Rednecks R Us

Two weekends ago was our high school’s Sadie Hawkins dance. Daisy asked her friend Leo. They had a group to go with, and then everyone in the group bailed. After their initial group fell apart, they had another group, and then they didn't, and then they did, and then they didn't... and this is kind of how things went with homecoming, too, so I've decided that, from now on, we're planning a family vacation over every high school dance, so darn it! My kids can't go! (I'm going to need a pretty hefty vacation fund since there is a dance about every six weeks). 

Anyway, since the group dynamic kept falling apart, we figured Daisy and Leo would end up going to the dance "alone," so we were trying to help Daisy plan the event. I kept trying to help her make a plan for dinner before the dance, but she didn't know where to go. She also wanted someone to go with them because she thought it would be awkward to eat with just Leo (it's amazing how weird these kids are about eating in front of each other. Was it like that when I was a teen? I don't remember). 

On the night before the dance, I got an idea and thought maybe my mom would be willing to drive Daisy and Leo (and Scotty and me... because we would, of course, tag along for such an adventure) in her motorhome. We could go get takeout somewhere and park somewhere fun to eat in the motorhome. Then my brain really got going, and I thought, heck, we should dress like rednecks. And oh! We can take them to a Walmart parking lot to eat! Oh! And we can put a stuffed animal on the side of the road and pull over and act like we're picking up roadkill. 

In the end, here's how things went:

My mom had plans that night so she couldn't be the driver, but she told us we could use her motorhome. 

On the day of the dance around 1:00 pm, we got word that four additional kids would be joining us. 

I bought stuff to make nachos for the kids. 

After we picked up the motorhome, I went and drove around looking for a place to take photos before the dance. I wanted to take pictures in front of the water tower, so I needed to find a good spot. While I was driving past the water tower, I found a dead skunk on the side of the road. A dead skunk!! Right there!! And I thought... I have to utilize this skunk! I just have to. If you don't think God has a sense of humor, here's evidence to the contrary. On the day I was planning to drive around in a redneck outfit and take photos of my kid in front of our city's iconic water tower whilst pretending to scoop stuffed animal roadkill off the road for dinner... there was a dead skunk on the side of the road right where we were going to be driving. And it didn't even stink (except that it actually did, but it wasn't skunk smell. More on that later...)

Scotty and I got dressed up real pretty, and my friend KoriAnn joined us (her son ended up being one of the kids who joined Daisy's group at the last minute).

None of the kids knew what was happening. They just knew that we were going to pick them up around 5:30. 

We went to each kids' house and honked the horn, then stood outside and yelled for them to come get in the motorhome so we could take them to the "t-shirt prom." When we got to KoriAnn's house, there were some people looking at the house next door (it's for sale). We made quite the scene and probably scared that family right away. 

We told the kids we were going to take them somewhere "real special" for photos and dinner. Then we drove over to the water tower. We started yelling when we saw the skunk, and we pulled over and told Daisy to go get a shovel. 

(There are supposed to be videos here, but I can’t get them to upload, darn it!)

Then I did one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever done, and I ran out in the road in front of a car and claimed my roadkill.

I took the skunk in the motorhome and presented it to the kids, rejoicing that I got them some free dinner!

Not really. I left the skunk on the side of the road behind the motorhome where they couldn’t see. I’m not THAT gross. Scotty and I had a garbage bag with a lifejacket in it, and we put it in one of the exterior compartments of the motorhome so I could grab it and carry it in. I bagged the shovel for sanitation, and that's when we realized the skunk was smelly. Smelly like carcass. We ended up having to air out the motorhome just from the shovel. 

I know, I know. It's disgusting. I'm sorry. But we had to do it. You get that, right?

Then we took some photos at the water tower and headed to our fancy dinner location - the Walmart parking lot. 

We fed them nachos with ground skunk meat (wink, wink). Then we told them they could walk over to the Wendy's and get themselves a nice frosty, so the kids left for a while, and we adults sat in the motorhome and laughed our heads off. 

After the kids came back, we drove them to the school and parked in the parking lot for a bit so we could have a quick birthday celebration for Leo (homecoming was on Daisy’s 15th birthday, and Sadie’s was on Leo’s). We sang "Happy Birthday" (redneck style - Scotty played the mouth harp) and gave Leo presents. He was super embarrassed, as we knew he would be. Then we pulled up to the doors of the school and let everyone out. 

Nicky happened to arrive right as we pulled up to the doors. He had no idea we were doing this, so we jumped out of the motorhome and started hollering for him, "Nicky! Hey Nicky! It's your mom and dad! Hi son!"

He ran straight into the school while all of his friends laughed. He was mortified! It was a dream come true!

In all honesty, the kids just tolerated us and thought we were idiots. They couldn't get away from us fast enough. But we adults had the time of our lives, and it proved that we all really need to get out of the house more. 

The next day, for the sake of my self-esteem, I really needed a good hair day. I rocked the redneck look, but I needed proof that I don’t look like that everyday. It took me a few days to fully snap out of character, though.