Banished in the Dark

It's early in the morning on a Saturday. With good intentions, I got out of bed just before 6:00 so I could go for a run. I got dressed and headed out the door despite the rain.

The rain never looks bad from my living room window. I thought I'd be dealing with something only slightly heavier than a "sprinkle," but by the time I hit the first street corner, I was pretty wet. No big deal, though. Being wet from rainwater is only a mild step up from being drenched in my own sweat.

Before I hit my first mile, the rain got a little heavier. I started worrying about Scotty's phone getting wet, so I decided to turn around and head back home. I was half disappointed and half relieved. I felt like my workout wasn't good enough, but at the same time, running and I are not on the best of terms right now.

When I got home, I had a few problems. I was wet, it was dark, and my family was still asleep.

I had to creep into my house silently and sit on the living room floor in the dark (as not to get the furniture wet).

I'm still here in my wet clothes on the living room floor in the dark.

I feel banished!

But this is a good time to get a quick blog post under my belt.

It's been a while!

(Sorry, Marsha. I know I promised you the other day that I would "get right on it," but this week got a little crazy).

Here are a few updates on life:

Disneyland

Last week we were in Disneyland. It was really fun but really hot.  I won't say a lot here because I hope to write a post about it sometime soon, but know that it happened.

I went to Disneyland.

Again.

Homemaking

I learned a valuable lesson this week: I'm a terrible housekeeper, but I'm a good homemaker.

I look at "homemaking" as providing a safe and nurturing place for my family. Whether I make my own bread, grow my own herbs, or sew my own curtains does not factor into my personal definition of a "homemaker." My stain removal techniques, the shine of my bathroom fixtures, and the wreath on my front do not matter.

I have a messy house but a good home.

Facebook

I admit, I enjoy facebook. You know how we're supposed to pretend we don't like facebook? And we're supposed to go around being like, "Oh, I only get on facebook to bla bla bla..." so it doesn't look like any of us actually like it?

(It amazes me how many people throw out disclaimers when they mention facebook. "I had to get on facebook because someone sent me a message, and I only looked at the first three posts, but I bla bla bla...")

Well, like I said, I admit that I enjoy facebook. I also admit that I simultaneously hate facebook, which is why, I think, so many people throw out those disclaimers - they love/hate facebook, too.

I'm currently undergoing a 75% facebook fast. That means I have disclaimers: I only get on facebook to bla bla bla.

Calm Moments

This week I've been really stressed out. I need to get a grip on things because I don't really have that much to be stressed about. It's just a struggle trying to manage my time when I don't actually have control of my time, and that is making me a basket case. Between Zoe's tantrums and Eva's eating schedule (plus the unpredictable nature of my children's naps and diapering needs) I can't plan anything. I have to fly by the seat of my pants always.

It goes kind of like this, "CALM MOMENT! HURRY BEFORE IT ENDS!"

And then I have to decide what I'm going to do with that calm moment. Do I load the dishwasher? Do I exercise? Do I work on homework?

And while I'm trying to figure out my priorities, there's this feeling of impending doom. How long will this moment last? Is it worth starting a project I might never finish? If I choose to do the dishes, will I ever have a calm moment to do my assignment?

It's insane!

Tantrums

I mentioned Zoe's tantrums. All of my kids have been mighty tantrum throwers, so it's nothing new, but I kind of wonder if Zoe's might be worse. I'm not sure if they are or if I'm just more worn out from Zoe because she's my third tantrum thrower, and it's getting old.

Regardless, Zoe rarely makes it five minutes into her day without a tantrum, and she has several meltdowns throughout the day. I dread going anywhere because there will be a tantrum over shoes, a tantrum over the car seat, and a dozen more tantrums based on where we are going and what Zoe wants.

The other day, I mentioned to my friend that we were on Zoe's 22nd tantrum of the day. I wasn't really keeping score. It's not like I have an app on my phone where I log Zoe's tantrums so I can pull it out in front of my friends and be like, "Oh, look! We're on 16!" but my friend accused me of exaggerating. I thought, "Well, maybe we're not on 22, but we've had a lot of tantrums today!"

So the next day, just for the heck of it, I started keeping track of Zoe's tantrums. We had to leave the house at 8:45 that morning, so I only kept track of her tantrums leading up to that point.

She had eight!

Eight tantrums before 8:45 in the morning! She woke up just before 7:00 that day, so this was about a two-hour time span.

(I counted any time Zoe started yelling, screaming, kicking, or rolling on the floor).

It kind of scared me to put a number to it, and it also made me realize that I was shorting myself when I claimed she was on Tantrum 22 the other day. She was probably on Tantrum 32.

Well, the time has come to end this rambling. There's a hint of daylight peeking through the blinds. Everyone is still asleep but Nicky. I'm still soaked with rain, so I'm going to sneak into the shower and hope that Zoe sleeps through it. I'm not quite ready to start my tantrum counter today.