than anticipated. Charlie knows eventually his drugs will run out. John Locke encourages Charlie to give up the drugs before they run out - that way it will be his choice and not forced on him. Either way he needs to stop using them. Charlie gives John the drugs but soon wants them back. Here is the scene (you get ten extra credit points for watching):

Overall, I'm still smitten with the show with, perhaps, a little less attraction to Jack and Sawyer. They're still not ugly, I admit (for fun, here's a flashback to when I made a Matthew Fox cake).

One thing I love about Lost is the Easter eggs. In every episode, there are little, hidden gems that make the show interesting. For example, there is a lot of literature tied into the series. Some episodes will show characters reading certain books, and then something in the episode will parallel that book. The creators of the show were really clever in the way they tied these things into the show. They are easy to miss, so it's always fun to find something and make a connection. The other day we watched the episode "Tabula Rasa." I come across the term tabula rasa a lot in school as we study developmental theories. Tabula rasa refers to "blank slate" and is an idea that comes from the philosopher John Locke (of course). That episode in Lost focuses on some of the character's past lives and how those characters have a chance to start over again on the island.

Okay, okay, I need to chill. A friend of mine once said, Lost is the kind of show that makes you want to write an essay. She expressed my feelings exactly, so hang tight, friends. You might be in for a year of Lost-inspired posts. I think I might have woken a dragon.