Navigating New Friendships

I want to be a really good friend. I want to be trustworthy and thoughtful.  I want to be loyal and understanding, plus all of the other adjectives that describe a really awesome friend.

I especially want to be worth keeping... because a lot friendships are disposable.

I can't say that I am that friend. In fact, I'm probably nowhere close, which might be why I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately.

To be honest, I kind of suck at making friends. I don't really know how to do it. I always have a desire to get to know people better, and I always wonder, "Could we be friends?" But far as I know, we'd have to spend time together to accomplish that, and that's where things get a little awkward for me. I've tried the whole invite-someone-over-for-playdate-and-lunch scenario a ridiculous amount of times, and I don't know how to tell if the invitation is appreciated or resented. You see, the invite is never reciprocated. Never. So I'm left to wonder if it's because the other person is shy or  because she just doesn't really want to be friends.

In my imagination, I extend an invitation to a new friend. We have meaningful getting-to-know you conversation. We part ways feeling happy that we spent some time together. Someday down the road - it doesn't have to be right away - she gets the itch to socialize again, and she invites me to go on a picnic a the park, meet at the McDonald's play place for some Mom Therapy, or hang out at the local pool.

But it doesn't happen.

I realize that not all potential friendships work out - I'm guilty of not desiring a close friendship with a few individuals, myself - but sometimes I feel like I'm this desperate creeper on the playground begging for a buddy.

It all makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. Do I come on too strong? Am I too sarcastic? Am I weird? Do I impose on others? Am I intimidating? Do people think I'm mean? Am I too judgmental?

Or are other people having just as hard a time as I am making friends?

I just don't know.

The other aspect of making new friends that I have a hard time with is the part where we have to face our differences. It seems that whenever I embark on a new friendship, we spend the first phase of the relationship discovering our similarities. It's so much fun to find someone who loves to read, adores board games, and/or has a similar parenting style to me. But after a short time, the differences start to become apparent.

I'm very punctual and an early riser.

She sleeps until 10:00 and is always late.

I let my daughter watch Dora.

Her kids aren't allowed to watch TV.

I enroll my children in public school.

She homeschools.

I have strong opinions about multi-level marketing.

She sells Mary Kay.

At first, we accept our differences, but as time goes on, they start to drive a wedge between us. I get tired of waiting for her all the time, and I don't want to invite her over to my house anymore because I feel like I have to keep the TV off and deny any requests my children make to watch a show with their friends. Meanwhile, she is sick of apologizing every time she's late, and she feels like I'm not supportive because I don't buy my make-up from her. Eventually, we drift apart and experience a few awkward run-ins each year.

This is one area of life where Scotty and I differ. Scotty has never "needed" friends. He never hung out with people in high school - his yearbook was signed by ONE person - and he's never been concerned with belonging. He never worries about meeting new people or having someone to golf/fish/run with. And, although this description of him makes him sound like a bit of a nutcase, he's totally normal and very-well balanced. He just doesn't prioritize "being liked." I, on the other hand, need to have friends. I need to be liked and feel validated. I need people to talk to and laugh with.

I'm just not sure why it's so hard to find that.

I hope I don't sound ungrateful for the friends that I already have (because they are great and most of them have been around for many, many years), but I feel like making friends is a life-long skill. Unfortunately, it's a skill I lack.