Covenants and the Return

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The topic for today is one I fear I can never adequately address. I've touched on the subject before, but I worry that my perceived naivety inhibits my message to some extent. Also, it's such a vast topic (as I'm discovering is true for all of the things I've written about for this Proclamation project). How do I write only a few short words and make them meaningful? And how do I articulate what I truly want to say on the matter? 

The subject I'm referring to is that of lost children. Not the ones who have passed from this life, but the ones who have become involved in serious transgression or who have strayed from the values that parents have worked so hard to instill in them. 

There are so many levels on which this can happen. This is where the subject begins to become broad. One family's situation may involve a child who simply doesn't believe the same things as the parents but who still remains close to the family. Another family may have a child who has become a slave to addiction, who has abused a spouse or child, who has become involved in criminal activity, or who has completely left the family. 

I don't want to try and define what constitutes a "lost child" because I believe it's very different for each family, so suffice it to say that there are often situations in which parents are confused or heart-broken about the way their children use their agency, and that is what I'm writing about today.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have the opportunity to live in a way the qualifies us to enter the temple of the Lord and to be sealed as a family (read more about temples here). To be sealed means to be united as husband and wife for eternity. During the sealing ceremony, husband and wife make covenants or promises to each other and to God. We believe that if we keep those covenants, we'll be able to return to the presence of God after this life and continue to live as families.

It's the fear of losing a child in the eternities that is most heartbreaking to a family. As a member of the Quorum of the Seventy, Elder John K. Carmack explained:

Typical and normal parental reaction [to family problems with wayward children] include sorrow, despair, desperation, depression, feelings of guilt and unworthiness, and a sense of failure. In such circumstances, parents may also experience anger and withdrawal and may feel like simply giving up (1997). 

I love this quote by Dr. Glenn Latham:

Well-meaning parents who have tried their best should avoid the temptation of using their child's behavior as the measure of their success as parents. If children's behavior were the sole measurement of good parenting, our heavenly parents would not qualify. They lost a third of their children before mortality was even available, and very probably countless more. Remember this: perfect parents make no mistakes; imperfect parents do. Both have children who stray.

(I recommend Dr. Latham's book Christlike Parenting for further reading).

Our Heavenly Father knows, more than anyone, the pain of having children who exercise their agency in a manner that is contrary to a parent's hopes and dreams. I don't think His intention is for parents to be wracked with guilt and devastation. One mother expressed her feelings as follows:

I think that God created the family unit as part of the divine plan to have his children return to Him. I don't think it's to create a feeling of despair when a loved one strays from the gospel; I think it's to create a feeling of urgency on our part to help that son or daughter come back - to keep ourselves in high, firm ground, so that we can reach out to one who does not have as firm a footing on gospel ground. Although a connection to God may be broken, a line of communication and love through us remains (Pehrson, Cook, and Madsen, 2012). 

We want the comfort of knowing our children are safely returned to the fold, which is why we feel such an urgency, but we can not coerce or take control of another person's agency. Covenant keeping is the key. It's those very promises we make to God in the temple that will bind our families and bring back those who stray. Joseph Smith said, "When a seal is put upon the father and mother, it secures their posterity, so that they can not be lost, but will be saved by virtue of the covenant of their father and mother" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 1976).

This is a principle that is often discussed but perhaps not fully understood. I feel that I'm only beginning to comprehend the role of temple covenants in this way.

President James E. Faust declared:

Perhaps in this life we are not given to fully understand how enduring the sealing cords of righteous parents are to their children. It may very well be that there are more helpful sources at work than we know. I believe there is a strong familial pull as the influence of beloved ancestors continues with us from the other side of the veil... To those broken-hearted parents who have been righteous, diligent, and prayerful in the teaching of their disobedient children, we say to you, the Good Shepherd is watching over them. God knows and understands your deep sorrow. There is hope (2003).

Elder Orson F. Whitney promised:

The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours - long before he entrusted them to your care; and you can not begin to love than as he loves them. They have strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fullness of knowledge brings the fullness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend (1929).

The Book of Mormon teaches that the Atonement is infinite (Alma 34:10, 14). This provides assurance that there is no limit to Christ's capacity to cover the sins of every type, severity, and frequency. The Atonement is in force both in this life and and in the life to come, though we are warned that deliberately delaying our repentance places our eternal reward in jeopardy (Alma 34:31-35). Even with the dangers of willful disobedience, the prophets have promised that even the most disobedient of children can be saved through eventual repentance by virtue of the Atonement. The obedience of parents to their temple covenants will one day be rewarded (Pehrson, Cook, and Madsen, 2012). 

Elder Whitney also taught:

The Prophet Joseph Smith declared - and he never taught more comforting doctrine - that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back into the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice...and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last...to a loving and forgiving father's heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless, disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God (1929).

President Henry B. Eyring added his testimony to this statement when he said, "The story of the prodigal son gives us all hope. The prodigal remembered home, as will your children. They will feel your love drawing them back to you" (2009).

I haven't yet had the experience of a child leaving the fold, but I have many loved ones I hope will return someday. I don't fully understand the role of temple covenants in bringing God's wayward children back to Him, but in God's plan of Happiness, there is a return. Everything we do and everything we believe helps direct us back to Him. The return is important, and God has enlisted His children on both sides of the veil to work toward this cause. Every temple ordinance that is performed creates a connection to God, and there are many great things at work that we can not see.

 

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This post was inspired by "They Cannot Be Lost: Temple Covenants Save Families," by Kyle L. Pehrson, Ron Cook, and Nancy L. Madsen, published in Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, 2012. This piece of writing is part of my Family Proclamation project for FAML 100 at Brigham Young University Idaho.