I need to go to bed (and eleven other random facts)

Fact #1: Today the kids moved out. Not the human ones. The feathered ones. 

Fact #2: It had to happen sometime. They can't reside in the living room forever. But as I sit on the couch writing this at 10:43 p.m. I can't help but notice the absence of their little cheeps. I’ve grown used to them. 

Fact #3: Right now they get to live in their own little coop, but when they are big enough, we'll integrate them with the other chickens. They are too small to join them just yet. 

Fact #4: Every morning, two obnoxious things happen: 

Around 4:00, the neighborhood rooster starts crowing. I don't hate him - the rooster - but sometimes I want to call him mean names. I can hear him crowing from my bedroom, and I can hear him on my morning walks when I am a mile away from where he lives. He crows for 2-3 hours straight. And sometimes he continues crowing later in the day. 

If you live nearby and haven't heard him... you will now. Because I just brought it to your attention. 

You're welcome!

The other thing that happens is this:

Five bajillion house sparrows congregate in the tree right outside my bedroom window and chirp from 5:00-6:00 every morning. 

Now, ya'll know I love birds these days (a sign of aging), but I don't like their noise and have been known to slam my window after yelling, "Shut up, birds!"

Fact #5: My daughter Zoe is a compulsive whistler. She whistles day and night, and she's pretty loud. It causes a lot of fights between the kids because no one wants to hear her whistle. 

Last week while Scotty was gone to camp, I woke up to the sound of whistling in the middle of the night. My jumpy heart was not okay with it - it scared the **** out of me. Zoe was whistling in her sleep.

She hasn't done it since. But now I know it's a thing: sleep whistling.

Fact #6: I established a family rule a while ago - "Don't do any dance moves you don't want to see your mom do."

You wanna twerk at at Hill Aerospace Museum? Whaddayaknow! I do too! 

Let’s just say… I twerk a lot now.

Fact #7: You know what I have no desire to do ever? Watch movies outside. 

I see all these advertisements for free community screenings of movies in the park. Why would I go watch a movie at 10:00 p.m. in a camp chair with a bunch of strangers while mosquitoes fly around my face when I can watch a movie at 6:00 p.m. in my own house with no pants on and be in bed by 9:00?

Fact #8: Things I did not buy at the thrift store this week:

Fact #9: Scotty and I went to Subway for dinner tonight where we watched a man at the drive-thru drive up over the curb and into a tree.

I'd been watching him and could tell something was wrong. I had just said to Scotty, "I think that guy might be stoned out of his mind." Then... tree! 

Scotty went outside to check on him, and the guy he said he was fine. Then he just left his car there - blocking the whole drive-thru and came inside to buy a sandwich. 

He was really happy about his sandwich, too. 

Fact #10: These are for sale at WinCo:

Fact #11: The other day, a friend told me that my blog is the "best toilet reading ever!" 

I think that's my favorite compliment I've received in my entire life. Thanks, friends. I am honored to be toilet-worthy!