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Monday, August 4, 2025

Mercies from the Mission

As Nicky prepared to leave on his mission, I (or we) experienced a lot of tender mercies. I wish I would have written them down more thoroughly as they've happened, but they had to pile up for a bit before I was able to recognize their frequency. I debated whether I should write them down in my private journal or put them here on my blog, and I decided to write some things on the blog so family and friends can share in our experience.

First, let me tell you about what it was like to have Nicky open his mission call to San Juan Puerto Rico

It's unnerving wondering where your child will be assigned to serve a mission. I've always felt that Nicky would be in Latin America speaking Spanish. My personal guess was Lima, Peru - I just looked at a map and picked a South American location, and it sounded good (flunky enough, one of Nicky’s good friends just got his call to Lima, Peru last week). 

When Nicky opened his call and read "Puerto Rico San Juan Mission" it felt right immediately. My reaction was, "Well, duh! Of course he's going to Puerto Rico! Why did I even consider anywhere else?"

The tender mercy here was that two of my cousins (Jess and Tyler) served in Puerto Rico, so it felt familiar and safe. I haven't felt a single worry about the location. My mama heart has been at ease.

So there’s that. 

But the guess what else happened!

At the airport when we were dropping off Nicky for his departure to the Mexico City MTC, I looked over and saw none other than my cousin, Tyler!



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When Nicky went through the temple, a few things happened that made me really upset. When I went to the locker room to change into my temple dress, I was fighting back tears. 

I went up to the chapel, and there to greet me was a long-time temple worker - my high school French teacher. We’ve been in touch over social media for several years but haven’t seen each other in person in a really long time. Seeing her and giving her a big hug calmed my soul, and I felt like it wasn’t a coincidence that she was the one to greet me there. 


She was also standing at the bottom of the stairs after the session, where I stopped and gave her one more hug and told her how good it was to see her. 

I have to admit, when I was in the locker room, I had the thought, “I am never coming to the temple again.” I was done. But when I saw this woman in the chapel, I felt like she was there specifically for me. Sent from God to say, “I know you’re hurting, but I love you and I’m aware of you. Don’t give up on me.”

———-

We were shocked several weeks ago by my sister-in-law passing away unexpectedly. When we told our kids, Zoe was very concerned that she would never be able to go geocaching again (Amber took her geocaching several times in the last few years). We were leaving that day for our trip to Strawberry Reservoir, and I reassured Zoe that Amber would want her to keep geocaching. I also suggested that we could try and find a geocache in Amber’s honor. Zoe was thrilled by that idea, so we checked on the geocaching app, and there was a geocache right where we were staying! 

Zoe made an ‘A’ in remembrance of Amber to leave in the geocache.

There’s not really any “good” time for a person to pass, but I’m grateful that if Amber was meant to go, she was able to go before Nicky left so he could be there for her memorial service. I was also so grateful that there was a geocaching he right where my kids needed it to be so they could begin their mourning process in a way that worked well for them. 



————

While we were staying at Strawberry, I got a text message from Nicky’s friend Cameron that said, “Cameron is talking on Sunday.” I’d said many times that I wished we could request Cameron speak with Nicky before his mission. That assignment is made by the bishopric, and without any mention from me, they chose to ask Cameron to speak. I was so excited (and so was Cameron!) 

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On the day of Nicky’s sacrament meeting talk, his friend Jack got to bless the sacrament with him. Jack and Nicky grew up together, and until a year and a half ago, we were in the same ward, and they always did the sacrament together. It was really cool that they got to perform that ordinance together one more time before their missions. 

(Jack, Lexi, and Nicky, who grew up together) were all called to Caribbean missions).

—————

Also on the day of Nicky’s sacrament meeting talk, Nicky’s friend (who was not planning on going on a mission) told Nicky (and only Nicky) that he was going to fill out mission papers. This friend hasn’t told many people, but he has since turned in his papers and will have his call any day now. 

——————

This week, Nicky’s best friend will fly to Mexico City, and they will overlap in the MTC for a few days. We are so excited for them to get to see each other and consider it a blessing that they will be there together even for a short time. 

There is so much more to each of these stories than I am actually saying, but for the sake of keeping this post short enough to read, I’m giving you the condensed versions. The common theme I’ve noticed through most of these tender mercies is that the right people have been in the right places at the right times, which shows how we truly are instruments in the Lord’s hands. I’m sure there are so many more experiences from the last several months that I’m not even remembering where the Lord has orchestrated a meeting a blessed our lives through other people. 

Through people, the Lord has blessed us with comfort, help, and support. 

I’ve always heard from those who have sent children out on missions that they have experienced innumerable blessings while their missionaries have been gone. So far, that is true for us too! And it began before he even left.

"The Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincedence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings. "

-David A. Bednar


Sunday, August 3, 2025

Who, What, Where

Last year I did a post called "Who, What, Where" featuring some of my photos from BeReal. I stumbled across it in my archives, and I really enjoyed reading it and seeing those memories, so I wanted to do it again. Here are some of my BeReal posts from this summer:

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Who: The whole family

What: seeing Lilo & Stitch

Where: Megaplex


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Who: Daisy & Me

What: Looking at tigers

Where: at the zoo


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Who: Zoe & me

What: looking for treasures 

Where: Deseret Industries


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Who: me

What: getting one of my last sodas

Where: at McDonald's


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Who: Scotty, me, Nicky, & Daisy

What: eating sushi

Where: Itto


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Who: me

What: cutting goat canvases

Where: at work


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Who: the whole family


Where: Strawberry Reservoir


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Who: the whole family minus Eva because we sent her home with Grandma

What: eating shakes

Where: Dairy Keen in Heber


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Who: Zoe & me


Where: Primary Children's Hospital


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Who: Daisy & me


Where: at home


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Who: Me

What: enjoying the sunset

Where: on the way home from stake girls camp (in the town of Wallsburg)


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Who: Me

What: picking veggies

Where: in the garden


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Who: the whole family


Where: Bingham Copper Mine


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Who: Scotty, me, Chad, Carlie, & Daisy (photo guest)


Where: at my house


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Who: me

What: heating up a leftover enchilada

Where: in the kitchen



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Who: Scotty, me, & Eva

What: getting stitches

Where: Primary Children's Hospital



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Who: Eva, Zoe, & Me

What: sorting stuffies (and getting rid of tons)

Where: at home


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Who: me

What: spending a night alone

Where: at a hotel


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Who: me

What: making Zoe paint her own nightstand

Where: in the backyard


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Who: my girls & me

What: eating rainbows (slushies with ice cream)

Where: Pace's Dairy Ann


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Who: Scotty & me, my mom & stepdad, my brother & his wife

What: celebrating my step-dad's birthday

Where: Rodizio Grill


Friday, August 1, 2025

Currently (August 2025 Editon)

 Reading:


Wearing: a Beauty and the Beast shirt and cut off shorts. 

Singing: Stargazing

Craving: rocky road ice cream. 

Listening to: 



Buying: food. Always.

Laughing about: Daisy watching Friends and trying to navigate the Ross and Rachel dynamic. 

Celebrating: Nicky being on his mission for a month (and two days).

Eating: eggs. We had lots of eggs in our fridge, and then we had five dozen eggs delivered mistakenly to our house from Sam's Club. Meanwhile, the chickens keep laying, so the eggs are accumulating rapidly. 

Suffering from: a sting in my palm from this fuzzy beast of a thing 

Proud of myself for: being caught up on medical bills (but every time I get them paid off, two new ones show up in the mail, and I saw in my email preview of what's being delivered today that there are, indeed, two bills coming). 

Missing: texting Amber. I have something to tell her every day, and every time the urge pops into my head, I have to acknowledge that she's gone. 

Enjoying: gong to work at 5:00 a.m. I know that sounds crazy, but I love it. I go in really early, work between 4-6 hours, and then get home and take a nap. I hate the nap part, but I have a really hard time leaving my kids home unsupervised, so at least that way I get to work but still be home to break up their stupid fights and make sure they aren't on electronics all day (but they still get way more electronic time than they should). 

Sick of: everything being controversial. It's one thing to have politics and religion dividing society, but we're divided by everything from the kind of socks we wear to the vitamins we take. It's stupid. 

Hoping: to bottle some green beans this weekend. I need to muster the strength to do the work. I'm always grateful when I do it, but it's just a matter of finding the time and energy. 

Wanting: a Maverik hoodie or t-shirt. I love getting drinks from Maverik, and it's one of my preferred destinations for bathroom stops on a road trip. However, the merch doesn't mean as much when I'm off soda, as I have currently been for 32 days. Yes, I keep count. I always keep count. Thirty-two days there has been a hole in my soul that nothing else fills.

Feeling: tired because it's 1:00 p.m. and that's when I crash every day and need to take a nap.

Cooking: biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs (see "eating" above). 

Avoiding: anything to do with cleaning. 

Needing: to go pick up my prescriptions. This is something I always procrastinate.

Grateful for: photos. Particularly ones from Mexico Ciry. 

I quit soda when he left.
He started.



Sunday, July 27, 2025

Mid -Year Check-In

What’s been new in your life since January?

The biggest change between January and now is that Nicky graduated high school and left on a mission.

Nicky in Mexico City during the daily rainstorm

What were you doing in July of last year?

Cooking daily meals for 150 people at girls camp.

What do you dislike about July?

The heat!!!

What kind of energy have you been carrying?

None. Nada. I have no energy currently. The energy hath run out.

What are you most grateful for in your life right now?

Scotty.

What career goals have you accomplished in the last six months?

None. Because I don’t have any. 

Review your financial goals from January to July. Are you  on track?

Yes!

Have you achieved any goals that you set at the start of the year?

This year I made a list of non-resolutions, and I’m happy to report I’ve quit drinking soda, and we’ve paid off our house. Other accomplishments are under way.

If you could change one thing about the first half of this year, what would it be?

There are a few interactions with Nicky I would like a do-over for.

Have your priorities shifted since the beginning of the year?

Yes, but not in a way that I can explain. I just know that what’s most important in my heart is a little different now than it was six months ago. 

What are you holding on to from last year that you haven’t been able to release??

Last year I turned 40, and I lost myself. I didn’t expect it. I thought I was going to turn 40 and thrive, but instead I became an angry, hormonal, mentally unstable stranger. I went to a psychiatrist, and it didn’t help. I got checked for PCOS and perimenopause (no and no). I took meds for ADHD (didn’t help). I don’t know what happened to me. It still lingers, whatever it is, but I’m starting to feel a little more like myself again.

What tasks do you keep postponing?

Mostly things pertaining to health. As per the last question and answer, I feel really discouraged about medical care, so I’m hesitant to address anything pertaining to my health anymore. 

What self-care activities have you been doing these past six months?

I hadn’t done a lot of self-care until a few weeks ago when I checked into a hotel by myself for a night and went and got a massage the next morning. It was much needed, and I need to make it an annual thing.

Have you experienced any unexpected blessings in the past six months?

Oh course! But am I supposed to remember what they are? 

We’ve had a lot of blessings pertaining to Nicky’s mission. We have some friends and family making contributions toward the monthly cost of the mission. Someone in our ward purchased Nicky’s luggage. Grandparents purchased his temple clothing. We’ve also had a lot of people in the right place at the right time. I can’t even tell you how many times in the past few months there has been a person right where/when I needed them to be. 

What’s been occupying your mind and heart the most over the past six months?

Nicky. There have been signs. 

Have you made any new connections since January?

Not that I can think of, but I’ve reconnected with a few people I hadn’t seen in a while and got to know some people better.



What have you spent the most time doing in the past six months?

Driving, working, and Marco Polo-ing Shannon and Laurel.

What are your hopes and aspirations for the rest of the year?

I just want to be mentally and financially stable. 


Thursday, July 24, 2025

Things I've Watched Lately, and What I Have to Say About Them



I grew up saying, "I know you are, but what am I?" and "That's my name, don't wear it out!" so I thought I'd really like the Pee-Wee documentary. To be honest, I never finished it, so I can't really give a final opinion of it, but I've watched the first half and haven't felt drawn back to it at all. 

Do I recommend? Not really.

The Essex Serpent is based on a book (which I've never heard of, so obviously have never read). I watched the show and considered it "just okay" - something to pass the time at work. But then after it ended, I kind of missed it. Isn't that such a weird phenomenon? I am confused about some of the story, though, and need to go read a Wikipedia page or something. 

Do I recommend? Not sure. 

You know I had to watch the documentary about the poop cruise! Oh.my.heck. I couldn't stop thinking about this for days. 

Would I recommend? Well... I can't really recommend poop. But if you watch it, let me know. 


Con Mum was a really interesting story, but I've already forgotten a lot of the details. It’s a documentary about a man who is contacted by his supposed birth mother, and well… the title is kind of a spoiler.

Would I recommend? If you need something to pass the time. I more listened to it than watched it. 


The Mortician absolutely fascinated me. It’s a documentary about a family that ran a generations-old mortuary in the 80’s and ran some pretty sketchy schemes. It's a level of macabre that intrigues me. It also made me feel sick. 

Would I recommend? Not if you're squeamish. 


This documentary made me realize that, while I have a certain love for Robin Williams, I don't actually find him very funny. I was kind of put off by his foul language and crassness. 

Would I recommend? There are better ways to spend your time. 


This is a really short documentary about some prisoners who make quilts for foster kids. 

Would I recommend? Maybe. It's only about 30 minutes long, but it has some language. 


I loved the Barbara Walters documentary. I used to watch a lot of her interviews on 20/20, and I used to regularly watch The View when she was on it. I enjoyed learning more about her career. I especially liked seeing the footage from her last episode of The View. It was a real “girl power” moment. 

Would I recommend? Yes, if you're into this sort of thing. 


The New Look is about Christian Dior and Coco Chanel during WWII. It’s interesting from a historical perspective and explores some intriguing ethical questions, but Coco drove me nuts, and in the end it kind of felt like homework to try and finish the series. I did like the exploration of creativity as a healing mechanism, though. It made me think of Elder Uchdorf’s talk, Happiness, Your Heritage, where he talks about the fulfillment that comes from creating something that didn’t previously exist and how it’s one of our greatest human yearnings. 

Would I recommend? Not with great enthusiasm, but I know there are some people who would really like this show. It does have language and war time violence, though.


Scotty and I just started watching Untamed yesterday, and we are three episodes in. I’ll say this: the opening scene is one of the most catching I’ve ever seen. It is so gripping. Now I need to finish the limited series so I can have a full opinion of it.

I have simultaneously been listening to the podcast, Uinta Triangle, which makes for a compelling wilderness curriculum. In some ways, Uinta Triangle makes Untamed more interesting, but in other ways, it makes Untamed far less believable (oh really, you immediately found that itty bitty scrap of evidence in a National Park that’s the size of Rhode Island, yet it took five years to locate any remnant of Eric Robinson in a much smaller area of the Uinta mountains?)


But one must be somewhat forgiving for the sake of TV. 

As a side note, Scotty was backpacking in the area where Eric Robinson went missing when he went missing, so Scotty has always had a significant interest in anything to do with the missing Aussie. Likewise, I was in the Uintas when Garrett Bardsley went missing, so Scotty and I have independently had the experience of being off the grid and being met with a search and rescue effort, and it definitely makes you obsessed with the outcome. Garrett would be 33 years old now, and he has never been found. 

But back to the TV show… would I recommend? Maybe. I still have work to do.