Somewhere between then and now, my mind slipped, and I haven't been as mentally and emotionally healthy. I've realized in recent months that the few times in my life I've dabbled in anti-depressants have been when I've had a mobile baby that refuses to sleep and a three-year-old, so the timing is just right for me to be a basket case.
Fortunately for you, this post is not actually about my mental and emotional state (though, if you are curious, I've managed to go from "drowning" to "doggy paddling 10% of the time"). This post is about my current cravings which are:
Meaningful Conversation
I've taken on a bit of a hermit lifestyle (see above paragraph about mobile baby who won't sleep and three-year-old who is being such a three-year-old), so I have this longing to be with another adult and talk about something other than whether the first day of the week is Sunday or Monday.
Revelation
When you're elbow deep in baby poop every day, it's really easy to disconnect from God and feel spiritually unavailable. I'm currently "just okay" in my relationship with God. We're "in touch," I guess you could say, but I'm craving some sort of direction from Heavenly Father that will motivate me to keep going. I need some "KaPOW!" kind of stuff. I need to be knocked upside the head with something that is just for me. Except not if it's going to hurt. I don't want it to hurt. I'm not thinking in terms of God giving me adversity to teach me big lessons. I'm thinking more along the lines of, "I love you and you're not horrible." I need to know that God doesn't think I'm horrible.
A "Win"
The other day I was thinking about how much I need to experience a moment of success right now. I'm just barely scraping by in all of my responsibilities. I need to accomplish something and feel good about it.
A Vacation
I would really like to go somewhere other than here for a few days. We've been cooped up for too long. We need to get out and be free! If I'm going to deal with kids fighting all the time, I might as well be somewhere exciting.
What are you craving?
2 comments:
I hear you on the real conversation thing, working at home and living with someone who doesn't speak more than 37 words a day (slight exaggeration) and teaching 5 year olds at church and no friends really....it's a lonely life. I find I word-vomit into emails far more than I probably should (ahem).
And adventure. I really want/need some adventure.
xox
Exactly what you said about God. A burning bush. No...a letter. A letter from God explaining how to fix my life. Is that too much to ask?????
And yes. A win would be good too.
Hang in there with the littles. I'd tell you it gets easier but that would be a lie. But what DOES happen is that eventually they all go to school! :)
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